Date: August 31, 1998
Hares: Fussy Bitch, Working The Bar, West Virginia Woodie, Das Beaver
Location: Westwood Center Parking Garage Top Floor & Environs
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When Black Box came into my office and told me where the site of the run was, I knew immediately that it was right across the street from the office of my broker. How appropriate on the day that the Dow took a 512 point plunge. Rather than making the trek to Tyson during rush hour to liquidate my portfolio, I decided instead to do it to liquidate my thirst. As usual, traffic was terrible and as I was slowly winding my way up Rt. 123 to Rt. 7, I noticed Hymen Dickover and Bramble Bush passing me on the left. I tried to follow them, but soon lost and much to my surprise, I arrive at the site before them.
As I approached the assembled group, Perk a Set apologized for not sending me the promised information on what shots should be taken for our upcuming Odyssey to KL and said, oh by the way Big Bird Turd is going to be late and wants you to take down some notes about the run. Since my memory isn't so good anymore especially after beer and I didn't have my trusty full mOOn notebook for notes, this is what you get at the last minute. Pecker Checker also asked me if I had gotten her phone call and brought the carpets that have been in my garage since the YSK reunion hash on Memorial Day of 1996. I assured her that I had the carpets.
Soon circle up was called by Spinal Tap and Cyclops, and our departees, Working the Bar and Body Shot, were called in to lead us in F'Abe. Soon we were off down the steps out of the parking structure and onto a bike path through the woods. From there to the beer check, the trail was a combination of streets through some very nice neighborhoods, short patches of shiggy, and one long, very rocky tunnel where a flashlight was not only welcome but absolutely necessary. Other than the tunnel the highlight was crossing trails with the DCH3 hash who invaded our turf. Thank goodness that there were no hash fights and soon we were at the beer check on a lovely cul-de sac. The hares swear that they did not know about the run overlap, but why would they use red, white, and blue flour other than to distinguish the two trails. You figure.
After the beer check, about 1/3 of the pack cut right along Rt. 7 and headed straight back to the on in. The rest of us managed to cross Rt. 7 without getting killed, no small task since just to the left of the trail was the crest of a hill. Once over Rt. 7, the trail cut through a field and turned right along narrow Lewinsville Road where it ran past a historical church and quiet graveyard until it cut right through a woods. After the woods we were back on Lewinsville Road, until we cut right at Spring Hill Road under the Dulles Toll Road. From there, it meandered through an office complex and along Tyco Road across Rt. 7 to the parking structure for the On In.
The hares are to be congratulated for a very shitty trail and Fussy Bitch especially for running sweep. As I ran, I noticed and/or talked to Drinks on Me , Bud, Wilburr, Ballbreaker, Dumb Blonde, Cheese Spread., Chia Pet, Vominatrix, Latin Analyst, Love Me Tender, Mamorex, Mighty Tight, No Butts No Glory, Noah's Ark, Pussey whipped, Yankers Awiegh, GBOF, Bavarian Bush, Goofy, Das Beaver, West Virginia Woodie, Amnesia, #2, Hawaiian Puke, Blazing Straddle, WhereThe FukAreWe, Trouser Snake, Bad Dog, For Sale or Rent, Champagne Charlie, Bark-A-Dil-Do, Meat Puppet, Missed Erections, US Boob & Oral Report, Stool Sample, Raise My Titanic, Tick Cock, Eat It Raw, and a lot of Just People. I talked or saw many other people, but somehow all your names escape me. Well, you know who you are.
On On Mellow Foreskin Cheese
Hi Hashers... DangeRously Close here with your View from the Rear:
Well, the top level of a parking garage. What a super spot to start a trail! I actually got to start early - this is only the second time ever that I didn't have to travel at least an hour to get to a hash. After a quick 15 minute drive through the lights on Rt.7 and I was there! Yeah!
Before we circled up, I had the honor of fulfilling the desire of a first time DC Red Dress harrier for the perfect pearl earrings and bracelet.. You should have seen the glazed look in his eyes as he tried them on and admired himself in the window of a nearby vehicle. After the hash, I had other jewelry to share... more on that later.
Father Abe was as usual, with a little extra bounce (yeah!) due to being on the rooftop level of the parking garage. Bouncy trouncy, bouncy trouncy fun fun fun fun fun. Then we were off. There were many walkers this week and the crowd eventually divided into several small, disjointed segments. Here is a partial list of those walkers I remember from various points along the trail: Eat it Raw, Spinal Tap, Kiel Bastard, Wankers Away with a papoose, Roach Motel, just Heather, Mighty Tight, Black Box, Fussy Bitch, Roach Motel and West Virginia Woodie. As the walkers began pouring across the parking lot of 8615 Westwood Center we were treated to the late and rushed arrival of part of the OTH crew which included T Boss and Pussy Whipped. What's up? You guys are always arrive late! Black Box and I, DangeRously Close, took the walking lead accompanied by hare Fussy Bitch. Once again the walkers headed in the opposite direction of the runners. We were treated to a rather windy trek along Rt.7, following the varying colors of sacred flour. It was here that we were traveling mostly single file and getting many beeps and honks from passersby. Honk Honk Beep Beep!! This is when we became several groups of walkers.
Nearing the end of the lengthy, boring, and dangerous trek along Rt.7, we spied a welcum "Beer Near" on the pavement and turned off in the direction of a quiet neighborhood. Well, it was quiet before the hashers came! In search of refreshment, we passed many large and well landscaped homes. We were treated a story (by Fussy Bitch I think) about how her and another hasher (Das Beaver I think she said) were recently passing by a house when Das Beaver spied and pointed out some beautiful tulips planted among the flowers in a front yard. Upon remarking how beautiful the tulips were, she was informed, that "Yes", the tulips were beautiful, however, they were not in season here now. This puzzled them for a few minutes before they discovered that the tulips were actually wooden! This story brought many chuckles by the walkers that heard it, and helped to pass the time in search of the infamous Shitty Shitty Bang Bang.
We were walking down a long street and beginning to wonder just where the Beer was, when the distant sound of pack whistles was heard behind the houses. Then poof, in the distance the beer van was finally visible. The walkers beat the runners to the beer once again, but it was not long before the quiet cul-de-sac was turned into a scene of mass mayhem by the congregation of hashers. The pack of runners headed in to the Beer Check was, surprisingly, led by T Boss. So much for his late arrival. Many thanks to the nice people who granted us permission to gather there!
Departing the beer stop, the walkers were no longer accompanied by Fussy Bitch, evidently she just had to run at least part of her own trail! Hare West Virginia Woody became our escort. Wow, she looked worn out and ragged. Was this an indication of things to cum? ? ? I hoped so!
Mighty Tight joined the walkers as we departed the Beer Check. He approached us with red stains all around his next and shirt collar, announcing that he was "cumming up from the rear". Interesting? We were all intrigued with this statement until we discovered that the red was dye bleeding from a new shoestring he was using as a whistle cord. The walkers present had alot of fun with this!
We walked through the neighborhood some more, and then went into another cul-de- sac. This one was freshly paved, and all the muddy footprints were a big clue that... gee... the pack had cum through here?!?!. It looked like herds of hoof prints! As we walked directly down a driveway and cut off into a sideyard, we did inquire of the hare as to whether or not we had permission from the homeowners to be on their property. Hare West Virginia Woody said that "yes" we did have permission, and in fact, the homeowners actually showed interest in running with us when they were asked. Where were they??? Again, many thanks to the homeowners who granted us permission.
Yeah, we were finally off the streets and in the woods! The leaves were slippery, the tree branches were low, the thorns were prickly AND we were having fun! Ahhhh, this is why we hash! After several of us slipped down the steep incline, we eventually headed through more shiggy and to the wet tunnel that we had heard so much about from the pack at the Beer Check. Now, this was the reason we were told to bring flashlights! Dark, long, and rough bottomed, but successfully executed by the walkers.
So it went, out of the tunnel, into dusk and through more neighborhood streets. Our walking group had really becum divided at this point. I was walking with Roach Motel, a just harriette and someone else who I can't remember. We were behind a small band being led by West Virginia Woody, when we were questioned with "Are You?" Now, this was strange considering West Virginia Woody was a hare. The explanation we got for this was that it was getting dark, and she was having trouble seeing. Spying flour, into the woods we went again, this time taking a nicely paved bike path. We encountered a guy on the path, and upon seeing that he was sufficiently equipped to be a hasher (he was smoking a cigar and drinking from a plastic cup - could it be beer?) asked if he'd like to join us. He declined and stepped off the path to make way for us. Were we that scary? I don't think so!
What else happened on trail? I cannot remember. We just kept walking as the skies got darker and darker. Into an office park we went, and not even realizing we were close, we rounded the end of a building to find ourselves at the stairs leading up to the On-In (roof top garage.)
Now, back to the jewelry. I had told Black Box that I had alot of old costume jewelry from my grandmother that I wanted to see if any of the guys were interested in using for their Red Dress outfits. As the circle ended, she and I went back to my car and spread it out on the trunk. She selected several items for herself, and realizing how much I had, set about to solicit harriers and harriettes in need of accessories. Quite a few hashers stopped by my car on their way to the On-On- ON and it was momentary mayhem as hands grabbed and snatched - at the jewelry - not at the harriettes who were also making their selections. The only price paid for taking anything was the promise that I won't be getting it back!! I hope everyone enjoys their new treasures! Thanks Gram for being a door-to-door costume jewelry dealer in the late 60's and early 70's!
That wraps it up for this week,
On-On, DangeRously Close
As I came up the ramp to the upper level of the parking garage, there they were. A group of freaks called hashers. The gang was milling around the one and only Shitty-Shitty-Bang-Bang. Brew Crew was slaving away in support of our beer drinking habit. I concluded that all was well in the world, so I pass out the word of god and began selling my hats. The selling was good, the beer was good, and the weather was good. How goody goody boring could it be???? Finally we were called to circle. Shortly there after, Cyclops & Spinal Tap called the hares forward: Fussy Bitch, Working The Bar, West Virginia Woodie, and Das Beaver came forward to BE RECOGNIZED. After we all settled down with our crude and lewd jokes, the group was asked to answer that age old question of "What did you think of that run?". As all hashers have come to understand, the age old response of "What a Shitty trail!" sprang forth from the group. After some solemn deliberation Cyclops and Spinal asked the crowd for a note (which was "Why were the born so….") and the hares drank, and the sight was good. Spinal Tap then called the Virgins forward, we had LOTS of VIRGINS this week. Their vitals are listed below:
| Name | Who Made Them Come | Temporary Hash Name |
|---|---|---|
| Dave | Himself | Going Down For The Last Time (Life Preserver) |
| Brian | (just) Adrian | Kinky Sex (Tomahawk) |
| Elen | (just) Rachelle | We Are Certaintly Furry (Wolverine) |
| James | Zim-Boob-Wa | Luckiest Guy In The World (Private Member) |
| Barry | (just) Rachelle | Fogged Up Window (Rest Of Your Hair) |
| Stephen | (just) Sandra | Big Polish Prick (Play Toy) |
| Bruce | Own Accord (STRANGE) | Honda Lover (Dick) |
| Watisha | (just) Sandra | Gudha, Gudha (Take My Dick-Tation) |
| Cornella | (just) Sandra | Sandra's Pet (We Have A Job For You) |
| Nickie | Limie Tongue | Slimmy Tongue (Wild Kingdom) |
Cyclops then asked for a note, and they drank to "All A Zumm Zumm Zumm....", it was fun to watch the VIRGIN Class of the 609th hash downed their beer together forever. Welcome Virgins, come often. There were a number of VIOLATIONS, they included: (1) Perk-A-Set for flashing while she was changing clothes. (2) (just) Chris for some thing stupid, Raise My Titanic sat on his stomach for punishment. It was a GREAT sight, and from what I heard it raised his TITANIC. (3) Kinky and Meat Puppet for shaving their knees. (4) Dumb Blonde for being a long time no see-er. (5) Working The Bar for BEER on the bar, when one hare all hares applied again. (6) Body Heat for leaving us - SO SAD, again when one hare all hares applied. (7) Fussy Bitch for beer throwing. I don't remember any VISITORS (lucky them). If there were so-sorry. We had NO namings on this day, SO SAD.
The hashit FINALLY showed up. We went to work selecting our awardee: The nominated choices included (1) Wilbur for auto hashing and totaling 2 cars, (2) The Hares beer check violations and a CONFUSHING trail???, and (3) Tboss for following the DC Mens hash trail the WRONG way!!! After solemn deliberation The winner was Tboss. Well guess what, Tboss you got it now bring it back next week.
The location was Mr. Smiths of Georgetown just up the street (Route 7) from the circle. The deal was cheap beer and 1/2 price appetizers. It appeared that the wings and potato skins were the rage of the day. LOTS of hashers came on-in for the On-On-On. The Cheese Heads to include Mellow Foreskin Cheese and Kiel Bastard were there sulking about them PACKERS. There was LOTS of social interaction and dart throwing (the OTH guys were the dart people of the night). Boy can those HUMPERS point their things straight and true. A core group stayed to well after midnight then the number wound down and the hash was history for another week.
In my CONSTANT REMINDER section I would like to thank (ONCE AGAIN) the ass *ole of the year, Put's It Out, for his sacrilege in the circle. I will NEVER forgive you guy!!!! May your genitals ROT IN HELL!!! ALSO I want to WARN you all about throwing BEER in the circle, we need to keep control (to some degree), so please keep your cool and let the fun continue without the fluids in the air!!! If there is anyone else who wants to be included in the trash EACH WEEK just let me know and you will get in my CONSTANT REMINDER section. No promises if you will like it.
On, On, Big Bird Turd
#613 September 20; 3:00 PM Hares: Trouser Snake, New Hurlington, & Yeast Injection,
Start: Courthouse, On-On-On: Ireland's Four Courts, Courthouse
#614 September 27; 3:00 PM Hares: Das Beaver, Raise My Titanic, West VA Woodie,
Start: TBD, On-On-On; TBD
#615 October 4; 3:00 PM LOOKING FOR HARES
#616 October 11; 3:00 PM Hares: Pussy Whipped & ?, Start: TBD, On-On-On: TBD
#617 October 18; 3:00 PM LOOKING FOR HARES
#618 October 25; 3:00 PM Post-Marine Corpse Marathon Recovery Hash, Hares: Rude
Boy & Next Week
WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR HARES. If interested, contact GBOF at 703-876-4772.
Octoberfest & Kuala Lumpur Extravaganza - September 24 - October 10 Drinks On Me Bud is putting together a 3 week package for 25+ hashers to attend the Octoberfest in Munich and other fun stuff before heading to the Interhash in Malaysia. See DOMB if you are interested. He has an AWSOME package for the whole thing!!
Interhash '98 - October 2-4; The Mother Hash, Kuala Lumpur H3, hosts; Join hashers from around the world for the 60th Anniversary of Hashing! Contact Rob Stott, +60-3-618-5650; or mail Jo Doraisamy, PO Box 40, Ampang PO, Ampang, Malaysia 68000. Registration is now $215 US (give or take a dollar for postage etc), to late for a cost reduction you last minute wankers.
Virginia Interhash Weekend of October 2, 3, and 4. Location is Glen Maury Campground in Buena Vista. This is just off I-81 between Staunton and Roanoke. Cost is $69.69 till September 15, $85.69 after September 15. September 15 cutoff is so we can have custom made giveaways prepared. Lots of beer, food, beer, Hashing, beer...... MESSAGE FROM "Pink Panther". OK - You Wankers, Get those applications in for the VIRGINia INTERHASH. I know you all can't afford to go to The BIG one in KL. You can drink just as much or more BEER here at home. We need you application early in order to personalize your giveaways. So send that blood type in (along with you hashcash) Get the application from our web page "http://members.aol.com/starwank/7h4page.htm". If you need us to send you the apps -- give me your address and it will be done. ON ON --- /// -- > Pink Panther
InterAmericas Hash 99 September 3-6 1999, Hosted by "http://www.transarc.com/afs/transarc.com/public/demi/html/ph3-home.html", Pennsylvania. Contact Jim "Whiff" Montgomery, (412) 431-7350, or "Dead Kennedy," e- mail brady@serviceware.com. Official address: InterAmericas Hash '99, John Olson, 723 5th St, Oakmont, PA 15139 USA. e-mail "IAH99@webtv.net" - Internet: "http://www.interhash.simplenet.com/REGFORM.html" (rego form) MESSAGE FROM "Moon". Another 1000 years down the poop-chute and Pittsburgh is bracing itself for the celebration of the century! Just wait and see what Tittsburgh has in store for you... There'll be enough beer to drown you and your ancestors back to the primordial spooge from which they were spawned, enough shiggy to clog a waffle tread, more meals and treats than Christmas Eve in Hedon and, perhaps most importantly, everyone's gonna get crude, lewd, and stewed--Burgh style! Wahoooo!!! Get ready for AIH '99 in Tittsburgh USA, Labor Day Weekend 1999. Cum one, cum all, 'cause we gonna have a ball!!!