Date: January 3, 1999
Hares: Sorry My Knees Hurt, Target Practice, & Fag
Location: Waterfront Metro Station, M and 4th Streets, S.W.
HASH DIRECTORY IS BEING UPDATED Black Box is updating the Hash Register. If you have changes that need to be made to your listing or if you would like to be added, please contact Black Box at patti.thomas@ost.dot.gov or at 703-533-2107.
WHITE HOUSE WINTER HASH WEEKEND & POST-CHRISTMAS PARTY
It is an entire weekend of Hashing & Partying - Mark Your Calendars (SEE CUMMING
EVENTS For Details)
Friday January 22; 7:00 PM - Pub Crawl Chief Hare Rude Boy
Saturday January 23; 7:00 PM - Prime Time Party Forest Glen
Sunday January 24; 11:00 AM - Fat Boys Recovery Hash & Brunch Chief Hare:
Spinal Tap
Sunday January 24; 3:00 PM - Normal Weekly Hash Chief Hare: Fussy Bitch
GET YOUR HASH INFORMATION ELECTRONICALLY: Contact GBOF via email smythe_andrew@birdengineering.com, to be added to the WH4 electron list (Submit First & Last Name, Your Hash Name [if you have one], and put "GBOF" in the subject line, make sure you send your email address).
The weather was advertised to be cold, slushy, and wet, but yippy, yippy, eye, aye; it was only moderately COLD and we had some NICE sunshine at the beginning. The wankers gathered at the Waterfront Metro Station and were observed to be jumping, running in place, and slapping each other to stay warm. Blazing Straddle and GBOF were doing a GREAT job taking money and registering the arrivals, and Black Box was doing her directory update drill. Overall, all was fine with the world. There was a lot of SECRET goings on with Mismanagement because they wanted to NAME a LOT of folks this week. In fact they had special YELLOW baseball caps made the said "I NEED A NAME" on them. Thanks Had-A-Madam for the hats. The hats will being handed out to the PRIME TIME NAMING CANIDATES at each hash, so all in the hash could observe and think of some GREAT names while on trail. This will be a SPECIAL tradition from NOW on in the WH4 process of having NO RULES!!!!
At about 3:15 PM (we were a little late once again, o-well we are STILL the White House Hash) Had-A-Madam, Cyclops, and Spinal Tap call the assembled wanking mass to circle for the singing of the FATHER song. After we got through the singing and a-shaking thing the hares Sorry My Knees Hurt, Target Practice, & Fag, we called forward. We had some special "LAST MINUTE" instructions and then we were off in the general direction of the Washington Channel.
As we ran down M Street I was amazed by the size of the pack. I observed Dick Is Fine, Steamin Seamen, Bull Shit, 50 Dollar Bitch, Holy Tit, Butt Plug, Seeman First Ass, Cocks Spit, Solicitor Genital, Finger Licking Good, Drop Box, Bad Dog, Bare Back, Barkadildo, Bavarian Bush, Beastie Bush, Bite Me Elmo, Black Box, Blazing Straddle, Bramble Bush, Captain Titanic, Cervix With A Smile, Champagne Charlie, Cock Force One, Cyclops, DangeRously Close, Drinks On Me Bud, Dumb "n" Dumber, Fore Sale Or Rent, 14Kt. Cock, Full Metal Balls, Fussy Bitch, Goomba, Great Balls Of Fire, Had-A-Madam, Hairy Buddha, Harem Scarem, Hear Seaking Moisture Miaale, Hymen Dickover, jphn Handcock, Late Cummer, Latin Analyst, Lazy Mother F*ker, Leisure Suit Larry, Mammorex, Missed Erections, Missing Link, Needle In Thread, Number 2, Pay Per Vire, Perk-A-Set, Pro Boner, Pulls It Out, Put It Out, Ruined It For Dad, Slipknot, Spinal Tap, Spits It Out, Stool Sample, Tidy Bowl, Trouser Snake, US Boobs & Oral Report, Vominatrix, WhereDaFaKhawe, and Wilburr. It was a GREAT sight, LOTS of wankers on the prowl.
We then turned left and ran 6th to Water Street. I observed Perk-A- Set just a hashing along with not a care in the world, what's with you girl? I then observed Hairy Buddha talking to a lady with a poodle dog, she apparently wanted to know what all this ruckus was about and the Buddha man was obliging her. We then crossed 4th by Fort McNair. At this point I observed the badest of Bad Dogs just a talking away to a very nice PYT (what does she see in him?????). At this point we turned right onto Canal Street at which point I was running with Slip Knot and we had a good conversation about how DANGEROUS it was to run in this part of the city. As you can imagine I was at the back of the pack trying to observe the spectacle in front of me, o-yes it was!!!!
As I left the Slip man I can upon Rainbow Dick and he was ranting and raving about wanting an Ice Cream Bar, I thought that only pregnant ladies on trail craved those things. Rainbow boy you don't qualify. I then cam upon a group of walkers that included Spinal Tap, Fussy Bitch, and the hailo girl (she came to celebrate he angelic beauty) For Sale Or Rent. As I ran by Spinal Tap told me to follow For Sale Or because she has "VUE THROUGH" Tights (they light the way to more things than one). At this point I was laughing SOOOOO hard I slowed down and started to walk. In a few blocks we ALL decided to short cut the trail, and we did, and after a few blocks we turned left on South Capital and it was good because we came upon the front group of the pack to include Heimen Dickover, and Pro Boner. We then proceeded up South Capital and passed under a bridge which had a fenced area with LOTS of OLD police cars. I overheard Had-A-Madam say, "look this is the place where all police cars go to die", I would agree because it was obvious that the City of Washington was going to lift a finger to repair any of them. It was strange because several of the hashers (Heymen Dickover & friend) were positioned to take pictures of the upcoming hashers. I am not sure what they are going to do with the pictures, maybe sell them to MAD magazine for comedy relief. AS we continued up Capital Street we merged with a LOT of rapidly moving cars, this was a BUSY intersection. Speedy Edie and #2 we walking up to the intersection just loving the hell out of each other and the day in general, WHAT a sight. After taking our lives in our hands and crossing over this BUSY street we turned right on M Street and I saw two of my fellow Killer B's the Bush Sisters (Bavarian Bush and Bramble Bush) as we jointly encountered a beer near beer check sigh. What relief gripped us, BEER and SOCIAL time, gooooodie goooooodie.
The beer stop was in a small parking lot just off of M. We all socialized for about 10 minutes and then the group became VERY anise and we were off. The trail lead us to a park area in a housing development area then across the park. The park had a pavilion and during this time Mellow Foreskin Cheese, Harem Scarem, and I were discussing the recent accidental death of a hash immortal Death March. He was a real mainstay of the DC hashes for many years, thanks guy and may God be good to you in HASH HEAVEN, lay us a great heavenly trail!!!!!! At this point I came upon Bramble Bush, Heymen Dickover, Drinks On Me Bud, and Missed Erections. I gathered them all together because we all need to work out the plans to get to the airport next week so we can make the flight for our ski trip to Park City Utah. Yes, we were able to work out the details and the hash resumed for all of us.
We then turned right on E Street and I pulled up beside Cock Force One and she was telling me how good she felt and how glad she was to be hashing, I reminded here that DOMB and I were going to look up Sister One in Park City. Unfortunately her friend was SO SICK (the flu you know) that I was AMAZED that she showed and ran the hash. She deserves a medal for either bravery or stupidity, I'm not sure which applies here?????? As we circled 395 I saw Leisure Suite Larry just a chugging along with his ALWAYS happy go lucky smile, I said "happy hash day to you", and he seemed to enjoy my thought. Very quickly we turned Left and went a muddy and steep incline, during this slip sliding time I was able to observe Latin Analyst having one hell of a time trying to conquer this obstacle, as I passed I said, "good luck" and was off. PS. I was wearing my mudder shoes, so navigation was a snap.
We then turned left onto 7th Street and low and behold it was US Boobs and Oral Report, we chatted for awhile and she begged me to "put this chance romantic encounter in the trash". Well girly you got your wish!!!!!! The trail then lead us on a 45 degree angle through an asphalt parking lot and through a cut chain linked fence. As I was climbing through the fence I observed GBOF and Bite Me Elmo cumming out from behind a close- by building. Could I had discovered, "sex on trail"??????? We then wound through a residential area and came out on Maine Street. This then wound around to the Channel Harbor area. We turned left by the BOATS and left again into a parking lot and then we were ON IN and DONE!!!!!!
Hello fellow hashers... This Sunday was, as Black Box noted, "A Bonus Day." After the weather threats and warnings from Saturday, we had beautiful sunny skies and 40 degree temperatures. This was definitely Mother Nature's way of making up for the false alarms on Saturday!
As the group assembled near the end of the Metro green line, everyone seemed in cheery moods and made many remarks about the beautiful day. To the wide-eyed gazes of many on-lookers, we circled up and did Father 'Abe. We received trail instructions from the hares and with runners off in one direction and the Alternative Viewers off in another we began.
The Alternative View instructions lead us down M Street toward Delaware. Unfortunately, we took off at a steady pace on M in the wrong direction. After going a block or two, we questioned whether or not we were going the right direction, and hesitantly turned around. After walking back the distance we'd cum, we continued more confidently another block and what did we see?? Delaware! Comments were made about going such a short distance and ending up in Delaware. Directions led us Alternative Viewers winding through several streets, around a traffic circle, and down Half Street (?) to Eye Street. Clinging to the sunny side of the streets, we enjoyed the warmth, took off our gloves, and exchanged cheery "hellos" with passersby Hi Ho, Hi Ho, off in search of beer we go...
Among the Alt Viewers on trail were: Bareback, Driving Miss Bitch, Black Box, Where Da Fuk Ar We, For Sale or Rent and several more.
As we trekked down Eye Street, we were just marching right along, when we heard whistles and shouts off to our right... low and behold, it was the beer check that we were passing! Quickly we turned, and boy, I've never seen all the Alternative Viewers run so fast! To the Beer Check we headed! (who said "head"?)
After drinking, lingering a bit, and stalling so we'd see the runners come in, we were off again. Around the building we headed ("head" again ?) and much to our surprise, it was behind the building that we saw true trail arrows, and "beer near" marks on the pavement! Hey hares, didn't you know that the "beer near" cums BEFORE the beer?!?! Through a small, quiet park we went. It was here that Black Box noted, "Sure it's quiet during the day... 'don't have to guess what goes on here at night!" We considered the tons of broken glass we walked through just substitute shiggy! Out onto the road we went, crossing Delaware once again. All the way down Eye to the Marina area. Along the docks and water we walked. At the Gang Plank Marina, we came upon the On-In arrow, pointing directly to a locked metal fence gate. We stood there awhile, making eyes at the Dock guard on the inside. Totally confused we milled around a few minutes before Hare Target Practice approached to tell us that due to beer van logistical problems, we were no longer ending at the dock, but across in the parking lot. Target Practice handed me flour, and I went back to the Gang Plank to fix the On-In and true trail arrows. BUT, I heard whistles approaching! Quickly I fumbled with the flour, and off I went marking across the parking lot... FRBing was Holy Tit, who once he spied me, thought I was a hare and turned on his steam power to catch up with me. To the shouts of, "Catch her, get her", he caught me and claimed, "I caught a hare!" Much to his dismay, I was not really a hare and he'd wasted his extra energy for nothing... gee, he'll need even more beer to quench his thirst! Sorry to spoil it for you HT!
The moment the sun went down, the warm temps were immediately gone. With a shivering hash, socilaized, changed clothes, circled up, drank, named folks, etc.etc.etc. So went another Sunday trail... 'till next we meet, many happy trails...
PS - I must tell the story of how Black Box, who got the hash shit for leaving the full mOOn flag behind at the full mOOn hash party the night before, thought I should have to drink for it too, since I drove her and the flag to the party to begin with. However, it was Mellow Foreskin Cheese who gave her a ride home, therefore, I think he should share this dubious honor with her!! UPDATE: For those of you who are interested, the flag was stolen by a visitor and we (the full mOOn mismanagement) have received a ransom note and photos... evidently it is having quite an adventure on the road! RETURN OUR FLAG TO ITS RIGHTFUL HOME! WHOEVER YOU ARE, WE HAVE THE FBI SCOURING THE COUNTRY HOT ON YOUR TAILS!
On-On and many happy trails... DangeRously Close
After a few minutes of socializing and beer drinking in the waterfront parking lot, the circle was called to ORDER by the MM crew of Spinal Tap, Cyclops & Had-A-Madam. The hares were called forward by Had-A- Madam, and after some persuasion Sorry My Knees Hurt, Target Practice, & Fag entered the circle, were recognized for "What A Shitty Trail", drank to "Here's To The Hares", and were quickly asked to leave. Next Had-A called the Virgins forward, tonight's "Meat For The Arena" group included:
| Name | Who Made Them Come | Temporary Hash Name | "Let Me See Your ..." |
|---|---|---|---|
| Bonnie | 50 Dollar Bitch | My Bonnie Lies Over My Lap | Snapping Turtle |
| Ericka | Jiffy | Quilted Honey | Penis Warmer |
| Michelle | Missing Link | Last A Long Time Luci | Keep My Ears Warm For Me |
Our virgins were instructed on the finer points of rapid beer consumption by Had-A-Madam. They drank to the tune of "Why Were They Born So Beautiful", welcome Virgin Class Of #628, enjoy the hash. At about this time it began to get COLD and many small HUDDLE CLOSE groups formed, from an "inside the circle looking out" perspective this really looked like hash closeness.
WE had Five (5) VISITORS, then included: (1) (just) Gary from the Full Moon Hash, (2) (just) Laura from the Madrid Hash, (3) Screw from the Harrisburg/Hershey Hash, (4) BFuck from the Oregon Hash, and (5) MhashMeKnow from the Helsinki Hash. The got their souvenir mugs and drank.
Other Stuff: We had several birthdays, (1) (just) Stephanie a New Years baby, (2) Amnesia and (3) Late Cummer, they drank to the tune of "10 toes up & 10 toes down".
WE had Six (6) LONG TIME NO SHOWS they included: (1) Next Week, (2) Laboratory, (3) Silver Bull Shit, (4) John Handcock, (5) Lazy Mother F*ker, and (6) US Boob & Oral Report.
This weeks VIOLATORS include:
We had FOUR (4) naming's this week, the details are provided for your reading pleasure:
Heymen Dickover our previous owner was GONE to a dinner party, but alas he left our religious relic with Wilburr to pass along. It was even adorned with feathers on the outside of the drink bowl portion of the relic, good job Heyman. Boy were we lucky that he thought ahead (did I say head, I want some of that....), and that Wilburr didn't forget to give it up. After, FINALLY, getting the DAMN thing into the circle we began our process of selection. The nominees included (1) Holy Tit for spilling a pitcher of liquid gold near Shitty Shitty Bang Bang, and (2) Black Box for losing the Full Moon Flag, and NO ONE ELSE!!!!! After a QUICKIE vote MS Black Box WONNNNNNN!!!!!!!
We had our announcements, see announcements in the TRASH for any relevant information. Had-A-Madam then lead us in song to the tune of Swing Low. QUESTION: When is the WH4 669th Hash ANSWER: Some Time In The Future. That's all we are out of here.
The location the On-On-On was H.I. Ribsters, 800 Water Street SW just down the street from the circle. We were on our own regarding food and beer with the houses happy hour pricing. Since the Duke Maryland basketball was on our minds (DUKE 82-64), many of us were going around asking EVERYONE who won!!! There were LOTS of Football games on the numerous TV screens dotting the bar area and LOTS of us were involved in the TV thing. Then there was the social hour, we were spread out ALL over the place. The GREAT FALLS group was up front watching the Football game, Wilburr was in his glory, Drinks On Me Bud was being REMARKABLY calm, and Blazing and John Handcock were just enjoying each other. The we had the girly click with Late Cummer, Latin Analyst, and Perk A Set sitting in the middle of the room playing with themselves. In the front of the bar was the mixed group of Stool Sample and company. So I don't bore you anymore there were at least 4 other group cliques forming up and about the entire night.
Lots of people enjoyed the house potato soup, hamburgers and salad. As the evening went on the crowd thinned and FINALLY the hash was history for another week. Well I guess I'm out of here NOW.
My special opportunity to FINGER the SPECIAL "LITTLE PEOPLE" of the hash for recognition!!!! Exhibit A & B, and Meat Puppet for never cumming and ruler violations, "how large is it guy"? Put It Out (FOREVER & EVER) for his attitude and religious abuse of the hash. All of the rest of you must wait until next week. Black Box for losing her flag and dating again. Fussy Bitch and Pulls It Out for complicity in the flag theft. DangeRously Close for letting her friend down. But Plug for being TOO QUIET on trail, liven up girl!!! For Sale Or Rent for obnoxious tights. Missing Link for bringing a BLIND DATE to the hash and treating her to an ABSOLUTELY miserable time, and then telling her she had to sit in the back seat on the way home because Beezer had PRIORITY on the front seat.
I have SEVERAL "up close and personal " Interviews to share with you. These occurred at the On-On-On 2 weeks ago.
First One: (just) Shannon. This is Sister One to Cock Force One. She was reluctant to be interviewed and TOTALLY PISSED OFF at me for missing her Virgin hash write up. SOOOOOOO Sorry there "get pissed lady". Back to the interview, her professional goal is to be a lifetime college student and meet and conquer HUNKS!!!! She loves ski and works at a ski resort in Park City Utah because that's were the REAL men are at. She likes her men; intelligent but not arrogant, outgoing, kinky (ice and whipped cream turn her on), he must be 5' *' +, be dark, have green eyes but brown eyes are acceptable. Physical men with strong backs lots of muscles are favored (hair is optional but preffered111). She loves tongue rings but they must be the functional type (hint: aid in sexual pleasure!!!!). About the hash, she really digs it because there are lots of POTENTIAL men for the game. In closing I asked her about her sensitive side and she, "I am sensitive to a point but being overly sensitive makes me sick. I love my body to be touched in MANY strange and errodicially sensual ways." I asked here for the magic place to touch her and she said, "from me to know and for you and ALL the other hash hunks to find out". WOW, this one is REAL.
Second One: (just) Cathy who is a dear friend of the soon to be branded on the ass with her hash name Canadian (just) Kate. Her goal is life is constant intoxication and to become a PROFESSIONAL Hahser. These are both worthy goals. Her profession is with the State Department, and she want to get to a position where she has LOTS of disposable $. From a romantic perspective she wants a really, flexible, intelligent, funny, and LONG (big ding-dong) guy. 10" is acceptable. Some hash names she would enjoy are "Sex On Stool" or "Drinks For Evil", or Be-Hells-A-Boob", or "Size Big". She is a hostess of a (volunteer thing, I think) for the Beline Species Cat Thing???? She is a semi Intellectual and enjoys Adam Smith's "The Invisible Hand". She enjoys being circum-cinct and NOT sacro-cinct. Height is NOT negotiable. Watch out for this one she had LOTS of the RIGHT things and attitudes to be a KEEPER.
I will defer the last interview with (just) Stephanie until another time, Stephanie you will have to wait.
On, On, Big Bird Turd
#630 January 17: 3:00 PM Three Chicks and a `Tit' Hash Hares: Zimboobway,
Two Lips On A Dyke, (just) Theresa, & Holy Tit
Start: TBD, On-On-On: TBD
#631 January 24: 3:00 PM The Bitchin' Hash Hares: 50 $ Bitch, Fussy
Bitsh, Driving Ms Bitch, & Put The Bitch Down, Start: TBD, On-On-On: TBD
#632 January 31: 3:00 PM Super Bowl Hash Hares: Love Me Tender & No
Butts, No Glory [fourth year in a row!], Start: TBD, On-On-On: TBD
#633 February 7: 3:00 PM Hares: Great Balls Of Fire, Bite Me Elmo, &
[just] Susan, Start: TBD, On-On-On: TBD
#634 February 14: 3:00 PM Valentine's Day Hash Hares: Shave Me Elmo &
Put It Out, Start: TBD, On-On-On: TBD
#635 February 21: 3:00 PM The Honeymoon's Over/Post Mardi Gras Hash
Hares: Jimi Hendrix & Oralgina, Start: TBD, On-On-On: TBD
#636 February 28: 3:00 PM Belgian Nash Hash Pre-Lewd Hares: Pay Per View
& ?, Start: Van Dorn Metro, On-On-On: Nick's
WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR HARES. If interested, contact GBOF at 703-876- 4772.
INDIA NASH HASH: January 15-18 1998 hhtp://friends.cgnet.com/hhhh/India Nash Hash ‘99
WHITE HOUSE WINTER HASH WEEKEND: January 22-24, 1999, Friday January 22 - PUB CRAWL Chief Hare Rude Boy Saturday January 23 - Prime Time Party WHITE HOUSE H4 POST CHRISTMAS PARTY: Saturday January 23, 1999, Forest Glen Ballroom, Silver Springs, Maryland. Its NOW $35.00 so PAY UP SOON!!!!! Sunday January 24 11:00 AM - Fat Boys Recovery Hash & Brunch Chief Hare: Spinal Tap, Post Party Fat Boys Hash, Bloody Mary's, mimosas, etc. location TBD; Sunday January 24 3:00 PM - Normal Weekly Hash Chief Hare: Fussy Bitch
MOUNT VERNON H3 600TH HASH & "FIRST BLUE MOON OF 99" FULL MOON HASH : Friday January 29, 1999 This will be a JOINT hash to begin at 7:00 PM. Mclean VFW, Band, Beer, Pizza and LOTS OF FUN. Hares: Stained Sheets, Full Metal Balls, Perk-A-Set, Big Bird Turd, Start: McLean VFW Spring Hill Road & Old Dominion Road McLean VA, On-On-On: McLean VFW Spring Hill Road & Old Dominion Road McLean VA
MARDI GRAS MADNESS IX HASH WEEKEND: Feb 12-16 1999. Fussy Bitch is leading a trip to the great city of New Orleans to raise some hell and drink some beer over Mardi Gras. See Fussy for details (she has a handout that covers it all), it is a great time.
AUSSIE NASH HASH ‘99: April 2-4, 1999 http://www.hhh.asn.au/events/Nash99_1.html
AFRICA INTERHASH ‘99: June 4-6 1999 In Zimbabwe, near Lake Victoria, See Mellow Foreskin Cheese for details.
UK NASH HASH '99: August 27-30 1999 http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/stephentaylor/nashhash.htm
AMERICAS INTERHASH ‘99: September 3-6 1999. Hosted by Pittsburgh H3, Pennsylvania. Contact Jim "Whiff" Montgomery, (412) 431-7350, or "Dead Kennedy," e-mail brady@serviceware.com. Official address: InterAmericas Hash '99, John Olson, 723 5th St, Oakmont, PA 15139 USA. e-mail:IAH99@webtv.net - Internet: "http://www.interhash.simplenet.com/REGFORM.html" (rego form) MESSAGE FROM "Moon". Another 1000 years down the poop-chute and Pittsburgh is bracing itself for the celebration of the century! Just wait and see what Tittsburgh has in store for you... There'll be enough beer to drown you and your ancestors back to the primordial spooge from which they were spawned, enough shiggy to clog a waffle tread, more meals and treats than Christmas Eve in Hedon and, perhaps most importantly, everyone's gonna get crude, lewd, and stewed--Burgh style! Wahoooo!!! Get ready for AIH '99 in Tittsburgh USA, Labor Day Weekend 1999. Cum one, cum all, 'cause we gonna have a ball!!!
VIRGINIA INTERHASH: September 17-19, 1999. Hosted By The Tidewater Hash House Harriers, Location Tidewater Virginia. Plan on camping. Cost (currently) is $69.69, contact Fart Master at Fartmstr@erols.com or Little Richard Duffer2525@aol.com for details.
EUROHASH 99: September 17-19, 1999. Location central Turkey http://www.dominet.com.tr/users/ersin/hash/Eurohash Drinks On Me Bud is contemplating another group excursion, details to follow. If you missed Bud's KL trip, don't repeat your mistake. See Drinks On Me Bud for details.
DC RED DRESS WEEKEND OD MADNESS: October 1-3, 1999. Full Moon Lounge-Array Hash On Friday 7:00 PM October 1, Red Dress Run Friday 15:00 PM October 2, Recovery Brunch Hash Sunday 10:00 AM October 3. Details to follow.
PAN ASIA HASH '99: October 29-31, 1999 http://www.softwest.net.au/panasia99
INTERHASH 2000: February 25-27, 2000 Tasmania, Australia