IN BEER WE TRUST
WHITE HOUSE HASH HOUSE HARRIERS

Location: Landmark Mall, Alexandria VA

While driving to the hash, Just Amy and I had an interesting conversation about r*nning and marathons and I discovered that Amy is not your average r*nner. She has r*n several marathons and is training to r*n ultra-marathons (that is 50K and longer). Hmmm. Too bad I didn't have such ambition and - motivation when I was younger. Well we made it to the hash nice and early and were able to enjoy the nice weather that we had - a far cry from previous weekends and should prove to make that day's hash enjoyable - though I did expect to get wet and muddy. After all, Pussy Whipped was a co-hare and he did take the hash at the Virginia Interhash through woods, rivers, and briars in the pitch dark!

Soon the hash was called to gather around so that we could all participate in Father Abraham - which was led by Big Bird Turd and Perk A Set - who recently got engaged. Better watch out folks, there appears to be an epidemic of hashers wishing to get married. The hares were then brought forth to explain the trail which included back checks (groan) and a family trail - something that is peculiar to the Over The Hump H3 - which is a shorter and apparently drier trail than the long trail.

The pack was then off through the Landmark Mall parking lot and across Van Dorn St to an apartment complex and our first check. Instead of trying to make my way down a very steep hill I decided to stay on the sidewalk (always take the high ground) and passed a back check in the wrong direction - which put me at the front of the pack - at least for a brief while. After crossing Duke St and meandering through another apartment complex, I spied Spinal Tap actually running. He must of been feeling very good that day. We then traversed through an auto dealership and under a fence into one big mud pit. This thoroughly slowed down the hash as we had difficulty finding flour and everyone's shoes now weighed 4 pounds more than when we first started. After wading through a ton of mud we finally made it to pavement. Stroke Straddle Hurl was overheard being thankful that we were back on pavement - which is certainly not the call of a true hasher. After a bit I realized that the mud pit was what used to be Cameron Station - the site of the infamous Rude Boy and No Genital's hash which lasted 3+hours and was close to 8 miles after a 3 day weekend of hashing and drinking.

We crossed Duke St again and ran through Holme's Run where One Ringy Dingy was seen making his way into the woods to fertilize the trees. Commode Rimmer from 0TH4 was seen trying to pick up a woman with a white dog to no avail. Must have been those sideburns! We then CROSSED Holme's Run which was cold and swift. Thankfully the beer check was just on the other side of the creek so that our feet could totally get numb. Leisure Suit Larry was seen washing a hub cap in the creek. He explained that he found it on trail and that he was going to give it to a friend who was missing one from his Sentra. Several hashers wimped out and opted not to cross the creek and included Spits It Out, Ich Liebe Dick, and Missed Erections. These intrepid hashers, though, decided to go back and hang at the beer check. Unlike Missing Link and Full Metal Balls who found trail and made it quickly to the end - supposedly in 16 minutes - which was conveniently sprawled on the wall at the end of the trail. Sounds like racing to me. Beazer, though, was first in - 10 minutes ahead of Link.

After the beer check we followed the creek and through a tunnel. During drier weather the path along the creek is dry, today is wasn't thanks to all the rain we had recently; so anyone who avoided getting their feet wet previously were not so lucky this time around. We then crossed back across the creek, through some community gardens and an apartment complex. Drive Through was seen shortcutting through a creek. Trail then continued up and up and up and up a huge hill until we finally made it to the end. There were several violations that an observant (anal?) OTHer pointed out to me and for whichthe violators did not drink. These included no beer at the end of the trail (at least we had our dry clothes, unlike the previous week); auto-hashing by Next Week, Tick Cock and Lickety Split; and last in were Black Box, Beetle Juice, Eat It Raw, and Just T (that is how she spells her name folks).

Finally the circle was called to order and the hares Pussy Whipped, Will E Payote, Yeast Injection and F*ckjng Nobody (but YI was no where to be found) demonstrated a proper down-down for all of the virgins:

Just Bill proposed to Just Laura, Spinal Tap's daughter, while on trail and they drank while wearing one leg of a pair of XXXL sweatpants. Bill was forced to propose again while on his knees in front of the whole group. As the fourth hare, Yeast Injection, was finally found, he and the rest of the hares had to drink again. They were also joined by all of the GM's in the group.

The politician wanna be, Finger Licking Good, was brought forth to drink as he ran in the Alexandria elections as an independent and garnered 3682 votes, which according to FLG was 25% of the vote. Big Bird Turd and Perk A Set were then brought into the circle to drink for their recent engagement and again each were wearing one leg of a pair of XXXL sweatpants. There were several Cinderellas and included Perk A Set (who was joined by all the other fiances), Three Times A Lady, Drive Through who was joined by F*cking Nobody who drank out of DT's shoe as he was so insistent that DT drink.

All those hashers who had bad haircuts due to their career choice drank as Veteran's Day was two days away and included: Missing Link, #2, Full Metal Balls, Squiddly Diddly, Pinky Penis, F*cking Nobody, Finger Licking Good, Pussy Whipped, Watergate, Big Bird Turd, and John Travolta. The violators included One Ringy Dingy for pissing on trail (but he had already disappeared) and Big Bird Turd for r*cing that morning and for being a fashion statement.

There was one solemn occasion - A NAMING. Janice is a psychologist and she was asked to normalize an exam. As she had to find quite a few people to take the exam she asked hashers to do it. For obvious reasons the exams were rejected so from now on and forever more she shall be known as

There was an ego trip violation. As Watergate was explaining what a standard deviation was by flashing the crowd, Spinal Tap stated that he always on the wrong side when Watergate flashes. Pussy Whipped also said that he is on the wrong side but that he is not worried as he will get to see them that night - therefore PW had to drink. Needless to say, this totally embarrassed Watergate and she tried to hide by shrinking into her sweatshirt - not an easy task if you've seen Watergate.

As this was ajoint hash between White House and Over The Hump, the 0TH hash shit, Blue Balls, was brought forth. The 0TH hash shit always does a down-down before she tries to pass it on to another OTHer. The nominations were F*cking Nobody for pre-layin a live trail and Blue Balls for alcohol abuse as she was not able to finish the 32oz down-down. And the winner was.... Blue Balls. Which then brought us the White House hash shit. Armadildo, last weeks hash shit, had to first drink for not having the hash shit in the circle. The nominations were Armadildo for leaving the hash shit unattended and Blue Balls for alcohol abuse. And the winner was.... Blue Balls. Who proudly displayed both hash shits.

Announcements were made and Swing Low was sung before has hers scattered for the On On On, home, or other parts.

On On, No Genitals

Receding Hareline

Events

White House Hash X-Mas Party and 569th - Saturday and Sunday, January 17 & 18, l998. Forest Glenn Ball Room, Walter Reed Annex. There is a limit of 200 wankers (military regs) so get your $$ in early. Details and registration to follow shortly (White House time)

Baltimore/Annapolis H3 500th Trail November 23
Time: 2 PM
Start: NSA parking lot at the intersection of the Baltimore-Washington Parkway and MD Route 32
Cost: $25
On On On: Blob's Park Oktoberfest Hall
Info: Dimpled Balls - david.osgood@osd.pentagon.mil - he has noted that he has a .mil domain and they scan for certain words so make your emails count!

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