Date: May 17, 1998
Hares: Spits It Out, Trouser Snake, For Sale Or Rent
Location: West Falls Church Metro and the surrounding burbs
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CHECK DETAILS FOR THE ANNUAL WH4 GET AWAY BLAST AT THE WRIGHT FARM ON JUNE 13th and 14th. This will be a blast and a half for all of you die hard party people.
Well gang, I was LATE again. The trash got me one more time. Why do I wait to the last moment SO OFTEN. I guess because that's me!!! As I arrived with Perk A Set 15 minutes late, who did I see to my amazement, Burnt Socks. We talked for a few minutes and then were off to catch the pack. After about 10 minutes we caught up with Slip Knot, we pulled up and walked with him for a short time. We then ran through a hedge row and came out on a major road. Shortly thereafter we began to catch up to the walkers, Cheese Spread was quickly overtaken. We then entered a wooded area that lead to a creek, during this section we passed LOTS of walkers (see BB's words below). As we entered the creek it was obvious we were going to get wet. Well we did and it was good and we got wetter and it was gooder. As we came out of the creek we entered another wooded section and we passed some more walkers. Burnt and I got a little disoriented and went down a BT. After a quick regroup we were off on true trail.
Then low and behold we saw a HUGE mass of hashers giggling and obviously just coming from an alcoholic stop. I saw Mellow Foreskin Cheese, Drinks On Me Bud, Blazing Straddles, Missed Erections, Crash, Noah's Arc, Raise My Titanic, Stool Sample, Trouser Snake, Hymen Dickover, Fly The Friendly Thighs, Vominatrix, #2, and LOTS of other familiar faces. We asked them where the "HAPPY LAND" stop was and they all pointed over the rear shoulder and shouted that way DUMB A**. After regrouping my composure this dumb *ss wandered over to the wine stop and had some fruit of the grape, and it was good. Burnt and I quickly deoparted and almost immediately began to overtake the pack.
As we entered a hilly road racing section, we observed many walking pack wankers. This was where Burnt and I departed company, because I was tired from the closing action. Burnt being so young and so athletic just kept on going and going and going. We need to call him "MR ENERGIZER". The trail then leveled off and wandered along to the second beer stop. Thank God because it was hot and I was tired from my closing action on the pack. I showed off my new Big Bird shoe things that Vominatrix had given me at Friday Happy Hour. They are so cute and the nose was so obnoxious that I truly liked them. Thanks Vominatrix, I was really touched.
The trail then lead back and forth into housing developments. At the beer stop Wilburr stated that he was going up the road to short cut the trail, but alas he *crewed up because he came back to the pack and added another 1/2 mile to his pain bag (what a dedicated hasher). Blazing Stradles had no hash scruples, and she did short cut to the finish. As #2 and I were chugging along we were awaiting the finish. Thank goodness that it was not that far. As we passed under route 66 in the heat of the day I began to think about the brew that was just around the corner. After about another 1/2 mile fantasy became reality and we were done.
View from the Rear
What a glorious day. The temperature was in the low 80's, a nice breeze was blowing, and sun was shinning. How could this be, I asked myself, since Trouser Snake was one of the hares. I mean, it wasn't raining. Had he finally broken his streak? Perhaps the hash gods were just trying to be nice to co-hare Spits It Out, since the driving gods had been pretty sh*tty to him earlier in the week as he was rear-ended (sounds like a personal problem to me) and suffered a concussion. The good news was that he had a catscan and found out that he didn't have half-a-brain afterall! The bad news was that he was showing some real signs of being completely mindless, such as when he gave me a map which he claimed to be a map of the trail, but the trail was NOT marked on it. Nothing was. He did finally put an "X" on the spot where the walkers' and the runners' trail would split. Unfortunately, he also told me that this spot was marked on the trail itself--yeah, right--so I promptly put the map away since Screws Everybody has convinced me that its much better to follow trail markings than read a map anyday. The one good thing S-I-O did though was fill up my hash chalice with a very crisp, cold chablis to partake of while I was helping Blazing Straddle with the sign ins. Now THIS is what hashing is all about.
Spinal Tap called forth the hares from the previous night's full mOOn hash -- Great Balls of Fire, Bark-A-Dildo, Stool Sample, and honorary hare, Dr. Strangelove (who had set an MVH3 trail in the same place as the full mOOn earlier in the day) to lead us in F'Abraham. There was as much confusion then as with the two overlapping trails. The hares then announced that there would be a walkers' trail sans poison ivy and shiggy, and a runners' trail complete with that lovely 3-leafed plant and other adventures. Needless to say, we had a few more walkers than usual, including Working the Bar and her virgin Just Carey, and long-time-no-seer, Beetlejuice, who was visiting us from his new home in Houston. We also had a couple of virgins whom Hawaiian Puke enticed to cum after meeting them at Friday night's happy hour -- Just Anne and Just Laura.
Well, we took off at our usual fast clip, and it was all I could do to keep up with Just Heather who was impressing everybody with her power walking while wearing wrist weights. When we came to the first check, we were all soooo impressed because inside the circle was drawn a bunch of grapes complete with leaves and vines. How cute. I was so entranced talking to Working the Bar about her new job in Brussels that I never bothered to look at the map to see where the walkers' and runners' trail would diverge. Anyway, didn't Spits It Out say that it would be marked? Well, after we went through a nice neighborhood, trail lead us into the woods and through the middle of a poison ivy patch. Hmmm. First clue. We then came upon a muddy bank. Hmmm. Just as we are negotiating our way down, Just Carey slips and slides all the way down on his butt. We then hear "On On" being called by none other than late-as-usual Big Bird Turd and Burnt Sox. BS leads us splashing into the creek. Hmmm. I thought we were going to avoid all of this. While some of the walkers quickly found trail on the bank of the creek through more PI, Beetlejuice and I decided that we needed to wash off the poison ivy droppings and headed (who said "head"?) straight into the water. How refreshing. It did get a little deep, but I'm not itching today, so I guess it worked.
Pretty soon, we came upon some of the runners cumming back in our direction and were told that the wine check was just around the corner. It was lovely. Spits It Out and For Sale or Rent had opened a number of bottles of delicious vino. They then informed me that I had completely missed the turnoff for the walkers' trail which is why we had cum through so much shiggy. Hey, I didn't care. The water felt great, the weather was lovely, and I had no place else to go. S-I-O did give us a short cut for the way back by following the culvert for Pimmit Run. As we reached the cut off point--a bridge over the Run--Bramble Bush remarked that she and Hymen Dickover had run over to this point before the hash, so she knew a really quick way back. As it turned out, she was right, and we ended up beating all but a few FRBs back to the cars. We then noticed Shitty Shitty Bang Bang leaving the metro parking lot, so we all jumped in our cars and drove over to a private parking lot near the Metro. And lo and behold, we were able to hang out, drink lots of wine, eat lots of cheese and lemon cookies, partake in some really good beer compliments of Drinks On Me, Bud, shop at Hasher Humper's close out sale, and have a rather long circle, and not once were we bothered by the local law enforcement establishment! Good job to the hares.
On On, Black Box
We thought we had finished as we entered the metro parking lot. I overheard LOTS of the group asking where is Shitty Shitty Bang Bang and the party. Thankfully, several of the group were able to direct the majority of LOST wankers toward the real ON-IN which was in the satellite parking lot to the west of the metro. Many of us moved our vehicles across the parking lot and changed out of our sweaty wet hash gear into something more comfortable. We then began the weekly festival called "chilling out". Hasher Humper was doing a brisk business, Spits It Out and For Sale Or Rent were pushing the FREE wine, and generally all was good with the world. Cyclops showed up in street clothes with some lame story about having a life. After about 15 minutes of recovery, Spinal Tap called the group to circle. Cyclops then called the hares forward; For Sale Or Rent, Trouser Snake, and Spits It Out came forward to BE RECOGNIZED. All present were then asked to answer that old question of "What did you think of that run?". And as all hashers have come to understand the age old response of "What a Shitty run!" sprang forth from the group. After some solemn deliberation Cyclops & GBOF asked for a song (which was "Why Were They") and the hares drank, and the sight was good. Spinal Tap then called the Virgins forward, their vitals are listed below:
| Name | Who Made Them Come | Temporary Hash Name |
|---|---|---|
| Elsa | Ila | Long Winter Night |
| Carrie | Working The Bar | Bar Dude |
| Jenifer | You Did | The Luckiest Woman On The Face Of The Earth |
| Emily | Michelle | We Want To Watch |
| George | Chalk | Easily Excited |
| Julie | Not Present Randy | Comes Alone |
| Laura | Not Present Randy | Randie's Rider |
| Ann | Hawaiian Puke | Tropically Challenged |
The song meister than led the group in "Why were they born so beautiful", and then they drank for the their Virgin Honor, it was a good sight and they did well. Welcome Virgins, come often. We had NO VISITORS. The long time no see'ers included Dry Hole, Wet Spot, Blue Balls, Pit Man, Beetle Juice, Nocturnal Omission, (just) Jeanette, The Mayor, Target, and (just) Linda. The drank well to the tune of "Their The Meanest".
We has four birthdays, they included 1. Well Drilled, 2. Missed Erections, 3. Snow White, and 4. Our one and only Black Box, we sang the same old "happy birthday *uck you" song and watched them drink. Next we recognized Spits It Out for his car accident and temporary case of amnesia (so what's new). Guess what, we had a 100 run mug award, and the lucky guy was Stool Sample. This caused all Turds to drink and they got me. Guess what, "when one bill wagner drinks all bill wagner's drink" so my evil clone also got his time in the sun. In the violations section Trouser Snake was recognized for his racing shirt and his lost & found wine glass. In addition Where Da Fak Hawe was recognized for motorcycle crusing and CATCHING 4 women on Harley's (go man go, we are honored by your presence in our group). Our two cinderellas for the day were: Blazing Stradles and Bare Back.
We had TWO very special events this week, NAMINGS. In the initial event (just) Mark had the following recommendations 1. G Spot Man, 2. Inspector G Spot, 3. Foreplay Before Intercourse, and 4. Cock Pit. After MUCH deliberation: hence forth and forever more in the WH4 and the world of hashing you will be known as:
Good luck and remember to enjoy the act one time at a time. In the second event (just) Paul, Celtic Climax's mate was called forward for the second time. Fortunately, this week we ALL immediately agreed on a name: hence forth in the WH4 and the world of hashing you will be known as:
Enjoy the new handle, and don't forget it at the next hash.
The winner was Trouser Snake for an arrogant attitude, his MASK, Shortcutting, and abnormal behavior on trail. I was amazed at the efforts he made to get rid of it. His co-possible ones included, Blazing Stradles (for never having it), and Raise My Titanic (for her shaft job on the hashit last week). We san "Why Was She" as we watched them enjoy some brew. The circle then asked for announcements, which took a LONG time, then they called for "Pots on the Ground", and we began singing "Swing Low". After the song, we heard the crowd say say "Go In Piece" and "Get A Piece" with a blur of noise. We then received instruction about the ON-ON-ON. The hash was fini (Italian for finished) for another week.
The ON-ON-ON was held at On The Border at Tyson's. We had NO DEAL AT ALL, but enjoyed ourselves none the less. We occupied the outside and patio area in the front. It was VERY comfy and warm (both ways). I have never seen so many margaritas and sangria sunrises consumed by this hash, WOW. Of significant notice was Pussy Whipped who was NOT naked all night long (a new record), Stool Sample for really enjoying his 100th run, Wilbur and Drinks On Me Bud for having too much fun, and For Sale Or Rent for the good news that she may have sold here house in Petersburg. After a couple of hours they crowd thinned and the hash was history for another week!!! Can't wait to next week!!!!
In my CONSTANT REMINDER section I would like to thank Missed Erections for coming again and single out Soggy Oreo Bitch (SOB) and Puts It Out for not coming again. This week I would like to add Heymen Dickover for his feeble looking beard (try again guy). GBOF did not slobber on himself for another week, good job at learning to be religious advisor.
Is there anyone else who wants to insure that I include them in the trash EACH WEEK, if so let me know and you will get in my CONSTANT REMINDER section.
On On, Big Bird Turd
#591 May 25; 3:00 PM Memorial Day/Naval Hash Monday 3:00 pm; Squidley Didley, & Keyless Entry
#592 June 1; 6:30 PM Looking Fore Hares
#593 June 8; 6:30 PM Looking For Hares
#594 June 14; Time TBD Pagan Party Fat Boys Hash Wright Farm Area
#595 June 15; 6:30 PM The Multiple Bill Wagner Birthday Hash; Big Bird Turd, Mellow Foreskin
Cheese, Heymen Dickover, plus a mystery hare.
#596 June 22; 6:30 PM Looking Fore Hares
#597 June 29; 6:30 PM Yeast Injection & Trouser Snake Start Foggy Bottom - GWU
#598 July 6; 6:30 PM Independence Day Hash Looking Fore Hares
#599 July 13; 6:30 PM Bastille Day Hash Looking Fore Hares
WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR HARES. If interested, contact GBOF at 703-876-4772.
Pittsburg H3 800th Run - June 4-7 This should be a hash blowout of the first magnitude. Details to follow.
June Full Moon Hash - June 12 Here's Looking at You--The next full mOOn hash will be on Friday, June 12 at 7 pm. It will be co-sponsored by DC Harriers and Harriettes as the kick off to their 1000th run weekend celebration. We will be toasting DCH4 (or more likely, we will be toasted at DCH4) on their 999th run. The run will start at My Brother's Place, 237 2nd Street, NW, Washington, DC. Cost will be $12 for the run and On On On.
DCH4 (DC Harriers and Harriets Hash) 1000th Weekend - June 12-14; Location is the Washington D.C. Metro area. All hashers (near & far) are invited to participate in this hashing millennium event. More information on cost, registration, and other hash sh*t to follow. Fri, 12 June - #999 - a Washington (pre) monumental Hash Sat, 13 June - #1000 - country Hash in the Potomac, MD area, Sun14 June - #1001 - Dalmatian Hash (tentatively planned for inside the Beltway).
WH4 Yearly Pagan Party Weekend -June 13th & 14th: Pull out your calendars and mark the weekend Saturday, June 13th Pagan Party Theme "Alien Abduction/Seduction" Pig Roast, BEER, two live bands, BEER, bonfire, BEER, a virgin sacrifice, BEER, and overnight camp out. Sunday, 14th June Fat boys Hash (#594). Location at the Wright (Shooting Blanks and Barfly), farm near the Sharpsburg (Antietem to the Yankees) Battlefield in Maryland very near Harper's Ferry. $20 prior to June 1st $25 after June 1st, See "Blazing Straddles" for details.
Wisconsin State Society's 16th Annual Orioles Game and MFC Birthday Tailgate Party - Saturday, June 20. Tailgate party at 3:00 pm, Orioles vs. Blue Jays game at 7:05 pm. $25 for game ticket and party. $20 extra for bus which leaves from Pentagon South Parking lot at 3:00 pm. See Mellow Foreskin Cheese or one of the other Cheeseheads for details.
WH4 600th Run - July 25th (Saturday) 3:00pm, social gathering to follow, activities will include beer, food, dancing, socializing, and overall a damn good time. More details to follow.
DC Red Dress Run - Mid September 1998, details to follow.
Octoberfest & Kuala Lumpur Extravaganza - September 24 - October 10 Drinks On Me Bud is putting together a 3 week package for 25+ hashers to attend the Octoberfest in Munich and other fun stuff before heading to the Interhash in Malaysia. See DOMB if you are interested. He has an AWSOME package for the whole thing!!
Interhash '98 - October 2-4; The Mother Hash, Kuala Lumpur H3, hosts; Join hashers from around the world for the 60th Anniversary of Hashing! Contact Rob Stott, +60-3-618-5650; or mail Jo Doraisamy, PO Box 40, Ampang PO, Ampang, Malaysia 68000. Registration is now $215 US (give or take a dollar for postage etc), to late for a cost reduction you last minute wankers.