IN BEER WE TRUST
WHITE HOUSE HASH HOUSE HARRIERS

Location: Chez Mark, Takoma MD

By the time you read this, you have sufficiently recovered from the Holiday party on Saturday night to make it to the 569th running of the White House Hash. But you feel like you are hallucinating because the 1998 mis-management looks very much like the 1997 mis-management. That is because we had so few wankers that wanted to help make this a great hash. Had-A-Madam, Cyclops, Hasher Humper, Great Balls Of Fire, Spinal Tap, and Eat It Raw have elected to either remain in their positions or switch to another position. Hurls From The Crypt, Ragin Cajun, Pay Per View, Watergate, Squidly Diddly, and No Genitals stepped down from their respective positions. They were replaced by Champagne Charlie, Road Kill, Spits It Out, Cyclops, and Stroke Straddle Hurl. As of this writing (Thursday evening), it is not known if there is a replacement for Hash Scribe (and no, I won't scribe for another year; but thanks for your vote of confidence). I 'volunteered' Big Bird Turd by stuffing my notebook down his sweatpants and congratulating him but I am not sure if he will accept. My admonishment to all of you piss-pots is to get off your arse and do something. If you haven't hared yet or in a while, HARE! Become a member of mis-management and win the approval of your friends. Guest scribe; when else do you get to really say what you thought of the trail and have people actually listen? As the Nike ad says "JUST DO IT!"

Ok, now to the trail. The deviants gathered in front of Mark's house in Takoma Park MD on a nice sunny day but the temperatures certainly weren't as inviting as last weeks. But that, nor the football games, deterred many from venturing out. The hash was called to order even though the beer van was no where to be seen. Hopefully it'll make it in time for the beer check or their will be some mighty unhappy hashers. The 1997 GM's, Watergate and Had-A-Madam, led us in Father Abraham as this would be the last hash at which they would lead the circle.

And the pack was off down a very long and steep hill. Probably a sign of what to expect for the rest of the trails - hills. Big Bird Turd was seen being pulled by his dog, Lucy, down the hill. We were all amazed that BBT was able to stay on his feet. Trail continued up, down, and up hills. At a check near Forest Park, I was hoping that we would finally get off pavement and into the woods but my hopes were dashed as trail continued along the road and across Sligo Creek. And again trail continued on pavement. :( As the pack was scaling yet another hill, Wilbur was seen asking the residents of the neighborhood if they needed any plumbing repairs (he was carrying the hash shit). The going rate was $5.

Trail ambled down yet another hill to a fairly busy street where Tom (Whistle Tom) was directing traffic with his whistle. We then made our way to another trail with a creek but the pack still did not get their shoes dirty or wet. As the pack made their way up yet another hill, Trouser Snake was heard explaining the hash to a female virgin, probably in attempt at picking her up. While both Squidly Diddly and I were complaining about the hills, Whistle Tom commented how he loves hills. He either is a real r*nner or a masochist.

Finally the pack made it to the beer check with the beer van in attendance and Hurls From The Crypt and Road Kill dispensing water and beer. Wilbur was trying to lobby to get Drinks On Me Bud the hash shit by telling me that DOMB and Stroke Straddle Hurl were racing up a hill. Armadildo finally made it to the beer check and before the van left but not before several hashers decided to start looking for true trail because it was starting to get mighty nippy.

Bavarian Bush directed us towards true trail. When we came upon a W and hare's arrow in the opposite direction, it totally confused many hashers including Stroke Straddle Hurl, Squidly Diddly, and Wilbur. DUH! It's just an easier way to lay two trails. The trail took the pack through downtown Takoma Park and, of course, numerous hills. It looked quaint but then I wasn't slowing down to see what the place looked like anyways. Whistle Tom was still up to his usual antics of stopping traffic and then speeding past all of the slower hashers. What a show-off. If he keeps this up he will surely be named shortly. After all, these things are discussed amongst the various members of mis-management.

Soon trail brought us back to Chez Mark's were Wilbur set up his little tv in the backyard so that we could follow the Packer's/49er's game. Who cares. My team certainly didn't make it to the play-offs this year. I am not sure who I will root for during the Super Bowl - the Green Bay Packers because they are a Central Division team or the Denver Broncos because John Elway hasn't won a Super Bowl yet.

The hash was called to circle up and we started with the hash anthem. The hares Condomina, Mark, and Bavarian Bush were brought forth to demonstrate a proper down down for the virgins:

There were several long-time-no-seers: Bobby Long Hare, Cums On A Wimp, PC, Banana Nuts, Uncle Ed, Pony Pumper, and Ass Backwards; and so we made them drink. Pony Pumper was awarded another down down as she will be moving to Monterey CA to learn Chinese. One of the better dressed hashers, Elsa Clench, a pug-faced dog, was wearing a coat with a fur-lined hood that was a Christmas gift from her Mom, Hurls From The Crypt. As family members don't drink alone, Dad - Road Kill, joined them for a down down and were also joined by all the other dog owners.

During the hash, Trouser Snake pulled a smooth move with a pole and fell on his ass and scraped his elbow, which is certainly a down down offense. He was joined by his 'twin sister' Sandra. As they finished their down downs, Sandra opined that hers was bigger than his. I am not sure what she was talking about and I don't think I want to know.

We had another hasher join the Get A Life' crowd. Cums On A Wimp was awarded her 100th run mug and down down. Squidly Diddly was brought in front of the crowd for a hash offense. Actually two offenses. The first was for locking his keys in his convertible that had the top down and had to get someone to drive him to College Park to get his keys and then back to Falls Church. The second offense was telling the hash scribe that he was so lucky that he didn't get a down down for it the previous week as no one knew about it. Somebody buy this man a brain!

Benedict Arnold and his dog were awarded a down down. At every speed hump sign the dog would stop and look at the sign before taking off on trail again for some female dogs. Suzanne was another excited hasher on trial. She was seen at the Takoma Park Volunteer Fire Dept admiring all of the emergency vehicles and accoutrement.

And now for a very special occasion ... A NAMING. Our hare, Mark, bought a keg of Heinekin for the hash as he doesn't like drinking the piss water that is usually served (beer snob). However, the beer van is equipped with ball taps and he bought a keg without a ball. Numerous names were bandied about with the themes of balls, beer, and head. Mark, though, wanted to suggest his own name and mentioned that he composts. And so for ever more, he shall be known as

And now for what you have all been waiting for, the hash shit. The nominees were: Wilbur, for lobbying for Drinks On Me Bud to get the hash shit; Gina, for letting Mighty Tight put his hands on her; Squidly Diddly, for locking his keys in a convertible; Trouser Snake, for trying to fly; Stroke Straddle Hurl and Drinks On Me Bud, for racing uphill; Elsa Clench, for being the smallest cow in the world; and Watergate, just because. And the winner is..... Wilbur for another week.

Swing Low was sung and the hash retired to the on on on, home, or elsewhere.

On On, No Genitals

A three year old's view of driving: You don't do anything and then you turn. (Scott Hughes, No Genitals' nephew)

Receding Hareline

WE ARE LOOKING FOR HARES FOR MARCH AND BEYOND. If interested, contact GBOF at 703-876-4772.

Events

The Last Chance Dance - The last chance to get a date before Valentine's Day

• Hosted by the DC Full Moon and Mt Vernon H3
• Friday, February 13, 7 PM - $13
• Directions: McLean VFW Hall. Beltway to Georgetown Pike (Rt 193 West/Exit 13) towards McLean and Great Falls. Go 1.9 miles and turn left on Spring Hill Road. Travel 1/2 mile through the first light at Old Dominion and turn left into the first driveway ~100 ft from the light. Alternate parking is left at the light onto Old Dominion and first driveway on the right 100 ft from the light

New Orleans H3 Mardi Gras Hash - February 20-24; contact Ellen "Head First" Berthelot at 504-566-5180 or ellen_c_berthelot@ccmepus.mobil.com; or Linda "Gooey Blow" Crozier at 504-394-4126 or linda.t.crozier@us.nalexx.infonet.com

Kuala Lumpur Extravaganza - Drinks On Me, Bud is putting together a 3 week package for 25+ hashers to attend the Oktoberfest in Munich and other fun stuff before heading to the Interhash in Malaysia. See DOMB if you are interested.

Daytona Beach H3 Bike Week Hash - February 27 - March 1; $55, not incl accommodation. Contact Mark "Neutered" Acton, 904-788-7185, 904-257-0150, sadsam@n-jcenter.com

Washington DC H4 1000th - May 15-17; details TBA; the hyper anal may contact Kevin Adams 73023.1572@compuserve.com

Interhash '98 - October 2-4; The Mother Hash, Kuala Lumpur H3, hosts; Join hashers from around the world for the 60th Onniversary of Hashing! Contact Rob Stott, +60-3-618-5650; or mail Jo Doraisamy, PO Box 40, Ampang PO, Ampang, Malaysia 68000. Registration Increases Jan 1!

For Rent - S'Not and Cyclops are looking for a housemate from now until April 1. Possiblity of a longer term lease. Location" 6818 Oregon Ave near Rock Creek Park. They would love to keep the house "in the hash" as it has been the location of a number of hashes. If interested contact Cyclops (Glenn Schoen) at 202-244-7515

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