IN BEER WE TRUST
WHITE HOUSE HASH HOUSE HARRIERS

The location of the hash brought in hashers that we hadn't seen in months and included Gabriel. There were other hashers in attendance that I didn't recognize. Maybe they knew one of the hares. Also in attendance was a photographer from the Washington Post who was getting photos for a Weekend Section article that Dallas was writing (he attended the October Full Moon Hash and had to drink quite a few times - hopefully the photographer could get away with half as many down downs!). The minutes prior to the hash looked quite inviting. The sun was peaking out from the clouds and the temperature was perfect. Several hashers even decided to wear shorts. Poop Deck, though, complained about being cold, so EBBB drew him some pants and ear muffs so he could stay warm. He looked quite dapper in that lovely shade of pale blue. However, as the start of the hash neared, the clouds began to roll in. It hadn't quite started to rain yet but I knew it would sooner or later. And as our Religious Advisor, Cyclops, nor our Religious Advisor For Life, Ahab, were nowhere to be seen I figured it was going to be sooner.

For whatever reason, Watergate brought out Chrome Pole, a visiting hasher from Hong Kong, to lead us in Father Abraham. As he had no clue what to do, F*cking Pesto Chicken, a one time White House hasher who now hashes with San Fransisco, was brought forth to help. The hares were then brought into the circle to explain the trail. Great Balls Of Fire had a total brain fart as he needed help from the peanut gallery to explain the trail.

And we were off. We didn't stay in the parking lot for too long before we happened on the W&OD Trail. At the first check, BT was called to the right and false trail was called to the left so Armadildo marked true trail as going forward. His big mistake, though, was to mark it with a hare's arrow and not a pack arrow. I was certainly going to make sure he drank for that one! Trail continued through parking lots and side streets before One Ringy Dingy and I ran right past a trail marking and didn't note what it said, Which could be a big mistake. So we ended up on the walker's trail. Darn! And I wanted to get some r*nning in. I astutely observed that Poop Deck was ahead of Watergate and Goomba so I assumed that we would end up taking a decent shortcut. Sure enough, soon after we crossed a major thoroughfare, the FRB's were seen running towards us. Good job Poop.

The trail continued in a housing complex and soon stopped at the end of a pier. Hashers checked to the right figuring that if you 'continue' the trail in a straight fasion across the lake (without actually going into the lake of course) that trail would be found on the other side. No dice. Luckily, Roxy Moron sagaciously (got to love the thesaurus function in Word Perfect!) scouted trail to the left and up a hill and found true trail. Trail again continued through another apartment complex, a shopping center, and a tunnel when we came upon the beer check.

The temperature and distance of the hash didn't truely warrant a mad rush to the beer and water but sure enough there was. I guess that is what happens when you only r*n once a week. While at the beer check, folks were able to catch up with the various hashers who started late and included Bundling Board and Oval Orifice. Bobby Long Hare was overheard complaining about the lack of checks.

Soon the pack was off again to terrorize the neighborhoods of Reston. The trail was pretty much uneventful as it was quite similar to the first part. There was a lack of shiggy but no shortage of hills. At least the trail was slightly varied in that besides surburban streets we also wound our way along paved trails that were covered with leaves. When we got to the end, I realized that Bobby Long Hare was right, there certainly was a lack of checks. So I decided I wouldn't make him drink after all (maybe I forgot?).

After some milling about while we enjoyed the nice dark beer that the brew crew brought to the hash (along with the piss water that is always available at a White House Hash), the circle was called to order by Watergate. The hares, Loser, Stud Finder, Missed Erections, and Great Balls Of Fire, demonstrated a proper down down for the virgins:

It was also Eco's first hash. As s/he is Piss Bitch's dog, Bad Dog joined in for the down down.

There were several violations on trail and included Armadildo for using a hare's arrow to mark a check; Oral Retentive for being in the DC area for two weeks and this was the first time he hashed with White House; F*cking Pesto Chicken who was carrying the San Francisco hash shit which he received for improperly marking trail; and the biggest violators were One Ringy Dingy and Urine View for r*nning the JFK 50 Miler the day before. One Ringy Dingy probably should have received a second violation down down as he actually hashed. Urine View was smart enough to stay home until the hash circled up at the end.

There were two visitors to the hash - the Cinderellas were Chappaquickdick and the virgin Ying. As Troll made her come he drank out of his own nasty shoe and both had to do a tea bag in which a sock placed in the shoe is then wrung into the drinkers mouth. Troll had to drink again as he was wearing a hat. And now the moment we all have been waiting for - the hash shit. The nominees were Armadildo for mis-marking trail and Blue Balls for one more week. And the winner was ... Armadildo. Blue Balls was brought back into the circle to demonstrate her prowess at down downs. As the circle was winding down, two late returnees, Fat Lady/Slip Knot and Marie, finally sauntered into the hash and had to drink.

Which led to even more down downs. Wheredafakhawe drank for having a weird stain on his shorts. He was joined by Great Balls Of Fire who was looking at Where's crotch. This was Piss Bitch's last hash with White House before she headed back to Tampa FL, so she drank. While announcements were being made, virgin Jeff was caught having a private party. Watergate brought him forth to do a down down while on his back. He was certainly a good sport about it, I hope he comes back (especially since he was quite a cutey!). Hashers began to scatter before I realized that I hadn't distributed the hash trash that Breathless so cleverly written. So everyone followed me to my car before they dispersed for the On On On or to home where it was warmer and drier.

On On, No Genitals

We Need You! The White House Hash is looking for new members of mis-managment. If you have good or bad ideas or would like to lend a hand, see anyone in the present mis-management (check out the header on the first page). The next mis-managment takeover will occur at the X-Mas party.

Receding Hareline

Events

White House Hash X-Mas Party and 569th - Saturday and Sunday, January 17 & 18, 1998. Forest Glenn Ball Room, Walter Reed Annex. There is a limit of 200 wankers (military regs) so get your $$ in early. Details and registration to follow shortly (White House time)

New Orleans H3 Mardi Gras Hash; February 20-24; contact Ellen "Head First" Berthelot at 504-566-5180 or ellen_c_berthelot@ccmepus.mobil.com; or Linda "Gooey Blow" Crozier at 504-394-4126 or linda.t.crozier@us.nalexx.infonet.com

Fun Stuff - supplied by Chappaqickdick

Joke #1: The three Bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. Momma and Poppa Bear were splitting up and Baby Bear had to decide who he was going to live with. So the judge wanted to talk to Baby Bear to see what he thought about living with either of his parents.

When he asked Baby Bear about living with his father, Baby Bear said "No, I can't live with Poppa Bear, he beats me terribly."

"Ok," said the judge, "then you want to live with your mother, right?"

"No way!" replied Baby Bear, "She beats me worse than Poppa Bear does."

The judge was a bit confused by this and didn't quite know what to do. "Well, you have to live with someone, so are there any relatives you would like to stay with?" asked the judge.

"Yes," answered Baby Bear, "my Aunt Bertha who lives in Chicago."

"You're sure she will treat you well and won't beat you?" asked the judge.

"Oh definitely," said Baby Bear, "the Chicago Bears don't beat anybody."

Joke #2: Two dogs, a Poodle and a Great Dane, were in the waiting room at the vet's office. The Poodle was very nervous and started a conversation with the Great Dane by saying, "Boy, did I screw up yesterday." His neighbor, being sympathetic, asked what had happened. The Poodle explained, "I don't know what it was about my owner, but when I saw her yesterday, I lost control and started humping her leg. I couldn't stop. So now I'm here to be neutered."

The Great Dane said, "I can understand your situation. Yesterday my owner had just completed her shower and was bent over the tub cleaning it out when I walked by. When I saw her, I lost control. I mounted her and rode her for all she was worth. I stayed on her until we both collapsed from exhaustion." The Poodle then said, "So I guess you are here to be neutered too?"

"No," said the Great Dane, "I'm here to get my toenails clipped."

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