Date: March 15, 1998
Hares: Black Box, Mellow Foreskin Cheese, GBOF and md
Location: Mr Days Sports Bar, Alley and surrounding streets, Washington DC
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Below ATTENTION
smythe_andrew@birdengineering.com
Get your hash information electronically from the WH4 Receding Hareline and avoid the PUD JAM0 phone hassle. Contact GBOF via email (NOTE: THIS IS A NEW EMAIL ADDRESS) smythe_andrew@birdengineering.com to be added to the WH4 electron list (Submit First & Last Name, Your Hash Name (if you have one), and put "GBOF" in the subject line, make sure you send your email address).
We are in the process of updating the WH4 directory. If you want in contact Black Box ASAP, either in person or via email patti.thomas@ost.dot.gov. Please remember that it is your responsibility to get your info to Black Box, unless you make the effort now you will be whining about it later.
Well gang I was LATE, shame on me. From what I heard LOTS of you got there early and enjoyed yourselves with Alley Talk before Cyclops and Had A Madam called you all to circle. Rumor has it that John Hand Cock with help from Road Kill did a FUNNY and ENTERTAINING rendition of our old favorite "The Father Song". Good job boys, you set another standard of lowness that will take a lot of effort to bottom.
As for yours truly, Lucy and I arrived, after trying to find a parking spot close by, just in time to hear your whistles fad down some dark dirty alley. Next time maybe I should pay attention to the hash instructions. NO WAY; because I am stubborn, I am set in my ways, and I LOVE TO HASH; one out of 3 isn't all that bad.
Anyway, I quickly caught up with Pussy Whipped and a group of four others. Boy did he have a hang over from his Saturday Night Follies AKA the March Full Moon Pub Crawl. We walked for awhile in the George Washington Campus then as we were leaving I came upon Poop Deck, apparently he was a SCB and got caught. I decided to follow him so off Lucy and I went. Lucy really enjoyed this urban hash, lots of doggy smells. Well low and behold we came upon Hawaiian Puke and a gang of three and they were also lost in space, imagine that. We all joined up near an expressway underpass and from that point on it was a run to the Baileys Check.
Unfortunately Hawaiian Puke and I pulled as you were leaving; boy did we MISS OUT on a good thing. From that point on and during the remainder of the hash I was asking myself, "would Miss Black Box save any of the good stuff for us at the end", only time would tell. Hawaiian, Luci and I cut east toward Adams Morgan and finally we heard and saw all the wankers. Let me tell you, the GREEN wave from Tulane University was in DC this day. I was amazed how well you all looked in you Patties day outfits. The final phase of the run wandered from Adams Morgan to Mr Days Alley. Toward the end everyone recognized the location and short cutted the last part of the trail. And ON-IN we all were. I have two special additions to provide you with the REAL DEAL on the hash, take it away Mellow Foreskin Cheese and Black Box.
View from Big Blue
I like haring this run. Because Black Box decide that I am the most expendable hare (it has something to do with the fact that I am the slowest and also the most familiar with the neighborhood) I got to ride on Big Blue with the Beer Crew and Hurls from the Crypt. I didn't resist. Since we had announced that we were going to have both a beer check and a Bailey's check, both Road Kill and Yeast Injection were working this run. After we got in the truck, I told them that this was going to be much easier than they had thought since the beer check was back at the On In. They didn't complain.
We got to the designated spot at the park on S Street across from the Irish Ambassador's residence and set up the table with the Bailey's and water, and the cookies provided by considerately provided by the soon to be named Just Laura with plenty of time to spare. As we were standing around sampling the delicious Bailey's and cookies, one of the Executive Protective Service officers and passed us by with a mere glance. Soon the Pack led by Hyman Dickover came roaring up, tired and thirsty.
After everybody sated their palate and took off in search of the promised Beer Check, the fun began. As we were cleaning up, one of the neighbors walked by and inquired what we were doing. Upon being told that we were serenading the Irish Ambassador, they asked if we did that for all the ambassadors on that block.. Right! Just Laura said that "she would do anything" for a ride back with us since she was a little under the weather. She muttered something about not remembering much after bar #7 at the full m00n pub crawl the previous night. Since we all loved her cookies, we agreed and piled in Big Blue just in time to see our EPS officer cruise by once again. If he only knew what he had missed. On the ride back, Just Laura explained that it was her sixth run with us and that she had been promised by Blazing Straddle, who introduced her to hashing, that she wouldn't get named until the summer. Like previous hashers who suffer from the delusion that, if they don't do something that they think is stupid, they won't get named. Ignorance may be bliss, but it certainly is no guarantee against getting named.
As we pulled up to the intersection of Florida and Massachusetts, we saw Pussy Whipped, Kiel Bastard and a virgin crossing the street directly in from of us totally oblivious to the world and definitely too late to make the Bailey's check. After blowing Bib Blue's horn didn't get their attention, Road Kill yelling "Pussy" at the top of his lungs. This got their attention. It also got the attention of everybody else within a couple of blocks. After a brief conversation, all of us were on our way back to Mr. Days. We pulled into the alley from 18th street just as the FRB's, once again led by Hyman Dickover, reached 18th and M, and soon the beer and the leftover Bailey's were flowing.
On On,
Mellow Foreskin Cheese
View from the Rear
Haring experiences can sometimes be, well, hairy. That's what happened to us on Sunday when we went out to set the trail for the 3rd Anal St. Patti's Day Hash. We kept cumming across flour, hare's arrows, and BTs from the previous night's full mOOn pub crawl that Pussy Whipped set. While we already knew that the two runs would be in the same general area, we didn't realize how much of an overlap there would be. So that meant that we had to mark a lot of BTs that we hadn't anticipated doing, but then that's why I always hare with young, good looking, virile male hashers such as Eat Me for Breakfast, Great Balls of Fire, and Mellow Foreskin Cheese, so that there is someone other than me to run around setting all of the false trails. Plus they have to carry and throw the flour ensuring that I will continue to look pristine at the start of the run!
After we got out of the area that PW had marked, we were doing pretty well with the trail, until we came to a condo at Virginia and 25th Streets. As Eat Me was throwing flour through the parking lot adjacent to the condo, some stern-looking man stops me and asks what we are doing. With my brightest smile, I explain that we are setting trail for a run later in the day. Well, this man starts to lecture me on how this is private property, that no trespassing was allowed, that people running through the parking lot might damage the cars parked there, etc. Geez, buddy. Get a life! Of course, that didn't stop us (I mean, I did have my lawyer with me), and after some guy in a Lexus followed us while we were setting trail through the rather ritzy Kalorama area, GBOF came up with the idea to tell anyone who harrassed us that we were doing a St. Patrick's Day run for charity. The fact that the charity was a bunch of pathetic hashers in search of beer need not be divulged. Of course, once we got our stories straight, no body else bothered us.
Then, on the last third of the trail, we were running really low on flour, so we did a lot of chalk marks, and flour hand prints instead of handfuls of flour, hoping that we would have enough to finish the trail. Fortunately, as we got close to the end, we ran back into PW's trail, and made use of some of the flour that was left from the night before.
When we got back to Mr. Day's, it was just after 2:00 and we were amazed to find several hashers already in the bar waiting for the run to start. Just Chris and Just Laura (who would lose her "Just" status later on) were at the bar with Great Puck, discussing Just Chris's first and only adventure with the hash two weeks before when he twisted his ankle after getting so excited when he saw the "Beer Near" sign. Just Laura had baked some delicious looking cookies which we decided would be great at the Bailey's check. We then were joined by Just Jenn and Well Hung. Pretty soon, that lovely Irish lass, Blazing Straddle, arrived to handle the check-in with the able assistance of Missed Erections, and the line began to form as GBOF and I handed out mini beer mugs on a ribbon necklace to each person with the explanation that they needed to wear these during the run and use them at the Bailey's check. By 3:00 pm all of the 80 mugs were gone! Wow, these wankers were really taking the get-there-early message seriously! Good for you.
By 3:10, we were being lead in F'Abe by John Handcock who was sporting a very large green Bailey's Irish Cream top hot in honor of the occasion. The hares then announced that shamrocks were checks, Xs were false trails, and to pay particular attention to the color of the flour on trail--because of overlapping the full mOOn trail--and that the stuff we used was a sickly green. We also announced that there would be a Bailey's check and a beer check. We just didn't mention that the beer check would be back at the start. Hey you have to do these things to keep everyone from shortcutting when you are in the middle of the city and it is an A to A run!
Soon we were on trail. Out the alley, across 19th Street through another alley. At that point I realized I had forgotten to get a piece of chalk out of my car to mark trail, but assumed [and you know what happens when you ass/u/me] that Eat Me and GBOF had their own chalk and would be marking trail as we went. We went past a construction site, through more alleys, up 21st to the edge of the GWU campus. At this point, Screws Everybody sees Poop Deck on the other side of the street and gets a piece, of chalk, that is, from him so that she can mark trail. We then ran through the shops on Pennsylvania Avenue, much to the chagrin of the security guard, who I understand told some of the walkers behind us--Yankers Away, Milk Money, and Sperm with Interest--that they were not welcome to run through the place figuring they were terrorists or something, I guess.
After going through the GW campus and the parking lot of the aforementioned [Hey, I work for the government; we use big words like that.] condo without damaging any of the parked cars, thank you, the walkers caught up with the pack milling around a check across from the Watergate--not to be confused with our former GM of the same name, who was also being milled around. As several male hashers were heard asking Monica to cum out and play, we ran next to a stone wall over looking the Whitehurst Freeway, and then came across a construction site of a new entrance ramp to the freeway. While some wankers tried to go over the construction, including Had-A-Madam who turned his ankle in the process, true trail lead under the road, past some interesting trash including some well stained male briefs. We then hightailed it up 23rd with a BT down Massachusetts to the Irish Embassy, up the Spanish Steps to the much awaited Bailey's check.
When I arrived with the walkers, and after drinking a shot of Bailey's--OK, a few shots of Bailey's--I pointed out to the assembled crowd that we were actually stopped directly across the street from the Irish Ambassador's residence, and that it was only appropriate that we serenade him with an Irish song. Since our Songmeister hadn't made it yet to the check--I guess he got confused and was re-running the trail he set the night before--GBOF, in his brillant orange shirt, and I in my bright green lead the crowd in singing:
When Hasher eyes are smiling
It's cause beer is being poured.
In the middle of the down-downs,
G-BOF still tries to score.
While Hashers all are laughing,
All the virgins are in tears.
The Brew Crew works their butts off,
making sure we all have beers.
Some Hashers have been whining,
'cause the shiggy's really bad.
But our eyes are alllllways smiling,
Because Ha-a-shing ma-a-a-a-kes us glad.It was then On On and we sent the pack through the park, into some alleys, and down Connecticut Avenue to Florida. From there, they found their way to 19th Street, and low and behold some more alleys, where they caught up with the walkers who had taken a major short cut. By the time we got to N Street and Connecticut, everyone was cumming up to me and asking if they had missed the beer check. No, just keep going, and soon the "beer near" sign was spotted about a block from the alley leading to Mr. Day's. When everyone realized that the beer check and the end were one and the same, that they didn't have to do any more running and could just drink the beer and the rest of the Bailey's, smiles broke out everywhere. Of course, Cyclops made the hares drink for this purported transgression, anyway.
While we were waiting for the circle to start, Spits It Out came up to me with a beer cup full of Bailey's in one hand and the rest of a bottle of Bailey's in his other hand, and complimented me on my brew. I didn't see him at all after that. Hmmm. After the circle, I asked Road Kill if there was any of the 3 gallons of Bailey's left and he hiccupped and said no. So, for any of you interested in making your own batch, here is the receipe for St. Patti's Bailey's Irish Cream:
14 oz can sweetened condensed milk
1 pint whipping cream
2 whole eggs
1 T honey
1 T chocolate syrup
6 oz Canadian Club
Wisk together and refrigerate. Of course, taste testing is a must!On On,
Black Box
Soon the hash was called to circle up and the hares Black Box, Mellow Foreskin Cheese, GBOF, and Eat Me For Breakfast. The assembled mass was asked to answer that old question "What did you think of that run?" with the expected, and this time ABSOLUTELY accurate, answer: "What a Shitty run!". For this the hares drank and the sight was good. Next came the Virgins, there were so many that I ran out of paper recording their vitals:
| Name | Who Made Them Come | Temporary Hash Name |
|---|---|---|
| Caroline | On Her Own | Likes To Bite |
| Nancy | Susan | Finger Fondler |
| Heather #1 | Walked Out Door Got Caught Up | Immaculate Conception |
| Heather #2 | Harry | Two Inches |
| Frank-O | Karen | Little Wurst |
| David | Old Girl Friend | Cobweb Dick |
| Ed | Yankers Away | Georgio Armenia |
| Marie | Oral Gena | Tiger Tongue |
| John | Gregg | Dupont Duo |
After the virgins showed the crowd how to chug one for the hash, the visitors were called forward. This weeks visitor was Major Private Tickler from Austin. He drank well for the gathered masses.
There was a naming, Just Laura Moore was brought forward. We were told: she would do anything for money, that she knew how to toss her cookies, and most of all we were told she loved Baileys "CREAMY". The recommended names included: 1. Irish Creamer, 2. Sleezey Rider, 3. Non Dairy Creamer, 4. Cookie Monster, 5. Cookies & Cream, 6. Betty Crotcher, and 7. The Green Drip. After mush deliberation, hence forth and forever more in the world of hashing and within the White House Hash she will be known as:
There were LOTS of violations; Road Kill, Hungry For Heap, Heymen Dickover, Heather #2, Nancy, Pussy Wipped, Screws Everbody, Bad Dog, and Bad Dog again. Will no on neuter that BAD DOG!!!!!
The last order of uselessness was the awarding of the hashit the nominees included, 1. No Butts No Glory for no real nomination, 2. Mellow Foreskin Cheese for Carrying a TV on trail, 3. Joe Camel for wanting to be an FRB. And the winner is the Camel man, you may not have been a true FRB but you GOT the hashit. Wear it in peace. Shortly thereafter, the familiar theme of "Pots on the Ground", and the singing of swing low, and the traditional phrase of "Go In Piece" and "Get A Piece" brought the circle to an end.
The On On On was held at Mr Days. I had a great time and the pizza and beer were ok. For the TRUE skinny on the event ask Mellow Foreskin Cheese, he's the guy in the know. Good Bye I'm Out Of Here.
On on,
Big Bird Turd
WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR HARES. If interested, contact GBOF at 703-876-4772.
Philadelphia 1050th Run - March 21, 2:00. Cost $35, for info call the hotline at 610-486- 6399.
Beer Stop Party During Cherry Blossom 10 Miler - April 5 from 08:30-11:00 Sponsored by Hawaiian Puke (because he missed the race entry deadline). Come out and drink with the PUKE, details to follow.
April Full Moon Hash - April 10 at 7:00pm; Missing Link & Full Metal Balls Special. In Springfield area.
Wagner Brothers Party - April 18th, Probably at Herb's, details to follow.
Vienna H3 777th Run - April 24-26. If interested see Spinal Tap or Hasher Humper
Mount Vernon H3 AGM - May 8-10; sketchy details - pub crawl Friday, AGM Hash Saturday, Party Saturday Night, Hangover Hash Sunday. Check website http://patriot.net/~djk/mvh3/ for details.
Pittsburg H3 800th Run - June 4-7 This should be a hash blowout of the first magnitude. Details to follow.
DCH4 (DC Harriers and Harriets Hash) 1000th Weekend - June 12-14; Location is the Washington D.C. Metro area. All hashers (near & far) are invited to participate in this hashing millennium event. More information on cost, registration, and other hash sh*t to follow. Fri, 12 June - #999 - a Washington (pre) monumental Hash Sat, 13 June - #1000 - country Hash in the Potomac, MD area, Sun14 June - #1001 - Dalmatian Hash (tentatively planned for inside the Beltway).
WH4 Yearly Pagan Party - Some time in June. To include a self help barn painting party, details to follow.
WH4 600th Run - July 25th (Saturday) 3:00pm, social gathering to follow, activities will include beer, food, dancing, socializing, and overall a damn good time. More details to follow.
Octoberfest & Kuala Lumpur Extravaganzav - September 24 - October 10 Drinks On Me Bud is putting together a 3 week package for 25+ hashers to attend the Oktoberfest in Munich and other fun stuff before heading to the Interhash in Malaysia. See DOMB if you are interested. He has an AWSOME package for the whole thing!!
Interhash '98 - October 2-4; The Mother Hash, Kuala Lumpur H3, hosts; Join hashers from around the world for the 60th Anniversary of Hashing! Contact Rob Stott, +60-3-618-5650; or mail Jo Doraisamy, PO Box 40, Ampang PO, Ampang, Malaysia 68000. Registration is now $215 US (give or take a dollar for postage etc), to late for a cost reduction you last minute wankers.