IN BEER WE TRUST
WHITE HOUSE HASH HOUSE HARRIERS

Location: West Falls Church Metro, VA

The hash gods had certainly favored the hash as the temperature was fast approaching 70 F and it was sunny. The weather and the location brought out hashers in droves, including Hard Drive who lives across the street from the Metro. Everyone was in a jovial mood and wishing each and everyone a happy New Year as this was the first hash of the new year. Which means that the Annual White House Hash X-Mas party is just around the corner. Actually it is next Saturday and is a party not to be missed. See Pay Per View to register.

Before Father Abraham was sung, Wilbur noted that the hash should be on their best behavior (yeah, right!) as it was exactly a year ago that the hash made it into the headlines for wreaking havoc in McLean, VA. Wilbur would personally punish any that wandered through private property. If he was hoping that some harriette would do so, Wilbur would be sorely disappointed. We know better than that. The hares were then brought forth to explain the trail. It was the usual circles are checks X are false trails and one beer check. As Contempt Of Court (Beazer) would not stop baying, he and his owner, Missing Link, were asked to lead us in Father Abraham.

And the pack was off out of the Metro parking lot and past Hard Drives apartment complex and to the first check on Rt 7. The cars didn't know what to make of us and many stopped while hashers traversed back and forth looking for true trail. Trail was finally found into a residential area and to a dog exercise area. A sign admonished folks to keep their dogs leashed. Luckily a cop wasn't around as we didn't have Bad Dog leashed. He was seen leaping about and playing fetch, though. Trail then continued to the right and onto the W&OD trail. One of the hares, Well Hung, was sweeping the trail and doing a piss poor job of it as the FRBs took us down a bad trail, then short-cutted, and no no'd back onto true trail. Thankfully the trail was easy to find. What Well Hung was doing on trail was beyond our collective minds. We then made our way back onto the W&OD. However, as I and many others were lagging behind, we short-cutted through a muddy ball field. Probably the closest thing to shiggy that we would see all day long. After some more pavement, trail actually migrated into some woods and finally to the beer check.

As it took the hash close to 40 minutes to get to the beer check, we were praying that the second half of the trail was going to be much shorter. The pack hung out for quite some time so that folks could catch up with each other. I was hoping to find out of anything interesting had happened on trail but to no avail. Damn we are getting to be a boring bunch!. The woods proved to be quite popular as several hashers were seen finding their way into them to perform an environmental infraction. They included Missionary, Trojan, Tom, and Big Bird Turd. As they didn't have to drink for it later during the circle, I figured they should be recognized here.

As it was getting quite chilly in the shade, the pack was off to finish the rest of the trail. Which thankfully did prove to be short. As I made my way around a corner, I could see Tick Cock ducking behind a large bush to take a call on his cell phone. Sounds like a down-down offense to me. We then passed a house where folks were gathering following a wake. Anne Frank/Burnt Sox informed me that a hasher had picked someone up at the house but wouldn't tell me who since he couldn't remember. As it turned out to be Wilbur, a fellow Mt Vernon hasher, I am beginning to wonder about AF/BS's sanity. I hope 7 Minute isn't driving him too crazy with the wedding plans! AF/BS then picked up a very large piece of snow (where did that come from?) and began looking for someone to throw it at. He astutely did not find a member of mis-management to target. The trail finally brought us back to Rt 7 and all of those cars. Mark and his dog tried to commit suicide as they crossed amidst heavy traffic. We traversed a ball field and over a fence, where Squidly Diddly and another male hasher were holding down the fence for us to cross. This led us to the end which took place in a NOVA parking lot. But the beer van was MIA. Thankfully this gave us enough time to move our cars from the Metro parking lot. We sure are a lay bunch as the parking lots were adjacent to each other.

Soon the hash was called to circle up and Spinal Tap led us in the White House Hash anthem. The hares, Ragin Cajun, Debbie, and Well Hung, were brought forth to demonstrate a proper down down for all of the virgins:

* This name is for the day of your first hash. After that you revert back to your nerd name until you do something stupid enough or you have been with us long enough (up to the discretion of mis-management) and we see fit to give you a proper hash name.

Actually, Steve/Wrong End heard about the hash in the November Washington Post article. As his New Year's resolution was to get in shape and he needed motivation, he figured a keg of beer at the end of a run would be incentive enough. Steve/Look At My Wand actually has a hash name (Mr Cream Jean) and didn't use it so he had to drink again. Drinks On Me, Bud brought out a hat that was pulled out of the toilet in the lady's room at the Old Brogue by the Roto Router guy after last weeks hash. Wilbur came forth to claim it and was given a down down.

We had a long-time-no-seer, Out Of The Bush, who finally ran her 100th hash. She had run 99 hashes and then got a life. As she no longer has one, she came back to the hash. She was joined by the many GM's in the group. There were also two visitors, Cinderellas. Missionary (joined by GM's) and Reed had to drink out of their shoes. Lucky for them that Watergate wasn't here or they would have also had to do a tea bag.

Army and Navy have a long tradition of the annual football game. For the past 5 years, Army has beaten Navy. Finally Navy has beaten Army so Had-A-Madam applied lipstick and kissed the butt cheeks of Great Balls Of Fire and Piggy. We had a special down-down for Tick Cock who has used a cell phone at the hash for the past two weeks so he received the first phone hash award and a down-down. There was also a special occasion, A NAMING. It seems that Denise supervises a bunch of male lawyers at the DOT and, according to Ragin Cajun, everything she wears is from Victoria's Secret. Several names were suggested and included Table My Motion, No Rear Entry, First Time On Her Knees (thanks to a comment that Denise made during her naming), and Victoria's Secretions. However, from this day forward, she shall be known as:

There were several B-days and so the group sang the hash B-day song to Hurls From The Crypt, Amkneesia, Late Cummer, Ich Liebe Dick, Barry, and Tom. Christine, who provided the lipstick to HAM, has a boy puppy dog who pees like a girl. While on trail, she was see yelling at her dog that he should learn to pee like a boy. Therefore, she was awarded a down-down.

And now for what he have all been waiting for, the hash shit award. The nominations were Tick Cock, cell phone; Drinks On Me, Bud, while climbing a fence he dropped the hash shit, when he went back to get it he sprained his ankle (now that is dedication!); Wilbur, for picking up women at a wake and for having his hat clog up a women's toilet; Hard Drive, for not having a beer check at his house; Nocturnal Emissions and Harem Scarem, for stupid nominations; and Great Puck, Rainbow Dick, and Anita, for taking a short-cut on the walker's trail and showing up while the circle was well under way. And the winner was .... Wilbur. CONGRATULATIONS! Finally Cyclops was awarded a down-down for being a responsible Religious Advisor so that the gods would bless us with such wonderful weather.

Swing Low was sung and the has retired to a local pub for football, beer, and food.

On On, No Genitals

Receding Hareline

Events

White House Hash X-Mas Party and 569th - Saturday and Sunday, January 17 & 18, 1998. Forest Glenn Ball Room, Walter Reed Annex. Cost: $30. See Pay Per View to register

New Orleans H3 Mardi Gras Hash; February 20-24; contact Ellen "Head First" Berthelot at 504-566-5180 or ellen_c_berthelot@ccmepus.mobil.com; or Linda "Gooey Blow" Crozier at 504-394-4126 or linda.t.crozier@us.nalexx.infonet.com

For Rent
S'Not and Cyclops are looking for a housemate from now until April 1. Possiblity of a longer term lease. Location" 6818 Oregon Ave near Rock Creek Park. They would love to keep the house "in the hash" as it has been the location of a number of hashes. If interested contact Cyclops (Glenn Schoen) at 202-244-7515

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