IN BEER WE TRUST
WHITE HOUSE HASH HOUSE HARRIERS

It ended up being a nice bright sunny day but unfortunately not as warm as it was for the MVH3 White Elephant Christmas Gift hash the day before (there were some truly horrendous gifts including several pairs of lingerie). The motley crew of hashers gathered on Kensington Pkwy across the street from a Christmas Tree stand in someone's front lawn. They were advertising that they had Canadian trees. What, aren't Maryland trees good enough?!? Soon the group was called to circle up on a grassy knoll. Watergate asked for volunteers to lead us in Father Abraham. As there were no takers she made the hare, Bundling Board sing. He was joined by his co-hares Cums On A Wimp and Well Hung, who was sporting a race number. Watzupwitdat?!? A hash offense if I ever saw one.

The hash was then directed to turn left onto Kensington and we would find the trail. After 3+ blocks and some forays into the woods by some, no flour was to be found and much grumbling could be heard. We certainly hoped this was not a foreshadowing of what the rest of the trail would be like. Piles was overheard saying that he hoped there wouldn't be any shiggy. I assured him that there probably would be as we were on the edge of Rock Creek Park. Finally flour was found and we continued along pavement, up a bramble-covered hill and through a field. We cut through the lawns of a retirement home and back onto pavement. As we were now beyond Rock Creek Park, my hopes of shiggy were certainly dashed.

Trail continued to the right and up a hill. However, Big Bird Turd insisted that the trail couldn't have gone that way since it would loop back to the field. As confusion reigned, it became apparent that trail didn't go left but did go up the hill and left onto another street. Figured I should have heeded my instincts and just followed flour. It was noted that several hashers were blowing through checks and included Watergate, Gets Off Easy, and EBBB. Trail meandered through the neighborhood until we came upon a big check. Calls of On On were heard ahead and to the right. Most of us went straight (hey, the guy with the whistle hadn't steered us wrong yet that afternoon) and the trail looped around the block and to a false. Hashers began to search flirther away from the trail and the check, which was just up the block. Being the astute hasher, I headed back to the check and proceeded down the other trail which of course was true.

Flour finally brought us into some woods, though it proved to be short-lived. We then made our way to 1495, up a big-ass hill and finally to the beer check. Which just happened to be in the parking lot of the Forest Glenn Annex of Walter Reed, the site of this years X-Mas party (January 17 - $20 before Jan 1). After cooling down sufficiently and getting the Packer's score from Mellow Foreskin Cheese, I and others went to find true trail which took us into the woods. Yeah! A possibility of shiggy! Trail at a check took us down hill and into a gully. The more intrepid hashers, though, stayed on the paved trail. We were then quickly out of the woods and onto a bike trail. Quite a few hashers, including #2, Alison, and EBBB hung a right at a check thinking they would quickly make it back to the cars. It would prove to be a very long short-cut. Wilbur, Drinks On Me Bud, and I followed what we thought was true trail. As we attempted to climb yet another hill I started complaining as that was the theme of Saturday's MVH3 hash. Wilbur, being philosophical as usual, stated that "A hill without a taxi is like a boat without a bottom"

The trail became confusing when we realized that we were doing a no no. After running through a false trail and then to the check to which it belonged, several hashers continued straight onto what they thought was true trail. However I reasoned that that would just bring us back to where we started and headed in the opposite direction. Thankfully we made it back to true trail and not much farther was the end for some much needed beer and cookies.

The circle was supposed to be on the grassy knoll where we sang Father Abraham, but with the mud on the hill, the beer van couldn't make it. So we trudged the beer and goodies up the hill. Some of the beer was tapped into an old water cooler that had a nice big hole in the bottom. So that we could actually drink the beer, DOMB began to pour beer into pitchers and some straight into Watergate's mouth. Nice job Watergate, as she didn't spill a drop. Now there is a woman that can drink!

Soon the hash was called to circle up so that we could 'honor' the hares, Bundling Board, Cums On A Wimp, Well Hung, and Jeff, and so that they could demonstrate a proper down down for our virgins. But before we could get to know the virgins, the hares had to drink again as Cums On A Wimp was wearing a hood.

*I was introduced to these two guys at the beginning of the hash by Had-A-Madam and they gave totally different names which sounded vaguely like hash names. When asked who they previously hashed with, they wondered why they were always asked that. Women, I suggest that you stay far away from these two!

There were quite a few fashion statements and included EBBB, Larry, Ich Liebe Dick, and Well Hung. As Ich Liebe Dick was wearing a hat she had to drink again - but she still would not remove her hat. If she was worried that her hair was a mess, she shouldn't be. After all, this is a hash! We had several contestants in the best legs contest for wearing shorts on such a blustery December day who were: #2, Alison, Pancake*, Slimey Tongue, Jeff, and Richard. Spinal Tap and Frankenstein* were two special guests in the crowd - Cinderellas - and Watergate made sure they also had tea bags - yuck.

We had several violations on trail that garnered nominations for the hash shit award: Jeff, for forgetting to mark a false trail; #2, for going the wrong way back and being picked up in the woods; Spits It Out, for breaking his toe while falling down the stairs; and Keyless Entry, for getting engaged to Squiddly Diddly. And the winner was.... Keyless Entry, who had to drink alone because her fiance was not there. I guess we will have to make sure the Squid gets the hash shit the next time he shows up. With the way things have been going on at the White House Hash, I am afraid we may start looking like the DC Harriettes and Harriers.

We did have one birthday girl who insisted that she shouldn't have to drink as it wasn't her birthday. However, as Bavarian Bush will be in Germany during her birthday, we made her drink any ways. Swing Low was sung and hashers headed to a bar in Bethesda.

On On, No Genitals

A NEW BOARD GAME During a party in Adams Morgan the other night, I met someone who new Bill Wagner (Mellow Foreskin Cheese) and we were marveling how many people knew Bill. We came up with the game of "Six Degrees Of Bill Wagner".

We Need You! The White House Hash is looking for a new Hash Scribe. You don't need to be highly creative just willing to editorialize at will and make sure the trash gets written every week. If you are interested, see anyone in the present mis-management (check out the header on the first page). The next mis-management take-over will occur at the X-Mas party.

Receding Hareline

Events

White House Hash X-Mas Party and 569th - Saturday and Sunday, January 17 & 18, 1998. Forest Glenn Ball Room, Walter Reed Annex. There is a limit of 200 wankers (military regs) so get your $$ in early ($20 by Jan 1; $30 after Jan 1). Details and registration to follow shortly (White House time). Send $$ to Pay Per View or Watergate with check made out to White House H3. There will also be a holiday pub crawl on Friday January 16.

New Orleans H3 Mardi Gras Hash - February 20-24; contact Ellen "Head First" Berthelot at 504-566-5180 or ellen_c_berthelot@ccmepus.mobil.com; or Linda "Gooey Blow" Crozier at 504-394-4126 or linda.t.crozier@us.nalexx.infonet.com

Kuala Lumpur Extravaganza - Drinks On Me, Bud is putting together a 3 week package for 25+ hashers to attend the Oktoberfest in Munich and other fun stuff before heading to the Interhash in Malaysia. See DOMB if you are interested.

Room For Rent - In lovely Alexandria, Rosemont home. Private Bath. Walk to Metro. $500 plus 1/3 utilities. Call 703-836-3130.

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