Date: October 18, 1998
Hares: Missing Link & Zim-Boob-We
Location: Southwest Springfield Area Woods, Streets & Parks
COME TO THE FULL MOON HOLLOWEENIE PARTY SATURDAY OCTOBER 31ST Look for details in The UPCOMING EVENTS section of the Trash.
CHECK OUT THE WAGNER BROTHER'S PARTY COMING IN EARLY NOVEMBER Don't Miss This Exceptional Event - Over 400 At The Last One!!!!! Details In UPCOMING EVENTS
GET YOUR HASH INFORMATION ELECTRONICALLY - Contact GBOF via email smythe_andrew@birdengineering.com, to be added to the WH4 electron list (Submit First & Last Name, Your Hash Name [if you have one], and put "GBOF" in the subject line, make sure you send your email address).
HABADASHER UPDATE: Sweat Shirts & Sweat Pants for the 1998-1999 winter season will be by order form only. See Hasher Humper immediately if you need an order form or any other details!!!
1999 WHITE HOUSE MISMANAGEMENT: Anyone interested in becoming a member of the 1999 White House Mismanagement should see Spinal Tap to let him know what you are interested in doing. PS I need a VOLUNTEER to become the 1999 Scribe. Who among all of you strong brainy people can handle this SPECIAL position? PS: I also understand that we need a new Hair Raiser!
I was not sure if I was preparing for a Mount Vernon or an Over The Hump Hash when I first read the directions to last week's White House Hash. Will we ever return to the city and the boring concrete and asphalt of our Capital? But alas enough of that wining, lets rehash last weeks hash.
Way far away and to the extreme southwest of the city, in a VDOT Satellite Parking Lot, we all gathered for our Sunday afternoon fun and games called A White House Winter Hash. The weather was beautiful and believe it or not 100 or so half minded hashers and some lesser number of VIRGINS showed up for the event. Black Box with the help of Mellow Foreskin Cheese were taking our $3.00 and recording the hash count. They even smiled once in awhile as they grabbed our loot and said "move on, next please". In the midst of this insensitivity I decided to passing out the remaining hash hats that were not delivered before I left for Interhash. I actually found 8 owners who were very happy to see me "hat in hand" do business with them. As I was working my hat business I observed that the crowd was enjoying themselves and the mood was about a 93 on a scale of 1 to 100.
At about 3:15 or so (late again), Spinal Tap & Had-A-Madam called us to circle. The KL first time to White House returnees (Wilburrr, Drinks On Me Bud, Pecker Checker, Banana Nuts and John Handcock, to name a few) were called forward to lead us in our Fatherly song. It was a sight not to be missed. Wilburrr was in his GLORY singing away to the assembled masses. After the song, the hares Missing Link & Zim-Boob-We gave us some last minute instructions and we were OFF!!!
We initially traveled across a parking lot and toward the woods. I utilized this time to discuss the Interhash with Goomba, Tick Cock, and Tess's Smirnoff's Smirk. The Smirnoff lady has been hurt for several weeks and we discussed her recovery schedule. Hopefully she will be running within a week or so. Smiry Lady enjoy your walk, Tick Cock keep her warm and comfortable!
As the pack entered its first wooded area, I thought to myself that this was going to be a nature trail, but all of a sudden to my surprise, we came upon a fenced in garbage area. I observed Wheredafukarewe and Slip Knot trying to figure out where the trail went. After several seconds of contemplation, it was decided that the trail went behind the fence and along the tree line. Boy was that confusing.
After navigating that obstacle I quickly came upon A Mother On Trail (someone walking with a child on a White House Trail), and to my surprise it was Missed Erections. She was escorting/mothering her two nieces (just) Alex and (just) Bart. She will make some, yet to be identified, male a GOOD WIFE and some, yet to be produced, rug rats a GREAT MOM. I asked her how soon she thought this would all happen in her life; and guess what, I got this strange stare from the MISSED One??? Shortly after this domestic encounter I observed Spinal Tap RUNNING. I said to myself, "is the world coming to an end". But as we approached a hill he quickly stopped and started walking, as I came up beside him I asked why he had started walking? His reply was "I have turned over a new leaf, and I will keep on running as long as the hares don't put hills on trail". It was a surprise to see him running and whining about the trail, anyway Spinal keep up the exercise/walking routine and maybe someday you too will become an FRB.
As we continued along trail we ran behind a series of townhouses and finally came to a VERY NARROW opening along a fence line. I really enjoyed watching our merry group trying to fit through that tight opening. During my pause I was able to watch Pay Per View, Eat It Raw, Eat Me In The AM, Hawaiian Puke, Puts It Out, and Vominatrix all traverse this obstacle. This was a show fit for a king; plump ones, skinny ones, obnoxious ones, and just other ones. After the SQUEEZE effort we entered a wooded area and crossed a stream via a wooden bridge, as we came out of the woods and into a recreation area I observed a group of runners and walkers wandering along. This group included Wilburrr, Drinks On Me Bud, Needle In Thread, Cpt Titanic, (just) Andy, Goomba, and (just) Tom a new virgin. As I chatted with each of them I was not able to acquire any sleazy stories so I departed in search of some dirt. But as I was departing I observed Eats It In The Am contemplating a short cut to the right. I wish you the best of luck Eat It Guy, don't get caught in the "I'm Lost Zone".
Our next obstacle was a rolling hilly field, but I did not see any flour so I yelled "RU" at Camel Jumper and Hairy Budha as they entered the picture from the extreme left side of the field. As usual Hairy Budha looked up with this stupid grin and said "I don't know". Boy are you a lot of help. Anyway, it was true trail and we quickly picked up the flour, but shortly thereafter I observed our speedy lady Fornikicker walking. As I came up beside her I asked her, "why are you walking o-so-speedy-a-lady", and without hesitation she replied "Walking On Trail, I Don't Walk On Trail". She even said it with a straight face. May the GODS of hashing have mercy on your eternal soul for fibbing. My further wandering allowed me to encounter: Tastelikechalk attacking the trail, Locomotion POOPING on trail, (Just) Jen struggling with the trail, Cum-By-Ya, smiling at the trail, Bark-A-Dil-Do doing strange, lewd and lucivicious things to the trail, Fag from Dublin visiting the trail, and GBOF helping a virgin (just) Lloyd on trail.
As I continued on down a asphalt road I overhead a group of walkers that included #2, Rocks Off and *69 ask me "Is this the walking trail because there are so many runners?", my reply was "Yes and No, what was that question again". I don't think we were communicating very well so I left them quickly and was off into another wooded portion of the trail. To my surprise, I came upon Fly The Friendly Thighs, Hairy Budha Man, Fag and Stool Sample and we all simultaneously observed a chalk marking that read "BEER NEAR". As we all looked at each other we realized that Shitty-Shitty-Bang-Bang must not be far away. The 200 or so yard run into the Shitty Lady seemed to pass very quickly.
As I arrived at the beer check I observed about 45 already arrived before me hashers enjoying beer. I quickly solved my problem and got a beer. As I wandered around the ever growing crowd I observed Fussy Bitch getting her shoulder worked on. She apparently threw it out on trail. I hope you recover in time to lead the Mardi Gras hash trip. Noah's Arch had this pretty-in-orange outfit on, if only I was 20 years younger. Cock Force One told me she was speechless this day and her actions would have to do the talking, I not sure what she meant but it sounded kinky. Spits It Out had on a VERY feminine purple renaissance hat on and it looked great. Had A Madam must have lost 30 pounds preparing for the Marine Corps Marathon, boy did he look skinny. It was so strange to see him without that potbelly. As usual Blowing In The Wind was the sweatiest guy in the beer area, he always gives 110% of his bodily fluids to whatever he does. I was also surprised to see a Mount Vernon regular Pinky Penis at a White House Hash. Raise My Titanic was breathing VERY hard, as usual. Young lady, what were you doing on trail? I also observed Heat Seeking Moisture Missile lusting over several well-endowed young ladies near the beer van. In addition, I asked (just) Jeanne if she had any words of wisdom for the trash and her reply was "nothing yet", who brought this virgin to our hash?? As the time at the beer check was winding down I quickly noted that Black Box, Zim-Boob-We, Leisure Suite Larry, Harem Scarem, Wilburrr, Fly The Friendly Thighs, Hasher Humper, Dangerously Close and John Handcock were all preparing to move out smartly.
Then we were off running through a strip mall and the locals were really getting a kick out of our antics. GBOF and Pay Per View were discussing Pay Per View's Battle Wounds (a deep gouge caused by barbed wire) received at a hash in New York on Saturday. Our next environmental encounter was another townhouse subdivision and some rolling hills. As I turned a corner with TOBW, Fussy Bitch, For Sale Or Rent, and #2; Had-A-Madam shouted out "don't go that way", since flour was prevalent and everyone else was running in the same direction I said to my self that all of that weight loss must has gone to the Madam's head. So I just kept on going, maybe I will ask him what he meant someday. As we all began to feel that the trail was nearing it conclusion we entered a very nice wooded trail path, along which I got to say hi to Roach Motel, #2, (just) Stacy a virgin, and (just) Kelley a virgin. I told (just) Stacy to watch out for #2, and her reply was "I know that", which caused me to have a lot of respect for her intuition. #2 excuse me I'm just stretching the truth a little. I also asked (just) Kelly for a word or two, all she came up with was "that she was glad to be here with us", isn't that sweet.
The remainder of the trail led us up another road, and into a wooded clump of trees followed by a rocky road that revealed a flour marking that said "ON-IN BEER NEAR". As we were finishing I saw Goofy, Cyclops, and (just) Joyce auto hashing to the finish. Apparently they arrived late, waited until we were coming in, and then auto'ed over to the finish. Drink In Hell For That Sneakiness, O You Sneaky Ones!!! Amnesia was also observed to be looking great for a lady who just completed a hash, could it be that she too cheated a bit and did a no-hash for the week on us? Anyway, there was Shitty-Shitty-Bang-Bang and lots of beer and lots of great people enjoying them selves, what more could anyone ask for.
Hello fellow hashers. This is DangeRously Close with your view from the rear. If it seems vague, TOUGH! I was only asked to write it three- fourths of the was through trail...This weeks weather was perfect for hashing. After a full morning of biking in DC, I headed out to remote Egypt... no, no, no... that's a different story! let's see... oh yeah, I headed out to the western parts of Springfield/Fairfax. Finding the VDOT commuter lot was very similar to finding true trail, but with no markings. This particular didn't even have a sign. Arriving early - I do believe I was the first one there - I chose one of the only shady spot to enjoy a quick sandwich. Sitting there enjoying the crisp fall breeze, I spied the hares, Missing Link (with the ever present Beezer) and Zimboobway, coming in from marking trail. Off they went to make On-On-On arrangements... at least that is where I hope they went!
Next to arrive was Spits It Out, who mentioned that her plan was to change clothes ??? and grab a quiet moment to read the paper before anyone else found their way to this remote VDOT lot. She too had had to look carefully to find it. As others arrived, Spits It Out decided to be the hash barker, standing out on Old Keene Mill and directing everyone into the VDOT lot. Many hashers from the various DC area hashes made it out for this trail, even though geographically it was "way out there".
Walkers trail was the same as long trail to the beer check. As I remember it, the walkers were a spread out group this week; people walking alone, and in groups of just two or three. Black Box, Wheredafukawee and I headed (who said head?) out together at a steady pace. Through wooded trails, neighborhoods and behind shopping centers we went. Several times along the way we encountered Spinal Tap, trucking at a steady pace. Other walkers we saw included: Kiel Bastard and Number 2 (I think) having their own private party, Eat it Raw, and many others including 2 male hash spawn, who seemed to be doing a good job on trail by themselves. (Sorry to the many other walkers who I fail to remember.) Over the river and through the woods... no, no, no, once again I start a different tale... What I meant to say was... trail lead behind some lovely townhouse condos, where several civilians gazed out at our befuddling group. One was seen just shaking his head at our crazy group. It was here that we descended a small wall; with Black Box remarking, "whoa... I'll crack (?) my head open!" and so gingerly she jumped down and we continued.
Approaching through the woods, to the backside of another shopping center, we could hear the joyful sounds of our fellow hashers at the beer! WOW, we had worked up quite a thirst. Soon after we arrived, the runners took off and once again Black Box, Wheredafukawee and I headed (who said head?) out... this time taking a supposed short cut to the end. Our "short cut" was along a very busy section of Old Keene Mill Road (but at least there was a sidewalk). We got beeped and whistled at quite a few times (I think it was all for Miss Box!) before hearing whistles through the woods and houses on our right. Oh no, the runners had caught up to us and were arriving at the end before us! We quickened our pace across the road to our vehicles and drove back across Old Keene Mill to the On-In.
The circle this week included many down-downs for various KLers. AND, there was one virgin who seemed to be very proud of her ability to dump beer over her own head! And so went another beautiful sunny Sunday trail!
NOTE about the On-On-On: For those of you who chose to skip it... Poo on you! You missed one of the best ever! With hashers chasing away the few "real" customers they had, Gino's staff were great sports about our reveling. For those hashers who haven't been around long, this was a great preview of the many hash songs and merrymaking that are typical of bigger hash "events". Kudos to Drinks on Me Bud, Wilbur, Big Bird Turd, Hasher Humper, Spinal Tap, PayPerView and our "All Wet", fuzzy-haired virgin (I think there is a naming in there somewhere) for leading the festivities and providing such quality entertainment.
On-On and many happy trails... DangeRously Close
As I was finishing I observed many in the group going across the street to get their dry clothes. I had shipped my stuff with Black Box in her car, so I could IMMEDIATELY start to pass out the trash and talk to the assembling masses. That I did and as all were enjoying the words I began to enjoy also. There was lots of great dialogue, friendship, and BEER. Finally Spinal Tap and Had-A-Madam (the skinny guy) called us to circle. The hares Missing Link and Zim-Boob-We were called forward to hear us all complain about their shitty trail. But in a short time, Had-A-Madam had them drinking to the tune of "here's to the hares" for all of their GREAT EFFORTS to try and please us. Spinal Tap then called all the virgins forward, their vitals are listed below:
| Name | Who Made Them Come | Temporary Hash Name |
|---|---|---|
| Tom | Ron Johnson | Little Sperm |
| Stacie | Bark-A-Dil-Do | Easy Rider |
| Kelly | Annie & Michelle | Manaja Twa |
| Gennie | Cock Force One | Fly's High |
| Scarlet | Heat Seeking Moisture Missile | Ride Me Right |
| Lloyd | Internet (Kiddy Porn) | Cyber Sex |
| Mike | Raise My Titanic | Freudian Slip |
Our virgins were instructed on the finer points of rapid beer consumption by Had-A-Madam. They drank to the tune of "Why Were They Born So Beautiful", welcome Virgin Class Of #617, enjoy the hash. We had 3 Visitors, they included (1) Fag most recently from Dublin Hash, (2) Boob-A- Lube from The Korean Hashes, and Lean & Mean from the Ottawa Hash. Because we had a Boob-A-Lube, when one boob all boobs, then when one hare all hares. There were a few extras when we finally sang "Alla Zumma" and enjoyed their alcohol consumption exercise for our benefit!!!
Our violations included (just) Craig for drawing INCORRECT hare arrows that totally confused the pack on several occasions. Because (just) Craig is a cheesehead all cheeseheads, then all Bill Wagner's, then all Boobs, then all Hares finally entered the circle to drink. Next we had Drinks On Me Bud come forward and drink for passing out during an INTERHASH rendition of 20 Toes. As the circle was progressing there was a loud crash and the beer table and all the beer on it collapsed and spilled to the ground. You should have seen all of these thirsty hashers on their fours lapping up the spilled beer - GREAT SHOW YOU DIE HARD HASHERS!!! Anyway, this action was not acceptable to the HASH GODS, and no one would accept quilt so all those in the vicinity were called forward to drink. This group included Mellow Foreskin Cheese (who I think was the guilty party), Cock Force One, Eat It Raw, and Wheredafukarewe. We also had some good news, Pecker Checker and Banana Nuts were called forward to be recognized via a chugging of hash beer as an engaged couple (and another one bites the dust, and another one, and another one). Wilburrr then bored us with a story about himself, Drinks On Me Bud, Mellow Foreskin Cheese, and John Handcock losing their hash shirts because of Hasher Humper's greed in Thailand. GBOF then nailed Vominatrix for her "Hi I'm Amy Who Are You" routine with Newt Gingrich at our last ON-ON-ON. Spits It Out drank for her Rembrandt look.
We had two Cinderella's, Oval Orifas and (just) John. We also had one Birthday Blowing In The Wind. In addition *69 made ONE HELL OF A PRESENTATION in remembrance of her father and his times in KUALA LUMPUR.
Lazy Mother F*cker (our newly named hasher) did not SHOW, therefore we were not able to have our weekly hashit give-away contest. TO all, if you are ever SO UNLUCKY enough to receive this AWSOME Award, please return with it or designate an alternative driver for the next week. PLEASE don't deprive the rest of us of our weekly fun and games.
The location was Gino's Pizza at the corner of Old Keene Mill and Rolling Road. The deal was Pizza, Beer, Soda $8.00 at the door. There were about 70m hashers in attendance and it was a SPIRITED affair. Missing Link did a GREAT job of taking the money, cooking the pizza's, and pouring the beer. What a guy! The SONG crew was a work with Drinks On Me Bud serenading our new virgin (just) Gennie, and Hasher Humper leading the ladies in "TRASH THE MEN" songs. Everyone seemed to have a great time and it was not until after 8 that the crowd thinned and the hash was finni for another week.
In my CONSTANT REMINDER section NOTHING THIS WEEK, stay tuned!!!!
On, On, Big Bird Turd
#619 November 1; 3:00 PM Hares: Driving Miss Bitch, Trouser Snake, Spits
It Out, & Pulls It Out
Start: Rockville On-On-On: TBD
#620 November 8; 3:00PM Hares: Leisure Suit Larry & ?: Start: Oakton
On-On-On: Patriot's Cafe, Fairfax VA
#621 November 15: 3:00 PM LOOKING FOR HARES
#622 November 22: 3:00 PM LOOKING FOR HARES
#623 November 29: 3:00 PM Hares: Cock Force One & [just] Craig Start: TBD
On-On-On: TBD
#624 December 6: 3:00 PM LOOKING FOR HARES
#625 December 13 3:00 PM LOOKING FOR HARES
#626 December 20 3:00 PM Hares: Had-A-Madam Start: Ellipse / Nat'l Xmas
Tree [outside Bubba's White House] On-On-On: TBD
WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR HARES. If interested, contact GBOF at 703-876- 4772.
GERMAN-AMERICAN FRIENDSHIP NIGHT: 29 Oct 98 7pm-Late Dulles Airport German Military Facility (look for signs) (This is phone number to call for directions, 661-5058 COST: $17 (at the door or stop by before and buy tickets) Gates open at 7 PM, event starts at 7:30.
HALLOWEEN SCAVANGER HUNT: October 31 1:30 PM Hello everyone! Oval Orifice is having her fourth annual Halloween scavenger hunt on October 31st, and you are all invited! The time is 1:30 PM, the place Rhodeside Grill on 1836 Wilson Blvd., Arlington, located on the corner of Rhodes and Wilson. If you need directions, call (703) 52-4006. The scavenger hunt should be over before six, giving people time to get to the next round of Halloween parties (or if you like you can stay and party at Rhodeside Grill, which will be having a Halloween party with a band).
NOVEMBER FULL MOON HALLOWEENIE HASH & PARTY: Saturday October 31: 6:00 PM to Late: The next full moon hash will be a costume run and party on All Hallows Eve--you know, Halloweenie. For those of you who truly only have half a brain, that's Saturday Oct 31. The run will start at 6 pm in Reston and the party will be at the Fairfax Hunt Club. The cost is $15 and will include beer, pizza, beer, dancing to the Gene Pool Zombies, beer, laughing at the outrageous costumes of your fellow hashers, and did I mention beer? Bring a flashlight! To get to the start: Take the Dulles Toll Road ($0.50 to get on and $0.25 to get off) to the Reston Parkway Exit (exit 12). At the stoplight turn right and continue down Reston Parkway (through 2 stoplights and miserable construction traffic). Turn right at the third stoplight onto Temporary Road at the United Bank Building. Make the next right hand turn onto Old Reston Ave and then an immediate right into the parking lot. Go to the back parking lot and look for the deviants (in or out of their costumes!). To get to the party from the run: From Temporary Road turn right onto Reston Parkway. Go 3 blocks to right on Route 606/Baron Cameron Avenue (Hechinger's is on the corner) Go about a mile. Cross Wiehle Avenue, and at the next street, turn right onto Lake Fairfax Drive. [Note: If you reach Route 7, you've gone too far.] The Fairfax Hunt Club is on the right just before you enter Lake Fairfax Park.
DEBAUCHERY HALLOWEEN PARTY: Saturday, October 31, 8:00-? START WORKING ON YOUR COSTUME! You're Invited To Join In The Fun and Games (COSTUME CONTEST DJ, DANCING, FOOD, BEER) COST $10.00 Location: Alexandria Police Association Hall, 3010 Colvin Street, Alexandria VA. (behind Duke Street Generous George's Pizza) 1 mile from King Street Metro. For info contact: Love Me Tender (Mark Kutchi) (w)703-875-6173, (h)703-719-9839 No Butts, No Glory (James Millar) (w)301-380-7890, (h)703-836-5976
WAGNER BROTHERS 7TH ANNUAL FALL BASH: Saturday November 14, 1998 at 9 p.m. - whenever, Location: Rhodeside ,Grill 1836 Wilson Blvd. Arlington, VA (corner of Rhodes St & Wilson Blvd. between Roslyn & Courthouse Metro stops) (703)-243-0145 The Music of D.J. Greg Martin (i.e., dancing) Alcohol Prices: $2.50 16-oz. domestic drafts & bottles(*), $3.00 16-oz. micro/premium drafts (*), $3.00 wine & rail drinks (*) NOTE: (*) ALL drink prices include tax and tip HOT: $5 donation requested. You Also Get: Light Hors D'oeuvres Attire: Casual Dress, Directions: Metro: Orange line to Courthouse. Walk East on Wilson Blvd. one block past Bardo's. From DC: Roosevelt Bridge to Rosslyn/Key Bridge. Left on Ft. Meyer Dr. Right on Wilson. Party on left near Exxon at Rhodes St. & Wilson. From Georgetown: Take Key Bridge. Cross Lee Hwy. Right on Wilson. Party on left near Exxon at Rhodes St. & Wilson. From Rt. I-66 East: Take the Rosslyn Exit onto Lee Hwy, right on Fort Myer Dr., right on Wilson. Party on left near Exxon at Rhodes St. & Wilson. From I-395 North: Take the Rosslyn Exit (Rt. 27), follow signs for Rt. 50 West, exit in Rosslyn, turn right on Lynn Dr., left on Wilson. Party on left near Exxon at Rhodes St. & Wilson. From anywhere else, read a map. Questions? Call: Jerry Wagner H: (703) 237-0948 W: (703) 631-2882 "jcwags@tidalwwave.net" or Bill Wagner H: (703) 527-4122 W: (202) 366-9357 bill.wagner@ost dot.gov.
UTAH SKI TRIP: January 11-18 1999 Bob "Stool Sample" Goodell is organizing a ski trip to Utah January 11-18. Cost is $800 for airfare, 5 days lift, 7 nites lodging, and ground transfer in Utah. Food, alcohol and equipment are separate. If interested, contact him at 703-465-1919 for more details.
MARDI GRAS MADNESS IX HASH WEEKEND: Feb 12-16 1999. Fussy Bitch is leading a trip to the great city of New Orleans to raise some hell and drink some beer over Mardi Gras. See here for details, it is a great time.
INTERAMERICAS HASH 99: September 3-6 1999, Hosted by"http://www.transarc.com/afs/transarc.com/public/demi/html/ph3-home.html", Pennsylvania. Contact Jim "Whiff" Montgomery, (412) 431-7350, or "Dead Kennedy," e-mail "brady@serviceware.com". Official address: InterAmericas Hash '99, John Olson, 723 5th St, Oakmont, PA 15139 USA. e-mail "IAH99@webtv.net" - Internet: "http://www.interhash.simplenet.com/REGFORM.html" (rego form) MESSAGE FROM "Moon". Another 1000 years down the poop-chute and Pittsburgh is bracing itself for the celebration of the century! Just wait and see what Tittsburgh has in store for you... There'll be enough beer to drown you and your ancestors back to the primordial spooge from which they were spawned, enough shiggy to clog a waffle tread, more meals and treats than Christmas Eve in Hedon and, perhaps most importantly, everyone's gonna get crude, lewd, and stewed--Burgh style! Wahoooo!!! Get ready for AIH '99 in Tittsburgh USA, Labor Day Weekend 1999. Cum one, cum all, 'cause we gonna have a ball!!!