Date: June 15, 1998
Hares: Mellow Foreskin Cheese, US Boobs & Oral Report, & Big Bird Turd
Location: The Wetlands Around East Falls Church, VA
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Well gang, I was ABSOLUTELY WETTER than he** last week. This was one WET and SOGGY hash. I only hope that everyone had a good time, all things considered (a relative term in regards to a downpour).
Your hares got to the start at 4 PM sharp to lay the BEST DAMN trail that WH4 had ever seen on a Wagner Brothers Birthday hash. With all of the best intentions, and lots of chalk and flour; we were off plopping and circling our little hearts off. But alas, as we completed the first loop by the park and creek, MOTHER NATURE changed things A BUNCH. It started to rain like HELL, I was in the tunnel marking the trail that would have lead you to a ladder exit point from the creek, when it all began. Mellow Foreskin Cheese and US Boobs & Oral Report were off setting another section at that time. I hurriedly exited the tunnel and ran across the street to get some shelter under an old gas station overhang, it was at least 10 to 15 minutes before MFC and USB&OR showed up DRENCHED to the teeth. It seemed like eternity as we waited for another 30 minutes for the rain to pass. The sky got lighter and it almost seemed that we could pull this thing off, so with new spirit we were off resetting and completing the trail. As we came to the woods on the second section of the trail, MFC was stopped by the owner who wanted to know what this thing hashing was all about. MFC in him most lawyerly & eloquent voice talked the owner into letting the hash use his small piece of heaven to celebrate this day. We then ran into the woods and down to the creek, O-MY-GOD was the water high and swift. We contemplated things for a moment and I decided to try and cross. BOY was this a challenge, but somehow I endured the creek and got to the other side. I told MFC and USB&OR to go back around and meet me at the last hash section after the last planned creek crossing. As they departed I was wondering what was ahead for me. To my amazement I was forced to re-cross the creek about 100, meters down stream (there was no path and LOTS of DOGS Barking LIKE HECK, what a scary sight). When I re-crossed I found myself in LOTS of SHIGGY, and guess what the shiggy was everywhere with no end in sight. After crawling under, stepping over, and walking through LOTS of it I came to the BEER STOP point. I was happy, maybe this event would be a success after all. I quickly set trail down to the creek and made the final RIVER CROSSING before the final section of the trail. As I came up out of the creek, I was relieved to see MFC and USB&OR. After celebrating for a few minutes, we realized that we needed to get going to the finish. We quickly laid the last section, and began our trek up to the start in our vehicles.
As I arrived at the beginning at about 6:25 with this grin of joy on my face, I was greeted by a group lead by Had A Madam who told me we were kicked out of the bowling alley parking lot (MFC I thought you had coordinated things). Well after much to do we saw an antique store parking lot across the street, we quickly made a command decision and everyone was off. But UNFORTUNATELY, that was about the time that the RAIN was ON AGAIN. I got wetter than Hell for the second time in one day, o-well it's only hashing. I also knew that the trail was washed away for the second time in one day. What Was I to Do???????
The group huddled under several storefront overhangs in the area, and after about 10 minutes of collecting money and telling hash rainy day war stories, Had A Madam began the hash by stepping out into the rain and announcing to all "welcome to the 595th running of the WH4", everyone seemed impressed. Boy did he get some cat calls from hell for that. Well anyway, some of the folks that I saw who showed up included: Bark A Dil Do, Blazing Stradle, Black Box, Bonnie Brewer, Fussy Bitch, Celtic Climax, Champagne Charlie, Chappaquickdick, Cheese Spread, Dirty & Hairy, Dumb & Dumber, Dumb Blonde, Eat It Raw, For Sale Or Rent, Goofy, Had A Madam, Hawaiian Puke, Hasher Humper, Heat Seaking Moisture Missle, Hurls From The Crypt, Ich Liebe Dick, Jimmi Hendrix, Late Cummer, Mellow Foreskin Cheese, Missed Erections, Perc A Set, Pro Boner, Put It Out, Put The Bitch Down, Raise My Titanic, Road Kill, Rude Boy, Spinal Tap, Stool Sample, Trouser Snake, and Yeast Injection.
Had A Madam and Spinal Tap go everyone motivated by having the FASTEST rendition of Father Abraham that I have ever seen. Since MFC and USB&OR were no where to be seen (they came late and went with the walker - see Black Box's section below), I was called forward to get things going. At that split second I decided to lead a BLIND MIME hash. English translation "follow me, do what I say and have a good time no matter how badly you feel".
I was asked to explain the trail, I SAID NOTHING BUT LOOKED AT THE SKY, and everyone understood. But I did explained about the swollen creeks and the snakes and the other fearsome critters we were about to encounter on the "HASH FROM A WET HELL". As I saw all of these looks of disbelief I knew it was going to be a good hash. I then yelled ON-ON and ran to may car to drop off a wet towel. To my amazement about 60 die hard's followed me to my car (good job, you all learn very quickly). I then began throwing flour and everyone yelled ON-ON, boy was this fun. As we came up and out of the bowling alley area into a park I stopped, bent over and drew a circle on the wet asphalt and yelled "CHECKING". Almost immediately several brave members of the group went out to check on trails that had NO HASH WHAT-SO-EVER on them. As the rear of the group closed on the check, I marked the bad trails and drew a hare's arrow and yelled ON-ON as I ran down the correct path. I repeated this operation for about 4 times before we came upon the first creek crossing.
It really didn't look that deep or that swift, but it was BOTH; and I got swept away at about the half way point. All I could remember saying to myself was "save the flour", so as I was drifting down stream looking like the "AWAKENING" statue at Haines Point, I kept the flour high and started looking for an exit point. About 200 meters later I was able to get upright and crawl out of the water, I was LUCKY.
We then wandered over several of Falls Church's best Streets before we entered the wooded section of the trail. It was funny seeing all of the hashers slipping and sliding in this section. Lots of mud and grime to slip on and into. This trail came out at the second creek crossing site, but due to my floating water sports demonstration earlier, and the fact that the water was higher and faster than the creek that I got swept away in; we all decided to skip it and work our way around the streets to the beer stop. After LOTS of MUD SLIPS coming out of the woods, I went into the throw flour and drawl circle mode of operations once again. This lasted for about a mile at which point we arrived at the beer check. Shitty-Shitty-Bang-Bang was a great sight for my wet eyes. Everyone seemed to enjoy the beer and water, but since we were all getting cold standing around, we were quickly off.
Now the FUN was about to begin, as we came down a wooded trail to the FINAL creek crossing, I was hoping that we could get everyone across without too much fuss. I was the first to enter the creek and attempt to cross. The water was cold and moving fast. Everyone watched in amazement, as I made it to the other side, I told them to follow me. Several of them looked at each other, with this "NOT ME" look one their faces. Fortunately one of the brave hearts yelled out. "let's do a people chain crossing", and everyone agreed. I never saw a more humorous and serious hash activity before in my whole life. It was really great to watch. After about 15 minutes everyone was across and we were off on the final leg of the hash.
It was more flour in the air and circles being drawn on the ground for the next mile or so. As we came up to the finish I was relieved to get everyone back safely and have this thing over.
View from the Rear
It was a dark and rainy night.....
The day started off with me hearing a rather disturbing weather report: possible thunderstorms in the late afternoon. So I called Mellow Foreskin Cheese to commiserate with him. He told me not to worry, that it WOULD NOT RAIN during the hash. But then, MFC is a lawyer; of course, he lies. That evening as I was trying to decide what to wear, I turn on the news and start hearing about the thunderstorms and hail moving towards Arlington and Falls Church from Loudon and Fairfax. Oh great! I look outside and the sky opens up. But by the time I had to leave for the hash, the rain had tappered off. Maybe MFC was right afterall. Maybe all of this would blow over. Yeah, sure! When I arrived at the start, it was just barely drizzling. Had-A-Madam was already there with the newly slimmed down version of the Hashit. Betty Crotcher greeted me with wet hair, noting that she had gotten soaked once and had already changed into dry clothes. Wheredafukrwe mentioned that he had just gotten back from WisCONsin, having gone to the Harley Davidson ralley in Milwaukee. Pretty soon, a bunch of other wankers start straggling to the bowling alley parking lot. Blazing Straddle and Just Jeff came roaring up in a new purple car. H-A-M and I had the same thought: Ms. Straddle has a new car for which she must pay, not to mention, drink. When we approached her, she said that this was definitely not her car, it was a rental while her's was being repaired, and that no she was not going to drink for this piece of shit, thank you very much.
As Ms. Straddle and I were signing everyone in and giving them their choice of colored pacifier bubble necklaces as birthday party favors, some Nazi woman cums rushing out of the bowling alley where we were assembling demanding to know whether we had gotten permission to park in the parking lot. Silver-tongued devil that she is, Ms. Straddle goes running over and says, "absolutely, we did." The Nazi said "no way, I'm the manager of this place and no one got permission from me!" Now the reason we were parking in this lot was because da Bills (Big Bird Turd and Mellow Foreskin Cheese) had noticed that the bowling alley closed at 6 pm, so they figured that this would be a perfect place. Wrong! The Nazi told BS that, yes, the bowling alley closed at 6, but she didn't want our cars in the parking lot because--are you ready--people might drive by and think that the bowling alley was OPEN. God forbid that a bunch of cars out front might make the bowling alley seem attractive. She told BS, who by now had been joined by Great Balls of Fire and H-A-M, that unless we moved our cars, she would have them towed. Just about this time, it starts rainy, no, make that, pouring. So since everyone decided to take refuge in their cars anyway, moving them to a parking lot across the street was not a big deal. We then all assembled under a couple of overhangs next to an antique store while we waited for the hares.
This was the first time in recent memory that a WH4 hash actually started on time. As soon as Big Bird Turd arrived from his second trip of the day laying trail, he announced that he would run ahead of the pack throwing flour. When he got to a check point he would wait there for a minute, allow everyone to run around, and then announce true trail. OK for the runners, but where were MFC and Oral Report, who were supposed to have the shortcut for the walkers? As Big Bird called On On, about 10 of us stayed in the shelter of the overhang not knowing what to do. Hasher Humper suggested that we could all drive over to the Pines of Florence, which was the site of the On On On. Celtic Climax and Bare Back both said that they really wanted some exercise, so they decided to run after the pack. Bonnie Brewer saw this sleazey chili joint across the street and suggested that we go there for a beer. Vomitatrix and Late Cummer decided to join her. I heard later that they had such a good time and made soooo many friends in there that they decided to hare a run together and end at that very same chili place.
The rest of us just stood around until MFC and Oral Report drove up. By this time, the rain had slacked off again quite a bit, so the two hares suggested that the walkers follow them on the first part of the trail. MFC walks ahead (who said "head"?) of us throwing flour. Oral Report, who is haring for her first time, was pretty disappointed at how things turned out, and announced that she really needed a hug. Most of the wankers just stood there not knowing what to do with such an incredible invitation. Well, since I had just discovered that we both went to Wake Forest, I demonstrated the proper technique for a big Demon Deacon alumni squeeze. Oral Report and I then walked the trail together reminiscing about our college days. As we crossed a bridge over a culvert, both OR and MFC gasped at the depth and speed of the rushing water underneath us noting that when they were scouting trail, that water was just a trickle. Gratefully, MFC lead us back to our cars in short order and suggested that we reassemble at the Pines of Florence, so we did. Fortunately, just after we all got there, Rude Boy showed up in Shitty Shitty Bang Bang, so at least we had beer, although we didn't have any of that dark beer that I really like. No, I'm not whining, this is just a hint to the brew crew. The pack arrived a few minutes later. Alot of people then decided to change into dry clothes. I figured I would wait until the On On On, which turned out to be the right move, since the sky opened up once again. Geez, what did the hares do to tick off Mother Nature? Spinal Tap and Cyclops got the circle going right away and kept it short, thank God. ON ON
(The finally dry) Black Box
As we entered the parking lot of the Pines Of Florence, I was NEVER happier to be FINISHED a hash. Boy was I TIRED and WET. It was GREAT to see that Shitty-Shitty-Bang-Bang Van sitting in the lower lot waiting to serve the wet rats. Many of the group left quickly to get dry clothes, what a mistake as it would rain again before the festivities of the circle were over. The other half of the group (the smart ones) stayed and began drinking immediately. The overall tenor of the group was good, in fact I actually think most of the crew who did the impromptu trail had a good time and were basking in the accomplishment awaiting the start of the circle. CONGRATULATIONS to all of the finishers you did it all on this night. I even observed Hasher Humper selling her goodies, well at least until it began to rain again. I knew the circle was soon to happen. Spinal Tap, Had A Madam, and Cyclops (who was in street clothes) called the group to circle. Spinal then called the hares forward: Mellow Foreskin Cheese, US Boobs & Oral Report, and Big Bird Turd came forward to BE RECOGNIZED. All present were then asked to answer that old question of "What did you think of that run?"., but before they could answer Big Bird Turd (yours truly) shouted to the group "what a UNIQUE and GREAT trail", but alas Spinal got the group refocused and they responded with, as all hashers have come to understand the age old response of "What a Shitty trail!" sprang forth from the group. After some solemn deliberation Spinal Tap, Had A Madam & Cyclops asked for a song (which was "Why Were They") and the hares drank, and the sight was good. Had A Madam then called the Virgins forward, and even with the rain there were several newbees!!!!! Their vitals are listed below:
| Name | Who Made Them Come | Temporary Hash Name |
|---|---|---|
| John | Desire To Be With Fun People | Racing Stripes |
| Dan | Mellow Foreskin Cheese | Likes'm With Nails |
| Tom | GBOF | Preparation H |
| Mike | The Pink One Over There | Batteries Provided |
| Judy | GBOF & (just) Scott | Judy, Judy, Judy |
Had A Madam then asked for a note, and they drank to "Alla Zumma, Zumma Zumma) it was a good sight and they did well. Welcome Virgins, come often. We had 3 VISITORS (just) Charles from Princeton, Heimen from Legos, and Tez's Smirnoff Smirk from Erdim College. They drank to "10 Toes Up and 10 Toes Down", they really seemed to enjoy the rain as they drank. The sight was good and the rains stopped. Enjoy your souvenir mugs (we are now issuing our brand new cheaper ones).
We had several birthday's this week, they included; (1) #2, (2) Mellow Foreskin Cheese, (3) US Boobs & Oral Report, (4) Big Bird Turd, (5) (6) (7) and (8) I could not read my wet papers. Had A Madam lead us in the Happy Birthday *uck You song.
Awarding Of The Hashit - Had A Madam did in fact bring the hashit to our WET gathering so we could reward one of group with the extreme honor of carrying it for a week. The nominees included: (1) The Pack for being the pack, (2) Eat Me For Breakfast for missing the metro; (3) Vominatrix for for being a rambett and swimming a LONG distance; (4) Big Bird Turd for white water hashing; and finally (5) Late Comer for being the pack representative. AND the winner is Big Bird Turd for his extreme take on white water hashing. Had A Madam then lead us in "He's The Meanest" and yours truly BBT drank well (boy did I drink a LOT this day).
View from the ON ON ON - The ON-ON-ON was held at the Pines Of Florence in Falls Church. We had no special deal that included a mix of Italian food and lots of bottled beer. Everyone enjoyed the deal and it was good. After a couple of hours of GREAT companionship, the crowd thinned and the hash was history for another week!!! Can't wait to next week!!!!
In my CONSTANT REMINDER section I would like to thank The Rain Gods for such a wonderful environment to run in. In addition it was such a pleasure to set trail 3 times, it makes a man of you. Also thanks to the Black Box for her giveaways and Blazing Stradles for Collecting and Collecting our hash monies each week. We love you all. Keep it UP!!!! Is there anyone else who wants to be included in the trash EACH WEEK, if so let me know and you will get in my CONSTANT REMINDER section.
On On,
Big Bird Turd
#597 June 29; 6:30 PM Yeast Injection & Trouser Snake Start: Foggy Bottom - GWU
#598 July 6; 6:30 PM Rude Boy & Mystery Hare Start: Mr. Days NW DC, On-On-On: Mr Days,
NW DC
#599 July 13; 6:30 PM Bastille Day Hash Shooting Blanks & Mystery Hare Start: Tenley Circle, NW
DC
#601 July 20; 6:30 Bundling Board, Cums On A Wimp, & ?
#600 July 25; 3:00 Stained Sheets, Perk-A-Set, & Big Bird Turd Start: McLean VA VFW On-On-
On: McLean VA VFW
#602 July 27; 6:30 Champagne Charlie Birthday Hash Hares: Champagne Charlie & Eat It Raw Start:
Vienna Metro [orange line]
#603 August 3; 6:30 Trouser Snake & Mystery Hare, Start: Old Town, Alexandria VA
#604 August 10; 6:30 Perky & [Just] John Farewell Hash, Hares: Perky & [Just] John, On-On-On:
Sunset Grille, Annandale VA
#605 August 17; 6:30 Vominatrix, Late Cumer, Bonnie Brewer
WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR HARES. If interested, contact GBOF at 703-876-4772.
Over-The Hump H3 750th Run - 26-28 June 1998, Location Lunga Point, Quantico, Va. Call PUDJAM0, Ext 10# or call Nun Knocker (Jeff Ward) 703- 492-8710 for details. Costs go up soon so call or phone to register.
Smithsonian Folklife Festival (Special Wisconsin Event TAILGATE PARTY) - Friday, July 3 from 5:30-9:00 P.M. National Mall, meet at the beer tent and celebrate with your hasher and Wisconsin buddies,. For details see Mellow Foreskin Cheese.
Hudson Valley 4th Of July Romp (New York Hash House Harriers) - 3-6 July Casperkill Game Club New York, details email Marion Konop at hhhgothan@aol.com
WH4 600th Run Weekend - July 24 & 25. Friday, July 24 - Prelewd 6:00pm Happy Hour - Location TBA (Saturday) 3:00pm 600th Hash, social gathering to follow, activities will include beer, food, dancing, socializing, and overall a damn good time. Location of Hash and Part VFW in McLean (the Hash familiar joint near Great Falls).
Great Balls Of Fire & [just] Mike's Annual Lake And Pool Party - Saturday 1 August @ 6:00pm Location: Falls Church, VA - Jaguar Trail & Lakeside Village Drive [across from Falls Church H.S.]. Details are a comin'!
Tri-HASH-alon - 9 August Time TBD 200 yard float - beer/wine check, 5 mile Mountain Bike through a vineyard - beer/wine check, 2-3 mile run through the vineyard - beer/wine and food following... Where - Tarara Vineyard, Leesburg VA. Hares - *69 (Terry Robinson - terobins@cisco.com) Indecent Proposals (Stefanie Crisanto - scrisanto@fedsched.com
Nittany Valley H3 550th Hash Weekend At Stone Valley - 13-16 August, for details call Paul TuTu Fairy Rehrig (814) 861-7989, or email pwr100@psu.edu or web site http://kanzelmeyer.simplenet.com.nvhhh.
DC Red Dress Run - September 12, 1998, BIG Weekend Full Moon and Lots Of Fun. Plan For It NOW!
Octoberfest & Kuala Lumpur Extravaganza - September 24 - October 10 Drinks On Me Bud is putting together a 3 week package for 25+ hashers to attend the Octoberfest in Munich and other fun stuff before heading to the Interhash in Malaysia. See DOMB if you are interested. He has an AWSOME package for the whole thing!!
Interhash '98 - October 2-4; The Mother Hash, Kuala Lumpur H3, hosts; Join hashers from around the world for the 60th Anniversary of Hashing! Contact Rob Stott, +60-3-618-5650; or mail Jo Doraisamy, PO Box 40, Ampang PO, Ampang, Malaysia 68000. Registration is now $215 US (give or take a dollar for postage etc), to late for a cost reduction you last minute wankers.