IN BEER WE TRUST
WHITE HOUSE HASH HOUSE HARRIERS

Location: Van Dorn Metro Station, Arlington VA

HOT INFORMATION

Get your hash information electronically from the WH4 Receding Hareline and avoid the PUD JAM0 phone hassle. Contact GBOF via email droidwh4@aol.com to be added to the WH4 electron list (Submit First & Last Name, Your Hash Name (if you have one), and put "GBOF" in the subject line, make sure you send your email address).

We are in the process of updating the WH4 directory. If you want in contact Black Box ASAP, either in person or via email patti.thomas@ost.dot.gov . Please remember that it is your responsibility to get your info to Black Box, unless you make the effort now you will be whining about it later.

LAST WEEKS HASH

View from the Pack

Believe it or not, the WH4 faithful who gathered this day generally listened to the new instructions from the leaders of the pack. Those instructions were, get to the hash before 3:00 on Sunday so we can more efficiently completely registration and start the hash on time. Blazing Stradle you did good. On time in this sense is closer to 3:15 than 3:30.

Because of the prompt arrival of hashers, there was much socializing and interaction. After some time Spinal Tap called the group together for our weekly rendition of Father Abraham and our hash instructions. As for the lucky leaders of the song port ion of our start; due to the recent success of the Duke Basketball Team over the arch rival the North Carolina Tar Heels, Blues Balls was selected to represent the winners and Perk A Set was selected to represent the losers. As you guessed they each attended those schools in their much younger days GO GIRLS GO. After much enthusiasm, confusion and general merriment we completed the Father song and made the hares enter the circle and give us instructions. Alas there were no hares, so the true blue mismanagement spouted out Circles are checks and X's are BT's and we were off.

The trail lead us over the road to a check where we wound up going along the rail road tracks. Had A Madam was warning all dog owners about glass ahead. 3 Times A Lady was getting his throat slashed by the underbrush, and the group was sp read at all over the place. #2 was observed watering the plants as we entered the muddy road portion of the hash. After about a half mile we crossed the highway on a bridge covered with broken glass. Oral Genia, For Sale Or Rent, and Jo hn Hand Cock were observed crossing with an extrodinary amout of caution, watch out for the glass people.

Finally we discovered beer after wandering through the woods along many muddy trails. At the beer stop the group seemed to regain their flavor for the hunt and they were off rather quickly. I think we had a lot of, dare I say it, RUNNERS with us this day. As we went down hill to a check we observed Mole and mate coming toward us. Where were they going? Spinal Tap followed along shortly, alas I think we found the walkers.

I observed Rubber Maiden with two virgins in the woods to the left, please be gentle with them MR Maiden. Bavarian Bush was moving along with the pack, she is hard to miss. We intersected the main road and turned left. After about a qua rter mile run we finally all joined up, at King Rudolph Court and turned down into the townhouse area. We then ran down a grassy embankment and crossed into a wooded area where we encountered shiggy and water. Squidley Didley, Blue Balls, Hawaiian Puke, Slippery Pole, and Bark-A-Dildo were all trying to maneuver through the mess. As we wandered along the creek we all wondered what Pay Per View had in store for us. Well we found out soon, as we crossed the creek for the xteenth time, there it was a concrete underpass tunnel (in fact there were three). Well we had no choice we were decisively engaged with no retreat in sight. One by one the hearty band entered the watery tunnel. As we traveled through this LONG tunnel it seemed as though it got smaller and smaller with each step. Finally we emerged, and alas to our amazement was a beer check. We were served Sangria, Wine, and Special Beer from Belgium. What a nice touch hares, GOOD SHOW. The entire gang enjoyed the company of each other, but after a few minutes the itchy members began to wander off.

Finally the remainder of the gathering had left the beer check and all that was left was the final mile into the finish. We ran in a straight path along the railroad tracks until we hit Van Dorn then we joged around into the metro entrance road and saw the finish . The rest is history.

View from the Rear

Before I talk about the hash, I have a Public Service Announcement: I am working on the new Hash Register of names and addresses, and will be asking for new listings and updates over the next several weeks. If you would like to be included, either see me at the hash and fill out one of the forms (and please write legibly!) or send me your information (nerd name, hash name, address, work phone, home phone, and email) to:

patti.thomas@ost.dot.gov

If you are already in the Hash Register but need to change your listing, please also let me know. I will be printing out draft updates each week, and will probably ask you to check your listing to make sure that I read and typed everything correctly. If there is a mistake, just smile and correct it. If I ask you several weeks in a row to check and you already have, just smile and say, "thank you, I'd be happy to." If the directory gets printed and your information is wrong, absolutely NO WHINING, particularly if you are too busy to check with me and either you don't get it in (hmmm) or it goes in wrong (a problem, I understand, that some of you have).

OK, enough of that, now on to the events of last Sunday's run.

As usual, I got there early and went up to Pay Per View, our lovely harriette for the day, and asked her if she had a suggested shortcut for the walkers. Not only did she have a shortcut, but she had specific directions written out for me. Wow! Fabulous! You should hare more often, babe! She also asked me to give Rude Boy the instructions she had written out for the Brew Crew, and said that she was going home to change clothes and would be back in about 15 minutes. Well, this was around 2:40. By 3:15 when Blue Balls and Perk-A-Set finished their "tribute" to the Duke-Carolina game with their rendition of F'Abraham, there was still no sign of PPV. Frankly, I started wondering what she was putting on that was taking so long. Of course, knowing some of PPV's outfits, I wasn't sure if she was having more problems with the leather or the chains. Anyway, Spinal cums over to me and asks if I have any idea which d-erection we are supposed to head (did someone say "head?") and of course, with my trusty written notes, I knew exactly where we were going. So it was On On out of the metro parking lot towards Eisenhower Avenue. As the pack swept past the walkers, I told Screws Everybody and Latin Anal-ist to hang back so that they could get out of sight before we shortcutted up Van Dorn Street.

Pretty soon we see the pack crawling up the hill to the railroad tracks. That was the last time we saw them for sometime, as we ourselves trudged up Van Dorn. Bonnie Brewer, still feeling the aftermath of Magoo's going away party the night before, had Virgin Chris to make sure she didn't fall down again--ask her about that. He also kept reminding all of us how good it was for the heart and other body parts to have to climb up hills. Yeah, yeah, but when Big Blue drove by, there were several of us who would have loved to have hitched a ride. As we finally made it to the top of the hill, PPV d-erected us turn left down Oakwood. Since this was the same monster hill we had just cum up, we decided to let gravity do its thing, and we ran down the hill, much to the chagrin of Spinal Tap and Just Mary and her dog. When we got to the bottom, we realized that the beer van was not waiting for us, but we had yet another hill to climb. Just then, we saw Drive Thru at the top of the next hill waving and yelling something about a big furry thing. We weren't sure if she meant a canine or something else. Anyway, when we got to the top, we could see Big Blue on the top of yet another hill surrounded by the pack. Screws Everybody looked at me and said "there's no f*cking way I'm going up that hill." Even though I was dying of thrist, this made a lot of sense since the pack was now running towards us having finished with the beer check. So all of the walkers said let's just turn around and keep going on trail. By the time we decided this, the FRBs caught up with us and wondered how the walkers had gotten so far ahead (did someone say "head?").

As we were going down--the hill, that is--Hawaiian Puke decided that he had had enough running for the time being and wanted to join "the beautiful people" as he so graciously put it. Being a born walker or, is that, being born a Walker, he fits right in (hmmm). But by the time we got out to Van Dorn again and knowing that we were about to pull another shortcut, Screws Everybody sent Puke off to join the pack, a decision that he told us later he regretted. But what a sight that was. While we were waiting at the light to cross Van Dorn, we looked to our left and saw the pack strung out up and down the hill. Cars were slowing down all over the place just trying to figure out what was going on. As we made it across Van Dorn, we ran into the love sick Poop Deck who decided to join his sweetie, Ms. Everybody, on trail--yuck, get a life, Poop. How do you expect us to talk about you if you are always underfoot? Pin Prick was just in front trying to figure out a shortcut, and realized that if the entire walking group was cuming in his d-erection that he must be onto something. We all then followed a trail into the woods, and Poop and Pin Prick were put to work as scouts--okay, Poop, you can be useful sometimes. We then came upon a "Beer Near" sign scrawled on the entrance to a tunnel.

Poop accompanied his beloved through the tunnel of love, and Just Chris got in front of Latin Anal-ist and myself. LA grabbed on to me, to make sure that if she fell, I did too, and I started yelling at Just Chris tha the was blocking the light and I couldn't see for sh*t. Bonnie Brewer then casually asked if I still had my sun glasses on. Oh, yeah. Duh! After a deafening whistle check in the tunnel--hey, I don't run with Mount Vernon for nothing, and a stirr ing rendition of Swing Low--we came out into the sunlight and spotted PPV and her trusty assistant, Spits It Out, pouring homemade, and I might add, extremely tasty sangria. So we all helped ourselves, and waited for the pack to arrive.

Three X A Lady cums up to me and I noticed scratches all over his legs and neck. He claimed it was from the trail. I looked at Drive Thru, and she immediately showed me that her fingernails were clean and not long enough to cause such damage. Sure sure.

As On On was called, and we had to leave that wonderful sangria behind, we headed back to the start, passing a state trooper on the way. We all tried to look innocent, but of course, Bonnie Brewer felt a need to flirt, which the rest of us did our best to control. We then got to the last block before the end, and Just Chris decides to impress Just Jenn, who decided to run the trail this week, with a burst of energy and trips on the curb twisting his ankle. Cool move, dude. By the time, we all got to his side, he was rolling around on the ground in pain, and started gasping, "Beer. I need beer," and we realized we had converted yet another innocent soul to the world of hashing!

Another job well done. On On. Black Box

View from the Circle

The strung out pack slowly closed on our end point. As they hashers finished they changed in dry clothes, secured a wet drink of either beer, soda or water and secured a trash to bring themselves up to date with the hash gossip. All seemed good with the world.

Soon the hash was called to circle up and the hares Pay Per View, F**king Pesto Chicken, and Spits It Out came forth. The assembled mass was asked to answer that old question "What did you think of that run?" with the expected, and this time accurate, answer: "What a Shitty run!". For this the hares drank and the sight was good. Next came the Virgins, there were so many that I ran out of paper recording their vitals:

After the virgins showed the crowd to chug one for the hash, and were warmly welcomed by mismanagement the Visitors were called forward. This weeks visitors included Snake Charmer from TNT Edinburgh, Touch Me from Edmonton, TLC from Q L, May from QL, Exhibit A&B from Harrisburg/Hershey, and finally Rocks Off from Stuttgart. We awarded them with their souvenier mugs and they drank well for visitors, good show you all. Next it was time for the Long Time No See's, this week's group included; Cross Dresser, F**king Pesto Chicken, Hidden Assets, The Mayor, and Shrimp On The Barbie. They also drank well, welcome back you all and hope to see you come more often.

There were two naming events during this circle, both were STRANGE. The first was the nerd renaming of Spits It Out. His new nerd name is Jan Stone, long live the Stoney person, may you drink much wine in peace. The second naming was more of an affirmation, rather than a naming. Anyway, Fussy Bitch called the circles attention to Alvin Schmidt who had recently joined the hash group and who had also just returned from the Madri Gras Hash Weekend in New Orleans. Apparently while in New Orleans and during the height of a Madri Gras parade, he was asked by a very bodaciously endowed young lady to put her on his shoulders so the young lady could secure parade beads for her body. Apparently, the young lady was not collecting many beads, so she decided to remove her shirt and show her TITS in the hope of securing more beads. This was working extremely well until a very stuffy member of the New Orleans police force saw this activity and ran up to Alvin grabbed his arm and yelled "Put The Bitch Down". In his amazement and fear of police abuse he complied, but unfortunately for him many of his fellow hashers observed the incident and hence forth and forever more in the world of hashing and in The White House Hash Alvin will be known as Put The Bitch Down.

As for the other circle happenings: For Sale Or Rentdrank for looking like a fashion statement in the newspaper. In fact she looked like Hillary, yuck. Spinal Tap was awarded a jacket to celebrate his 400 runs with White House. The brew crew #2, and Rude Boy drank for being late. The Killer B's drank just because they were Killer B's, SO WHAT.

Awarding Of The Hashit

The last order of uselessness was the awarding of the hashit. Low and Behold Fussy Bitch was actually present with the hashit. But as she was entering the circle with here badge of honor, she dropped the hash-it on the ground. Guess what, she was immediately re-nominated. In addition, Had A Madam was nominated for not knowing the name of a fellow hasher. Oral Retentative was nominated for not knowing that she was a GM. 3 Times A Lady was nominated for hickie of the week. F**king Pesto Chicken was nominated for not knowing he was a mystery hare. Finally, Bonnie Brewer was nominated for getting it last week but not having to carry it this week. An the winner is Bonnie Brewer, say there girl; fairness wins out, carry your trophy with dignity and honor. Shortly thereafter, the familiar theme of "Pots on the Ground", and the singing of swing low, and the traditional phrase of "Go In Piece" brought the circle to an end.

View from the ON ON ON

The On On On was held at Nick's, a strip mall joint near the circle on Pickett Street. Our group celebrated in the rear bar area. Pay Per View and F**king Pesto Chicken collected the 5 bucks for community beer. As far as food was concer ned we were on our own. Had A Madam was enjoying himself meeting all the new PYT's. Hawaiian Puke and John Handcock were also watching the ladies very carefully, ON ON you crazy guys. As the evening progresses For Sale Or Rent and the dancing fools were observed on the dance floor burning lots of calories, wasn't running the hash enough activity for one day? All in all it was a good gathering and the crowd seemed to really enjoy themselves. I hope the virgins were properly welcomed by members of the group, and that they come back soon. That's all for this Hash - I'm out of here now!!!

On On,
Big Bird Turd

RECEEDING HARELINE

3rd Annual St. Patti's Day Hash - Sunday, March 15 at 3:00 HASH #580
Hares: Black Box, Mellow Foreskin Cheese, Eat Me For Breakfast, and filling in for Thumper Pumper, Great Balls of Fire
Start and On On On: Mr. Day's Sport Bar in the alley that can be reached from either 18th or 19th Street, between L & M Streets, NW, in our beautiful nation's capital.
Reminder: Wear something green and arrive and sign in early! That means before 3:00. We have a limited number of really cool giveaways, which will be handed out first cum first served.

D-erections: From Virginia: Take either I66 East or Lee Highway East across Roosevelt Bridge to the E Street Expressway exit. From E Street, turn left on 18th Street. When you get to L Street, start looking for a parking space. Look for the deviants in the alley between L and M Streets that can be reached from either 18th or 19th Streets.
From Maryland or DC: Take Connecticut Avenue south past (i.e., under) Dupont Circle. Turn right onto M Street and start looking for a parking space. Look for the deviants in the alley between L and M Streets that can be accessed from either 18th or 19th Streets.
Metro: Take the Red Line to the Farragut North station. At the Connecticut and L exit, cross Connecticut and and walk down L Street. Turn right onto 18th Street. In the middle of the block turn left into the alley. OR Take the Orange & Blue Line to Farragut West station. Take the 18th Street exit and walk down 18th until you get to the alley between L and M. #580 March 15; St. Patrick's Hash, Eat Me For Breakfast, Black Box, Mellow Foreskin Cheese, & Thumper Pumper Location Mr. Days Sports Bar.

#581 March 22; Pussy Wipped, Dale City, VA
#582 March 29; Late Comer and A Mystery Hare
#583 April 5; #2, just Reed, & just Amy, Courthouse
#584 April 12; Drinks On Me Bud, & John Hand Cock, Great Falls, VA On-On-On Old Brogue
#585 April 19; Looking For Hares - Contact GBOF
#586 April 26; Mass Moonie Wedding Hash; Squidley Diddley, Keyless Entry, Perk-A-Set, Big Bord Turd, plus other engaged couples.
#587 May 3; Leisure Suit Larry and A Mystery Hare

WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR HARES. If interested, contact GBOF at 703-876-4772.

COMING EVENTS

March Full Moon Hash - March 14 SATURDAY NIGHT at 7:00 pm; Pub Crawl (There will be between 5 and 10 bar stops that will allow the pack time to sip some suds and shoot some bull) Cost $10.00 for beer and food, All of this is brought to you via Pussy Wipped and Crew. Start Location Dupont Circle at the fountain, ON-ON-ON will be at Foggy Bottom. See you there!!!!!!!!!

Philadelphia 1050 Run - March 21, 2:00. Cost $35, for info call the hotline at 610-486-6399

Beer Stop Party During Cherry Blossom 10 Miler - April 5 from 08:30-11:00 Sponsored by Hawaiian Puke (because he missed the race entry deadline). Come out and drink with the PUKE, details to follow.

April Full Moon Hash - April 10 at 7:00pm; Missing Link Special

Wagner Brothers Party - April 18th, Probably at Herb's, details to follow.

Vienna H3 777 Run - April 24-26. If interested see Spinal Tap or Hasher Humper

Washington DC H4 Weekend In The Mountains - April 25-26: In The Mountains. Staying at Canaan Valley Resort and Conference Center. The run will open for all DCH3 guests. Please sign up so details can be worked out. Rooms $41 single, $47 double. Info: 800-622-4121.

Mount Vernon H3 AGM - May 8-10; sketchy details - pub crawl Friday, AGM Hash Saturday, Party Saturday Night, Hangover Hash Sunday. Check website http://patriot.net/~djk/mvh3/ for details.

Pittsburg H3 800th Run - June 4-7 This should be a hash blowout of the first magnitude. Details to follow.

DC Harriers and Harriets DCH4 1000th Weekend - June 12-14; Location is the Washington D.C. Metro area. All hashers (near & far) are invited to participate in this hashing millennium event. More information on cost, registration, and other hash sh*t to follow. Fri, 12 June - #999 - a Washington (pre) monumental Hash Sat, 13 June - #1000 - country Hash in the Potomac, MD area, Sun14 June - #1001 - Dalmatian Hash (tentatively planned for inside the Beltway)

WH4 Yearly Pagan Party - Some time in June. To include a self help barn painting party, details to follow.

WH4 600th Run - July 24th (Saturday) 3:00pm, social gathering to follow, activities will include beer, food, dancing, socializing, and overall a damn good time. More details to follow.

Kuala Lumpur Extravaganza - September 24 - October 10 Drinks On Me, Bud is putting together a 3 week package for 25+ hashers to attend the Oktoberfest in Munich and other fun stuff before heading to the Interhash in Malaysia. See DOMB if you are interested.

Interhash '98 - October 2-4; The Mother Hash, Kuala Lumpur H3, hosts; Join hashers from around the world for the 60th Anniversary of Hashing! Contact Rob Stott, +60-3-618-5650; or mail Jo Doraisamy, PO Box 40, Ampang PO, Ampang, Malaysia 68000. Watergate has a cheap ticket for sale.

Back to the Hash Trash Index

(or to the non-table version of the trash index)