Date: February 1, 1998
Hares: Sex Education, Harem Scarem, & Just Susan
Location: 5619 Wilson Blouvard Arlington, VA
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We are approaching the 56th anniversary of the death of the founder of the Original Hash House Harriers. His name was A.S. Gispert, he was known as "G" in the hashing world. After founding the Original Hash in Kuala Lampar in 1938, and totally enjoying what he had created. He joined the British Army in 1941 to defend Singapore from the invading Japanese. He was killed on February 11, 1942 during that defense. We as his decedents have inherited that legacy and with that inheritance should never forget to remember where it all began, and who was responsible for what we enjoy today. So "G" the entire WH4 Hash salutes you - THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES. See events for MVH6 happy hour for "G". Chug one for "G" today.
Our merry group also known as the White House Hash House Harriers gathered once again for the renewal of our ritualistic drinking and running and drinking and running and drinking social activity called hashing. The location of this week's madness was the back yard and the street adjacent to the home of one of our fine young things, Sex Education. At the appointed hour Cyclops called the group to order, and shortly there after the anxious crowd demanded that the cheesehead subgroup come forward to perform the sacrificial activity of leading us in FATHER ABHARAM. Eat Me, Mellow Foreskin Cheese, Cheese Spread, and Yankers Away came fordward to do their thing. As they entered the PIT, they were heard to say "EAT ME FOR BREAKFAST", does any one understand the humor there??? They reluctantly lead us in an off key rendition of our good old warm-up song. Some one, maybe it was Mellow Foreskin Cheese, jumped in toward the end of the song and had the group yell "Bears Suck" as we were bending our upper bodies forward and backward. Does anyone understand the humor there???
After some minor instructions, we were off down Jacksonville Street. What a sight, 75 souls trying to recover some vestage of their youth by making fools of themselves and running aroung shouting ON-ON. What none of us knew at the time was, we were about to enter the MASS CONFUSION ZONE. I started walking with our happy trails group (the walkers), this was a happy and fun loving bunch of merry people that included Black Box, Latin Analyst, Stamri Dilant, Road Kill, Joy-None, Monica Lawanski, Noctoneral Omission, He-Hore, Fly's First Lay, Eat It Raw, Toe Job, Hungry For Head, Cheese Spread, Hurl's From The Crypt, and Yankers Away. As we walked around the expressway (route 66 I think??) and down into Ben Air Park, children were observed playing with their parents and dogs quietly lying nearby enjoying the afternoon sun. Well that didn't last long, as our group of wankers approached in their accustomary state of mass confusion the dogs went wild and the children ran in fear yelling "mommy, daddy, who are this freightning fools??
As we turned and crossed Four Mile Run Creek, I looked back to see LOTS of ABSOLUTELY amazed and dazed faces. The hash had passed. We then wander along Four Mile Run Creek to Blue Mont Junction Park. We continued down the park until we were adjacent to Kensington Street. We then stopped expecting the beer van. To our surprise there was no beer, were we LOST ON HASH?? We were attempting to figure things out with an eye on considering alternatives, when we observed a CONFUSED, LOST, DISORGANIZED, and generally USELESS group of wankers looking for true trail. This group included Pussy Wipped, Wilbur, Dick So Soft, Oral Retentative, Penacillian Dan, and Bad Dog. No sooner had we uttered our cry of ARE-YOU, they off they were to who knows where. I hope they find nirvana, SOMEDAY.
As we wandered back toward the start on Keningston Street, we observed another group of LOST but trying to RECOVER hashers. This group included Late Comer, Missed Erection and Well Hung. Based upon the accumulated intelligence of this group, no wonder they were lost. After this misadventure, we all resolved ourselves to focus on getting back as soon as possible. We finally arrived and made our way to the beer. Another screwed up hash was behind us. Let the beer flow and the socializing begin. Some general observations gathered during the milling around prior to the circle include. Mellow Foreskin Cheese FINALLY bought a green WH4 sweat suit, good decision guy. Hawaiian Puke wore the say pukey Hawaiian shirt that he wore to Mount Vernon, how can you stand the smell? Squidley Didley was observed with his usual LOST IN SPACE LOOK, hey guy land it somewhere. Gumba the Italian dream boy was feaverishly socializing with all the PYT's, nothing new there. For Sale Or Rent had this to say about the hash "6 inch trail, too short", boy are you dicky. #2 was gracious enough to FILL his car trunk with the goods, LOTS of canned beer. Thank god for the #2 man, well done. Spits It Out was observed with his broke d**k foot, when asked for a return to duty status he said, "hopefully I will be ready in a few weeks". Thanks guy, that sounds like another lame story used by our prez. Get healthy soon. As usual Missing Link was the last one in. Link lost again, on the lost hash, what an irony.
The hash was called to circle up. The surviving hares (we lost Just Susan to allergies or some condition or another, I hope she is ok and recovers soon) Sex Education and Harem Scarem were brought forth to demonstrate a proper down down for the virgins:
| Name | Who Made Them Come | Temporary Hash Name |
|---|---|---|
| Jim | Greg | Fuzzy Navel |
| Greg | Himself | Side Saddle |
| Mathew | Stool Sample | Colostomy Bag |
| Kattie | Karen | War & Piece |
| Karen | Daisy Chain | Golden Globe |
| Kevin | By Him Self | Ambidextrous |
| Mary | Oral Retentive | Dental Floss |
| Kate | Oral Retentive | French Cut |
| Jo-Ann | Randy | Penicillin Paula |
| Lipstick | Another Hash | Lipstick |
| Kathy | Had-A-Madam | Beaver Head |
| Rebecca | Kathy | Left Overs |
| Robyn | Kathy | Majina Twa |
There was a NAMING of Susan Jessap. She is relatively new to hashing, GBOF met her 2 weeks ago at a happy hour. This was here second hash, isn't that fast for a naming??? Not by GBOF standard operating procedures. Anyway, GBOF introduced her and told us all a story about a book she had read with the title of "How To Eat Pu**y". WOW I want to know more!! After the group recovered from the literary humor, the naming options came forth in rapid succession, they included: 1. A Lot Of Vagina, 2. Pussy Galore, 3. Lick The Alphabet, 4. Cunning Linguist, 5. Lick A Lot Of Puss, 6. Let Go Of My Ears I Know What I Am Doing. And the winner is:
Let Go Of My Ears I Know What I am Doing
For simplicity we will call her Let Go. Hence forth and forever more in the world of hashing and within the White House Hash you will be known as Let Go. Enjoy every bit of it!!!!
There was a RE-NAMING of Lobby Dick. The group was TOTALLY disgusted with this name and was in the mood for change. Let the change begin. The change options presented included: 1. Hashin Fashion, 2. Pro Boner, 3. Buffalo F**ker, 4. Ribbin The Cradle, 5. Bison Butt Buddy, 6. Short Ass, and Homeless Dick. And the winner is:
Pro Boner
Hence forth and forever more in the White House Hash and the world of hashing you will be known as Pro Boner. Live with it around your neck!!!!
Squidly Didley finally showed up so he was given his 97 Mismanagement Rugby Shirt, yes we made him drink for his not-being-there-ness. We had several birthdays: Had-A-Madam 35, Harem Scarem 40, Oral Retentative 32. We also had a Cinderella among us, her name was Black Box. Go girl take off that shoe and drink it all down. And she did, and it was good, and she wanted more, and we had to restrain her because she was enjoying it o-so-much. Easy girl, settle down, no wild stuff in this hash.
John Hancock and Wilbur rushed into the circle with a large gift wrapped box. They proclaimed that they had discovered some form of gift for the hash, from an anonymous benefactor. The hash reluctantly accepted the present. After much to do about nothing, Had-A-Madam opened the box from afar with a broom stick. He did so because we all were anticipating the worst, what a rude hash joke. Well it was a bomb for sure, a shi**y picture of Drinks On Me Bud and our long lost hashit. What a let down, did I actually see someone pi** on his picture in the circle? WOW. And now for what you have all been waiting for, the hash shit. The nominees were: 1. Tick Cock for running the entire hash trail, 2. Wilbur for just being Wilbur, 3. The Hares for a shi**y trail and mass confusion, 4. Brew Crew for a lost beer van and no beer. And the winner is the hares Sex Education & Harem Scarem.
The familiar theme of "POTS ON THE GROUND", the SINGING of SWING LOW, and the traditional phrase of "GO IN PIECE" brought the circle to an end.
The ON-ON-ON was at Carpool. It was well attended by the masses. Greasy food was consumed and the beer flowed until the happy hour prices faded at 7:00. Shortly there after the crowd faded and our hash Sunday was history.
On On, Big Bird Turd
WE ARE LOOKING FOR HARES FOR MARCH 22 AND APRIL AND BEYOND. If interested, contact GBOF at 703-876-4772.
MVH6 Special Happy Hour Opportunity to toast one for A.S. Gispert the HASH founder see info above - February 11 6 PM Carpool (4000 N Fairfax in Arlington)
The Last Chance Dance - The last chance to get a date before Valentine's Day
- Hosted by the DC Full Moon and Mt Vernon H3, Friday, February 13, 7 PM - $13
- Directions: McLean VFW Hall. Beltway to Georgetown Pike (Rt. 193
West/Exit 13) towards McLean and Great Falls. Go 1.9 miles and turn left on
Spring Hill Road. Travel 1/2 mile through the first light at Old Dominion
and turn left into the first driveway ~100 ft. from the light. Alternate
parking is left at the light onto Old Dominion and first driveway on the
right 100 ft. from the light
New Orleans H3 Mardi Gras Hash - February 20-24; contact Ellen "Head First" Berthelot at 504-566-5180 or ellen_c_berthelot@ccmepus.mobil.com; or Linda "Gooey Blow" Crozier at 504-394-4126 or linda.t.crozier@us.nalexx.infonet.com
Kuala Lumpur Extravaganza - Drinks On Me, Bud is putting together a 3 week package for 25+ hashers to attend the Oktoberfest in Munich and other fun stuff before heading to the Interhash in Malaysia. See DOMB if you are interested.
Daytona Beach H3 Bike Week Hash - February 27 - March 1; $55, not incl. accommodation. Contact Mark "Neutered" Acton, 904-788-7185, 904-257-0150, sadsam@n-jcenter.com
Mount Vernon H3 AGM - May 8-10; sketchy details - pub crawl Friday, AGM Hash Saturday, Party Saturday Night, Hangover Hash Sunday. Specific details to follow.
Washington DC H4 1000th - May 15-17; details TBA; the hyper anal may contact Kevin Adams 73023.1572@compuserve.com
Interhash '98 - October 2-4; The Mother Hash, Kuala Lumpur H3, hosts; Join hashers from around the world for the 60th Anniversary of Hashing! Contact Rob Stott, +60-3-618-5650; or mail Jo Doraisamy, PO Box 40, Ampang PO, Ampang, Malaysia 68000. Registration Increases Jan 1! Watergate has a cheap ticket for sale.
It all started off okay, in fact, it was another beautiful day with temperatures in the high 40's and lots of sunshine. I got to the hash early and approached the hares about a short cut for the walkers. Sex Education pulls out a map and explains that she and Harem Scarem haven't really cum up with a short cut, but that the trail was very nice, through lots of woods and nice neighborhoods. When I asked her how long it was, she said "oh, only about 5 miles." I immediately told her that we definitely needed to find a way to short cut this route for the walkers or we would still be out on trail after everyone else had adjourned to the On On On. So she found a place where the outbound trail and the inbound trail were relatively close together--something that would later prove to be a mistake--and where we could cut off about a 2 mile loop. Perfect. Since we would be on true trail for the first couple of miles until we got to the cut off point, I put the map in my pocket and waited for the run to begin.
After the Cheeseheads--Mellow Foreskin Cheese, Eat Me for Breakfast, CheeseSpread, and Yankers Aweigh--lead us in a mournful Father Abraham, although the Bears Still Suck, the hares announced that there would be not one but two beer checks! The' crowd went wild until someone noticed that we didn't have a beer van--beer checks work better if there is beer to serve. The Brew Crew members who did show up for the hash--Road Kill, Number 2, and Rude Boy--all said, "Hey, it's not my fault the van isn't here; this isn't my week for driving it.', So Wheredafakhawe lived up to his name once again.
Nevertheless, we started out on trail after Rude Boy decided to try to locate the van and/or some beer. After wandering around for a while in the woods, the walking group--which was rather large and was graced by the presence of Yankers Away carrying the smiling and bubbly Sperm with Interest on her back, and Standard Deviant and Toe Job, who I hadn't seen at a hash in awhile--quickly fell behind the rest of the pack. As we were heading across a field (did someone say "head?"), a woman approached us and asked if we were with the group of runners. We replied yes and asked her which way they went. She told us to the left, down a path. We followed her directions and after a short period picked up trail markings. We were on a nice path paralleling a creek in the park when all of a sudden a big wet fuzzie dog came bounding up behind me and started bouncing up and down. You got it--it was Luci dragging late cumer Big Bird Turd (not to be confused with Late Cumer who was actually early for a change) behind her. Since the pack was no where in sight, BBT decided that he would hang with the walkers and let Luci do her thing in the creek-- should be an environmental violation in there somewhere. About the same time, Nocturnal Emissions caught up with us and he and BBT forged ahead through the woods. At one point, I turned to CheeseSpread and Latin Anal-ist and asked if either had seen flour in a while, and both realized that we hadn't. I started to moan about how poorly the pack was doing marking the trail, when we again came to a split in the trail and a kindly pedestrian told us that the pack had gone left. Pretty soon we saw a "beer near" sign and I thought to myself that that couldn't possibly be right since the walkers were supposed to miss the first beer check by short cutting. After going only a few more yards, we came upon Route 50, and I decided that something was REALLY wrong with this trail and decided to check the map. Just as I was doing that I looked up and saw Pussy Whipped, Wilburrr, and a couple of other wankers running towards us. They stopped and explained that they must have made a wrong turn and were now running the trail backwards. When we consulted the map, we realized that that was true, and that we had missed most of the trail--even the abbreviated walkers' trail. Of course, since I was carrying the map, Road Kill starts suggesting possibly renaming me Mystery Box or Blackenout Box. Hey, it wasn't my fault that we followed the pack and they went the wrong way!
Anyway, we decided that we might as well just hang around and wait for the rest of the pack to show up at the beer check. I was catching up on the latest happenings with Flies First Class, when two more wankers came running down the hill to tell us that everyone else had gotten screwed up on trail and were now back at the start. So we gathered up all the troops and headed back (there's that concept again). By the time we got back to Sex Education's house, Rude Boy and Number 2 had cum through with beer and the van. Of course, the hares were no where in sight--I guess they were the only ones running the true trail. When they did finally show their faces, they kept saying how it wasn't their fault that the pack screwed up and couldn't follow trail, although I do wonder where they were when all of this was happening; certainly not with the pack on trail. Of course, they would be duly rewarded later with the prestigous hashit award. Oh well, these are just some of the joys of hashing.
BTW, thanks to Great Balls of Fire, Toe Job and Blazing Straddle for suggesting to Cyclops that I had on new shoes. I always enjoy being able to demonstrate the proper form for a cinderella down-down.
On On. Black Box