Date: 7 September 1998
Hares: Needle In Thread, Meat Puppet, Cow Poke-Her, & Great Balls Of Fire
Brew Crew: Roadkill
Location: 8318 Arlington Blvd (behind the Town & Country Medical Building), Falls Church / Merrifield VA.
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The weather psychics had predicted a cooling thunderstorm for the afternoon run, but the rain clouds were nowhere in sight. Temps were in the upper 80's, as was the humidity (this is DC and it was still summer, right?). The pack was practicing showing up early since next week we switch to 3:00pm Sunday hashing. Knowing that Blazing Straddles was off in vacationland, I showed up early just in case help was needed with sign-ins. Not a problem - Black Box (being her usual take-charge self) and Wheredafukawee were already taking everyone's money at 2:30. Hasher Humper was also set up hawking hash stuff, but alas, Shitty Shitty Bang Bang was not to be seen, a distinct disadvantage in the heat. Hymen Dickover was sleeping in his car, while others were taking advantage of whatever shade could be found (in a parking lot!?!). Meanwhile, Mark McGuire hit his 61st homerun of the season.
By about 3:15 most everyone had showed up except the beer van! Spinal Tap announced that we would not start the hash without proper refreshments available and suggested everyone just chill (hah!) until the van arrived. Road Kill came speeding in about 10 minutes later and the circle could begin.
This is a new policy in an effort to curb alcohol abuse like we've had recently at the circles. After a few quick announcements (at the beginning this time, while everyone was still sober), Working The Bar was called in (yes, she was still in the country) to lead us in Father Abe. She drafted Cum By Ya to assist her in a quick rendition of our pre-hash warm-up (like we needed to warm up?). The hares then announced "One beer check" and the pack was off.
Did we mention this hash almost didn't happen? It is amazing that a select group of hashers (our intrepid hares) volunteered at the last moment to put this thing together - maybe that's why it was such a devilishly good trail. Lots of bad trails at checks that kept the pack together for the most part. The pack took a bad trail up a stream, only to have to come back and run through a somewhat paranoid neighborhood, including someone's yard (oops!) at one point when the pack didn't follow flour exactly. True to her name, For Sale or Rent was seen taking an house-for-sale brochure she passed. Being the laggard that I am these days, I got a good view of the hindmost portion of the pack, and it was gratifying to see everyone cross over Rt.50, wander around confused for a while until I nearly caught up, then wander back over to my side to the crys of "On-on!" Fussy Bitch was behind me and got halfway across to the median strip when she saw the pack switch back, so she just continued running down the median until the pack finally crossed over (for real this time) about 1/3 mile west.
As we headed up another hill, Latin Analyst remarked she thought she heard the call of "Beer near". It would have been welcome, but the beer check turned out to be another 1-1/2 miles away. Down we went into the woods on a Park Authority trail which went straight on and on for a mile. (just) Tricia was trying the run-walk-run thing with Latin Analyst and me, this being the first time she has actually tried the runners trail as opposed to the walkers. Even Yeast Injection was feeling the effects of the heat and was trailing with us. Fussy Bitch, Watergate and Hairy Bhudda were not even to be seen behind us. Gratefully the "beer near" chalk was seen and rehydration was found!
Okay, by now heat had taken its toll and I decided to walk the 2nd part of the trail as did Fussy Bitch. Man, can she and Black Box power walk! Being truly creative, the walkers decided to just backtrack the trail they had walked to the beer check - no brainer to find trail here! Goofy and Oreo were calmly strolling along, when For Sale or Rent came running by in front of us. While we thought she was trying to be a Front Running Walker, it turns out she was really just trying to catch up to the rest of the runners who had passed that way just before us.
The walkers arrived at the On-in just as the runners were coming in - excellent timing, hares! The usual beer, water, cookies, chips, etc., were there. FSoR, now in her hot pink bikini top and matching whistle earrings, also brought her cherries (tomato!) to the hash hash. (just) Chuck was heard complaining loudly that he didn't get any - sounds like a personal shortcoming - as Watergate said, yes we do have standards!
I walked up to Bavarian Bush and when she saw that I was writing notes she immediately said "No comment!", followed by "What was the question?" Pay Per View showed up in time for the circle but missed the trail due to exhaustion from scouting the Red Dress Run that morning. And while she was wearing street clothes, that didn't stop her from showing off her stunningly beautiful yellow lace bra.
The circle was called to order by Spinal Tap and GBOF, assisted by Watergate as songmeister-for-a-day. The usual "What a shitty trail!" took a little more prompting until everyone moved away from the beer van with a full glass. The hares were called in and presented the proper method of down-down, then the virgins were recognized ("Hey, there's a virgin!"). (It was during the virgin introduction that I realized no one was writing the rehash(!), so I started it - if I missed your vitals, my apology!)
| Name | Who Made Them Come | Temporary Hash Name |
|---|---|---|
| Annie Hitscoberger | Diaphram | Michelle |
| Sandy | Darth Vader | (just) Charles |
| D.P. Venkatesh | Rookie | Bad Bitch |
| Jean | Irish Cream | Octopussy |
| Eric | Double Belt | Jean (his virgin wife!) |
Two fairly new Mount Vernon H3 hashers and first-time WH4'ers were noted but not called for down-downs, since MVH3 and WH4 have this incestuous relationship: (just) C.J. (3-time MVH3) and (just) Chuck (10-time MVH3; can you believe they haven't named this guy yet?!?). Birthday girl and boy Watergate and GBOF did a down-down for being born, and when one hare drinks, all ... which grew to include all Bush's, then all Killer Bees. Working The Bar was called in since she is (really!) leaving for Belgium on Thursday (it's official this time). You will be missed by all. Mellow Foreskin Cheese was called but gone, so ST did his familiar "The Bears still suck!" for him. Cinderellas appeared in the form of Czech My Shorts and virgin D.P., including optional sock tea bags courtesy of Watergate. Hairy Bhudda was given a down-down for becoming a professor. And those people whose life is so bright they needed to wear sunglasses also did a down-down.
Then we had a naming. Kerry O'Grady is in the Secret Service (shhhh!) and has been escorting "Bubba" Clinton around Ireland for the last week or so. Suggested names were started by Pay Per View with "Presidential Penis Watcher", then "First Chaparone", "Secret Beaver", "Insert Bill Here", "Boxes or Briefs", "Knee Pads", "Secret Semen" and "Cock Force One". It being apparent that either "Insert Bill Here" or "Cock Force One" were the favorites, there was a run-off, and the winner was:
While the hashshit was accused of being held by Wilburr, he reminded us that for once it wasn't his to carry this week, so no nominations were fulfilled. Announcements were followed by "Swing Low". But wait - there was still time to recognize the circle-sitters Goofy and Exhibit A&B, totally ignoring other c-s'ers like Vominatrix.
U.S. Boobs & Oral Report, sporting toenails polished with scintillating "Nail Polish For Men", swilled water out of one of the largest collapsible water bottles I've ever seen while her car was getting dented in the parking lot. Meanwhile, Watergate got stung by one of the ga-zillion bees we had swarming around.
The pack slowly drifted over to the On-On-On at Pizzaria Uno's, where there was cheap pizza aplenty and cheap beer. Again trying to be true to her name, Missed Erections showed up fresh from a trip to the beach. And Meat Puppet and Exhibit A&B spontaneously decided to host a "Cum Cream Clean With Us" pre-red-dress leg shaving party at MP's apartment on Thursday.
And that's all she wrote!
On, On,
Spits It Out
WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR HARES. If interested, contact GBOF at 703- 876-4772.
Octoberfest & Kuala Lumpur Extravaganza - September 24 - October 10 Drinks On Me Bud is putting together a 3 week package for 25+ hashers to attend the Octoberfest in Munich and other fun stuff before heading to the Interhash in Malaysia. See DOMB if you are interested. He has an AWSOME package for the whole thing!!
Interhash '98 - October 2-4; The Mother Hash, Kuala Lumpur H3, hosts; Join hashers from around the world for the 60th Anniversary of Hashing! Contact Rob Stott, +60-3-618-5650; or mail Jo Doraisamy, PO Box 40, Ampang PO, Ampang, Malaysia 68000. Registration is now $215 US (give or take a dollar for postage etc), to late for a cost reduction you last minute wankers.
Virginia Interhash Weekend of October 2, 3, and 4. Location is Glen Maury Campground in Buena Vista. This is just off I-81 between Staunton and Roanoke. Cost is $69.69 till September 15, $85.69 after September 15. September 15 cutoff is so we can have custom made giveaways prepared. Lots of beer, food, beer, Hashing, beer... MESSAGE FROM "Pink Panther". OK - You Wankers, Get those applications in for the VIRGINia INTERHASH. I know you all can't afford to go to The BIG one in KL. You can drink just as much or more BEER here at home. We need you application early in order to personalize your giveaways. So send that blood type in (along with you hashcash) Get the application from our web page ... http://members.aol.com/starwank/7h4page.htm If you need us to send you the apps -- give me your address and it will be done. ON ON --- /// -- > Pink Panther
InterAmericas Hash 99 September 3-6 1999, Hosted by "http://www.transarc.com/afs/transarc.com/public/demi/html/ph3- home.html", Pennsylvania. Contact Jim "Whiff" Montgomery, (412) 431- 7350, or "Dead Kennedy," e-mail brady@serviceware.com. Official address: InterAmericas Hash '99, John Olson, 723 5th St, Oakmont, PA 15139 USA. e-mail IAH99@webtv.net - Internet: "http://www.interhash.simplenet.com/REGFORM.html" (rego form) MESSAGE FROM "Moon". Another 1000 years down the poop-chute and Pittsburgh is bracing itself for the celebration of the century! Just wait and see what Tittsburgh has in store for you... There'll be enough beer to drown you and your ancestors back to the primordial spooge from which they were spawned, enough shiggy to clog a waffle tread, more meals and treats than Christmas Eve in Hedon and, perhaps most importantly, everyone's gonna get crude, lewd, and stewed--Burgh style! Wahoooo!!! Get ready for AIH '99 in Tittsburgh USA, Labor Day Weekend 1999. Cum one, cum all, 'cause we gonna have a ball!!!