Date: April 26, 1998
Hares: Squiddley Diddley & Keyless Entry, Big Bird Turd & Perk-A-Set (Luci Stood In), Jimi Hendrix & OralGina, Poop Deck & Screws Everybody, Perky & [just] John
Location: King Street Metro & Old Town Alexandria Area
Get your hash information electronically - Contact GBOF via email at smythe_andrew@birdengineering.com (NOTE THIS IS A NEW EMAIL ADDRESS) to be added to the WH4 electron list (Submit First & Last Name, Your Hash Name (if you have one), and put "GBOF" in the subject line, make sure you send your email address).
CHECK DETAILS FOR THE ANNUAL WH4 GET AWAY BLAST AT THE WRIGHT FARM ON JUNE 13th and 14th. This will be a blast and a half for all of you die hard party people.
HASH SHIGGY & BUG ALERT - It's that time again. Poison Ivy is in full leaf now and seemingly everywhere. This three-leaved plant can cause a serious rash that lasts for weeks. In case you don't know what it looks like, see PI person "Spits It Out" for full color photos. Also, ticks are out now, earlier and in greater numbers than usual (thanks to a mild winter courtesy of El Nino). Keep an eye out for them after hashing through underbrush and meadows.
Hey Hashers Who Want To Do The Marine Corps Marathon - If you are planning to do a little fun run this October and want to be part of a hash team (a very hash-like team), i.e , long training runs, t-shirts, etc., give me a call, email or see me at a WH hash. (w) 202-260-1129 long.mike@epamail.epa.gov -- On on, Mike GOOFY Long
The 7th Annual Wagner Brother's Spring Bash on April 25 was a great success. Over 300 hashers, cheeseheads, beachers, and the proverbial others all had a great time dancing until the wee hours of the morning to Corked Screwed's Gene Pool Zombies and DJ Greg Martin. Everybody loved Jerry's smoked turkey, beef and pork chops and Mellow Foreskin Cheese's pickles, and the cheap beer and drinks in the remodeled Herb's. So far, no conduct befitting a naming has been reported and, to the departed Well Hung's disappointment, no transvestite/ hookers were reported. Nobody was beaten up or arrested and everybody survived. It was great seeing everybody again, especially RAZ.
Amknessia was heard gushing at last weeks On On On in her finest Atlanta accent that she had the best time and that the last time she got home at 5:00 am and then hashed the next day was when she went to the 4th Annual Wagner Bros.. Party at Jerry's house four years ago where she first met the hash. The biggest commotion of the evening happened at the when just as the Wagner Bros. were getting ready to leave, TOBW came running back into the hotel all hot and bothered. Apparently somebody had stolen his car. Jerry and The Original Bill Wagner piled The Other Bill Wagner into Jerry's car and went looking for it. For some reason TOBW had not gone far enough and this SUV, much to Vice Perpretrator Al Gore's chagrin, was found one block beyond where TOBW thought that he had parked it.
In short, it was a great party and evrybody is looking forward to the Wisconsin State Society Tailgate Party on Mellow Foreskin's birthday, June 20, and the Fall Bash.
Well gang I was early or just about on time this week (Rah Rah). It was my celebration hash and Luci looked FINE. The trail was great, but what was really special was how you all helped a few of us celebrate a special event, thanks. As for the details of the hash Ms Black Box will tell us about that this week!!!!
Here's to the holy bondage of matrimony... This was the day we had all been waiting for--the opportunity to wipe the stupid grins off the faces of all of our engaged couples. It was the moment of truth. The Mass Moonie Wedding Day Hash.
Since it was just 2:30 when Mellow Foreskin Cheese and I approached the parking lot across from the King Street Metro station, I was shocked to see that soooo many people had already arrived. There seemed to be dozens just milling around. Then as we got closer, I realized that all of these wankers were just the hares! It was hard to tell that they were the hares since they were dressed in running shorts and t-shirts. Hey, I thought this was a wedding! Where were the wedding gowns and tuxedos? I mean I was ready as the flour girl, dressed in my always-a- bridesmaid dress with coordinating flower headband (did someone say "head"?) and matching basket of flour. I even had on my best MVH3 On On white gloves. It's a good thing that at least someone knows the proper attire for a wedding. Of course, I wasn't the only one who dressed properly for this affair. You can probably guess that Hymen Dickover and Bramble Bush took the "wear something old, new, borrowed and blue" to heart and well, let's just say that the good people of Old Towne got quite a laugh this day! Bramble B told me that Hymen was even wearing lacy underwear (garter belt, teddy, and white stockings)--which he later showed me in a private moment--so that in case he had to strip to win the best dressed prize, he would be ready! He was not about to be beaten out by a dog this time, as he was at the Easter Bonnet run.
Pretty soon The Other Ms. Thomas, Blazing Straddle, arrived with a BIG smile on her face. Probably just glad to be here. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that John Handcock had just cum back from a week long trip to Singapore. With Pussy Whipped handling the virgins--a job that he REALLY likes--I began handing out the wedding favors to the other guests: little miniature handcuffs on a key chain in honor of the holy bondage of matrimony. It was amazing how many people looked at them and said that these were "perfect"--you know a been there, done that kind of thing. PW suggested that they would make great nipple rings. He also thought that he might be able to hook them to the barbell pierced into his tongue. Ugh!
Spinal Tap then called the circle to order and asked all of the happy couples to cum forward, pretty much decimating the circle. (Good thing not all of the engaged couples were here--it would have been a cast of thousands if Ragin' Cajun and Juicy, and Little Guinea and Sweet Checks had also cum; not to mention the still honeymOOning 7 Minutes and Burnt Sox. ) At that point, Keyless Entry pulls out veils for all the brides--Squidly Diddly, Jimi Hendrix, Just John, Poop Deck, and Big Bird Turd--to wear. The grooms--Keyless Entry, Oralgina, Perky, Screws Everybody, and Luci (standing in for Perk-A-Set)--donned their black ties. At last, wedding attire! Then Big Bird Turd was called into the circle as the most experienced of the engaged couples to lead us in F'Abe. Of course, he was so flustered by this unexpected honor that he forgot the words of the song, and needed help from someone with a similar wealth of experience, Spinal Tap, to get going. Had-A-Madam then called me into the circle to present the hares with little boy and girl bunnies in matching outfits. Aaahhh, how cute. I then told them to "go forth and multiply." Screws Everybody responded that she would need a calculator to do that. Hmmm.
When "On On" was called, the runners went to the left towards the King Street Metro and the walkers lead by Keyless Entry and Screws Everybody, went straight under the train tracks up Commonwealth. Perky and Just John decided to auto hash the entire route, and passed us in Perky's nice, clean convertible with the top down. Of course, first chance I got, I threw flour on the hood.
We had gone several blocks and then came upon Oralgina and Jimi Hendrix next to a sign that said "Something New" which pointed to a new housing development. A little while later, while passing a church, we saw a sign that said "Get Me to the Church on Time." Pretty soon we ran into the pack and noticed a large champagne glass drawn on the sidewalk, which lead us to our first "reception" of the day--a champagne check. Yes! This is my kind of hash! After indulging in a few glasses of the bubbly, I noticed that Poop Deck was really sweating. He told me that it was NOT from running. I mentioned that he only had 6 days left of single life, and he said, "why do you think I'm sweating?"
When "On On" was called again, Screws Everybody told the walkers to hang back so that we could score a major shortcut. So we waited for the pack to get by us, and then turned down Monroe Street and then down DeWitt Avenue. Of course, long-time no-seer, and still a newly-wed himself, S'not, decided he needed to give Poop Deck some pointers on shortcutting--hmmm--so the two of them stayed just in front of the walkers. Pretty soon we saw a sign that said "Something Borrowed" and discovered Shitty Shitty Bang Bang waiting next to it. This was Keyless Entry and Squidly Diddly's house, but only for one week more, so it was borrowed. We all grabbed some liquid refreshment (no champagne, though--damn!) and waited for the pack to arrive, which they did a few minutes later.
Trouser Snake came up to me and proudly showed me that he had handcuffed two of his fingers together. This boy needs to get a life! John Handcock told me that he was glad to be back from Singapore since his trip was for naught--he wasn't able to hash while he was there--but he was really jet lagged since he had just gotten off the plane a few hours before and his body thought he should be in bed. I know someone else who thought that, too! Hymen Dickover began discussing his outfit, and explaining how much fun he had buying it. Said he spent about $3 on the slinky blue dress, pale green and black teddy, garter belt, long white gloves, and stockings-- alot cheaper than my $7 ensemble. Great Balls of Fire asked him if he had tried everything on before he bought it and he said absolutely, he wouldn't buy anything that didn't fit just right. He did, however, mention that whenever he goes into this one thrift shop, all of the clerks just leave him alone while he is shopping and trying things on, and NEVER ask him any questions. While we were talking, Poop Deck and I spotted a penny on the ground; I suggested that he pick it up for luck, which he did muttering that maybe he would "get lucky" that night. Better get it all now, babe, because once you're married....
After the beer check, the walkers were on true trail the rest of the way. Funny, but I never saw the "something old" and "something blue" unless we count Spinal and the beer van. Anyway, we ended up in an alley behind Rock It Grill. I was greeted by Just John (we DO need to get that boy named!) who offered me pieces of toast to "toast" the happy couples.
Unfortunately, the alley wasn't as secluded as we would have liked, and I guess some of the matrons of Old Towne got a little nervous with all of the strange goings on. So for the second week in a row, the cops were called. Fortunately, these guys had a sense of humor and Spinal promised them that after the wedding ceremony we would break up. I think Hasher Humper may have offered to sell them some t-shirts, too. So with speed of the essence, Spinal called our hares into the circle. In the meantime, Had-A-Madam had put on his vestments as had newly annointed priest, GBOF. As flour girl, I proceeded around the circle throwing flour on everyone. I was followed by ring bearer, Mellow Foreskin Cheese, who carried a sofa cushion with 6 sets of full sized handcuffs on them. For you observant readers, yes, I said 6. We discovered the night before at the Wagner Brothers party, that long-time-no-seer, Traitorious Whore, had gotten engaged to Virgin hasher Just Jess, so of course, they were invited to cum into the circle for the ceremony. As Had-A- Madam read the scripture according to Mr. Boston, GBOF and Cyclops handcuffed the wankers and their lovely wankerettes together. Of course, THAT didn't last long as most of the couples figured out how to get out of these attachments rather quickly. Hmmm, wonder if that foretells something.
Anyway, good luck to all of you. Marriage can be a wonderful and exciting time, and an invitation to lie, cheat, steal, and drink--to lie next to the one you love, to cheat death, to steal precious moments together, and to drink--as we know you must--with your friends!
On On, Black Box
After this festive hash all of the participants quickly secured a brew, I passed out the trash, and everyone was making merry with their hashing buddies. It was a GOOD sight. After a short hydration period Cyclops, Spinal Tap & Had A Madam called us to circle. Cyclops then called the hares forward, Squiddley Diddley & Keyless Entry, Big Bird Turd & Perk-A-Set (Luci standing in), Jimi Hendrix & OralGina, Poop Deck & Screws Everybody, Perky & [just] John wandered into the circle with some of the biggest shi*eaten grin on there faces. The assembled mass was then asked to answer that old question of "What did you think of that run?". And as all hashers have come to understand the age old response of "What a Shitty run!" sprang forth from the group. After some solemn deliberation Cyclops & Had A Madam asked for a song (which was "They Are Hashers Through and Through") and the hares drank, and the sight was good. Next Spinal Tap Called the Virgins forward, and we had LOTS and LOTS of them this week, their vitals are listed below:
| Name | Who Made Them Come | Temporary Hash Name |
|---|---|---|
| Molly | Ram Rod | Around The World |
| Laurie | Stool Sample | Pay Per View II |
| Nancy | Blazing Straddle | Fired Down Below |
| Gatline | Ann | Rare Satisfied Male |
| Florian | Wilburrrrrrrr | Horses Ass |
| Lisa #1 | Goofey | Minnie Mouse |
| Lisa #2 | Drinks On Me Bud | Lick It Off |
| Michelle | Eat It Raw | Drippy Limbs |
| Shawn | Piles | Pile Driver |
| Peggie | Bramble Bush | Lick Me |
| Tim | Piles | Tiny Tim |
| Jeff | John Hand Cock | The Writing's On The Wall |
The song meister than led the group in "Alla Zumma, Zumma", and then they drank for the their Virgin Honor, it was a good sight and they did well. Welcome Virgins, come often. We had no several VISITORS, they included First Of May from the mother hash in Kuala Lumpur, Yuppie Scum from the Olympic Hash in Washington, Baa from the Boston/Charlotte NC Hashes, Road Runner from a Hash in Australia, and Jail Bird from a Hash in England. We celebrated their participation in our hash by giving them a visiting mug and singing "Sally In The Alley" as they drank. I would like to HONOR our visitor from England, Jail Bird brought wedding gifts for all of the Mass Moonie couples, I got a set a perversion kit and everyone else got something along the same line to honor their special event. Thanks to the Britt gentleman, we really appreciated the thought. Our long time no sees included S'not, Piles, Ram Rod, and Fly's First Class. and Joe Banana. Spinal Tap asked Pussy Whipped for a song and we sang "There The Meanest" as they drank. We were unable to do violations but I am including the write ups here !. Big Bird Turd reported his car stolen, then found it: 2. No Butts No Glory parked at King Street on Saturday took metro to Wagner Brother party then to the run, Poop Deck and Screws Everyone told MVH3 that they were eloping to West VA, and got someone else to set their trail.
The most significant thing that happened at the hash was the honorary wedding cermony performed by reverend Had A Madam and reverend GBOF. The words were lovely, unfortunately I did not have enough room for them this week, but will include them in the next edition. Stay tuned.
In my CONSTANT REMINDER section I would like to thank Missed Erections for coming and coming and coming again (boy can she come). I would also like to say that Soggy Oreo Bitch (SOB) didn't come again this week (girl you are not worthy of special attention if you don't COME). As a new addition I would like to recognize our one and only cross dressing fool Heymen Dickover, you look so sweet in BLUE, I will provide the hash a weekly update on the foolishness of this halfwit. Is there anyone else who wants to insure that I include them in the trash EACH WEEK, if so let me know and you will get in my CONSTANT REMINDER section.
On On, Big Bird Turd
WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR HARES. If interested, contact GBOF at 703-876-4772.
Mount Vernon H3 AGM - May 8-10; sketchy details - pub crawl Friday, AGM Hash Saturday, Party Saturday Night, Hangover Hash Sunday. Check website http://patriot.net/~djk/mvh3/ for details.
May DC Full Moon Hash - The next full mOOn hash will be Saturday, May 16 at 7 p.m. This is the "You Do Know How to Whistle, Don't You?" hash. The hash will be hared by Great Balls of Fire, his Evil Twin, Stool Sample, and Bark-A-Dildo and will start at the party room at "The Cove," 7606 Lakeside Village Drive, Falls Church, VA. The cost is $12 for the run and the On On On. Directions: (#1) From wherever you are, get on the Beltway (I- 495) and make your way towards Virginia. Take the Arlington Boulevard exit (Exit #8) and head east towards Arlington. At the first light, make a right onto Jaguar Trail. You'll see a lake almost immediately on your left. The Cove, which is the party room overlooking the lake, is located on the left about 100 yards after turning off Route 50. You may park along Jaguar Trail, Marc Drive [in front of Falls Church High School], or even better, park in the High School parking lot and walk the forty yards to the start. You may NOT park on Lakeside Village Drive, so don't even think about it. (#2) If you don't want to take the beltway, you can just jump on Route 50 in Arlington and head west. Jaguar Trail is the last light on Arlington Blvd before the Beltway, about two miles west of Seven Corners and just past Loehman's Plaza. There is a large bus stop with a stupid looking blue roof on the left side of the intersection. Make a left onto Jaguar Trail, and follow the above directions. BTW, the answer, for you Lauren Bacall fans, is: "You Just Put Your Lips Together and Blow."
Dewey Beach H3 Memorial Day Run (and campin trip) - Sunday May 24th, Location - Cape Henlopen State Park, Rehoboth, DE; see Eat It Raw or Mellow Foreskin Cheese for details.
Pittsburg H3 800th Run - June 4-7 This should be a hash blowout of the first magnitude. Details to follow.
DCH4 (DC Harriers and Harriets Hash) 1000th Weekend - June 12-14; Location is the Washington D.C. Metro area. All hashers (near & far) are invited to participate in this hashing millennium event. More information on cost, registration, and other hash sh*t to follow. Fri, 12 June - #999 - a Washington (pre) monumental Hash Sat, 13 June - #1000 - country Hash in the Potomac, MD area, Sun14 June - #1001 - Dalmatian Hash (tentatively planned for inside the Beltway).
WH4 Yearly Pagan Party Weekend - June 13th & 14th: Saturday, June 13th Pagan Party Theme "Alien Abduction/Seduction" (ed. note: change from "Back To The Sixties") Pig Roast, BEER, two live bands, BEER, bonfire, BEER, and overnight camp out. Sunday, 14th June Fat boys Hash (#594). Location at the Wright farm in Maryland near Harper's Ferry. $20 prior to June 1st $25 after June 1st, See "Blazing Straddles" for details
WH4 600th Run - July 25th (Saturday) 3:00pm, social gathering to follow, activities will include beer, food, dancing, socializing, and overall a damn good time. More details to follow.
Octoberfest & Kuala Lumpur Extravaganza - September 24 - October 10 Drinks On Me Bud is putting together a 3 week package for 25+ hashers to attend the Octoberfest in Munich and other fun stuff before heading to the Interhash in Malaysia. See DOMB if you are interested. He has an AWSOME package for the whole thing!!
Interhash '98 - October 2-4; The Mother Hash, Kuala Lumpur H3, hosts; Join hashers from around the world for the 60th Anniversary of Hashing! Contact Rob Stott, +60-3-618-5650; or mail Jo Doraisamy, PO Box 40, Ampang PO, Ampang, Malaysia 68000. Registration is now $215 US (give or take a dollar for postage etc), to late for a cost reduction you last minute wankers.