Date: June 22, 1998
Hares: Puts It Out, Latin Analyst, Late Comer & Big Bird Turd
Location: The Wetlands Around The Van Dorn Metro
GET YOUR HASH INFORMATION ELECTRONICALLY - Contact GBOF via email.at smythe_andrew@birdengineering.com, to be added to the WH4 electron list (Submit First & Last Name, Your Hash Name [if you have one], and put “GBOF” in the subject line, make sure you send your email address).
HASHER HUMPER HABADASHER INFO: As some of you know, we are having problems with the white lettering peeling off on the blue and green shorts. The supplier is aware of this problem (I called very quickly!). If you bought a pair of the blue or green shorts this summer and the imprint is starting to peel off, please return the shorts to me and I will give you another pair or refund your $12. *Please* wash them first! I am returning all defective shorts to the supplier. The problem seems to be in the shorts with the mesh lining, but if anyone has the longer length and the white imprint starts to peel, please bring them back also. Sorry for the inconvenience. By the way, wash according to label instructions!
On a happier note, have you seen our new on on feet mouse pads? For only $5 you can make a hash statement at your office or home. Always stop by the White House H3's hash outlet to see what's new and what's on sale. You never know if you will find that perfect gift for your hash sweetheart!
WH4 SUPER BIG 600th WEEKEND 24 through 26 July 1998. Can you believe it FOUR (4) HASHES ONE (1) PARTY, and ONE (1) each Pub Crawl, Fat Boys Recovery, and a Monday special. Mark your calendars and check out the details inside. Make sure you get the info and pay early NLT July 6th to get a SPECIAL DEAL, otherwise you pay BIG BUCKS.
I’m going to make this short and sweet gang, here goes. I was ABSOLUTELY WETTER than he** AGAIN last week. Why O Why do I volunteer to hare these awful things called HASHES. This was even WETTER and SOGGIER than my Birthday hash. I only hope that everyone had a good time, all things considered (a relative term in regards to a downpour).
Your hares got to the start at 3:45 PM sharp to lay the BEST DAMN Mount Vernon Hash House Harriers trail that WH4 had ever seen (all of your hares are hard core Mount Vernon hashers). It was an absolutely GREAT trail (DRY), sorry you all had to run it WET. Because the rain washed away our trail marks after we had pre laid the trail, we were forced to run it live (all of you White House people got a chance to chase us down). After cleaning up at the start and getting DRY Flour, Puts It Out and I were off, and the remainder of the pack hurriedly got prepared to set sail and chase after us. From what I understand Hurly Girly Mon lead the pack in Father Abraham and you all did a QUICK job of it so you could get after us.
Out on the trail we had been working hard to set checks and BT’s where ever we could, but as we were just passing the water stop, we heard the pack yelling “it’s up there”, this really got our attention. From that point on we were running like hell throwing flour here and there and everywhere. We finally reached the beer check without getting caught. But alas, there was no beer van. We knew we would drink for this, so we decided to leave. As we were off we asked Black Box to hold the pack off so we could get some distance between us. We then set trail down a wooded path leading to a small creek. But, due to the rain, it was no longer SMALL, it was HUGE. Puts It Out and I crossed with a lot of difficulty. As we wandered up the next tunnel; we talked and I decided to go back and, at least, warn everyone about the situation. When I got to the beer stop, everyone was searching for the ON TRAIL. I explained the dangers ahead and everyone wanted to press on anyway. It was not until we got to the creek that everyone began to realize what I was talking about when I said DANGERS earlier. Most of the group crossed the creek (it was an absolute gaggle *uck, with bodies floating all over the place). The walkers went around (VERY smart move on their part). After the creek crossing, those of us who were still alive continued on into the tunnels. As we completed the first one, we then entered yet another tunnel. This was the NOISE tunnel from HELL. It sounded very much more dangerous and ominous than it actually was, BUT it wound up frightened LOTS of hashers. The scared ones (approximately 60% of the pack went around and over metro tracks to escape; in fact they stopped a metro train in their journey back to the finish; good job Stained Sheets and Bite Me Elmo). For the few who continued on (Pussy Whipped and the HUMPER crew to mention a few), there were four more tunnels and lots of water, mud and shiggy before the ON IN BEER NEAR.
View from the Rear
So there I was sitting in another downpour creeping down I395 towards the start of the hash. What is it with Monday nights recently? I mean the weather was beautiful all day long. Only when I left to go to the hash did it turn dark and gloomy. What has Big Bird Turd done to p*ss off Mother Nature so much? I pulled into the Van Dorn Metro parking lot and looked around wondering were everyone else was. In their cars, of course. But once I jumped out of mine, umbrella in tow, I noticed other people getting out of theirs. See, you just need someone to show the way. Blazing Straddle arrived about 30 seconds later, and rushed over to me and asked whether I had brought the sign-in list that she had emailed me last week. Yes, I did, responsible person that I am. Great, since she forgot hers. As we are collecting everyone’s money, the rain stops, and it starts to get brighter out. Geez, maybe this won’t be so bad after all. Of course, the hares, who started dragging in, were not happy campers having already set and re-set the trails after the first batch of flour got washed away.
This night the walkers were lead by not one, but two of the hares - Latin Anal-ist and Late Cummer. They were both pretty nervous since Rude Boy had not yet showed up with Shitty Shitty Bang Bang by the time F’Abe had been sung and the pack had been released. But they left instructions with Hasher Humper as to where the beer check was supposed to be. So we left and wandered through a townhouse development, across Van Dorn, and into a warehouse area, where we followed true trail across train tracks to a track/bridge over a raging stream. LA was walking with me when we got to the bridge. For someone who has a fear of drowning and doesn’t like heights, this was a rather tramatic experience. But LA kept telling me that beer would be my reward if I got across this, so I kept taking deep breaths and tried not to imagine what would happen if I slipped. Since I’m writing this trash, I guess you know that I made it across. We wandered through some more warehouses and into a housing development, when we finally came to the Baptist Church where the beer check was supposed to be, only no beer van. Just after we arrived, hares Put It Out and Big Bird Turd, who were relaying the trail yet again, came barreling around the corner and we told them no beer van. Oh sh*t. A minute later, Pussy Whipped doing his FRB routine, saw me just standing around and said, “don’t tell me there is no beer.” Fortunately, just at the moment that I was erasing the “beer” from the “beer near” sign, Rude Boy cums whipping around the corner to save the day.
Just as we are leaving the beer check, Big Bird announces that the little creek that we are to cross on trail has, well, gotten swollen (hmmm). He then says that the creek crossing last week was nothing in comparison to this. Well, since we know that BBT sometimes exaggerates, all the walkers decided to at least see whether we wanted to try the crossing. Our first clue that this might not be the best night for white water body rafting was when we could hear the water raging near us while we walked through the woods. The second clue came when I spotted Quick Drawers cumming back from the creek looking desparately for another way around. The third clue was when I actually saw the water. Great Falls was nothing compared to this. Spinal Tap figured that the water would be waist deep on him, assuming he could remain standing. As we saw Tick Cock in the middle of the stream helping others across, I turned to Just Patti (yes, there are now two of us) for her thoughts and it didn’t take much for us to decide to wimp out, but stay alive. So all the walkers and quite a few runners decided to turn around and backtrack the trail to the start. Fortunately, Latin Anal-ist was able to steer us clear of the railroad track/bridge crossing and the return was rather uneventful, although we did pass Smoot, or was that Smut, lumber company and its cool warehouse building. We also ran into Spits It Out a couple of blocks from the end. Apparently he did a dance with a concrete wall and had really scraped up his knee. LA lead us past the Metro parking lot through some real shoe sucking mud to the end. She promised me that we would go back to the cars through a tunnel, and she lived up to her promise. Best part was that the water was only a few inches deep and it cleaned all the mud off my shoes. Of course, as we are going through this pitch dark tunnel, I had to hold onto the wall to keep my balance and there were some nasty things that I touched that I don’t want to think about. No Bundling Board, I don’t mean you, although..... I did get a rendition of Swing Low started. Probably scared the sh*t out of anyone driving over us on I495, we were that loud.
On On for another week. Black Box
It was a joy to finally reach the finish and see Shitty-Shitty-Bang-Bang. I went to the parking lot to pick up my truck and bring the trash and bags to the finish. But alas others had the same ides, and US Boobs and Oral Report entered my truck (she has the combo due to a personal favor) and let the wankers have their stuff. As I was driving to the circlr site it really hit me, boy was I TIRED and WET. After I arrived and got situated it was GREAT to finally be passing out the trash and looking for a brew to relax with. The members of the group who had not already reciovered their dry clothes from my truck, quickly gathered their things and began to change into some drier stuff. The overall tenor of the group was good, in fact I actually think most of the crew who did the entire trail had a good time and were basking in the accomplishment awaiting the start of the circle. CONGRATULATIONS to all of the finishers. Also congrats to the metro stoppers, you set new standards of hashing also. I even observed Hasher Humper selling her goodies, now I knew all was well with the hash, and it was obvious that the circle was soon to happen. Spinal Tap, and Had A Madam, called the group to circle. Spinal then called the hares forward: Puts It Out, Latin Analyst, Late Comer, and Big Bird Turd came forward to BE RECOGNIZED. All present were then asked to answer that old question of “What did you think of that run?”, as all hashers have come to understand the age old response of “What a Shitty trail!” sprang forth from the group. After some solemn deliberation Spinal Tap, & Had A Madam asked for a song (which was “Why Were They”) and the hares drank, and the sight was good. Had A Madam then called the Virgins forward, we had only two. Their vitals are listed below:
| Name | Who Made Them Come | Temporary Hash Name |
|---|---|---|
| Rick | (just) Angie | Angina Attack |
| Andy | (just) Katrine | Used Tampon |
Had A Madam then asked for a note, and they drank to “Alla Zumma, Zumma Zumma) it was a good sight and they did well. Welcome Virgins, come often. We had 4 VISITORS a German fellow with 1970’s clothing. When he entered the circle a yell came forth “when one German drinks all Germans drink” and all the Germans came forth. Pussy Whipped lead us in “Sally In The Alley” and they drank. The other visitors were Bite Me Elmo from Mount Vernon, Akie Breakie Heart from Humping Hash House, and Prison Sex from Humping Hash House. We then had a late comer recognized, and when one late comer drinks than all Late Comers drink: and then when one hare all hares etc. It was good to see them all drink.
We had a solemn event; A NAMING. The lucky person was (just) Steve. He is a strange fellow who has been hashing off and on with White House for a LONG time. People talked about his 4th of July antics and his William Tell Overture special events. The possible names included (1) Reflection Erection, (2) Cannon Fire, (3) InDePants Day, (4) Exploding Seamen, (5) Fu*k In The Muck, (6) Loves Himself, (7) Coligulia The Roman, and (8) Roman Candle. And after mush pomp and circumstance, the winner is
May you live and prosper with such a fine name. To honor this new name Pussy Whipped lead us in the song “20 Toes”, and he drank and it was GOOD. Muck Man, may you now come to the hash without the fear of being named. It is now a done deal, enjoy it man!!!! All that was left was the hashit.
Big Bird Turd brought the hashit with the addition of his Calvin Klein “hash fashion” streamer to our second (in a row) WET gathering so we could reward one of group with the extreme honor of carrying it for a week. The nominees included: (1) The Brady Bunch for being the Brady Bunch, (2) Stained Sheets & Eat Me Elmo for stopping a metro train during a hash; (3) Vominatrix for running away from our one and only “Trouser Snake” while in the watery rapids of Alexandria; and (4) Big Bird Turd for white water hashing for the second week in a row. AND the (INITIAL) winner is Vominatrix for here snake fright act. Had A Madam then lead us in “He’s The Meanest” and Vominatrix drank well (I didn’t know snake charmers could chug so well, go girl go). BUT don’t let the story of the hashit end here, because of serious violations several minutes later, we had a reevaluation of who should leave with our PRIDE & JOY. Believe me, Vominatrix was ABSOLUTELY happy to see Tick Cock called forward for dropping his cell phone in the river during the hash. The crowd went wild in recognition of Tick Cock’s achievement, and all of a sudden the hashit transfer happen. Tick Cock, carry it well for the next 7 days. PS, does the cell phone still work????????? After the awarding and singing we had announcements, I can’t remember what they were or who said they. Next we had pots on the ground and lets sing “Swing Low”, at the conclusion the Hash was asked to get a piece and we all left in a good but tired frame of mind anticipating next week.
The ON-ON-ON was held at Nick’s in Alexandria on South Pickett. We had a $5 dollar beer and $5 Italian buffet special deal that included a mix of Italian food. We had a GREAT turnout (50-60). Everyone enjoyed the deal and the company was good. Even the music and atmosphere made it a good time, BUT some of the music was beyond wild and long (the artificial smog was a nice touch though); and some of the local’s were definitely not hash material. After a couple of hours of GREAT companionship, the crowd thinned and the hash was history for another week!!! Can’t wait to next week!!!!
SPECIAL ITEM FOR THIS WEEK: WSS Tailgate Party - On the Road Again
In case you were wondering whether Big Bird Turd’s tardiness is only at hashes, think again. On Saturday, he almost missed the bus for the Wisconsin State Society tailgate party and trip to Camden Yards. Only thing that saved him was that he had the beer for the bus and the tickets to the game for everyone on the bus, so nooooo way was the bus leaving without him. Anyway, as Big Bird is loading all of the beer on the bus--with the help of the other thirsty hashers already on board--we barely got the warm cans into the coolers when Great Balls of Fire arrives. He rode with Late Cummer and they spent 15 minutes circling the Pentagon looking for the South Parking Lot. Sort of reminds you of them on trail, doesn’t it? GBOF jumps on the bus and starts to reach for a cold one. I told him that the beer had only been iced down for about 5 minutes, he grabs one anyway, and says, “its cold enough for me”--a true hasher sentiment immediately echoed by Bark-a-dildo, Glad He Ate Her, No Genitals, Late Cummer and Put It Out. Bonnie Brewer served as the bus captain, counting heads--hmmm--and generally entertaining us with her singing and dancing. The game was great-- O’s won 11-3, but there were a few people in the stands who didn’t appreciate the fact that our little group of 250 had been drinking steadily for 4 hours before we arrived at the game. Perhaps it was the site of Mellow Foreskin Cheese’s butt that turned them off. Perhaps it was Bonnie Brewer applauding the Milwaukee Brewers who weren’t even playing. Perhaps it was the leftover brats that the Wagner Bros brought into the stands. Perhaps it was the gas that the brats created. Who knows? But we had a great time. As we were getting ready to leave, I realized that Big Bird, who had been walking with us out of the stadium, hadn’t gotten on the bus--late again. Then I noticed a t-shirt/hat vendor, and guess what, there was Big Bird adding to his already extensive wardrobe. My theory is he doesn’t like to do laundry so he just keeps buying new stuff when the old stuff gets dirty. The ride home started out rather uneventful, until Late Cummer decided to liven things up by flashing GBOF, Hawaiian Puke, and myself. Geez. She really took me by surprise and almost put out one of my eyes. That woman has got a set a lungs! When we started hooting and hollering, of course, Put It Out and Big Bird came over and wanted a re-enactment, but she refused. I guess she figured she had started enough of a riot as it was. Best part of the whole trip though was when Mellow Foreskin Cheese got the O’s heavy hitter award for selling 250 tickets to the game. MFC was presented with a baseball signed by Chris Hoiles in a plastic stand. Really tacky. MFC gave the ball to me to play with (hmmm) while he went back to the tailgate party. Chappaquickdick suggested that we buy another ball and have everyone at the party sign it and see how long it would take MFC to discover the difference, so he does and we did. We then substituted the hasher ball for the real one and gave it to MFC. Actually, he noticed right away and was thrilled; he decided it was the much better award!
One final note: the 250 of us at the tailgate party went through 7 kegs of beer, in addition to lots of soda and water! No wonder the other people in the ballpark thought we were obnoxious!
On On. Black Box
In my CONSTANT REMINDER section I would like to thank The Rain Gods for once again providing us with such a wonderful environment to run in. In addition I would like to recognize our ONE AND ONLY (GOLLY I CAN’T REMEMBER HER NAME - HA, HA) for he role in entertaining the troops during the Wagner Birthday hash a few weeks ago. She was such a good sport and we all appreciated her frivolity and spontaneity. Had A Madam was the master of ceremonies who lead us in our favorite “Alloute” in honor of pretty young lady.
love you all. Keep it UP!!!! Is there anyone else who wants to be included in the trash EACH WEEK, if so let me know and you will get in my CONSTANT REMINDER section.
On On, Big Bird Turd
WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR HARES. If interested, contact GBOF at 703-876-4772.
Smithsonian Folklife Festival (Special Wisconsin Event TAILGATE PARTY) – Friday, July 3 from 5:30-9:00 P.M. National Mall, meet at the beer tent and celebrate with your hasher and Wisconsin buddies,. For details see Mellow Foreskin Cheese.
Hudson Valley 4th Of July Romp (New York Hash House Harriers) - 3-6 July Casperkill Game Club New York, details email Marion Konop at hhhgothan@aol.com
DC July FULL MOON Hash – July 11th 7:00 PM Hares: TBD Start: TBD On-On-On: TBD
Tidewater 333 – July 17-19 See Pay Per View
NC/SC Intercourse July 24-26 See Pay Per View
WH4 600th Run Weekend – July 24 through 27. Friday, July 24 - Prelewd 6:00pm Pub Crawl in DC. Saturday July 25th - 3:00pm 600th Hash, social gathering to follow after ON-On or at 7:30 PM, activities will include beer, food, dancing, socializing, and overall a damn good time. Location of Hash and Party - VFW in McLean (the Hash familiar joint near Great Falls). Sunday July 26th Fat Boy recovery hash Noon. Monday July 27th Special Monday Hash at 6:30. Flyer is coming. Pay early (prior to July 6TH ) to save money.
Great Balls Of Fire & [just] Mike's Annual Lake And Pool Party – Saturday 1 August @ 6:00pm Location: Falls Church, VA - Jaguar Trail & Lakeside Village Drive [across from Falls Church H.S.]. Details are a comin'!
Tri-HASH-alon – 9 August Time TBD 200 yard float - beer/wine check, 5 mile Mountain Bike through a vineyard - beer/wine check, 2-3 mile run through the vineyard - beer/wine and food following... Where - Tarara Vineyard, Leesburg VA. Hares - *69 (Terry Robinson - terobins@cisco.com) Indecent Proposals (Stefanie Crisanto - scrisanto@fedsched.com
Nittany Valley H3 550th Hash Weekend At Stone Valley – 13-16 August, for details call Paul TuTu Fairy Rehrig (814) 861-7989, or email pwr100@psu.edu or web site http://kanzelmeyer.simplenet.com.nvhhh.
DC Red Dress Weekend Of Madness - September 11 through 13, 1998 BIG Weekend with Lots Of Hahsing And Fun. Plan For It NOW! Friday September 11th 7:00 PM Full Moon Hash and Party; September 12th Red Dress Hash: Sunday 13th White House Red Dress Champagne Brunch Recovery Hash and Bash.
Octoberfest & Kuala Lumpur Extravaganza – September 24 – October 10 Drinks On Me Bud is putting together a 3 week package for 25+ hashers to attend the Octoberfest in Munich and other fun stuff before heading to the Interhash in Malaysia. See DOMB if you are interested. He has an AWSOME package for the whole thing!!
Interhash '98 - October 2-4; The Mother Hash, Kuala Lumpur H3, hosts; Join hashers from around the world for the 60th Anniversary of Hashing! Contact Rob Stott, +60-3-618-5650; or mail Jo Doraisamy, PO Box 40, Ampang PO, Ampang, Malaysia 68000. Registration is now $215 US (give or take a dollar for postage etc), to late for a cost reduction you last minute wankers.
Virginia Interhash sometime in early November
Americas Interhash 99 Pittsburgh PA Details to follow