Date: April 12, 1998
Hares: Wilbur, Drinks On Me Bud, John Handcock, & Goomba
Location: Great Falls & The Old Brogue
Get your hash information electronically from the WH4 Receding Hareline and avoid the PUD JAM0 phone hassle. Contact GBOF via email at (NOTE THIS IS A NEW EMAIL ADDRESS) smythe_andrew@birdengineering.com to be added to the WH4 electron list (Submit First & Last Name, Your Hash Name [if you have one], and put "GBOF" in the subject line, make sure you send your email address).
Well gang I was early this week, only because the hash was late getting started. Boy did we have a GREAT turnout for an Easter Sunday hash. The start location was the front yard of another, not me, WAGNER (Chris a Great Falls Hasher). The weather was perfect and the beer van was there early. It was a VERY festive day from the very start. I observed lots of hashers enjoying the suds EARLY. Some of the friendly wankers included GBOF, Black Box, Fussy Bitch, Goomba, Blazing Straddles, Dr Srrangelove, Dial-O-For Blow, Vominatrix, Missed Erections, 3 Times A Lady, John Handcock, Had-A-Madam, Noah's Arc, Barkadildo, Harem Scarem, Bramble Bush, Hymen Dickover, Betty Crotcher, Bonnie Brewer, Cheese Spread, Mellow Foreskin Cheese, Pussy Whipped, For Sale Or Rent, Cyclops, Yankers Away, Hasher Humper, Hawaiian Puke, Spinal Tap and #2.
There were LOTS of cutsie Easter Bonnets adorning the heads of sexual overactive wankers, well we will save the bonnet thing for the apres hash contest portion of the trash. After some time (we were really late getting started; but with the location, weather and holiday spirit present in the group WHO CARED) Cyclops and Spinal Tap called the group to circle. After SOME EFFORT the group FINALLY circled up and Hawaiian Puke lead us in a spirited Father Abraham. Shortly after Circles are checks and X's are bad trails we were off down the trail into the woods and enjoying the country air of Great Falls. Very quickly, we were stuck on a check, Harem Scarem a group went down one trail and Hawaiian Puke and company were down another. After some time we all finally figured out the trail was straight on, and on we went.
The first half of the trail was LONG with lots of water, shiggy and mud. I finally stopped looking for dry areas to cross the streams, that was a good idea because I would have wasted a lot of time otherwise. Lucy had a ball swimming and running through the water areas, she really enjoys a good water bath (Bad Dog take notice of the fact that a little water and soap will do wonders for body odor). The MAJOR event on the first half was the disastrous fall by Had A Madam, he was helped from the playing field by the humper name Dickey Doo, thanks guy. Our beer stop was at the home Fred Dibbs, thanks Fred.
The second half started with a quiet walk beside a horse grazing area, didn't want to disturb the horses. We then wandered through lots of wood, water and finally we back in. Black Box has all the good scoop below.
View From the Rear
In Your Easter Bonnet......
Hippity Hop Hop, Hippity Hop, Look at Wilburrrr Go......For me, the day started out with a big surprise. No, not THAT, unfortunately! I have a cement goose statue out in front of my house, and when I went outside, I found a beautifully dyed Easter egg under her butt! Either she laid it or the Easter Bunny was in my neighborhood. For sure, this foretold later events of the day. But I get ahead of myself (did someone say "head"?).
Mellow Foreskin Cheese and I arrived at the hash just in time to see the dozens of "orphaned" hashers on this beautiful Easter Sunday arriving in their Easter finery. OK, maybe this isn't quite what your Mother had in mind when she used to get you a new outfit for Easter, but since prizes were being given for the best head, or was that head gear, and the best tail, creative juices were in full force. I was resplendent in all pink with matching bonnet, but I particularly liked the frog on Drinks on Me, Bud's head who was ready to have safe sex with any sweet thing that came along. Hasher Humper was wearing a long snout, which, by the looks of it, had given her a great deal of pleasure, and Missed Erection's purple marshmellow bunnies were soooo tempting that Eat Me for Breakfast decided to do just that. Of course, the prize for most outstanding costume went to--no surprise, here--Hyman Dickover, wearing another dress, of course, but this time covered in woolly fuzzy balls. I don't know if he was trying to be a rabbit; frankly, he looked more like a wolf in sheep's clothing. What really scares me is, what did this guy do for excuses for his dress style before he hashed?
As "circle up" was being called by Cyclops and the near nekid Spinal Tap, I decided that for once I could leave my car unlocked with the top down. I mean, there were not one but two Porsches, including John Handcock's brand new silver beauty, parked right in front of me. I figured if any cars were going to be stolen this day, it wouldn't be mine. Not to mention that we were in a very upscale neighborhood, although we were starting in front of a house with "Wagner" on the mail box. Not any of the Wagners I know, that's for sure.
The hares explained that at each check there would be hidden eggs to find, and there would be prizes at the end for the most eggs, although the harriettes were informed that ovaries were excluded. There was also going to be a separate walkers' trail led by co-hare, Drinks on Me, Bud. When the pack took off down the road to the left, DOM,B led the 20 or so walkers to the right, past some chickens, who he said were the source of the eggs on trail--yeah, right--and some really cute little goats. Since I was walking right behind him for most of the trail, it was a very interesting view, as the rest of the hash would decide during the best male tail contest. We followed a path into the woods and across a stream. As it turned out, we were doing the last part of the runners' trail backwards. We then went up the hill, across another stream, down the hill, and up again to a check point. There DOM,B announced that there were three hidden eggs to find. Geez, you would have thought that these were buried treasure the way everyone started scattering. I went to the left and spotted a blue egg. Fussy Bitch went to the right found another one, and so did Bonnie Brewer. Bonnie and I opened ours to find "ribbed and sensitive condoms for ma' lady's pleasure" inside. FB's only had candy, and she REALLY tried hard to convince Bonnie and myself that she, not us, could use the condoms. Thanks. My ego needed that.
We followed trail down a hill to a pasture with horses, and then out to a street, where we came upon another check, but alas, the hares had run out of eggs by this point, so none were to be found. We then followed DOM,B through a path covered with hay and horse droppings. Eat It Raw and I were delicately dancing around these lovely road apples, deciding that these would not be nice to track into our cars or onto the rugs at our homes.
We then saw Shitty Shitty Bang Bang (the newly named beer van) and Wheredafukrwe, being ably assisted by Bramble Bush who claimed to have reinjured herself at the full mOOn hash on Friday, but who really decided to drink instead of run. We had arrived just before the pack and indulged in some chocolate Easter candy that several of the walkers so graciously brought. Pretty soon the pack showed up. Missed Erections and Heat Seeking Moisture Missile proudly showed us the eggs that Moisture Missile had found on trail. Since MM commented how difficult it was to run carrying eggs, I offered to tote them in my basket the rest of the way. Sucker! I made the same offer to Pussy Whipped, but he was afraid I wouldn't give them back and he said he needed the condoms. Pussy Whipped grabbed a beer (and lord knows what else) and joined Bonnie Brewer, Missed E, MM and I. We then began discussing how much PW looked liked Jesus. Bonnie then goes up to him, rubs him just right, and announces that he has risen! A second cumming perhaps?
About this time, we heard that Had-A-Madam had had quite a trip himself on trail, and needed to be rescued, so Wilburrr jumped in his truck and headed out (did someone say "head"?) to find him. We found out later that H-A-M had torn some ligaments in his leg. Slot Machine mentioned that Physical Terrorist, who is actually a physical therapist specializing in sports injuries, had stopped to help out but that everything she told H-A-M to do was contradicted by that famous sports doctor, Wilburrrr. To add insult to injury, H-A-M also lost his car keys on trail. Do I have to remind you that this guy is blonde?
As "On On" was called to leave the beer check, DOM,B again lead the walkers, who by now had increased at least two fold (does that sound like a biblical reference?). As we were passing the Easter dinner crowd at Chez Francois, Eat It Raw mentioned that she had tried to make a reservation there but it is so popular that she couldn't get through on the telephone. Since she was wearing gray tights, a pink bunny tail, and shower cap decorated with another pink bunny and eggs, I suggested that she might want to stop in to the restaurant and make her reservation in person. She said she would try the phone again.
It wasn't long before we were back at the start and the beer was flowing. Just as I was enjoying that wonderful dark brew, RoadMap came up to me and asked if I had a bandaid, and I looked down and his hand was covered in blood! Yuck! He said he wasn't worried so much about the cut but his beer mug kept slipping out of his hand. Good to know his priorities. Anyway, we poured beer on the wound--no this was not alcohol abuse--and got him patched up. At least he didn't have to go to the hospital like others we know.
As "circle up" was called, I sat on the grass with Friggin' In the Riggin', Bonnie Brewer, Fussy Bitch, and Finger Lickin' Good eating jelly beans, drinking beer, and discussing what a great trail this had been. Fussy Bitch came in second or third on best female tail, although she claimed to be the best one of the group. Hmmm. When the contest for collecting most eggs was called, Bonnie Brewer and I grabbed FB's eggs--the one she found and the three chalk eggs that she had brought with her--and put them in our basket with the three from Moisture Missile and proudly showed them to Wilburrrr. Tick Cock alleged to have collected 6 eggs on his own, but we had 9, even though John Handcock didn't think we should count the chalk eggs. Wilburrr told me that he liked my ingenuity, and decided that with the 6 "legitimate" eggs, we at least tied with Tick Cock, so we got one of the prizes--a really cool gold egg with a white fuzzy bunny and some candy inside. I did the honorable thing and returned MM's eggs to him and gave him the jelly beans that were part of our prize. FB got the golden egg, although THAT would have been more appropriate for my goose. Of course, I kept the bunny. Bonnie ended up with a pitcher of beer, so she was happy.
The On On On was at the Old Brogue and was great!!! Thanks to DOM,B for having us there. Also the rabbit stew in addition to being totally and completely politically incorrect was wonderful.
Thatttttsssss alllllll folkkkssss. Black Box
After enjoying the Easter Bonnets, changing out of WET shoes and socks, and Drinking some brew the circle was called to order. Spinal Tap then called the hares forward, sheepfully Drinks On Me Bud, Wilbur, John Handcock, and Goomba wandered into the circle, with their hats of the day showing. The assembled mass was then asked to answer that old question of "What did you think of that run?". And as all hashers have come to understand the age old response of "What a Shitty run!" sprang forth from the group. After some solemn deliberation Cyclops asked for a song and the hares drank, and the sight was good. Next came the Virgins, their vitals are listed below:
| Name | Who Made Them Come | Temporary Hash Name |
|---|---|---|
| Mary Ellen | Drinks On Me Bud | Watch Your Ass |
| Kerry | Goomba | Up To His Elbow |
| Chip | Susan (Her Sister) | Burning Bush |
| Tom | Vominatrix | Blows Chunks |
| Steve | Fornicator | Mr Clean Jeans |
The song meister than led the group in "Alla Zumma, Zumma", and then they drank for the their Virgin Honor, it was a good sight and they did well. Welcome Virgins, come often. Next the visitors were called forward. This weeks visitor were Weenie from WH3, and Bare Back from Over The Hump, Water Prick from Olaha H3, and GoZo BoZo from Tunisia. We filled their complimentary WH4 Beer Mugs and the Song Meister lead us in "Sally In The Alley" and they drank like true visiting hashers, with spirit and speed.
Next were the contests. The first contest was the special category where LUCY Dog beat out the feathered Hyman Dickover. Next was best bonnet, Haberdasher won for showing her boobs, Missed Erections and Bramble Bush followed her. Next was best men's tail Blazing Straddles was the judge for this one, the winner going away was Drinks On Me Bud, followed by Champagne Charlie and Rocks. The ladies tail category was a political decision and GOOMBA selected Fly The Friendly Thighs and Sticky Lips (a tie), followed by Fussy Bitch and Betty Crocker. For the final event, we called Tony forward because he is leaving for Guatemala, Spinal gave him the temporary name of Venereal Disease, and he drank wee. Wish you the best Tony.
In closing I would like to thank Missed Erections for coming again. I would also like to single out this week's special character, Soggy Oreo Bitch (SOB) , thanks for coming to last weeks hash, we really enjoy your appearance, even with you obnoxious attitude at the On-On-On site. It is always a pleasure to write people like you in the trash. There is no doubt that without people like you the hash wouldn't be the same. But it might be fun to try it without you, no really you are a blast and nice addition to our friendly gathering. Go Girl Go.
Normally our last order of uselessness is the awarding of the hashit; well because of the time it took for the TAIL show we had no hashit thing this week - SEE YOU NEXT WEEK MR or MS Hashit person whomever you are. Shortly thereafter, the familiar theme of "Pots on the Ground", and the singing of swing low, and the traditional phrase of "Go In Piece" and "Get A Piece" brought the circle to an end.
The On On On was held at The Old Brogue. What a deal Mr. Budman put on for us. The FOOD was TASTY, the DRINKS was PLEANTIFUL, and the ATMOSPHERE was FESTIVE. WE started on the back patio then began an inside takeover, well after 9 the last wankers called it quits and the hash was over for another week.
On On,
Big Bird Turd
#586 April 26; Mass Moonie Wedding Hash; Squidley Diddley, Keyless Entry, Perk-A-Set, Big Bird Turd,
Screws Everyone, and Poop Deck, Jimi Hendrix, OralGina, Perkey, and (just) John. In Old Town Alexandria.
On-On-On - Murphy's Grand Irish Pub, 713 King Street, Old Town Alexandria.
#587 May 3; Fourth Anal Sexo de Mayo Hash; Leisure Suit Larry, Yellow Pants, and One No Trump; Reston
VA; On-On-On - South Of The Border, Reston Parkway.
#588 May10; Fussy Bitch & Raise My Titanic, Location Vienna Metro parking garage, south side
#589 May 17; Wine (not whine) Hash; Spits It Out & Trouser Snake; West Falls Church Metro Station. On-On-
On - Tyson's Corner (?).
#590 May 24; Last Sunday / Rajin' Cajun Safari (away) Hash; Ragin' Cajun & Yeast Injection.
#591 May 25; Memorial Day/Naval Hash Monday 3:00 pm; Squidley Didley, & Keyless Entry
#592 June 1; Looking Fore Hares
#593 June 8; Looking For Hares
#594 June 15; The Multiple Bill Wagner Birthday Hash; Big Bird Turd, Mellow Foreskin Cheese, Heymen
Dickover, plus a mystery hare.
WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR HARES. If interested, contact GBOF at 703-876-4772.
Wagner Brothers Party - April 25 - The Wagner Brothers invite you to their 7th Annual Spring Bash Saturday April 25, 1998 8:00pm - until??? Herb's Restaurant & Downstairs Ballroom (Governor's House Hotel 1615 Rhode Island Ave. Washington, D.C. 202-333-4372) Enter through Hotel Lobby (Rhode Island Ave., NW, Between 16th and 17th) PRICE DETAILS: $2.00 16-OZ DOMESTIC DRAFTS: $3.00 16-OZ MICRO/PREMIUM DRAFTS: $3.00 RAIL DRINKS & WINE: (All drink prices include tax and tip): LIGHT HORS D'OEUVRES - Music by Gene Pool Zombies and DJ Greg Martin - $5.00 Donation Requested (Limited Valet Parking) Questions? Contact Jerry at 703-631-2882 or jcwags@tidalwave.net or Bill at (H) 703-527-4122, (W) 202- 366-9349, or Bill.Wagner@ost.dot.govSaturday
Vienna H3 777th Run - April 24-26. If interested see Spinal Tap or Hasher Humper
Hockessin H3 169th Run - Saturday April 25 their 3 year anniversary; Boothwyn PA, see the other Bill Wagner Mellow Foreskin Cheese for details and Flyer.
Mount Vernon H3 AGM - May 8-10; sketchy details - pub crawl Friday, AGM Hash Saturday, Party Saturday Night, Hangover Hash Sunday. Check website http://patriot.net/~djk/mvh3/ for details.
May DC Full Moon Hash - The next full mOOn hash will be Saturday, May 16 at 7 p.m. This is the "You Do Know How to Whistle, Don't You?" hash. The hash will be hared by Great Balls of Fire, his Evil Twin, Stool Sample, and Bark-A-Dildo and will start at the party room at "The Cove," 7606 Lakeside Village Drive, Falls Church, VA. The cost is $12 for the run and the On On On. Directions: (#1) From wherever you are, get on the Beltway (I-495) and make your way towards Virginia. Take the Arlington Boulevard exit (Exit #8) and head east towards Arlington. At the first light, make a right onto Jaguar Trail. You'll see a lake almost immediately on your left. The Cove, which is the party room overlooking the lake, is located on the left about 100 yards after turning off Route 50. You may park along Jaguar Trail, Marc Drive [in front of Falls Church High School], or even better, park in the High School parking lot and walk the forty yards to the start. You may NOT park on Lakeside Village Drive, so don't even think about it. (#2) If you don't want to take the beltway, you can just jump on Route 50 in Arlington and head west. Jaguar Trail is the last light on Arlington Blvd before the Beltway, about two miles west of Seven Corners and just past Loehman's Plaza. There is a large bus stop with a stupid looking blue roof on the left side of the intersection. Make a left onto Jaguar Trail, and follow the above directions. BTW, the answer, for you Lauren Bacall fans, is: "You Just Put Your Lips Together and Blow."
Dewey Beach H3 Memorial Day Run (and campin trip) - Sunday May 24th, Location - Cape Henlopen State Park, Rehoboth, DE; see Eat It Raw or Mellow Foreskin Cheese for details.
Pittsburg H3 800th Run - June 4-7 This should be a hash blowout of the first magnitude. Details to follow.
DCH4 (DC Harriers and Harriets Hash) 1000th Weekend - June 12-14; Location is the Washington D.C. Metro area. All hashers (near & far) are invited to participate in this hashing millennium event. More information on cost, registration, and other hash sh*t to follow. Fri, 12 June - #999 - a Washington (pre) monumental Hash Sat, 13 June - #1000 - country Hash in the Potomac, MD area, Sun14 June - #1001 - Dalmatian Hash (tentatively planned for inside the Beltway).
WH4 Yearly Pagan Party - Some time in June. To include a self help barn painting party, details to follow.
WH4 600th Run - July 25th (Saturday) 3:00pm, social gathering to follow, activities will include beer, food, dancing, socializing, and overall a damn good time. More details to follow.
Octoberfest & Kuala Lumpur Extravaganza - September 24 - October 10 Drinks On Me Bud is putting together a 3 week package for 25+ hashers to attend the Octoberfest in Munich and other fun stuff before heading to the Interhash in Malaysia. See DOMB if you are interested. He has an AWSOME package for the whole thing!!
Interhash '98 - October 2-4; The Mother Hash, Kuala Lumpur H3, hosts; Join hashers from around the world for the 60th Anniversary of Hashing! Contact Rob Stott, +60-3-618-5650; or mail Jo Doraisamy, PO Box 40, Ampang PO, Ampang, Malaysia 68000. Registration is now $215 US (give or take a dollar for postage etc), to late for a cost reduction you last minute wankers.