IN BEER WE TRUST
WHITE HOUSE HASH HOUSE HARRIERS

Location: Van Dorn Metro Station, Alexandria VA

Folks from near and far gathered in the parking lot of the Van Dorn Metro Station on an unusually warm October afternoon. Everyone was looking at pictures of the Red Dress Run and marveling at how good all the guys looked in their red dresses. I, though, felt left out as I didn't participate in the RDR last weekend. That is what I get for insisting on r*cing in Philadelphia. Especially since I r*n miserably.

Had-A-Madam held a chalk talk for our virgins and introduced them to the group. What a sight to behold they were. ALL MEN. There were several harriette's hearts a fluttering. Big Bird Turd then 'volunteered' to lead us in Father Abraham; as did For Sale Or Rent. BBT certainly thinks were are more coordinated than we truely are as he had us making wide kicks followed by touching our toes. Needless to say the whole group looked quite strange - and stranger than usual at that.

The hares were then called into the circle to explain the trail. We would have two types of checks - White House and Mt Vernon - as well as back checks. This certainly elicited groans from the group. We were then off onto a construction site and to our first check....and back check. This found Spinal Tap as an FRB and he led us through a small field and into a storm tunnel.

Eventually we made our way to a residential neighborhood. After a few checks, the pack became confused at a BT. Either the pack didn't feel like hashing or maybe it was the thought of the lemonade that was being sold by two girls for $0.25. Eventually true trail was found by Harem Scarem and we were off to further terrorize the neighborhood. We eventually made our way to a school with true trail going in either direction around the building only to meet on the other side. We turned left, traveled downhill and to a dead-end which would have made a good place for a bear check. Alas trail did not pause but went up a big ass hill and into the woods. Trail meandered up an down hills and trees and to our first beverage check. Actually it was an FRB check. A sign on the ground admonished the pack that no one could proceed until the beer and diet Coke were finished. The FRBs abviously ignored the order as there were several cans left for the mid-packers.

Trail finally brought us to our first real beer check. As we were already 37 minutes into the hash and we still had at least one more beer check (we were promised a special check, a beer check, and a water check) it looked like it was going to be a long trail. Big Bird Turd and I met a hasher that had moved here from Rhode Island some time ago and had just started hashing with us. As BBT and I were telling her about the White House Hash she realized that the trail hadn't ended yet and she ran off to tell her other RI friends so that they wouldn't drink too much. Spinal Tap was seen walking with a golf club that he had picked up on trail.

Soon the pack was off again and into the woods. We made our way over I495 via an abandoned bridge and to a check. Trail looked appetizing through the creek and into a tunnel but it proved to be a very long false trail. And this was after I had already waded into the creek that was thigh deep. Trail actually went down the train tracks and across a parking lot. A hares arrow was seen with a WH3. Which hare wrote that we don't know but they should realize that we are the White House Hash House Harriers. The pack then made its way through several ball fields. Unfortunately as Little League season is over, we had no suburban families to terrorize.

The trail crossed a street and down to a river bed that had four HUGE tunnels. After getting out of the river, hashing down a dirt road and via another set of train tracks, #2 was heard saying that he had a new appreciation for this nations rail system. We traveled down another creek and into some more woods. While hashers were trying to gingerly cross the last creek, Randy just plowed down the side of the creek and across several rocks and nearly emasculated himself for the second time that day. True trail and On In was cleary written on the wall and directed us up and over an embankment. Several hashers who obviously have less than half-a-mind went into the tunnel which took them under the circle and to the other side of the parking lot.

After that nice 5 mile/1 hour 15 minute trail, the site of beer and dry clothing was a welcome relief. Soon the circle was called to order and the hares, Late Cummer and Put It Out, were brought forth to demonstrate a proper down down for the virgins:

* Name to be used on first hash only. You revert back to your nerd name for subsequent hashes until you are properly named.

All of the virgins started drinking well before they should (typical of men - they never listen) and had to do a second down-down. Visitors to the White House Hash were also serenaded. They were: Long Horn (Rhode Island); One For (Boulder); On Your Knees (Long Beach); Ibo Ibo (Bangkock); Little Orphan Annie (Newport RI); Section 8 (Okinawa); Den Mother (Ascension Island); and Shake A Leg (Newprot RI).

Quite a few hashers showed up that obviously were not on trail and they included Piles, Crack Shot, Tick Cock, Love Me Tender, No Butts No Glory, Noah's Ark, and Toe Cheese. We also had a special guest - Cinderella - so No Butts No Glory came and drank out of his new shoes. He should know better than that! We also have a recent member of the Brew Crew that has volunteered enough of his time to be awarded an officila Brew Crew T-shirt. Rude Boy was joined by the rest of the Brew Crew and all cheese heads.

Those half-minds who went through the tunnel at the end of the trail instead of following true trail were brought forth to be ridiculed and included Stroke Straddle Hurl, Road Map, Body Heat, Armadildo, Lobby Dick, Blue Balls, Bill, and Pony Pumper.

There was also two solemn occassions - NAMINGS! Randy Gibbons checks hotels for their servacibility and several names that alluded to beds and sex were recommended. However, henceforth and forever more he shall be known as

Randy Weidman is a certified scuba diver, is an insane r*nner (r*n 22 miles on Saturday, r*n the Gtown 10K Sunday morning AND hashed Sunday afternoon) and is a home brewer. He grows his own hops and brought some Guiness back from Ireland so that he can establish his own yeast culture. The suggesstions were Yeast Infection, Monistat 7, and Yeast Injection. So Randy will now be known as

A drivers license was found on trail that looked vaguely like Noah's Ark (see below) and therefore she drank.

Several hashers raced the Gtown 10K that morning and so they were punished by being given a down down and included Stool Sample, Yeast Injection, Big Bird Turd, and Slip Knot. These r*cers were nominated for the hash shit award as was Great Balls Of Fire, for not being at the hash even though he won the hash shit last week; and Piles for smoking in the circle and being caught pissing near the circle (AGAIN). And the winner is .... Piles.

Everyone made their way to their cars and to the On On On at Nick's where I assume a good time was had by all.

On On, No Genitals

White House Mis-Management We are always looking for new bodies and ideas for mis-management. There will be a number of positions open when the new mis-management takes over at the X-Mas party in January. The mast head lists all of the positions and who currently holds them. If you have an interest in becoming a part of mis-management see any of us. Some of you may not realize what we do and so I will be explaining a position or two each week in the hash trash (last week was Hash Scribe and On Sec).

Hash Lash which is also known as the Hare Raiser. This person makes sure there are hares for each run. He/She also fields any questions the hares have and will also make sure to pair up a virgin hare with an experienced hare.

Song Meister leads the songs in the circle. The Song Meister need not have a great voice but having a good repetoire of songs helps (better way to keep the crown interested).

Receding Hareline

Hasher Dasher Hasher Humper is soliciting designs for the winter inventory of hash wear. Any ideas (good or bad) see Hasher Humper.

Events

October FULL MOON HASH October 18
Hares: No Genitals, Slick Slit, Had-A-Madam, and Anne Frank/Burnt Sox and special co-hare Hair Ball; This is FMH3 mis-management's farewell hash and we will be welcoming the new mis-management.
Time: 6:00 PM
Cost: $8 before October 18; $10 day of (even if you pay Slick Slit at the Mt Vernon Hash it will still be $10) see No Genitals or Slick Slit if you want to pay early.
Location: Butler's Orchard in Damscus MD
Directions: Take I270 North to Exit 16 Father Hurley Blvd/Damscus. Head towards Damascus (East). After crossing Rt 355 take a right onto Brink Rd. Turn left onto Wildcat Rd and a hard left at Davis Mill Rd. Drive ~1/4 a mile to the Farmer's Market. The market is on your left BUT PARKING for the hash is on your right. The driveway will be marked with an On On sign.
Bring: A flashlight and dry shoes. Bring camping gear if you would like to camp there is plenty of room in Hair Ball's backyard. There will be a hayride, a bonfire, good food and even better beer.

Mt Vernon Halloween Run October 25 Hares: Stained Sheets, Ragin Cajun, Black Box, Blank Check, and Rut Ro
Time: 5:00 PM
Start: McLean VFW on Old Dominion Dr
Costume run followed by a party with pizza, beer, music and dancing, beer and more beer
Cost: $10
Wear your most bizarre, appealing, or outrageous costumes to shock the wealthy neighbors of McLean. Prizes will be awarded for the best costumes including the best costume representing your hash name.

Rumson Hashathon November 9 Cheesequake State Park, New Jersey; Harriettes invited; contact Mr. Gil Jackson for info 908-598-9204, giljackson@JUNO.com

Hogtown H3 10th Analversary November 14-16; contact Sex Toy at 416-926-0920, stoy@ceylon.visinet.ca; Shadow at 416-362-6706; or Rose Eh at roseeh@inforamp.net

White House Hash 569th and X-Mas Party January 1998; Details To Come

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