Date: February 22, 1998
Hares: Mr. Magoo and Air Biscuit
Location: Parking Structure over I66, N. Arlington
The WH4 Mismanagement and particularly Hasher Humper would like your help. We are in the process of selecting new clothing items, and the decorations on those items, for the upcoming spring and summer season. Time is of an essence and we want your help. Please consider new sayings and logos for the new hash shirts and tank tops. Your creations can be either for the front or the back or both. Work your little brains to their limits and submit you drawings and written descriptions to Hasher Humper at the next hash. We really need you to give us your fresh new ideas so we can better serve you.
| Do you like to drink beer | Miss Higgins | |
|---|---|---|
| Do you like to drink beer, | Come and touch it Miss Higgins. | |
| Do you like to go and run. | It only weighs a quarter of a pound. | |
| Do you like to hang out were they're having all the fun. | It has hair around it's neck like a turkey. | |
| So grab yourself a beer and have a cup of cheer. | And it cums when you jerk it up and down down down | |
| And drink it down, drink it down down down down | down |
Get your hash information electronically from the WH4 Receding Hareline and avoid the PUD JAM0 phone hassle. Contact GBOF via email droidwh4@aol.com to be added to the WH4 electron list (Submit First & Last Name, Your Hash Name [if you have one], and put "GBOF" in the subject line, make sure you send your email address).
Many thanks to Black Box and Mellow Foreskin Cheese for standing in for me as co-scribes, while I was away at Mardi Gras Madness VIII. The New Orleans Hashing Event was definitely a wild time, and your DC Hashers represented you well. BUT, from all of the war stories I have heard about last Sunday's trail you had enough CRAZY WILDNESS to last for sometime. Apparently, everyone to include runners and walkers shared in the "LETS GET LOST AND CONFUSEDNESS". Just remember that hashing is suppose to be fun. Did you all have fun - YET????
On On,
Big Bird Turd
When I talked to Mr. Magoo and Air Biscuit early Sunday afternoon about their plans for the hash, my first reaction was that this run would be a piece of cake. They said that we would start at the Parking Garage over I-66, which was only one block from my house, do a short run with a long back check back to the start, have two beer checks, one of which was going to be at my house, and finish in my backyard. Boy was I wrong, about the easy part that is. I should have known that something was in the air when Chappaquickdick told me that on his way over to my house he had been stopped by long time hasher Bobby Long Hare who inquired "Sir where is Quincy Street?" This isn't as bad though as Well Hung, who, wanting to find out where the White House was going to run, called the wrong number and showed up at the wrong hash. (He said that he did make it in time to run with White House.)
As we arrived about 2:45 PM, Chappaquickdick, my roommate Just Brian, and I were greeted by a large number of eager wankers who had arrived early, much to the delight of our hash cash, Stroke, Straddle and Hurl d/b/a Blazing Straddle, who is getting teed off at the inconsiderateness of the latecumers. You don't have to go quite as far as Working the Bar who, I am told, had been waiting in her car at 2 PM when the hares first showed up. Obviously, this lovely hasher should get a life!
As I checked in with Blazing Straddle and Black Box, the multitude of wankers were engaging in the usual pre-run flirtation that passes for intelligent banter. Just Marissa, our resident U.S. News & World Reporter, informed me that she had written anarticle about hashing and the Leesburg Red Dress Run which was going to be published in this week's edition of the magazine. (It was. It was good. We want some more. Oh sorry, wrong topic.) It was also good seeing Just Linda, one of our Interns, ah Virgins, and Toe Job, both of whom were in Eat It Raw and Champagne Charlie's wedding party last Memorial Day in Stockholm. Eat It Raw so admired the "Proud Member of the Vast, Right Wing Conspiracy" T-shirts, the very popular official unofficial T-shirt of the White House Hash, that she ordered one on the spot. Freudian Slit d/b/a Standard Deviant proudly informed me that she had no words of wisdom since her Psychedelic Pez Dispenser was empty. The weather was an absolutely beautiful day for a hash. Leisure Suit Larry commented that it seemed like April 22, rather than February 22, and that the reason must be El Nino. If this is Global Warming, help the cause by contributing all those serious next-day, greenhouse violations from consuming all that ha sh beer!
Just as Sperm with Interest, sitting on Yankers Away's back in her back pack, was waving her hands signaling that she was ready to start, Spinal Tap and Cyclops called for everybody to Circle Up. Roxy Moron was called upon to lead us in Father Abraham since he is leaving to become our attache in Beijing, much to the chagrin of Hidden Assets. The hares gave the usual directions about Os being checks and Xs being false trails. They specifically mentioned that Os with Xs in them were Back Checks, but nobody appeared to pay much attention.
The run started out according to plan. The Pack lead by the usual FRB suspects lit out of the parking lot onto 15th Street and scattered all over, until Air Biscuit pointed them to the right across Quincy Street for the bike trail that parallels I-66. After following the bike trail for a couple of blocks, we made a three block detour to the left but were soon back on the bike trail for a short distance. Then all hell broke loose. The FRBs found the back check off to the left and one block up a hill. Soon anarchy was in full bloom. The Pack was running in all directions. Some backtracked a couple of blocks up the bike trail but found nothing. Just Jeff (see View from the Circle below) observed that the hares "were just fucking with us." So what's your point. I did run across my neighbor and his sons out for a leisurely bike ride. The Walkers (see View from the Rear below) came across this chaotic scene and, after a verse of "Why are we waiting..." took off like a bat out of hell along the bike trail never to be seen again until the On In. Apparently, the only thing that stopped them from reaching the North Pole was their fear of getting their shoes wet when they came upon a rather large water hazard--the Potomac River.
If I had not been scribing this week, I would immediately have hightailed it home and started to drink. But no, caught up by a sense of hash and journalistic responsibility and wanting some exercise, I fulfilled my role of hash war correspondent and followed the troops into battle. After milling around 17th and Nelson and other assorted intersections, a large Pack took off down the Bike Path until they reached Lee Highway. What a sight. People standing on the pedestrian bridge. People standing under the pedestrian bridge. Finally, one Phi Beta Kappa hasher took off west along Lee Highway and the not-so-Pack just followed, even though there was no flour to be seen in any direction. After running a couple of blocks with no flour to be seen, I came upon a very frustrated group of hashers who were standing over a blob of very new, very isolated flour. The Pack started to grill me about whether the beer check was at my house. In the spirit of the times, I refused to state yes or no since they would not grant me full immunity. Maybe I should get a job in Bubba's House. Nah! Their response was to continue up Lee Highway in the right direction, and soon by a couple of zigs and zags arrived at 17th and Quincy where they were relieved to see Big Blue parked in the driveway of my house with skads of hashers milling around it.
After a couple of beers, I had had enough exercise. After playing washroom attendant for a few of the young lasses, it was straight to Mr. Magoo's house, where Beer Check #2 was to be held. I started out behind the Pack and soon found Chappaquickdick, Standard Deviant, and Working the Bar standing at the corner of 17th and Stafford where they were deciding whether to run a couple of blocks west to Utah street and then south to Mr. Magoo's or short cut straight down Stafford. Apparently the sight of me turning left down the hill on Stafford quickly made up their mind and off we went. We weren't alone. Along the short four block trip, we passed Stool Sample, Rude Boy, and Leisure Suit Larry. The Pack soon joined us at the Beer Check where LouBottomy was carrying on with an unknown hasher about the evils of the Christian Right. Bubba should have that problem. I never thought I would live to see whining about too many beer checks, but that is what I heard from the lips of Bobby Long Hare and Leisure Suit Larry. What is your point? One of our interns, Just Greg was heard to say that he felt like he was pouring beer at a college keg party as he graciously poured me a beer. Well, no good turn goes unpunished. Soon Mr. Magoo and I announced that the end was back at my house and we were off to the On In.
Question: How many walkers does it take to understand the directions of one hare? Answer: Apparently at least one more than we had on Sunday. As usual, I got to the hash early to help Blazing Straddle with the sign-in and money collection. Pussy Whipped also volunteered to help, so I suggested that he "handle" the virgins. He responded with a BIG smile, until I explained that he was to keep his pants on and just get their names on a piece of paper. You never heard such whining.
I always like helping with the sign-in because it gives you a chance to get to know people's names as well as to greet everyone as they cum in. It was great to see Bonnie Brewer back from her latest trip--this time to Colorado-- and to welcome back Amkneesia from what seems to have been a long sleep. I asked her if she just kept forgetting to cum and she said "Forget? Forget what?" CheeseSpread was wearing her feathered Mardi Gras mask, which she wore out on trail, too, scaring all of the little children that we passed. Spits It Out's foot was also healed enough so that he could finally do the trail with the walkers. S'not and Ukhugh decided to join us for Magoo's last hash. Since they are moving into Magoo's house next month, I guess they wanted to make sure that he actually left.
I also noticed Bramble Bush moving a little slow as she was getting out of her car, and she also mentioned that she would be joining the walkers today. She said that she and Hyman Dickover did both the MVH3 and Great Falls hashes the day before, not to mention what they might have done after those hashes, and apparently she pulled something. Hmmm. As soon as I had a chance, I asked Mr. Magoo if he had a short cut for the walkers. He told me that he did and that he wanted all of the walkers to hang back after the pack left and he would give us instructions.
So dutifully, the walking group--which was the largest it has been in quite awhile with about 15-20 of us-- waited while the pack took off from the parking lot and ran across the street and then up a hill and to the left. Mr. Magoo started yelling at co-hare, Air Biscuit, to try to get the pack going in the correct direction to the right down the bike path before they got too scattered. We then waited while Mr. Magoo explained to the group that the walkers should get on the bike path and just stay on it. He said that true trail would loop around a few times, and that when we caught up with the pack we would be on true trail. He said that after we got to the first beer check, he would give us further instructions. I went over this with him again, and I thought we had it straight, but, of course, I have been wrong before.
So with the three Killer B's in the lead--Bonnie Brewer, Bramble Bush, and myself--we started down the bike path. We didn't get too far when we saw Chappaquickdick cuming towards us. We then noticed the rest of the pack in front of us on the bike path. They were milling around completely confused as to what to do next. I started singing "Why are we waiting..." when someone yelled back that they had reached a back check and were trying to figure out what to do. Well, I looked at the other FWB's and said, geez, I don't remember seeing a check anywhere so far, so I'm not sure where the pack should be going back to. Everyone else agreed. Duh! First clue. As it turned out, the back check meant to send everyone back to the start of the trail. Of course, we didn't get it. All we could remember was Mr. Magoo's words to stay on the bike path, because true trail would loop around a few times. So we stayed on the bike path. And we stayed. And we stayed. Of course, we stopped every half mile or so to regroup, and discuss whether we should turn back or keep going. The general consensus was to keep going; that we were bound to run into the pack again since they were supposed to be looping around a few times. Well, we finally got to the GW Parkway, and I turned to Bonnie Brewer and suggested strongly that we admit we had screwed up and just turn around. About this time, Spits It Out sees what appears to be hash marks on one of the sound barrier walls, and hobbles over to check it out. I get a burst of energy and join him, only to see that this is old hash--really old. Alas. Since I had a pretty good idea that we might be ending at Mellow Foreskin Cheese's house--actually he told me we were--we decided to turn around and go to his place.
When we got to the bottom of MFC's street, and we looked up and saw Big Blue, the beer van, we all rejoiced. Even though we were only on true trail for about 2 blocks out of our 3-1/2 mile jaunt, we all agreed that we had had a good workout, and a pleasant time. In the immortal words of Poop Deck, we followed the trail that we would have set!
On On,
Black Box
As the Pack gathered in my backyard, I noticed that Roxy Moron and Hawaiian Puke were engaged in the new Olympic sport of "using" which consists of pounding one's stomach and making strange belch-like sounds. Oh well, each to his own as the old lady kissed the cow. Soon the hash was called to circle up and the Hares came forth to answer that old question "What did you think of that run?" with the expected, and this time accurate, answer: "What a Shitty run!" Next came the Interns, I mean Virgins, a couple of whom looked remarkably like their namesakes:
| Name | Who Made Them Come | Temporary Hash Name |
|---|---|---|
| Scott | Senade?? | Handi Wipe |
| Greg | Menage a trois | Dah |
| Martha | Eat It Raw | Martha Swallows |
| Linda | Eat It Raw | Monica |
| Caroline | Jenny | Linda Tripp |
| Lucas | Trail pickup | Squirrel Guts |
| Mark | ??? | Dick Sucking Lips |
| Riley | ??? | Monica's Next Boyfriend |
Next to imbibe were the visiting hashers: Black Widow (Tucson), Termite (Okinawa), Woodchuck (MVH3), and Round Runner (Masseru, Africa). We also had three Cinderella's: Dickey Du (OTH), and the Interns Monica and Dah. Next, Rajun Cajun was honored for three years of faithful duty with the Beer Crew by being forced to drink his own product while being hoisted by the lovely Toe Job, Pay Per View, Monica, No Genitals, and Oralgina. America, what a great country! For exclaiming that the beer crew doesn't do anything, Bramble Bush had to drink while her feet were being held by Hyman Dickover in a wheelbarrow position. Somethings are just best left unsaid. Hurls From the Crypt had to drink for her dog's environmental violation in my back yard, and this after the State of Virginia spent thousands to take care of my LUST! Termite, Barkadildo (while being spanked), and He Whore drink for their birthdays. Roxy Moron and Mr. Magoo, along with fellow Hare Air Biscuit, drank for leaving us. The Interns andVisitors drank once again to the accompaniment of their own version of "Cuming around the Mountain." Long time no-seers S'Not, Ukhugh, Amknesia, and Watergate drank along with Just Jeff and all the Grand Masters. God, is this getting boring or what. This of course led to a solemn occasion, the NAMING of Just Jeff Wakefield. It seems that he is a first cousin of Bob Dole and is never in town. Nominations included: 1. Room Service, 2. Cats Away, 3. Traveling Dick, 4. Frequent Cumer Mileage, 5. Never Cums at Home, 6. Dick Hone, but hence forth and forever more in the White House Hash and throughout the world of hashing he will be known as
The last order of monkey business was the awarding of the hashshit, even though the physical specimen was with Fussy Bitch in New Orleans at the Mardi Gras Hash. The nominees were: 1. Bramble Bush for her comments about the work habits of the Beer Crew, 2. Just Marissa for her article in U.S. News & World Report, 3.Just Jennifer for turning in her roommate, 4. the Hares, and 5. the WINNER was Bonnie Brewer for a private party. Shortly thereafter, the familiar theme of "Pots on the Ground", and the singing of swing low, and the traditional phrase of "Go In Piece" brought the circle to an end.
The On On On was held at Joseph's, a neighborhood dive on Wilson Blvd. just east of Courthouse. For a reason that totally escapes me, my notes are totally unreadable. There is some scribbling about Rock Rabbit from the U.K., Robin, and Drew Bledsole, but the story is gone forever. I do remember that the place was packed, they ran out of burgers, and that Hyman Dickover did a pretty good imitation of a bartender for most of the night. All in all, a great Hash.
On On,
Mellow Foreskin Cheese
#579 March 8; Trouser Snake and A Mystery Hare, Arlington, VA
#580 March 15; St. Patrick's Hash, Eat Me For Breakfast, Black Box,
Mellow Foreskin Cheese, & Thumper
Pumper Location Mr. Days Sports Bar
#581 March 22; Pussy Wipped, Dale City, VA
#582 March 29; Late Comer and A Mystery Hare
#583 April 5; Looking For Hares - Contact GBOF
#584 April 12; Looking For Hares - Contact GBOF
#585 April 19; Looking For Hares - Contact GBOF
#586 April 26; Mass Moonie Wedding Hash; Squidley Diddley,
Keyless Entry, Perk-A-Set, Big Bord Turd,
plus other engaged couples.
#587 May 3; Leisure Suit Larry and A Mystery Hare
WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR HARES. If interested, contact GBOF at 703-876-4772.
March Full Moon Hash - March 14 SATURDAY NIGHT at 7:00pm; Pub Crawl via Pussy Wipped. Start Location Dupont Circle.
Beer Stop Party During Cherry Blossom 10 Miler - April 5 from 08:30-11:00 Sponsored by Hawaiian Puke (because he missed the race entry deadline). Come out and drink with the PUKE, details to follow.
April Full Moon Hash - April 10 at 7:00pm; Missing Link Special
Washington DC H4 Weekend In The Mountains - April 25-26: In The Mountains. Staying at Canaan Valley Resort and Conference Center. The run will open for all DCH3 guests. Please sign up so details can be worked out. Rooms $41 single, $47 double. Info: 800-622-4121.
Mount Vernon H3 AGM - May 8-10; sketchy details - pub crawl Friday, AGM Hash Saturday, Party Saturday Night, Hangover Hash Sunday. Specific details to follow.
Pittsburg H3 800th Run - June 4-7 This should be a hash blowout of the first magnitude. Details to follow.
DC Harriers and Harriets DCH4 1000th Weekend - June 12-14; Location is the Washington D.C. Metro area. All hashers (near & far) are invited to participate in this hashing millennium event. More information on cost, registration, and other hash sh*t to follow. Fri, 12 June - #999 - a Washington (pre) monumental Hash Sat, 13 June - #1000 - country Hash in the Potomac, MD area, Sun14 June - #1001 - Dalmatian Hash (tentatively planned for inside the Beltway)
WH4 Yearly Pagan Party - Some time in June. To include a self help barn painting party, details to follow.
WH4 600th Run - July 24th (Saturday) 3:00pm, social gathering to follow, activities will include beer, food, dancing, socializing, and overall a damn good time. More details to follow.
Kuala Lumpur Extravaganza - September 24 - October 10 Drinks On Me, Bud is putting together a 3 week package for 25+ hashers to attend the Oktoberfest in Munich and other fun stuff before heading to the Interhash in Malaysia. See DOMB if you are interested.
Interhash '98 - October 2-4; The Mother Hash, Kuala Lumpur H3, hosts; Join hashers from around the world for the 60th Anniversary of Hashing! Contact Rob Stott, +60-3-618-5650; or mail Jo Doraisamy, PO Box 40, Ampang PO, Ampang, Malaysia 68000. Registration Increases Jan 1! Watergate has a cheap ticket for sale.