Date: March 22, 1998
Hares: Pussy Whipped, Bad Dog & TBOS
Location: Dale City, and The Surrounding Mud and Tunnels
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Horse Thompson, who was one of the original joint masters in KL (Gispert was Secretary), is convinced that the term "Hashing" was first used in Johor Bahru, Malaysia, in about 1932. Everyone is convinced, though, that 'G' coined the name "Hash House Harriers", in fond reference to the dining hall at the Selangor Club. The date of the first run is in dispute. Magic Hughes' book, "ON ON", says "One early Friday evening, towards the end of 1938, Gispert's persistence finally paid off. He at last managed to convince some of his friends to go out and run on his inaugural paper trail." Other authorities cited in Magic's book say the first run was on a Saturday in February of 1938, and Torch Bennett, another original member, is pretty sure it was in late 1938, probably September. Words Passed Along From The Spinal Man, "Moral To The Story", History Helps Understanding!!!
Well gang I was LATE again, shame on me. This hash trash job is cuffing into my drinking, and sleeping time WHAT A BUMMER. It seems that I am always coming into the office to put the words of the hash gospel down on Sunday afternoon. Guess what, this takes LOTS of time to get straight, as so many of you CONSTANTLY remind me. Anyway it is now early Sunday morning and I have made myself a promise to an example for the hash be EARLY this week. Lets see what happens. More to follow. Anyway I will do my "late" best to relate the saga of last weeks muddy tunnel hash in the woods to you all, here goes.
The group was called to circle and all of the Humper kids came forward and sang our warm up special song "Father Abraham". From what I heard they did a great job and everyone was warm inside and out. Pussy Whipped and Bad Dog then gave everyone the final instructions. They warned the group about the perils ahead and informed everyone that there were two options; the wimps could go on the short trail and only get a little wet, a little muddy and a little cold. Everyone else was warned that they would get Very wet, Very muddy, and Very cold. After some confusion Blazing Stradles and John Hand Cock lead the group off in the right direction. Cyclops and For Sale Or Rent were wandering along and were the first ones to get really Muddy going down the hill side into the creek area.
After the group crossed the new highway and fumbled with the markings for some time, they finally discovered that hash lead to a tunnel entrance. Not everyone had the guts to go into the tunnel from hell. This tunnel had 2 drops, the first 18 inches the second almost five feet. If you did not have a flashlight you were s**ewed. The remaining hashers who did not cross under the highway via the tunnel, trekked over the sloppy and muddy terrain to reach the other side of the hillside. Apparently the groups came together and were off again.
After the group crossed (over or under whichever was their choice) I came across the tunnel (I had no flashlight so I thought - what the hell); as I entered I saw a light at the end of the tunnel. Well guess what it was Slip Knot he was considering coming back and crossing over the top. I said "hey Slip lets do it" and off we went. We had to carry each other down the 5 foot drop, but together we made it. What a shitty tunnel, but deep inside I was thinking "what great hashing this was".
The trail wandered up an embankment and over into a muddy wooded area. As I came down a hill I ran into Bad Dog and Rude Boy. Bad Dog was sweeping and he really appeared to be enjoying all the misery he was inflicting on the unsuspecting group. After a few words Rude Boy and I were off, we wander through the woods and across a couple of wet and muddy river crossings. Both of which we accomplished by crawling over rotting old logs. Finally we came upon Pay Per View and a group of Humper Hashers. They were lost and after some time we were all lost. Finally after a period of mass confusion we stumbled onto true trail.
After wandering through underbrush and cutting back and forth across pine tree branched we came upon the beer van. #2 and his lovely new brew mistress told me that the gang had not stayed long and were off to the left. I grabbed a brew, quickly enjoyed it and off I went. Shortly, I came upon another Humper Hasher (I really don't know many of their names), we ran together for awhile. Our journey lead us up a path and alongside some homes in the woods. We then turned west and began a downward trek into a deeply wooded area. This journey had us once again dodging pine tree branches and shiggy. I came across another group of hashers (about 6 this time) who were slowly crossing this hazard.
After another 10 minutes or so of mud and shiggy, I had caught up with the main pack just as we came upon our old familiar tunnel, this time the back entrance. There were two choices, go through "the tunnel from hell" or go over. For once I was smart, the main group went through and I went over. After lots of mud, that was the penalty for going over the tunnel, I met up with the other group. We all told a few war stories and then off we went. It was about a 1/4 mile to the finish, we passed the same road construction area and mud that we experienced on our way out. Thank goodness it was over. Many of us irnmediately went to our cars and began the process of getting out of our muddy wet outfits.
Since our Ms Black Box did not show and the trail was so shi**y, we have no "official" view from the rear. But since I was late and had to move up from the rear to the front. I can tell you it was MUDDY, WET and COLD in the REAR in the MIDDLE and in the FRONT.
After changing out of wet clothes, have some time to chat with White House & Humper friends, and finally drinking some brew; the hash was called to circle. Cyclops and Spinal Tap called for the hares Pussy Whipped and TBOS came forward, but alas where was the Bad Dog our third hare?? This was his FIRST ever hare day job, could we proceed without him - O H*ll yes. After some brainy deliberations we decided that when he finally comes in we would do it again. So let the proceedings continue. The assembled mass was then asked to answer that old question of "What did you think of that run?". And as all hashers have come to understand the age old response of "What a Shitty run!" sprang forth from the group. But in this case it was ABSOLUTELY true. For this our 2 out of 3 hares drank, and the sight was good. Next came the Virgins, their vitals are listed below:
| Name | Who Made Them Come | Temporary Hash Name |
|---|---|---|
| Rosemary | Bramble Bush | Sugar & Spice |
| Jona | Lawrence | Out Of The Mouth Of Wales |
| Kim #1 | NJ Milkey Ken | Toxic Waste |
| Alex | Hot Lips Holahan | Mash Me |
| Kim (Light) | Hot Lips Holahan | Linda Tripp |
| Rob | Perverted Pumper & Two Fisted | Group Sex |
| Christian | Perverted Pumper & Two Fisted | Hand Job |
After the virgins showed the crowd how to chug one for the hash. The visitors were called forward. This weeks visitor were Yesterday from California and a motley crew from the Hockessin Hash House Harriers in Delaware. The crew from Hockessin H3 included Querry Balls, Southern Comfort, and Glow Balls. Welcome you Blue Hen Wankers. The Blue Hens were GREAT, they REALLY held up the visitors drinking tradition and for that showing of hash spirit all the visitory were told they could kept their souvenier mugs courtesy of the White House Hash. Drink in piece brothers, and get a piece brothers. We had several violations, (just) *Chris and (just) Peter for head wounds acquired on trail and a whole group of folks for tunnel stupidity.
We also had some namings:
Great fun was had by all in the process. All of the Humpers got head bands for the naming and they all drank like hash champions.
Our last order of uselessness was the awarding of the hashit; the nominees included, NO ONE. Once again the last hashit wanker did not show and the award was postponed for another week. Joe Camel you messed Up, the hash trash never forgets. Will you show this week or will you continue to NOT GIVE A S**t about our traditions. No pressure guy. Shortly thereafter, the familiar theme of "Pots on the Ground", and the singing of swing low, and the traditional phrase of "Go In Piece" and "Get A Piece" brought the circle to an end.
The On On On was held at Carlos O'Kelleys. This upscale TEXMEX place was yet another of those monolithic strip malls within Dale City. It was also VERY hard to find for us Northern Virginians, but once there we all enjoyed the atmosphere, food and company of our hash friends. The NCAA basketball games also amuzed the crowd as we enjoyed the fluid refreshments that Carlo's place had to offer. I had 3 of the soft shell tacos that were on special for $1 each, they were actually good, not a lot of grease. The gang stayed for several hours then things wound down and our hash affair was over for another week. What in store this week???
On On,
Big Bird Turd
#583 April 5; Daylight Savings Hash, #2, Oust) Reed, & Qust) Amy,
Courthouse
#584 April 12; Drinks On Me Bud, & John Hand Cock, Goomba, and
Wilburrrrrrrrrr, Great Falls, VA On- On-On Old Brogue
#585 April 19; Looking For Hares - Contact GBOF
#586 April 26; Mass Moonie Wedding Hash; Squidley Diddley, Keyless
Entry, Perk-A-Set, Big Bird Turd, Screws Everyone, and Poop Deck, Jimi
Hendrix, OralGina, Perkey, and Qust) John..
#587 May 3; Fourth Anal Sexo de Mayo Hash; Leisure Suit Larry, Yellow
Pants, and One No Trump; Reston VA
#588 May10; Fussy Bitch & (just) Jenn, Location Vienna Metro parking
garage, north side
#589 May 17; Wine (not whine) Hash; Spits It Out & Trouser Snake
#590 May 24; LAST SUNDAY HASH FOR THE SEASON HASH; looking for hares see
GBOF
#591 May 25; Memorial Day/Naval Hash Monday 3:00 pm; Squidley Didley, &
Keyless Entry
WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR HARES. If interested, contact GBOF at 703-876-4772.
Philadelphia 1050th Run - March 21, 2:00. Cost $35, for info call the hotline at 610-486-6399.
Beer Stop Party During Cherry Blossom 10 Miler - April 5 from 08:30-11:00 Sponsored by Hawaiian Puke (because he missed the race entry deadline). Come out and drink with the PUKE, details to follow.
April DC Full Moon Hash - This will be the Easter Bunny Run. Friday, April 10 at 7 pm. Hares are Missing Link and Full Metal Balls. START Location: Key Intermediate School, Franconia Road, Springfield, VA; DIRECTIONS: Take 1-395 South to Exit #169 and head East on Franconia Road (towards the mall for you ladies), or Take 1-95 North to Springfield, exit at the Springfield METRO, turn left on Loisdale and right on Franconia Road. Then proceed for about a mile, passing the mall, the Silver Diner, the old folks home and Lee High School. Look for Key Intermediate School on the left. ON ON ON: will be at the Port of Italy on Franconia road just east of Springfield Mall.
Wagner Brothers Party - Saturday April 25th, Location - Herb's 8:00 pm to whenever?, see Mellow Foreskin Cheese for details.
Vienna H3 777th Run - April 24-26. If interested see Spinal Tap or Hasher Humper
Hockessin H3 169th Run - Saturday April 25 their 3 year anniversary; Boothwyn PA, see the other Bill Wagner Mellow Foreskin Cheese for details and Flyer.
Mount Vernon H3 AGM - May 8-10; sketchy details - pub crawl Friday, AGM Hash Saturday, Party Saturday Night, Hangover Hash Sunday. Check website hffp://patriot.net/~djk/mvh3/ for details.
May DC Full Moon Hash - Saturday May l6th at 6:00 pm; Hares Great Balls of Fire, Bark-A-Dildo, Stool Sample & Qust) Kyle; Location at the lake across from Falls Church H.S., Jaguar Trail Falls Church VA.
Dewey Beach H3 Memorial Day Run (and campin trip) - Sunday May 24th, Location - Cape Henlopen State Park, Rehoboth, DE; see Eat It Raw or Mellow Foreskin Cheese for details.
Pittsburg H3 800th Run - June 4-7 This should be a hash blowout of the first magnitude. Details to follow.
DCH4 (DC Harriers and Harriets Hash) 1000th Weekend - June 12-14; Location is the Washington D.C. Metro area. All hashers (near & far) are invited to participate in this hashing millennium event. More information on cost, registration, and other hash sh*t to follow. Fri, 12 June - #999 - a Washington (pre) monumental Hash Sat, 13 June - #1000 - country Hash in the Potomac, MD area, Sun 14 June - #1001 - Dalmatian Hash (tentatively planned for inside the Beltway).
WH4 Yearly Pagan Party - Some time in June. To include a self help barn painting party, details to follow.
WH4 600th Run - July 25th (Saturday) 3:00pm, social gathering to follow, activities will include beer, food, dancing, socializing, and overall a damn good time. More details to follow.
Octoberfest & Kuala Lumpur Extravaganza - September 24- October 10 Drinks On Me Bud is puffing together a 3 week package for 25+ hashers to attend the Oktoberfest in Munich and other fun stuff before heading to the Interhash in Malaysia. See DOMB if you are interested. He has an AWSOME package for the whole thing!!
Interhash '98 - October 2-4; The Mother Hash, Kuala Lumpur H3, hosts; Join hashers from around the world for the 60th Anniversary of Hashing! Contact Rob Stoff, +60-3-618-5650; or mail Jo Doraisamy, P0 Box 40, Ampang P0, Ampang, Malaysia 68000. Registration is now $215 US (give or take a dollar for postage etc), too late for a cost reduction you last minute wankers.