Date: May 3, 1998
Hares: Leisure Suit Larry, Missed Erections, Pay Per View, Trouser Snake, One No Trump, Yellow Pants
Location: Reston VA
Get your hash information electronically - Contact GBOF via email at smythe_andrew@birdengineering.com (NOTE THIS IS A NEW EMAIL ADDRESS) to be added to the WH4 electron list (Submit First & Last Name, Your Hash Name (if you have one), and put "GBOF" in the subject line, make sure you send your email address).
CHECK DETAILS FOR THE ANNUAL WH4 GET AWAY BLAST AT THE WRIGHT FARM ON JUNE 13th and 14th. This will be a blast and a half for all of you die hard party people.
Well gang, I was just about on time this week. Boy what a surprise. I got the trash done at 2:40 PM and drove like hel* to get there. When I arrived I got side tracked because there were new panties on sale. They even have feet on the back sides -WOW-. We were finally called to circle by Cyclops. Falsie Alarm was selected to lead us in our warm up thing "Father Abrham". After that Leisure Suit gave us a boring pre hash talk about roads and safety and the like. Some of the wankers were heard saying cut to the chase guy, at which time he gave us the real deal on instructions (circles are checks and X's are BT's). After some confusion Bad Dog lead us out of the parking lot and into the woods. The Generator in her LOUD and skimpy shorts then lead us on trail to the right through an apartment complex parking lot. After the parking lot, I came around a building and saw a group of wankers which included Fussy Bitch and No Genitals looking over a virgin (just) Dominique who had tripped over an unidentified SMALL object. I thinks she was more embarrassed than hurt, she was afraid that I was going to write about here fall in the trash – SO SORRY. As I wandered along I saw this CRAZY guy with a sombrero with colored CONDOMS, what a sight!! A little while later I noticed that For Sale Or Rent had a pair of skimpy lace panties on – O Boy Were They Sexy.
Cyclops was running with this little ugly dog, NO IT WASN'T Bad Dog, named Sparkey. Well Sparkey did one of the worst environmentals that I have ever seen on trail, it was bad. I asked Cyclops why he brought Sparkey and he told me he was "A Babe Magnet", I said REALLY and ran off. Shortly thereafter I came upon a huffing and puffing (just) Laurie trying to keep herself motivated and focused on the trail, lots of luck.
The group got LOST by using a pedestrian overpass to cross a street. There was no chalk anywhere but the collective hash would not accept the fact that they were NOT ON TRAIL. Anyway after about 10 minutes it dawned on us that we had to go back over the bridge and look for true trail, it was really funny because Blue Balls, Baravian Bush and I just looked and laughed at each other about hashers being STUID and STUBORN, so true!!!
We made it to the beer check after climbing through someone's back yard. It was worth it, MARAGRITAS and BEER what a combo. I had lots and lots, good stuff. After some time the group slowly wandered off to complete the hash. The last part of the hash was somewhat of a blur due to my alcohol consumption at the beer check. But I do remember wandering along the trail through the woods to grandma's house (see I told you I was feeling NO Pain, well the house was really an old shack in the woods). I started to pass people. and I thought it would be nice to say hi to them; so hi (just) Tina, hi Bozo Bozo, hi (just) Caroline, hi (just) Tchaka, hi Fussy Bitch, hi Goofey and Oreo, hi Brainy Bitch, and finally hi (just) Charlie. As I came out of a wooded area, there he was the one and only Burnt Socks running like he** across this muddy and deep creek, what a sight.
As we ran through a park, and I was getting more and more margarita tippsy, I asked For Sale Or Rent how she felt and all she did was giggle at me. I knew we were in trouble for the remainder of the hash. Well as we came over a hill and ran/dragged ourselves down the hill into a lake basin there was a pair of narrow guage railroad tracks circling the lake. And to my delight what do you think I saw, Chu Chu Charlie aka Great Balls Of Fire playing train person on the tracks and singing his favorite railroad song. What really got me going was when he pretended to blow the train whistle. What a sight!!! After that there wasn't a lot to talk about. (See the Boxy Black One's write up below for more dirt)
Wastin' Away Again in Margaritaville.... I had an interesting choice to make--either go the O's game as part of a post wedding party and bask in the glow emanating from the newly married Poop Deck and Screws Everybody or drink Leisure Suit Larry's fabulous orange margaritas. While I enjoy hanging out with the Decks as much as anybody, I've had LSL's margaritas before and I KNOW how good they are. Since I am writing this trash, I guess you know what won out.
What a weird day, weather-wise anyway. When I was getting ready to cum--to the hash, that is--I couldn't decide what to wear and bring, so I wore a short-sleeved t-shirt and brought a sweat shirt, rain gear, change of shoes and dry socks. Then I arrived at the start of the hash to find Spinal Tap stripped down to his new green WH4 shorts working on his tan. The sun was finally shining, it was actually getting hot, and the clouds looked like they were going to give us a break at last. I thought that perhaps Trouser Snake, one of the hares that day, was finally going to break his streak of every time he hares, it rains. Yeah, right.
Hasher Humper was doing incredible business this day as everyone who showed up was in awe of the new shorts (in green and electric blue, with a cool WH4 logo on the front and on on feet on the back, in lengths of short and oh Mama). Better get yours now before she sells out.
Everyone was asking me about Poop Deck and Screws Everybody's nuptuals the day before. Yes, they did it--got married, and probably THAT, too; yes, both looked great (particularly at the reception after a few drinks); no they hadn't left yet for their honeymoon in Jamaica--they went to the O's game with Mellow Foreskin Cheese instead--go figure; and yes, I was able to find my way down the aisle without hash marks. It was also good to see Burnt Sox and 7 Minutes back from their honeymoon. 7 Minutes confided that they have now been married two full weeks and are still together! Pay Per View and In the Hole both mentioned that they are flying down to Nawrleans next weekend to witness Perky and Just John's getting hitched. Wow, they are dropping like flies!
As Blazing Straddle, John Handcock and I were checking everyone out, as well as in, I spotted Leisure Suit Larry in his new Sexo de Mayo t-shirt and asked if he had a short cut planned for the walkers. He assured me that he did, that we would NOT miss the margarita check (good thing, I told him), and that Trouser Snake would accompany us. Great, I didn't have to read a map since one of the hares would be with us. Unfortunately, as TS explained later, he didn't really set the walkers' trail, so he was reading a map prepared by LSL. Since we were in the woods most of the time, he was trying to decipher which bridges and which paths to take. In fact, at one point, TS left the walkers just as the pack was descending on us for the second time, to check which way was our short cut and forgot to cum back and get us. After standing around for a while, I suggested we just take our chances and follow true trail, which turned out to be right and sure beat looking at Spinal's half nekid body.
While we were on trail, we passed a toilet seat that Bundling Board suggested would make a great addition to the hashit, but no one was willing to pick it up; a shopping cart that I started pushing until I realized that the shopping on trail was pretty lousy; and a nice set of blue underwear that Rude Boy considered wearing but decided wasn't his style. What a bunch of wusses!
Eat It Raw mentioned that she is thinking of starting a new hash to run two weeks after each full mOOn. It would be the On the Rag hash, and would be just us girls and any of you guys with long tresses or who look particularly good in and/or like wearing dresses or who get irritable once a month (or more). I guess that means Hymen Dickover, Spits It Out, Dumb Blonde, Pussy Whipped, and Trouser Snake. A bunch of women and these guys? Could make for an interesting hash.
Frankly, the highlight of the trail, and pretty much the last thing I remembered, was the margarita check. As it turned out, the pack beat the walkers to the check, which meant that there was no line to the margaritas. So I just stood there and helped myself. I must say that LSL did not disappoint me--not to mention that the margaritas were great, too. Thanks also to that Jimmy Buffet afficianado, Big Bird Turd, who stationed himself in front of the cooler of margaritas and just kept refilling my cup until all of that frozen concoction was gone. The rest of the trail for the walkers was just backtracking to the start. A few places this proved to be a challenge since TS was having a hard time keeping up with the FWBs, and since the trail wasn't marked in a number of places. But we managed.
So we finally make it to the circle just as the rain starts to fall--remember this is a Trouser Snake run, of course it is raining. As we get through the business of the circle, Spinal asks if there are any announcements. I rush into the circle to announce the next full mOOn hash on May 16. As I am standing there, Oreo cums strutting over, goes inbetween my legs and just stops. Well I hope it was as good for him as it was for me. Gave new meaning to the name Black Box, that's for sure. As the crowd started chanting "hashit," Spinal borrowed the hashit from its latest and most deserved recipient, Wilburrrr, filled it with beer, and suggested that I just stand there and drink. I guess Oreo got bored, cause he left, and with a new afterglow, I was able to finish my full mOOn announcement. Since Spinal decided that sex in the circle was a very hashlike event, Wilburrr got to keep the hashit. Last I heard was Goofy telling all who would listen that he had specially trained Oreo to sniff out great looking women. Ooohhh, good dog!
On On, Black Box
After completing a hash WITHOUT crossing a street and consuming LOTS of Margaritas at the beer stop, what else was ahead???? Well, as our group of wayward wankers staggered up the muddy path to the ON-IN, there was our one and only Shitty-Shitty-Bang-Bang with it's trusty brew crew lead by Road Kill waiting to serve us a cold one. What more could you ask for after such an ANAL SEXO hash. As the wankers changed clothes, drank brew, shot the sh*t, bought new panties with feet on them from Hasher Humper, or just wined to the MOON; I passed out the weekly WH4 holy of all holies the TRASH. This week's edition included a spiritual marital sermon rehahsing and also included a reflection of our past sins aka the LAST HASH. All who were so honored, quickly absorbed the words and concepts with such pleasure and amazement that the hash gods honored them with a shower of heavenly Pi**. Shortly thereafter Cyclops called us to circle. Spinal Tap then called the hares forward, Leisure Suit Larry, Missed Erections, Pay Per View, Trouser Snake, One No Trump, and Yellow Pants wandered into the circle with BIG grins on their faces. All WANKERS present were then asked to answer that old question of "What did you think of that run?". And as all hashers have come to understand the age old response of "What a Shitty run!" sprang forth from the group. After some solemn deliberation Cyclops & GBOF asked for a song (which was "Here's To The Hares") and the hares drank, and the sight was good. Bur alas they had a hatted one among them and when ONE hare drinks ALL hares drink. So one more time, this time to the tune of There The Meanest", they drank and it was also good. Spinal Tap Called the Virgins forward, and we a few of them this week, their vitals are listed below:
| Name | Who Made Them Come | Temporary Hash Name |
|---|---|---|
| Michelle | Equidor Hash Group | Does It At High Altitudes |
| Dominique | Michelle | Dominatrix |
| Joe | Himself (Blisters on his hand) | Eric Clapton Has The Clap |
| Caroline | Blue Balls & Big Bird Turd | Double Header |
| Blair | A Reading Hasher (A PA Guy) | Horny Bastard |
The song meister than led the group in "Why were they born so beautiful", and then they drank for the their Virgin Honor, it was a good sight and they did well. Welcome Virgins, come often. We had a couple of VISITORS, they included In & Out from Key West, and Come Slowly from somewhere that caused him to move here. We celebrated their participation in our hash by giving them a visiting mug and singing "Sally In The Alley" as they drank. Our long time no sees included No Genitals, Out Of The Bush, Falsie Alarm, Blue Balls, Anal Orifas, Road Kill, In The Hole, and Bloody Mary. PS because Road Kill was a brew crew guy, when one brew guy drinks all brew people drink. So the brew people came and came and came, and it was good!!! Finally Spinal Tap asked Pussy Whipped for a song and we sang "They may be a joy to their mothers, but …….." as they drank. Our next item was a callup of Drinks On Me Bud for Cycle Hashing, Fly The Friendly aslo came because she did it with him, how messy. The song meister called out drink and said 5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1 pour. Fussy Bitch was identified for a private party and she drank to the tune of "All Zumma Zumma Zay".
We had TWO very special events this week, NAMINGS. In the initial event just (Chris) had the following recommendations 1. Ass Of A Woman, 2. Fag Magnet, 3. Ass Like A Man, 4. Busted Head, 5. Jail Bait, 6. Crack Head, and 7. Dumb Blonde Bitch: hence forth and forever more in the WH4 and the world of hashing you will be known as:
good luck and remember to bleach the locks guy.
In the second event (just) Marisa accumulated the following possibles, 1. Visible Ass, 2. US Boobs, 3. Oral Report, 4. Media Slut, 5. Show All, Tell All, 6. Ass Master, 7. Media Slut. Hence forth in the WH4 and the world of hashing you will be known as
good luck and keep your mouth shut.
For violations we had Goomba for racing, Burnt Socks and 7 Minutes and Falsie Alarm and (just) Steve and (just) Elise for being media sluts. The violators drank to the tune of "Here's To The Game Of 20 Toes".
1. Hares for beer stop violations, 2. Fussy Bitch for hash boner of the week, Wilburr for his GPS and getting lost with it. and 4. GBOF for the weather. After much deep thought and contemplation, the winner is Wilburr for his childish behavior!!!!
Cyclops then called for announcements and lots of wankers had something to say, but ONE was VERY memorable, Black Box came forward to announce her FULL MOON info and guess what Oreo (the dog) crawled between her legs and began to do it right there on the spot. Well, the crowd was screaming "BEASTIALITY IS BEST" and Wilburr was trying (unsuccessfully I would like to report) to pass the hashit along to Black Box for her unusual sexual behavior in the circle with Oreo. Well after awhile the gathering FINALLY settled down and we could end this madness. Cyclops declared "Pots on the Ground", and we began the singing of swing low. The saying "Go In Piece" and "Get A Piece" was a blur of noise. We then received instruction on where the ON-ON-ON was and the circle was done for another week.
The ON-ON-ON was held at On The Border in a SMALL back room. In honor of our Anal Sexo event we had Mexican gas producing food and Doss XX Beer, what a combination. The group stayed and enjoyed the festive event. As the crowd began to thin out Leisure Suit Larry wanted to keep the remainder of us there so he conducted a HOT PEPPER eating contest. During this event we had a BIG accident, Girly Mon became Hurly Mon because he spit up his kibbles and bits in a beer mug half way through the contest, what an awful sight!!!! Eventually the affair wound down and another hash week was over. Can't wait to next week!!!!
In my CONSTANT REMINDER section I would like to thank Missed Erections and Soggy Oreo Bitch (SOB) once again for coming. By the way the SOB girl and her accomplice In & Out were observed on trail sucking on a couple of slurpies, why waste all that energy on kids stuff. GBOF is also going to be recognized for slobbering all over himself once again, get some lessons man.
Is there anyone else who wants to insure that I include them in the trash EACH WEEK, if so let me know and you will get in my CONSTANT REMINDER section.
On On, Big Bird Turd
#589 May 17; 3:00 PM Wine (not whine) Hash; Spits It Out, For Sale Or Rent & Trouser Snake; West
Falls Church Metro Station. On-On-On – Tyson's Corner (?).
#590 May 24; 3:00 PM Last Sunday / Rajin' Cajun Safari (away) Hash; Ragin' Cajun & Yeast
Injection.
#591 May 25; 3:00 PM Memorial Day/Naval Hash Monday 3:00 pm; Squidley Didley, & Keyless Entry
#592 June 1; 6:30 PM Looking Fore Hares
#593 June 8; 6:30 PM Looking For Hares
#594 June 14; Time TBD Pagan Party Fat Boys Hash Wright Farm Area
#595 June 15; 6:30 PM The Multiple Bill Wagner Birthday Hash; Big Bird Turd, Mellow Foreskin
Cheese, Heymen Dickover, plus a mystery hare.
#596 June 22; 6:30 PM Looking Fore Hares
#597 June 29; 6:30 PM Yeast Injection & Trouser Snake Start Foggy Bottom – GWU
#598 July 6; 6:30 PM Independence Day Hash Looking Fore Hares
#599 July 13; 6:30 PM Bastille Day Hash Looking Fore Hares
WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR HARES. If interested, contact GBOF at 703-876-4772.
May DC Full Moon Hash – The next full mOOn hash will be Saturday, May 16 at 7 p.m. This is the "You Do Know How to Whistle, Don't You?" hash. The hash will be hared by Great Balls of Fire, his Evil Twin, Stool Sample, and Bark-A-Dildo and will start at the party room at "The Cove," 7606 Lakeside Village Drive, Falls Church, VA. The cost is $12 for the run and the On On On. Directions: (#1) From wherever you are, get on the Beltway (I-495) and make your way towards Virginia. Take the Arlington Boulevard exit (Exit #8) and head east towards Arlington. At the first light, make a right onto Jaguar Trail. You'll see a lake almost immediately on your left. The Cove, which is the party room overlooking the lake, is located on the left about 100 yards after turning off Route 50. You may park along Jaguar Trail, Marc Drive (in front of Falls Church High School), or even better, park in the High School parking lot and walk the forty yards to the start. You may NOT park on Lakeside Village Drive, so don't even think about it. (#2) If you don't want to take the beltway, you can just jump on Route 50 in Arlington and head west. Jaguar Trail is the last light on Arlington Blvd before the Beltway, about two miles west of Seven Corners and just past Loehman's Plaza. There is a large bus stop with a stupid looking blue roof on the left side of the intersection. Make a left onto Jaguar Trail, and follow the above directions. BTW, the answer, for you Lauren Bacall fans, is: "You Just Put Your Lips Together and Blow."
Dewey Beach H3 Memorial Day Run (and campin trip) - Sunday May 24th, Location - Cape Henlopen State Park, Rehoboth, DE; see Eat It Raw or Mellow Foreskin Cheese for details.
Pittsburg H3 800th Run - June 4-7 This should be a hash blowout of the first magnitude. Details to follow.
DCH4 (DC Harriers and Harriets Hash) 1000th Weekend - June 12-14; Location is the Washington D.C. Metro area. All hashers (near & far) are invited to participate in this hashing millennium event. More information on cost, registration, and other hash sh*t to follow. Fri, 12 June - #999 - a Washington (pre) monumental Hash Sat, 13 June - #1000 - country Hash in the Potomac, MD area, Sun14 June - #1001 - Dalmatian Hash (tentatively planned for inside the Beltway).
WH4 Yearly Pagan Party Weekend - June 13th & 14th: Pull out your calendars and mark the weekend Saturday, June 13th Pagan Party Theme "Alien Abduction/Seduction" (on-sec note: was "Back To The Sixties") Pig Roast, BEER, two live bands, BEER, bonfire, BEER, a virgin sacrifice, BEER, and overnight camp out. Sunday, 14th June Fat boys Hash (#594). Location at the Wright (Shooting Blanks and Barfly), farm near the Sharpsburg (Antietem to the Yankees) Battlefield in Maryland very near Harper's Ferry. $20 prior to June 1st $25 after June 1st, See "Blazing Straddles" for details.
WH4 600th Run - July 25th (Saturday) 3:00pm, social gathering to follow, activities will include beer, food, dancing, socializing, and overall a damn good time. More details to follow.
Octoberfest & Kuala Lumpur Extravaganza - September 24 - October 10 Drinks On Me Bud is putting together a 3 week package for 25+ hashers to attend the Octoberfest in Munich and other fun stuff before heading to the Interhash in Malaysia. See DOMB if you are interested. He has an AWSOME package for the whole thing!!
Interhash '98 - October 2-4; The Mother Hash, Kuala Lumpur H3, hosts; Join hashers from around the world for the 60th Anniversary of Hashing! Contact Rob Stott, +60-3-618-5650; or mail Jo Doraisamy, PO Box 40, Ampang PO, Ampang, Malaysia 68000. Registration is now $215 US (give or take a dollar for postage etc), to late for a cost reduction you last minute wankers.