Date: November 8, 1998
Hares: Leisure Suite Larry, Wet Spot, Yellow Pants, Missed Erections, Trouser Snake, & One No Trump
Location: Fairfax Area
MARK YOUR 1999 CALENDARS NOW!!!!!!!! WHITE HOUSE POST-CHRISTMAS PARTY January 23 The place is Forest Glenn, The Price will be $20.00 in 1998 & $35.00 in 1999, More To Cum
HABADASHER UPDATE: Order Your White House Sweats NOW!!! THE COLD WEATHER IS COMING SOON Sweat Shirts & Sweat Pants for the 1998-1999 winter season will be by order form only. See Hasher Humper immediately if you need an order form or any other details!!!
1999 WHITE HOUSE MISMANAGEMENT: Anyone interested in becoming a member of the 1999 White House Mismanagement should see Spinal Tap to let him know what you are interested in doing. PS I need a VOLUNTEER to become the 1999 Scribe.
GET YOUR HASH INFORMATION ELECTRONICALLY: Contact GBOF via email at smythe_andrew@birdengineering.com, to be added to the WH4 electron list (Submit First & Last Name, Your Hash Name [if you have one], put "GBOF" in the subject line, and make sure you send it from your email address).
Leisure Suit Larry was in his Russian garb and he was hyping his Russian Hash as the crowd began to arrive. The weather was nippy, but the sun was able to cut the chill and provide the assembling group with the belief that this was going to be a mild Russian Revolution. We finally circled up in the Del Rio parking lot and san our Abraham song. Then the Russians gave us final instructions and we were off.
Some of the hashers I observed during this hash included: Bad Dog, Barkadildo, Blazing Straddle, Black Box, Blowing In The Wind, Bull S*it, DangeRously Close, Dirty ‘N' Hairy, Dr Strangelove, Drinks On Me Bud, Dumb Blonde, F*uck In The Muck, Fly The Friendly Thighs, For Sale Or Rent, Fussy Bitch, Great Balls Of Fire, Hasher Humper, Hawaiian Puke, Heat Seeking Moisture Missile, Hollow Point, Meat Puppet, Keil Bastard, M.I.C-OUCH, Shoots Blanks, Mammorex, Silent Screamer, Mellow Foreskin Cheese, Missed Erections, Missing Link, Needle In Thread, Put The Bitch Down, Pro Boner, Stool Sample, Tidy Bowl, Yankers Away, Steers & Queers, Perk-A-Set, Pulls It Out, Pussy Whipped, Raise My Titanic, Road Kill, Rocks Off, WhereDaFakHawe, Wilburrr, Wet Spot, Spinal Tap, Spits It Out, Pulls It Out, Trouser Snake, and Vominatrix.
As we crossed Chain Bridge Road I had the feeling that this was going to be a long one and it was. Leisure never does anything cocked. Wilburrr and Drinks were just chugging on down the road when some one called on in the other direction. This caused the entire pack (well almost) to do a 180 and proceed down the true trail. At this time I was walking with the other pack so I could only observe the general event.
We then ran through a wood lined trail that lead to an office complex. At this point I saw Perk-A-Set in her jungle green Interhash shirt, very tacky lady. Most of the he main pack got caught in a back check at Jermantown Road. Hawaiian Puke and Fly the Friendly Thighs were totally blown away by the mess up and from that point on they never recovered. At this point, I also overheard #2 saying something about "Rasmusen must have done this" I didn't understand it but then who understands Pete anyway? The train continued to wander through the friendly neighborhoods of Fairfax. The we turned into the back end of a golf driving range, I felt like a moving target. As I was dodging the oncoming golf balls I observed Dumb Blonde on the ground just ahead. He looked to be in great pain, I asked if he had been hit and the answer was no, he tripped on a golf ball. Being that he was hurt I was to embarrassed to laugh out loud I waited until I had passed. As things went Trouser Snake took him to the hospital for x-rays.
As we entered a woods, I got disoriented and Wilburrr told me it was on-on this way Bird and I followed (with my fingers crossed for luck). The trail wound through the woods and I observed For Sale Or Rent and Spits It Out talking and walking. I also saw Fussy Bitch struggling to continue, only 3 more miles girl!!! As for struggling, Fly The Friendly Thighs was also working her pretty buns off to keep up. As we came out of the woods we turned left onto a road and became lost or at least thought we were. Since NO ONE was marking trail we did not know where we were. Barkadildo said, "I think I hear something, There's whistling over there". Since this seemed both stupid and sensible we all had to think for a few minutes, anyway we decided to follow the Barking Man's advice and run toward the whistles.
After a long stint down a road we reached a Vodka Shot stop. Put The Bitch Down was not to be deterred and he downed 2 shots and was off to the races. Leisure Suit was in his element at this stop. Zimboobwa was also very excited about the vodka, and she too enjoyed the Russian juice. After a short stay we were off down the road. Finally we reached a T intersection and decided to turn right onto a very dangerous bridge, Fussy Bitch told me she was going to walk because running was "stupid given the conditions".
After getting lost again, I met up with Mellow Foreskin Cheese and we were trying to find our way since no one was continuing to NOT mark the trail. At one point we were able to move along because a homeowner gave us directions. At this point we caught the walkers and knew the beer check was near. After crossing Jermantown road we quickly saw the beer stop signs. The beer stop was pleasant except for the fact that it was getting cold as we stood around. Lots of hashers in the group were antsy to move on, and finally Heimen Dickover couldn't wait any longer and he left. The remainder of us followed him. The trail went through a wooded area and across a creek where several in the crowd got WET. Then we entered the street section. This section seemed to go on forever, we even crossed route 66 on a bridge. But finally, we entered another wooded trail that lead us to a tunnel that would bring us back to northern side of the highway (where we wanted to be). This tunnel was short and dark. Pulls It Out really had to bend over and put it in his mouth as he traversed the obstacle. As for the rest of us we just bent over and sucked it up. After the bridge, we went over a field and were On-In. Overall it was a good and long hash, thanks Leisure and the hair gang.
Hello fellow hashers... DangeRously Close here with your View from the Rear... Well, Mother Nature finally decided we'd had enough beautiful Sundays... this was a damp, chilly, and overcast afternoon. But that did not discourage a large group of hashers from gathering in the old Del Rio parking lot way out in Fairfax.Walkers today included Just Stacie, Just Annie, Just Sheryl, Noah's Ark, Road Kill, Keil Bastard, Yankers Away, Sperm with Interest, Spinal Tap, Black Box, Squirrel Bait, Shave Me Elmo, and myself, DangeRously Close. Joining us on the second leg of our journey was Spits it Out.
We bundled up on our layers of clothing and started out from the parking lot. Venturing across RT123, and at the instruction of our map carrying leader, (Black Box) we entered into the front of a neighborhood and took a sharp left onto a nice rolling hills street, Rosehaven. Several of us wondered and questioned if we knew where we were going, and our fearless leader had to continually assure us with, "It's okay. I have a map", and "Everything is okay, remember, I have a map!" Quite a few times, Miss Box had to consult our treasured map. Were we on the right road? Should we have made a different turn? It was rather confusing to be passing cross streets with the same name as the road we were on. Very interesting.
Finally, with Spinal and I running just a bit ahead (who said "head"?) we determined that we were on, and the road was just strange. As we walked along this straight and rather boring road, parallelling Rt.123, Noah's Ark took time to tell me about the new car that she bought last Sunday. She missed trail to buy a new car?? What kind of priorities do you have anyway Noah? She expressed the details of the deal and proclaimed rather proudly, "and the best part was that I did it all by myself, the deal, and negotiating, and everything." A new Acura! Way to go Noah.
We rounded a bend in Rosehaven and found ourselves on a completely different street. Boy was this strange. Now we were on Spruce. Well, Spruce was quite a long hill, and being the "uphill runner" that I am, with Noah's Ark joining in, I decided to take off uphill. We made it to the top where we lingered for the group, and our leader, "with the map". We turned off Spruce onto Jermantown (that's with a "J"... NO, we are not in Germantown Maryland folks!) crossing Jermantown and peaking into the woods, we spied RUSSIANS... no, actually it was just hares with Volka shots! Yeah!
All warmed from our shots, we took off once again down Jermantown trying to stay ahead (who said "head"?) of the runners. We crossed a narrow overpass, and going back across Jermantown, headed (what? "head" again!) into a very swanky neighborhood of some exquisite homes. While Black Box and the ladies were decided exactly which ones we could live in, Keil Bastard and Road Kill were having their own private party, no doubt discussing sports! Down through the neighborhood, we heard a stampeded from behind, and discovered that the runners were upon us. Great Balls Of Fire stopped to plot and scheme with Spinal. Something about a naming?? Oh, No, who's the victim this time?!?!? It was great having all of the runners pass us on such a long stretch of street, we got to see them sweat and swear! We routed them on teasingly as they passed.
Exiting the neighborhood, we were once again looking about aimlessly and wondering which way to go. Pulling out our treasured map, Black Box indicated that we should be on Eaton. Well, we appeared to be on Assembly, but crossing Rt.123, we discovered that we were definitely ON Eaton! Through a small commercial area we discovered Beer Near, and saw the runners ahead (who said "head"?).
We lingered at the beer just on enough to get a quick drink, and then, with Black Box rounding us up like cattle, we were off again. Some whiner was overheard saying, "Black Box, couldn't you have given us time to finish our beers"? Well, I think Keil Bastard has the right idea. He brings the cup along! Doesn't take much to recognize that this is THE way to go.
It was at this point that the walkers had to decide for themselves which way to go to get back. We opted to follow Rt.123 N, over 66 and back. Choosing this route, meant strategically crossing many portions of the 123/66 cloverleaf. It was on this portion of our journey that we were joined by Spits It Out. Black Box was overheard telling how she "held onto his cheeks"?? Exactly who's cheeks was she holding onto?? Made us really wonder, until we heard her say, "PW"! Surprise, surprise. Turns out, Miss Box was telling Full Moon Halloweenie tales to those who had not attended. Boy what they missed!!
We arrived back to the old Del Rio parking lot just behind the runners. So went another White House trail... Stay tuned for next week's View from the Rear... this is DangeRously Close signing off until next week...
On-On and many happy trails... DangeRously Close
As we entered yet another finishing parking lot there she was Shitty- Shitty-Bang-Bang, and our trusty habadasher Hasher Humper. That lady (I use the term loosely for her) was really getting on with her selling thing. I immediately collected a brew to wash down the hash taste and went to my car to get the trashes. I began to pass them out and talk to all you hashers. Finally Spinal Tap and Cyclops called us to circle. The hares: Leisure Suit Larry, Wet Spot, Yellow Pants, Missed Erections, Trouser Snake, & One No Trump were called forward to hear us all complain about their shitty trail (this time it was ABSOLUTELY deserved - ONCE AGAIN). But in a short time, Cyclops had them drinking to the tune of "here's to the hares". Spinal Tap then called all the virgins forward, and low and behold we had lots of them this week this week. Here are their vitals and some:
| Name | Who Made Them Come | Temporary Hash Name | "Let Me See Your ..." |
|---|---|---|---|
| Patty | Confusion - NOT SURE | Charley Brown's Girlfriend | Left Tit |
| Cherry | (just) Jennifer | Sticky Fingers | Red Square |
| Angela | Self Coming Induction | What A Waste | Where You Keep Your Rubber |
| Randy | Leisure Suit Larry | Kremlin Queer | Hammer & Sickle |
| Star | Fussy Bitch & Put The Bitch Down | Lick Newt Trick | How You Sleep With Your Roommate |
Our virgins were instructed on the finer points of rapid beer consumption by Spinal Tap. They drank to the tune of "Al-A-Zuma-Zuma-Zuma", welcome Virgin Class Of #620, enjoy the hash. We had 3 Visitors, they included: (1) Hyena from Atlanta H3, and (2) Hash Slut, from Kiev H3, and (3) White Trash, from Raleigh H3. They drank in their new free WH4 give-away souvenir visitor mugs to the tune of "Al- A-Zumma-Zumma". Y'al all come back and see us again some time.
Next we had a hash , before I go further, remember that the hash is 50% activity and 50% theater. Well, what I am about to share with you is the theater portion of the hash (because I was the chief player on the stage). In celebration of the Army and Air Force Football game, ALL Army people and ALL Air Force people we called forward. Due to the outcome (Air Force kicked ASS!!!!!), an Air Force guy was selected to have his ass kissed by an Army guy. Well, Hawaiian Puke was the Air Force guy and he selected Big Bird Turd (ME!!!!!) as the ass kisser. Because, lost Army honor was at stake, I not only kissed but also I licked, sucked, wiped and some other awful things to his ass. Bottom Line, Army honor was restored, but I am afraid that I lost mine. O-WELL how can you lose something that you never had!!!!!
The violations included; (1) Dirty & Hairy for new shoes, the Cinderella drank well, (2) 50 $ Bitch for an extremely late show up, and as you know when one bitch all bitches, I didn't think the bitches could drink so much BEER, (3) Shave Me Elmo & GBOF for "Being In The Mood For Love" on the trail, they make such a nice couple who said that??????., (4) All the other people fingered in the circle for doing stupid and foolish stunts to get recognized, but alas I forgot to remember who you are so this week step forward and let me try again. This week's YELLOW JERSEY went to our one and only fast cat Holy Tit, may you wear the smelly yellow thing with pride and a plug on your nose.
Perk-A-Set added a special touch to the circle this week. She emceed the first annual White House SHOW YOUR DICK CONTEST, unfortunately there was VERY LITTLE to see. The contestants blamed the shrinkage on the cold weather, but the experienced ladies in the crowd flat out said there experience had show that they were in fact "Saturday Night Specials and not Magnums". Anyway, the story all begins when Perk-A-Set asks the GM's for permission to explain a serious violation. After permission was granted she began to explain that three males were disrupting the circle by having a private party during which they were discussing the size and effectiveness of their DICKS. The three identified male hashers included: (1) Drinks On Me Bud, (2) Holy Tit, and (3) My Cock Shoots Blanks, Spinal Tap asked them to cum forward and confront their accuser. They did and from the s**t eating grin on their faces it was obvious that they had indeed done it. The crowd screamed for evidence of this size thing, which they did rather quickly. What a pity, there was nothing special to be seen. After several minutes of the horror show it was over. UNTIL NEXT YEAR!!!!
Lazy Mother F*cker (our newly named hasher) did not SHOW - ONCE AGAIN, therefore we were not be able to have our weekly hashit give-away contest. TO all, if you are ever SO UNLUCKY enough to receive this AWSOME Award, please return with it or designate an alternative driver for the next week. PLEASE don't deprive the rest of us of our weekly fun and games. THIS IS THE THIRD WEEK IN A ROW THAT HE HAS STIFFED US!!!!!!! But ALAS, since the SCREW-UP was able to get us Forest Glen for the Post XMAS Party I must be careful about the amount of abuse that I lay at his feet. Bottom Line, PRETTY PLEASE bring the hashit back. If anyone sees him could you ask for it and bring it yourself.
Finally, Cyclops & Spinal Tap led us in several versions of our SWING SONG (normal, Scooby-Do, and Fast), and then they closed with the phrase "May The Hash Go In Peace", and we responded with our normally stupid answer of "May The Hash Get A Piece". The crowd thinned out rather quickly because it was getting cold and dark. All that was left was for the brew crew to clean up, which they did and the circle was over for another week.
The location was Patriots Cafe in Fairfax. Leisure Suit has used this place before, it is great. Well for our $10.00 we got an open food buffet and all the beer and soda you could drink. A GOOD deal was had by one and all. About an hour into the On-On-On our wounded warrior Dumb Blonde came limping in with Trouser Snake. He was a little bruised and sprained but now worse for the wear and tear he had subjected his body to. Trouser Snake's only request was for a trash, which I gave him. It made me feel good that he enjoys my Sunday morning labors of LOVE (hopefully not for much longer). We all continued to drink and eat, but our curiosity in the Redskins peaked when they miraculously went up a point on the Arizona Cardinals with 27 seconds to go in the game. Many of us were happy, but many wanted the Redskins to lose. Well the losers got their wish because in 21 seconds the Cardinals marched down the field and were in position to kick a winning field goal with no time on the clock. Well they did, and they WON, and the Redskins LOST. From that point on the evening was BORING. The group stayed for a while longer then thinned out. Another hash week was over. Say good night Big Bird Turd, "GOOD NIGHT".
In my CONSTANT REMINDER section, I will ONCE AGAIN remember Meat Puppet, because he has not redeemed himself for questioning the efforts of this honorable scribe. Scribing is a thankless job and this vicious Meat Pupper was cruel and self centered as he attacked my efforts. Once again, dumb s**t, I did it on purpose. Once again, does anyone have a "SHORT" ruler because Exhibit A & B wants to know how long his tool is before she decides to get more serious about him. Pulls It Out is added because he is the HAMMER man, and that deserves a constant reminder. All you PRIVATE PARTIES, stop it and play friendly and quiet in the circle. Pulls It Out is doing a great job with the crowd control hammer (which one, our blow up device or his skin and bone) meeting and trying to keep the female hashers in line. Hey Puller Guy, the hash enforcer hammer is for crowd control, not sexual propositions in the circle. Black Box is also added to my reminder list because she highlighted to the group my Army association, and this lead to my licking episode of an Air Force ass. That's it I'm out of here!!!!!! Love you all, see you next week.
On, On, Big Bird Turd
#622 November 22: 3:00 PM Hares: Lip Service, & Needle In Threat: Start:
TBD; On-On-On: TBD
#623 November 29: 3:00 PM Hares: Cock Force One & [just] Craig Start: TBD
On-On-On: TBD
#624 December 6: 3:00 PM Hares: Dangerously Close & ??
#625 December 13: 3:00 PM Hares: Cowpoke-Her & Squirrel Bait Start: TRW
Bldg, 1895 Preston White Drive, Reston VA
#626 December 20: 3:00 PM Hares: Had-A-Madam Start: Ellipse / Nat'l Xmas
Tree [outside Bubba's White House] On-On-On: TBD
#627 December 27: 3:00 PM LOOKING FOR HARES
WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR HARES. If interested, contact GBOF at 703-876- 4772.
UTAH SKI TRIP: January 11-18 1999 Bob "Stool Sample" Goodell is organizing a ski trip to Utah January 11-18. Cost is $800 for airfare, 5 days lift, 7 nites lodging, and ground transfer in Utah. Food, alcohol and equipment are separate. If interested, contact him at 703-465-1919 for more details.
WHITE HOUSE H4 POST CHRISTMAS PARTY: Saturday January 23, 1999, Forest Glen Ballroom, Silver Springs, Maryland. $20.00 if paid in 1998, 35.00 if paid in 1999, so sign up and pay early!!! More details to follow.
MARDI GRAS MADNESS IX HASH WEEKEND: Feb 12-16 1999. Fussy Bitch is leading a trip to the great city of New Orleans to raise some hell and drink some beer over Mardi Gras. See Fussy for details (she has a handout that covers it all), it is a great time.
PANAMA HASH HOUSE HARRIERS 1000 RUN: March 5-7 1999. Quick Drawers is coordinating our participation as a group, more to follow. If this is anything like the Costa Rica 1000th "DON'T MISS IT"!
INTERAFRICA HASH 99: June 4-6 1999 In Zimbabwe, near Lake Victoria, See Mellow Foreskin Cheese for details.
INTERAMERICAS HASH 99: September 3-6 1999. Hosted by, "http://www.transarc.com/afs/transarc.com/public/demi/html/ph3-home.html", Pennsylvania. Contact Jim "Whiff" Montgomery, (412) 431-7350, or "Dead Kennedy," e-mail brady@serviceware.com. Official address: InterAmericas Hash '99, John Olson, 723 5th St, Oakmont, PA 15139 USA. e-mail IAH99@webtv.net - Internet: "http://www.interhash.simplenet.com/REGFORM.html" (rego form)
INTEREUROPE HASH 99: Early October 1999. Location central Turkey, Drinks On Me Bud is contemplating another group excursion, details to follow. If you missed Bud's KL trip, don't repeat your mistake. See Drinks On Me Bud for details.