Date: July 13, 1998
Hares: Let Go Of My Ears, & Shooting Blanks
Location: The National Zoo (All Of The Cages) & The Environs
GET YOUR HASH INFORMATION ELECTRONICALLY - Contact GBOF via email smythe_andrew@birdengineering.com, to be added to the WH4 electron list (Submit First & Last Name, Your Hash Name [if you have one], and put "GBOF" in the subject line, make sure you send your email address).
PERSONALIZED HASH BASEBALL CAP: OPPORTUNITY: Ownership of a personalized hash baseball cap (your hash name or you (just) name or whatever you want to say on the back of a hash baseball cap). If Interested See BIG BIRD TURD (The Other Bill Wagner). THIS IS A SPECIAL OPPORTUNITY, YOU WILL BE SORRY YOU MISSED IT!!!!
WH4 SUPER BIG 600th WEEKEND 24 through 26 July 1998. Can you believe it FOUR (4) HASHES ONE (1) PARTY, and ONE (1) each Pub Crawl, Fat Boys Recovery, and a Monday special. Mark your calendars and check out the details inside. Make sure you get the info and pay early NLT July 6th to get a SPECIAL DEAL, otherwise you pay BIG BUCKS.
RED DRESS WEEKEND COUNTDOWN: The Fifth Anal Washington DC Area Red Dress Run will be Saturday, September 12, at 3 pm. The start will be at Lulu's New Orleans Cafe at 22nd and M Streets, NW. If you register before August 8, the cost will be $20 and you will also have the opportunity to order a limited edition Red Dress t-shirt. The cost will go up after August 8. This is without question the most anticipated run of the year and will be the climax (dare we hope) of a full weekend of Red Dress Events: Friday, September 11 will be a full mOOn pre-lewd hash. Sunday, September 13, White House will sponsor a recovery hash and champagne brunch. Registration forms for the Red Dress Run will be available at the hash from Black Box or on the web at: http://patriot.net~djk/mvh3/ or http://www.monumental.com/janus/dcreddress
Harddrive's Highlights from Red Dress II - June 1995 - 205 hashers: Trail went from Bardo's into Rosslyn through the skywalks then across the Memorial Bridge into DC. The trail went through Georgetown with a beer stop down at the boat landing. The pack ran through some sort of chili festival down by the water causing quite a disruption. It's alway nice to rile the natives. Again this year we used Metro as our transportation method. A hare side note: Yes, we did it again. This time we did not get on the Metro going the wrong way but we did get to the Foggy Bottom Metro stop just a few minutes before the pack. The hares hid behind a podium while the pack boarded. Once again the hares got off at Rosslyn Metro and ran to the On-On- On at Bardo without the pack knowing they "caught" us a second year in a row. This was the last year for Short Cummings as he relocated to San Antonio - hey SC, thanks for the push to start this thing! Next week: highlights from Red Dress III.
It was a marvelous day for they animals in the zoo; because the animals in the hash were going to entertain the animals in the zoo, for a change. Alas, my car and my watch failed me again; so I missed the circle up and the beginning with the crew. But I heard that John Handcock and Blowing In The Wind did an absolutely out f*cking standing job of getting us limber and started.
When I did arrive and park in front of the zoo, I ran back to the start and met up with Exhibit A& B, and Gulp (from Tidewater), who were also late. This was fun, I would not have to run alone trying to catch up with the pack. As we searched for the start I knew this was going to be a GOOD HASH because the good old time hasher Shooting Blanks was involved. But, as we found the start and we were outside of the zoo fence, I began to worry about the situation. Yes we were off into the woods down a BIG A** Hill. As we reached the bottom we ran out of flour markings and had to REALLY look for the next mark. After what seemed like 10 minutes, we found the golden markings and were off UP HILL this time. After about three or four repeats of the previously described sequence of events we finally came to a creek crossing. Gulp looked across the creek and saw some hash, I was not about to enter the water at this point so I encouraged Gulp and Exhibit A & B to climb a stone wall and wire fence to escape the water crossing. After a few painful moments we helped each other up and were off into Rock Creek Park. The hash was now about a mile and a half road race along the roadway in Rock Creek. Finally as we were about to re-enter the woods there was Black Box and the walkers. After our customary, "hello Black Box how's the walking going" and "Hello Big Bird, you actually came again" ritual my small group was off up a trail that was very familiar. O-YES the trail that leads to the road that is where the beer van always awaits us for a beer check. It is getting all to familiar in this Creekland area. By golly as we came out of the woods at the top of the hill, we say Shitty-Shitty-Bang-Bang and the hashers. We had caught up with the crowd. As I wandered around and took stock of who had cum it included: Blazing Stradles, Blowing In The Wind, Bramble Bush, Burnt Sox, Champagne Charlie, Dirty ‘N' Hairy, Dumb Blonde For Sale Or Rent, Fussy Bitch, Goofy, Great Balls Of Fire, Had-A-Madam, Hands Solo, Harem Scarem, Hawaiian Puke, Hurly Girly Man, Ick, Liebe Dick, Jimi Hendrix, John Handcock, Late Cummer, Leisure Suit Larry, Lick It Off Baby, Mellow Foreskin Cheese, Milk Money, Missed Erections, No Butts No Glory, No Genitals, Noah's Ark, Number 2, Oralgina, Pro Boner, Put It Out, Rainblow Dick, Sex Education, Speedy Edie, Spits It Out, Stool Sample, Three Times A Lady, Tick Cock, Tidy Bowl, Trouser Snake, Wheredafakhawe, Wilburr, (just) Nancy, Working The Bar, and Yeast Injection. There were also a LOT of NEW FACES, that I guess I will be writing about in the virgin section of the trash. Burnt Sox came over to me and wanted to coordinate a 7 days of hashing event. Being my always do a hash person, I said yes and was excited about the opportunity. Only time will tell about these things. Yes I will notify you all in the trash about the event, if anyone is interested. After about 5 minutes (15 for the rest) it was time to CUM or GO (depending on you sexual bend on things).
So we were off DOWN a hill. I saw LOTS of my favorite BUDDIES, and I said hello to them all. As I was going DOWN I over heard Hawaiian Puke say, "I finally had a good looking woman", do we know her? As we were Cumming up the hill on the other side it was nice to see Nurse Crochet, in fact as I passed she looked over and said "hello BBT", I was touched. But as we climbed, the pace slowed and I was wondering how many of the group still were enjoying themselves (what do you think)????? I asked Noah's Arc what she thought and here reply was "Just a little walk back up the hill", what was the girl thinking!!!!! As we were approaching the crest of the hill I came upon Vominatrix and show her the little bird shoe decorations she had given me several weeks ago. She was so cute as she said "The little birdies are out tonight". The little birdies were really tired tonight, thank you. I observed Put It Out at 30th & Woodbourne, and he was lost and confused. After several minutes of serious counseling, I had him ready to continue. I also saw members of the Brady Bunch with their hands in their pockets, bored and ready to call it quits. Clitoris Vomitus from Crystal Coast and I had a good chat about the hash. Spits It Out was having an ABSOLUTELY lovely time waving his French tri color. He looked GREAT, except that I overheard him say "I don't see any hash flour", my reply "don't look at your flag, look down at the road to see it". Once again we were honored by the presence of our token Brit the Generator. But unfortunately, she was wearing her AWFUL dinosaur kiddy shorts. The remainder of the hash was more of the same, HILLS; but eventually we began an incline on an old concrete road that I knew lead to the ON-IN. The end was near. See Black Box for more write up POOP.
View from the Rear
The hills are alive with the sounds of hashers. . .
I've got to hand it to co-hares Shooting Blanks and Let Go of My Ears: they seemed to have found every f*cking hill in DC for the trail. The evening started out with me desperately driving up and down Connecticut Avenue and its side streets looking for a parking spot since I had arrived just before 6 PM in order to help Blazing Straddle with the sign in. Since the parking restrictions on Connecticut don't lift until 6:30, I found a spot on Cathedral and thought I had carefully read the sign: Zone 2, 3 hour parking limit until 8:30 PM. OK, it was just before 6, so I was well within the time zone. I then had to walk down the hill to Connecticut and then up the hill to the Zoo, where we were starting. A few minutes after I arrive at the Zoo, Rubber Maiden cums running over and tells me he is parked a couple of cars in front of me and what do I think our odds are of being ticketed. Say What? Apparently, I had misread the sign: it was Zone 3 and only 2 hours of parking were permitted until 8:30. Oh sh*t. A little while latter, Rubber Maiden agrees to run back to the cars to see if any of the local meter maids have been by to mark the tires. If so, he was going to wash off the markings. After talking to one of the local residents, however, he finds out that the cops videotape, rather than mark the cars. So he cums back and tells me this and at 6:30 he decides to run back to his car and drive it to Connecticut Avenue in front of the Zoo Bar where we are having the On On On. He then volunteers to run back and move my car too. Sweet Boy. Thank you. By the time, the hash started, Rubber Maiden had already run a couple of miles!!
As I always do before the hash, I asked the hares for a shortcut for the walkers. Shooting Blanks tell me to walk down Connecticut to right on Calvert, left on 28th, to Rock Creek Park. He said that true trail was through the Zoo into the woods, and that we would miss most of the trail, and he would give us another shortcut at the beer check. Hey, THAT's no fun. I came to see the hippos. Who wants to walk down a traffic-laden street and miss all of the trail? So I went up to Flies First Class and told him that I didn't want to shortcut until after we got to the beer check. So we join the pack and go through the parking lot of the Zoo, not the Zoo itself, into some woods which then seem to go straight DOWN. Geez, this must be where they keep the mountain goats. The good news was that fumbling our way through this hilly, rocky, leaf-covered terrain kept the pack together. By the time those of us in the rear reached the bottom, several gallant male hashers were holding up a chain link fence in the middle of Rock Creek for the rest of us to crawl under. I'm not sure if this was true trail, but it worked. Soon we found hash on Rock Creek Parkway. Bundling Board and I were leading the walkers and discussing the fact that next week would be his last run before heading (who said "head"?) to Mozambique, when we looked to our right into the creek and saw Just Heather and a couple of other female hashers. What were they doing? Since the creek was surrounded by an 8 foot high fence with barbed wire on the top, we told them to go back to the area where we had been able to crawl under the fence, since there seemed to be no other way out. I guess they did, since Just Heather eventually caught up to us. As we reached the long tunnel under Porter Street(?), we realized we would have to walk single file, as the sidewalk was very narrow and the cars were whizzing past (yeah, better cars than hashers). So I took the lead, and picked up the pace since by now we were waaaaay behind the pack. When we came out on the other side, Legal Tender, Blank Check's daughter, who is a ripe 19 years old, told me she was amazed at how fast I walked, and I might as well run. Thank you. That was the nicest compliment I had all evening. Just as we are ‘rounding the bend and going back into the woods, I hear a familiar voice yelling "Black Box." It was Big Bird Turd, who I thought had just blown us off for the evening. No, he was just his usual timely self.
We finally made it up a hill to the beer check, where I saw Bonnie Brewer and asked how the h*ll she had gotten there, since (1) she wasn't at the start, and (2) she looked pristine. She just smiled that knowing smile of hers, and said "Blanche, brains, not brawn." At the beer check, I went up to Shooting Blanks to ask for a shortcut back. He told me he was pleased that the walkers had taken true trail so far, and that he planned to walk back with us and would show us all the shortcuts. Kewl. So just as we are leaving, Rude Boy, who is driving Shitty Shitty Bang Bang, stops Shooting Blanks to ask for d-erections to the end. Well, that was the last we saw of SB. The good news, though, was that Let Go of My Ears was running sweep and we got about 2 blocks from the beer check and she sees that the pack has mistakenly marked true trail to the right up a hill. She tells the walkers to keep going straight, and eventually the FRBs and then the pack, realized their mistake and caught up with us again. By this time, we are going up a (______!______) hill, albeit in a really fabulous neighborhood. Spits It Out, who is resplendent in his red, white and blue outfit, and carrying the French flag in honor of Bastille Day, offered to help pull Just Heather up the hill. Since Heather is no fool, she took him up on his offer and then starts a human chain with SIO doing all the work. Pretty soon, John Handcock and One Ringy Dingy pass us and they are wet from head (who said "head"?) to toe. Hmmm. Where have you guys been? John Handcock tells me "swimming." Did we miss that part of the trail? After what seemed like forever, we got to the top of the hill and see the tower of the National Cathedral to our left. Trail then turned right down, down, down a long street. Since we were going down (yeah, I wish), I started running. (Yes, walkers actually do run when it is downhill). Well, this was some down hill. I ran forever. Working the Bar and 7 Minutes caught up with me and passed me with no problem. We then reached Connecticut Avenue and Working the Bar starts to crawl on top of a guard rail over a ravine. She looks like she is about to take a Peter Pan to her death when I yell at her that it can't be THAT bad. She jumps anyway, and it turns out it was just a few feet down. Whew. I was trying to figure out how I would explain this to her boss (we work together). She and 7 Minutes then explain to the gathering crowd that they saw the pack going down this very steep dirt path to the bottom. We reluctantly join them, and are rewarded when Let Go of My Ears yells that this is, in fact, true trail. Trouble is, what goes down, must cum up. So before we could reach the On In, we had one more hill to climb. However, thanks to the Brew Crew, we had that lovely dark beer at the end of this journey so I guess it was all worth it.
On for another week. Black Box
As we wandered up the last possible hill in the area, I knew the end was near because I ran the Zoo Hash last year and we finished in the same spot once again. But alas the exact spot for the gathering was changed to a road intersection beside a community park. I left to get the TRASH and my CIGARS, when I returned the group was gone to the intersection. As I came down through the woods there was Shitty-Shitty-Bang-Bang and a festive group of wankers. Beer was flowing and everyone seemed relaxed and was obviously enjoying themselves. So, I passed out the TRASH and chatted with several of the group as I performed my duties. After a good time of drinking, and just socializing, Spinal Tap, and Had A Madam, called the group to circle. Had A Madam then called the hares forward: Let Go Of My Ears, and Shooting Blanks came forward to BE RECOGNIZED. After we FINALLY got them into the circle, the group was asked to answer that old question of "What did you think of that run?". As all hashers have come to understand, the age old response of "What a Shitty trail!" sprang forth from the group. After some solemn deliberation Spinal Tap, & Had A Madam asked for a song (which was "Why Were They Born So Beautify ….") and the hares drank, and the sight was good. Had A Madam then called the Virgins forward, we had LOTS of VIRGINS this week. Their vitals are listed below:
| Name | Who Made Them Come | Temporary Hash Name |
|---|---|---|
| Don | (just) Bob | Rise & Shine |
| Craig | Beer Buns & Peppermint Patty | Peanut Slugger |
| Joe | Stacked Ted | Likes E'm Stacked |
| Tom | Yeast Injection | Lotrian Lubricant |
| Dan | Cocky | Sticky Prick |
| Jim | Cocky | Thorny Cock |
| Leo | Can't Squat | Constipation |
| Kate | Shooting Blanks | Monija Twa |
| Lisa | Love Me Tender | Rub Me Raw |
| Saraha | (just) Katrina & Raise My Titanic | Goes Down On The Ship |
| Darrel | Great Balls Of Fire | Preparation H |
| Joerge | (just) Paulus | Tongue Tickler |
| Stephan | Gym Shoes | Toe Jam |
| Dorthy | Wilburr | Mrs. Ed |
| Allan | My Wife (boring) | Luckily Happy Married Man |
| Boma | Testicular Torsion | Tour'D Testicles |
| Jode | (just) Michelle | We Willie Wanker |
Had A Madam then asked for a note, and they drank to "ALA Zumma Zumma ….", it was mass confusion as the entire VIRGIN Class of the 599th hash attempted to down the beer ALL at once. But, once again, it was FUN to watch!!!!!!! Welcome Virgins, come often. We had 9 VISITORS, and they came and went SOOOO fast, they were: (1) (just) Marisa from Russia, (2) (just) Ngure from New Zeland, (3) Buffy from Orlando, (4) Duck Job from Montgomery AL, (5) Kiss from Tidewater, (6) Gulp from Tidewater, (7) Beer Buns from NOT SURE can't read my writing - SORRY ABOUT THAT, (8) Cork Broken from OTH, and (9) Clitorus Vomitus from Crystal Coast. They got their souvenir mugs and drank for the assembled masses as we sang "Ten Toes". Thanks for cuming and lets do it again SOOOON. We had NO ANNOUNCEMENT for long time NO C's.
We had several special occasions, (1) (just) Heather "SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT" for Race Walking in support of "F*ck You" Leukemia relief. She was harasses by the group and constantly said "one more lager", got work on your feet. (2) The EOD Boys for leaving us so soon, "their song was ALA Zumma". (3) A fashion Show with (a) (just) Kate - BOY did her out fit light up the French Sky, (b) just) Max The EOD guy with crotch see through shorts, (c) Heimen Dickover for an odd outfit, (d) Bonnie Brewer for BIG BOOB COVERS, and (e) Spits It Out For the whole French FLAG thing. (4) Yeast Injection got his Permanent Brew Crew T-SHIRT and OFFICIALLY became a Brew Crewer OO- FISH-ALLEY. They paraded followed and we voted (just) Max as the dick to see this day. I must add that we had 999 cars interrupt the circle, why were they so inconsiderate!!!!!
We had a solemn event; A NAMING. The lucky person was (just) Michelle. She has been observed bring MANY studs to the hash (a different stud crew each week). We had no trouble getting this one going. The names that flowed forth, included: (1) Praying Mantis, (2) Black Widow, (3) Easy Come, Easy Go, (4) Bites Their Head Off, (5) Black Hole, (6) They Go In, But They Don't Come Out!, and (7) Roach Motel. After mush pomp and circumstance, the winner is:
May you live, multiply and prosper your roach place. Had A Madam lead us in a song "The Roof Is On Fire" to celebrate the newest WH4 Roach, and Spinal Tap poured the brew over his head as she drank, and it was GOOD.
Awarding Of The Hashit - Burnt Sox brought the hashit and carried it with honor and pride during the hash. Those who were nominated included: (1) Burnt Sox for clock stopping and being stuck in the creek, (2) Roach Motel for running up Woodley down escalator, (3) Drive Through for an encounter with a BEE-HIVE), (4) Blazing Straddles for racing against the clock, and (5) (just) Tim for bogarting a GIN & TONIC all by himself. After much deliberation it went to (WE HAD A TIE) Roach Motel & Burnt Sox (The Burnt Man gave it to the Roach Lady to carry) for the week. See you both next week, remember to bring it back!!!!!
View from the ON ON ON - The ON-ON-ON was held at The Zoo Bar across the street from the start. It was crowed and the food was difficult to get a piece of (pizza that is), but the beer was flowing quite nicely, if I may say. After a couple of hours of GREAT companionship, the crowd thinned and the hash was history for another week!!! Can't wait to next week!!!!
In my CONSTANT REMINDER section I would like to thank my car for being late once again. In addition I would like to acknowledge a second timer who is really into our hash, Speedy Edie you really like us don't you??? In addition I would like to thank Missed Erections for being quiet recently. But, Fussy Bitch was acting up again and again and again (NO Al was not the reason, but what was it????); I think she feels in control that she has done 101 of us. Is there anyone else who wants to be included in the trash EACH WEEK, if so let me know and you will get in my CONSTANT REMINDER section.
On, On, Big Bird Turd
WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR HARES. If interested, contact GBOF at 703-876-4772.
NC/SC Intercourse July 24-26 See Pay Per View
WH4 600th Run Weekend - July 24 through 27. Friday, July 24 - Prelewd 6:00pm Happy Hour - Location TBA (Saturday July 25th) 3:00pm 600th Hash, social gathering to follow after ON-On or at 7:30 PM, activities will include beer, food, dancing, socializing, and overall a damn good time. Location of Hash and Party - VFW in McLean (the Hash familiar joint near Great Falls). Sunday July 26th Fat Boy recovery hash Noon. Monday July 27th Special Monday Hash at 6:30. Flyer is coming. Pay early (prior to July 6TH ) to save money.
Great Balls Of Fire & [just] Mike's Annual Lake And Pool Party - Saturday 1 August @ 6:00pm Location: Falls Church, VA - Jaguar Trail & Lakeside Village Drive [across from Falls Church H.S.]. Details are a comin'! SEE FLYER ATTACHED
DC August Full Moon Hash - Saturday August 8th 8:00 PM The "G" String Romp in the wild Hash Hares: Drinks On Me Bud, Wilburr, John Handcock Start: TBD On-On-On: Poolside In Great Falls KEEP YOUR CALENDARS OPEN FOR THIS ONE!!!!!
Tri-HASH-alon - 9 August Time 1:00 PM Tarara Vineyard, Leesburg VA: 200 yard float - beer/wine check, 5 mile Mountain Bike through a vineyard - beer/wine check, 2-3 mile run through the vineyard - beer/wine and food following... Where - Tarara Vineyard, Leesburg VA. Hares - *69 (Terry Robinson - terobins@cisco.com) 703-620-0234 Indecent Proposals (Stefanie Crisanto - scrisanto@fedsched.com ) 703-430-2462.
Nittany Valley H3 550th Hash Weekend At Stone Valley - 13-16 August, for details call Paul TuTu Fairy Rehrig (814) 861- 7989, or email pwr100@psu.edu or web site http://kanzelmeyer.simplenet.com.nvhhh.
DC Red Dress Weekend Of Madness - September 11 through 13, 1998 BIG Weekend with Lots Of Hahsing And Fun. Plan For It NOW! Friday September 11th 7:00 PM Full Moon Hash and Party; September 12th Red Dress Hash: Sunday 13th White House Red Dress Champagne Brunch Recovery Hash and Bash.
Octoberfest & Kuala Lumpur Extravaganza - September 24 - October 10 Drinks On Me Bud is putting together a 3 week package for 25+ hashers to attend the Octoberfest in Munich and other fun stuff before heading to the Interhash in Malaysia. See DOMB if you are interested. He has an AWSOME package for the whole thing!!
Interhash '98 - October 2-4; The Mother Hash, Kuala Lumpur H3, hosts; Join hashers from around the world for the 60th Anniversary of Hashing! Contact Rob Stott, +60-3-618-5650; or mail Jo Doraisamy, PO Box 40, Ampang PO, Ampang, Malaysia 68000. Registration is now $215 US (give or take a dollar for postage etc), to late for a cost reduction you last minute wankers.
Virginia Interhash Weekend of October 2, 3, and 4. Location is Glen Maury Campground in Buena Vista. This is just off I- 81 between Staunton and Roanoke. Cost is $69.69 till September 15, $85.69 after September 15. September 15 cutoff is so we can have custom made giveaways prepared. Lots of beer, food, beer, Hashing, beer......
Americas Interhash 99 Pittsburgh PA Details to follow