IN BEER WE TRUST
WHITE HOUSE HASH HOUSE HARRIERS

Run #621
The Red Head Revolution "Dumb Blonde Style"

Location: Reston Golf Course & The Surrounding Roads

HOT INFORMATION

GO ARMY BEAT NAVY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOO-HOO GBOF

MARK YOUR 1999 CALENDARS NOW!!!!!!!! WHITE HOUSE POST-CHRISTMAS PARTY January 23 The place is Forest Glenn, The Price will be $20.00 in 1998 & $35.00 in 1999, More To Cum

HABADASHER UPDATE: Order Your White House Sweats NOW!!! THE COLD WEATHER IS COMING SOON Sweat Shirts & Sweat Pants for the 1998-1999 winter season will be by order form only. See Hasher Humper immediately if you need an order form or any other details!!!

1999 WHITE HOUSE MISMANAGEMENT: Anyone interested in becoming a member of the 1999 White House Mismanagement should see Spinal Tap to let him know what you are interested in doing. PS I need a VOLUNTEER to become the 1999 Scribe.

GET YOUR HASH INFORMATION ELECTRONICALLY: Contact GBOF via email at smythe_andrew@birdengineering.com, to be added to the WH4 electron list (Submit First & Last Name, Your Hash Name [if you have one], put "GBOF" in the subject line, and make sure you send it from your email address).

View from the Pack

The group gathered behind an office complex and next to a running trail in WAY OUT Reston (does White House ever run in the city with metro excisable starts anymore????). BUT alas Big Bird Turd was trying to get the trash to press (AT THE LAST MOMENT) for another week, and the massively expensive reproduction machine that supports our hash weekly production, was not cooperating. So to make a LONG story SHORT (sounds like a guy bragging to a new conquest then reality settling in) I was LATE. As I arrived I observed Shittty-Shitty-Bang-Bang leaving. I hailed our trusty van down and there was Ball Buster and Road Kill. After they gave me some SH*T for being late I asked where the beer stop was so I could plan my catch up strategy. They informed me it was near Soapstone and Golf Mills. I said thanks and they were off. After a few minutes of GETTING READY I was able to stumble onto the trail that was NOT marked by the hash. I was under the impression that our group was going to do a better job marking the trail for us late cumers. Well YOU ALL FAILED last week, get it right from now on.

Anyway as I was going over Spring Hills Street with no markings to be found and this lost and puzzled look on my face #2 came up and said "good hash day to you Big Bird Turd" in his happy-go-lucky deminor, well because of my LATE state of mind I answered with one of my more vicious hash remarks of "these g*d damn hares down know what flour is". Well let me tell you I had the #2 man going for awhile, but he was able to calm me down and we began to talk strategy. I told him of the Soapstone and Golf Mills Beer Stop location and he told me it was over there somewhere (he pointed in a generally northeastern direction). I asked him how he knew, and he said that he had grown up in the area and that he knew. I was impressed and decided to stick with him. As we moved through the Reston town center #2 just kept on telling about how all of this land was farms when he was a kid and how much it had changed. I thought it was NEAT, I was getting a two for one this day; a hash and a history lesson.

At this point we came upon Reston Parkway and lost trail. After some look-see activities we guessed that it went left on the Parkway; but alas we were wrong (something we did not find out until later). So Big Bird Turd and #2 were entering the "LOST TWIGHLIGHT ZONE". AS we wandered on Reston Avenue looking for ANYTHING, we began to ask ourselves WHAT NEXT. When we came upon Sunset Hills Road we decided to turn left and head toward Baron Cameron Ave thinking the hares were GOING long (because of the LONG LADY HARE named Blazing Straddle). We felt that she would come out on Baron Cameron then go across the Dulles Toll Road and turn right on Sunrise Valley Drive and go to the beer stop at Soapstone and Golf Mills. WRONG, the hares had actually turned down Reston Parkway and gone over the Dulles Access Road. AS #2 and I kept going and saw NO FLOUR or MARKINGS of any sort we changed our focus on getting to the beer check and nothing else. We knew that the PACK was going to do without us this week. We finally reached Baron Cameron and crossed 66, then at Sunrise Valley we turned left and proceeded on (for a mile and a half) to Soapstone. Reaching Soapstone #2 lead me to the right and onto the South Reston Golf & Country Club in search of Golf Mills (which doesn't exist it was actually Golf Course Drive). Finally when we were really getting desperate we picked up flour and began to smile, then over the horizon we said it SHITTY- SHITTY-BANG-BANG. At this point we knew that we were saved and that our hash was almost over. We hailed Shitty down and asked Road Kill how long the pack had left, and he said "about 15 minutes" and we said "NO S*IT, can we have a ride back to the Circle location?". After a second or two of thought Road Kill said, with a snicker, " FINE".

As we were heading back we saw Missing Link with Beezer, I asked him where the trail was and he replied with "your guess is as good as mine, because Beezer hasn't seen flour for a LONG TIME". Since #2 and I had experienced the same thing I had a great deal of pity for Link and asked if he wanted a lift. His reply of "no that's ok' was satisfactory and we were off. As we passed near the start point and my car, I asked Road Kill to drop me off so I could get the trashes for the circle. As he dropped me off I asked him where was the circle location and his reply of "up there in the open parking lot", seemed just fine to me. But, after I got my car and was trying to find that just up there in the open parking, did it dawn on me that I was once again LOST. Twice in one day, not a good sign. After driving around the Reston Town Center area for 10 to 15 minutes I finally found Shitty and was relieved. As I drove up and got out I observed the lead runners which included Heymen Dickover, Drinks On Me Bud, and Doctor Strangelove. Since I did not get any specific observed details on the hash, at the On-On-On I asked several hashers for their impressions. They are listed below:

1. Stool Sample - The water check at the 7th hole of the golf course was lovely, but Drinks On Me Bud and The Body were almost hit by golf balls from some guy on the 7th Tee.
2. Harem Scarem - A better challenging trail but not an IQ challenging run I would rate it at least a 90.
3. Anonymous - The walkers are getting a little to ANAL and should be renamed the "Little Wenches".
4. Missing Link & Beezer - We were lost from the beginning, there wasn't enough flour to pick up any scent. At this point Link said, "if you can't say something good don't say anything at all" and his interview was done.
5. GBOF - I was also lost from the start but found the shooter stop and enjoyed them a lot. From that point on I didn't care and just went with the flow.
6. Pulls It Out - He informed me that Roach Motel needs a new kidney and should stop biting people on the left nipples.
7. Spinal Tap - He asked me to tell the runners to mark the trail for the rest of us, and he said the trail was a great trail if we could have found it.
8. Missed Erections - I observed lots of falls on trail, maybe the leaves were to slippery for all the lecherous men in the hash. The Missed Lady told me about WhereDaFakHawe rolling down a golf course hill and turning his ALL white outfit BROWN!!
9. Pro Boner - He just said "forget it man I wouldn't go that far again".
10. Roach Motel - In rebuttal to Pulls It Out, she told me a story about the Saturday night party where she was be accosted by MANY men and of being dragged up a set stair and her self defense actions which included injuring Fussy Bitch who was trying to help the Roach Lady. Lots of confusion here, if you want the True story ask Roach Motel & Pulls It Out.
11. Brew Crew - Great Hash, No Cups & No Water at start but we recovered and came through.
12. WhereDaFakHawe - In rebuttal to fall story above, told me his foot got caught in a fence and he decided to just go with the flow and save his body from MASSIVE abuse. In addition he informed me that he tried to use as much GRACE and DIGNITY as possible in respect to the fall.
13. A Hare - There was a LOT of DISENTION in the hare ranks this week. They were apparently split between an easy "after the wagner's brothers party" "hash or a hard "ball buster". Rumor has it that Blazing Straddle was for the EASY trail and Ball Buster wanted to really go hard and bust our balls. In addition rumor has it that US Boobs and Oral Report was so involved in the jello shooters that she didn't care. But overall the hares said it was a hoot and they enjoyed doing it to us!!!!!

Some of the hashers I observed the circle included: Barkadildo, Blazing Straddle, Black Box, , Bull S*it, DangeRously Close, Dirty ‘N' Hairy, Dr Strangelove, Drinks On Me Bud, Fly The Friendly Thighs, For Sale Or Rent, Fussy Bitch, Great Balls Of Fire, Hasher Humper, Hawaiian Puke, Heat Seeking Moisture Missile, Hollow Point, M.I.C-OUCH, Shoots Blanks, Steers & Queers, Mammorex, Silent Screamer, Missed Erections, Missing Link, Needle In Thread, Pro Boner, Stool Sample, Tidy Bowl, Steers & Queers, Pulls It Out, Pussy Whipped, Raise My Titanic, Road Kill, Rocks Off, WhereDaFakHawe, Wilburrr, Wet Spot, Spinal Tap, Spits It Out, Pulls It Out, Trouser Snake, and Vominatrix.

View From The Rear

Hello fellow hashers... DangeRously Close here with your View from the Rear...
Well, Mother Nature was back on track today. It was a beautiful, sunny Sunday. Perfect for.... what else but a hash! The walkers were a scattered bunch this week. We walked in groups of just two or three. I walked with Black Box and Stained Sheets. At times we saw Just Tom - walking due to a football injury sustained the previous afternoon - Shave Me Elmo, Just Annie, Just Stacey, and a few others whom I cannot recall.

Trail lead the entire group - runners and walkers up onto the W&OD Trail. Walkers were instructed to go along the W&OD Trail to Reston Parkway. BUT, we failed to follow instructions and followed the runners across the Trail, following flour. We soon discovered our error and went back to the W&OD. As we headed (who said head?) back, I slipped in the leaves and fell on my a*s. Remarks were made about being graceful, I got up, and on we went. Once we arrived at the Reston Parkway to make a right, runners could be seen off to our left. What a sight it was seeing the pack wandering aimlessly about the busy intersection! We decided to proceed on and the pack soon spied us and followed. Several times the walker trail and the runner trail crossed. It was mass caos as we tried to hide and sneak about, ducking behind dumpsters and shouting "NO" to "Are You?"

Our trail led to the check and across Reston Parkway, cutting through a parking lot - where several of the runners decided to stick with us despite our attempts to dodge them! Past the First Union Bank, and across Sunrise Valley we headed (who said 'head" again?), to a golf club! We went up the hill to the Clubhouse - boy did I want to stop for beer! Where was our beer check?? We passed the Clubhouse, and tiptoed between the putting green and driving range. Not many golfers out today - to breezy! As we approached the townhouses we were so close to the beer that we could smell it! Now, none of the pack were in sight. Yeah! Beer van in place and ready to serve. After a few minutes, we could see runners approaching from the opposite side, and boy did they look ragged. Tongues hanging and feet dragging, they stumbled into the beer check.

We departed soon after seeing one of the hares depart with the shooters. It was from here that we were on true trail seeking a path marked "W". Well, we never encountered it. The runners flew past, and we followed in their general direction until we crossed right through the golf course and headed (what? again!) back to the clubhouse. Our trial lead us back the way we'd cum... back to Sunrise Valley to Reston Parkway, crossing and following trail to the shooter stop. But, WHERE were the shooters. We gathered with several of the pack and waited and waited, but no shooters. We decided to take off up the path, where we were met by a hare shouting for all to follow her to shooters! YEAH! From the shooters... yum! yum! we followed trail back to the W&OD where we went left until we found flour. We followed trail to a huge - really big - dirt pile and found On-In.

Memories of trail include:
Many pack members wandering aimlessly about a busy intersection.
Many walkers trying to flee the pack.
Tiptoeing over Balls?? Who's they were we'll never know! at the golf course.
No shooters at the shooters stop after seeing numerous chalk markings promising such.
GBOF adorning his sheik-like headgear and climbing up the gigantic dirt mound looking much like a scene from the desert in Arabia somewhere.

Another eventful trail of mischief and mayhem. So went another White House trail... Stay tuned for next week's View from the Rear... this is DangeRously Close signing off until next week...

On-On and many happy trails... DangeRously Close

View from the Circle

The dirt covered work area where we going to circle up seemed to really sum up the hash, confusing simple and cold. But to temper this harshness we had Shitty-Shitty-Bang-Bang, and our trusty habadasher Hasher Humper. This evening the hab lady was REALLY SELLING. As I drove up I grabbed the trashes and went to collected a brew to wash down the hash taste before I began passing out our spiritual words. After several minutes of GODD brother, sister and mixed hood Spinal Tap and Had-A-Madam called us to circle. The hares: Blazing Straddle, Ball Buster, & US Boobs and Oral Report were called forward to hear us all complain about their shitty trail (this time it was ABSOLUTELY deserved - ONCE AGAIN). But in a short time, Had-A-Madam had them drinking to the tune of "here's to the hares". Spinal Tap then asked the question of all the RED HEADed Hares , "was there hair color natural or the bottle", and very quickly each began to disrobe and show us (it was really a good fake-out) Blazing (yes), US Boobs (yes), Ball Buster (NO- BROWN). They were actually wearing fur covered g-strings. Ladies thanks for the levity we enjoyed it. Spinal Tap then called all the virgins forward, and low and behold we had lots of them this week this week. Here are their vitals and some:

Our virgins were instructed on the finer points of rapid beer consumption by Spinal Tap. They drank to the tune of "Al-A-Zuma-Zuma-Zuma", welcome Virgin Class Of #621, enjoy the hash. We had 3 Visitors, they included: (1) Spank My Monkey from Austin H3, and (2) Milky, from Tunisia H3, and (3) DI Cubed, from Yongsong H3. They drank in their new free WH4 give-away souvenir visitor mugs to the tune of "Al- A- Zumma-Zumma". Y'al all come back and see us again some time. We had a LONG TIME NO SEE Stroke Me Gently. Drink and cum back soon again and again.

Our violations included DI Cubed for new shoes, Beastie Bush for her wagner brothers part quotation regarding Had-A-Madam: "you can steal my man but you can't steal my beer". We had 3 birthdays (1) B ull S*it, (2) Bramble Bush, & (3) Stroke Me Gently. The YELLOW JERSEY and Holy Tits didn't show so until next week no jersey award. PS I heard that it was reserve or national guard duty.

We had another naming this week. (just) Mike was called forward into the circle. After he assumed the position on the mat and we heard all sorts of TRASH about this guy, the potential new names began to flow out. They included: (1) STD'd (short term dater), (2) Short term Dick, (3) Over Cooked, (4) Hard Boiled Balls, (5) Soft Boiled Balls, (6) Grape Nuts), (7) Steamin Seamen, and (8) Tight Squeeze. After almost instantaneous agreement, hence forth and forever more in the White House Hash and in the world of hashing (just) Mike will be know as

Enjoy the name and bring more converts with the use of you seamen.

Awarding Of The Hashit

Lazy Mother F*cker (our newly named hasher) did not SHOW - ONCE AGAIN, therefore we were not be able to have our weekly hashit give-away contest. PS: I have learned that LMF is on military training and will not be back for several more weeks.

Finally, Had-A-Madam, & Spinal Tap lead us in several versions of our SWING SONG (normal, Scooby-Do, and Fast), and then they closed with the phrase "May The Hash Go In Peace", and we responded with our normally stupid answer of "May The Hash Get A Piece". The crowd thinned out rather quickly because it was getting cold and dark. All that was left was for the brew crew to clean up, which they did and the circle was over for another week.

View from the ON ON ON

The location was Chili's in Reston. The location was near the circle and the place was nice, but I don't think they were ready for the likes of us. Beers and margaritas were reduced price, food was as you ordered. There was a good crowd of 50 to 60 and we really spun the place up. In fact when Blazing Straddle was singing her new FEMALE version of the male ridicule song to Drinks On Me Bud that the management asked us to keep the profanity down. WOW people don't understand the hash??? Yes we did calm down and everyone seemed to have a good time until the crowd thinned out and the hash was history for another week. Say good night Big Bird Turd, "GOOD NIGHT BIG BIRD TURD".

NEW!!!!! HASH PERSONAL INTERVIEW SECTION

PERSON INTERVIEWED: (just) Kirstin Walcott

Kirstin has been hashing with White House for about 10 or 11 times now, and her smiling face really lights us our weekly affair. She is a fairly liberated twentysomething (on the upper something I think). She is looking for that special person and does nor want kids or things that prevent her from trying all that life has to offer. She considers herself to be invisible to other women so she is not a threat to them. She is very interested in men, but they have to be in some degree of control for her tastes (I guess that leaves me out). In my humble opinion this is a special person that deserves a really GREAT NAME very soon. Thanks Kirstin for the time and I hope I haven't misquoted you too much.

In my CONSTANT REMINDER section I will ONCE AGAIN remember Meat Puppet, Exhibit A & B,. Put It Out and Pulls It Out (how's your hammer this week???)

On, On, Big Bird Turd

RECEEDING HARELINE

#622 November 22: 3:00 PM Hares: Lip Service, & Needle In Threat: Start: TBD; On-On-On: TBD
#623 November 29: 3:00 PM Hares: Cock Force One & [just] Craig Start: TBD On-On-On: TBD
#624 December 6: 3:00 PM Hares: Dangerously Close & ??
#625 December 13: 3:00 PM Hares: Cowpoke-Her & Squirrel Bait Start: TRW Bldg, 1895 Preston White Drive, Reston VA
#626 December 20: 3:00 PM Hares: Had-A-Madam Start: Ellipse / Nat'l Xmas Tree [outside Bubba's White House] On-On-On: TBD
#627 December 27: 3:00 PM LOOKING FOR HARES

WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR HARES. If interested, contact GBOF at 703-876- 4772.

CUMMING EVENTS

UTAH SKI TRIP: January 11-18 1999 Bob "Stool Sample" Goodell is organizing a ski trip to Utah January 11-18. Cost is $800 for airfare, 5 days lift, 7 nites lodging, and ground transfer in Utah. Food, alcohol and equipment are separate. If interested, contact him at 703-465-1919 for more details.

WHITE HOUSE H4 POST CHRISTMAS PARTY: Saturday January 23, 1999, Forest Glen Ballroom, Silver Springs, Maryland. $20.00 if paid in 1998, 35.00 if paid in 1999, so sign up and pay early!!! More details to follow.

MARDI GRAS MADNESS IX HASH WEEKEND: Feb 12-16 1999. Fussy Bitch is leading a trip to the great city of New Orleans to raise some hell and drink some beer over Mardi Gras. See Fussy for details (she has a handout that covers it all), it is a great time.

PANAMA HASH HOUSE HARRIERS 1000 RUN: March 5-7 1999. Quick Drawers is coordinating our participation as a group, more to follow. If this is anything like the Costa Rica 1000th "DON'T MISS IT"!

INTERAFRICA HASH 99: June 4-6 1999 In Zimbabwe, near Lake Victoria, See Mellow Foreskin Cheese for details.

INTERAMERICAS HASH 99: September 3-6 1999. Hosted by, "http://www.transarc.com/afs/transarc.com/public/demi/html/ph3-home.html", Pennsylvania. Contact Jim "Whiff" Montgomery, (412) 431-7350, or "Dead Kennedy," e-mail brady@serviceware.com. Official address: InterAmericas Hash '99, John Olson, 723 5th St, Oakmont, PA 15139 USA. e-mail IAH99@webtv.net - Internet: "http://www.interhash.simplenet.com/REGFORM.html" (rego form)

INTEREUROPE HASH 99: Early October 1999. Location central Turkey, Drinks On Me Bud is contemplating another group excursion, details to follow. If you missed Bud's KL trip, don't repeat your mistake. See Drinks On Me Bud for details.

Back to the Archives Index