Date: January 17, 1999
Hares: Zim-Boob-Way, Two Lips On A Dyke, (just) Theresa, & Holy Tit
Location: The parking lot in front of The Lone Star Grill, Alexandria VA
This will be my last trash, thanks for putting up with my "LAST MINUTE" words of the hash, now I should be able to be more on time to the Sunday gatherings. I really enjoy the experience, especially being able to get close to each of you via my personal passing out and discussing the quality and factuality of my written hash words. The new trash crew of Chief Editor – Bite Me Elmo, and the (3) Cub Reporters - Mellow Foreskin Cheese, For Sale Or Rent, and DangerouslyClose; are fully capable of doing a great job and I am excited about the kind of NEW THINGS The Bite Me lady is thinking about. See you around, (in the circle for sure!!!!) Big Bird Turd
From what I understand this was a hash for the books. The initial trail went over and through the dale (lots Of mud)!! Their was a metro ride from Van Dorn to King Street metro followed by an adventurous trail into the Beer Near. If you have additional questions ask one of the 105 wankers that ran the trail for real, I was skiing with Drinks on Me Bud and others. The snow was great and the trails were awesome!!!
Hello all you wild and crazy hashers... This is DangeRously Close once again, with your View From The Rear, or Alternate View (because we are not always in the rear!).
Mother Nature provided us with a spectacular January day! Whether it was indeed the wonderfully warm temps, or the location, or just because this was the Sunday of a three-day holiday weekend... I am not sure, but the turnout was tremendous... numbering well over 100 people in attendance. After a very large circle-up for Father Abe, in the front parking lot of the shopping center, we were off. Runners immediately took off up Duke Street, and our instructions were to follow trail, crossing at the McDonald's and heading (who said "head"?) down Wheeler Road. So, on we went...
Now, Wheeler is a long... VERY long road, and it winds, twists, and turns... but we are a durable group, and so we persevered. Our band of Alt Viewers soon dispersed into lots of smaller groups. Here are the people I remember seeing with us before we became so disjointed: Black Box, just Chaz, Bonnie Brewer, Cumz 'n Goes, West Virginia Woodie, just Nancy, Spinal Tap, just Annie, and WhereDaFaKhawe. I know there are more of you out there! Please make it a point to speak with me while on trail so that I can remember more of you!!
Anyway... down, down, down, Wheeler, into an industrial center we went. All the while, just Chaz, who was wearing one of our soon-to-be-famous, yellow, I Need A Name hats, was telling us all interesting tails about his life. I guess he figured we could use some of the material for his naming! Little did he suspect that his simple act of stepping on a ketchup package would provide us the story we needed. One of his interesting comments was the fact that he has only dated 3 women since 1983. WOW! And I thought I was out of it! Get a Life buddy! All the ladies laughed at his stories. Just Nancy, who has been absent from trail lately, seemed to be most humored by his tales.
As we headed (what? "head" again??) our way to the back of the industrial center, Cumz 'n Goes, and West Virginia Woodie ran out in front, and were almost run over by the... you guessed it, RUNNERS. For it was here that the Runners trail and the Alt trail intersected. I was glad most of the Alt Viewers were farther behind... it gave the Runners time to solve the check and not just follow us out of the last warehouse lot. By the time we got there, all we had to do was exit the lot through a remote back corner and head (?) up onto and over the railroad tracks. Over we went to a bike/walking path on the other side. The bike path intersected a little construction site, but on through we trudged. Just as we got to the other side, a police car was spied heading (lots of heads in this story!) toward us. We walked right up to and past it, even exchanging "hellos" with the officer. After getting up onto another road, we turned right, and again just kept on going, and going, and going. We were supposed to cum (?) out at the Van Dorn metro, and after following miles and miles of nice piles (of flour that is!) eventually we did.
As we entered the metro lot, we spied the runners and Shitty Shitty Bang Bang. YEAH! After a bit of beer consumption, and some socializing, we received more instructions from the hares... "on-on onto the metro they barked". After being handed our metro tickets, we crossed the lot and entered the station. And what to our ears we did hear, but Alawheta chorus from above. Up the escalator and out onto the platform we did go... hi ho, hi ho... It was amid all this merriment that we heard the crackle of the loud speakers and a meek and meager voice announce, "You may all NOT get on the same train car! Do NOT attempt to fit all into one car! Please space yourselves out on the platform and enter through different doors!" Well, to most of us, that sounded like a true invitation! BUT, when the train finally arrived, we did attempt some sense of maturity and spaced ourselves out accordingly. It was On-On to the King Street Metro stop. The group got really crazy upon exiting the metro... some headed ('said "head" again! Did you notice?) straight, some headed (and again) left and some right... I am not sure where trail actually led.
I and my small group went off to the right and up and over the tracks onto Duke Street. Black Box and her merry crew headed (?) left and around the front of the station. Now, some of the group had started to tire and become rather weary. Bonnie Brewer and Cumz 'n Goes are two that I specifically remember who decided to just head (now I just can't help purposefully putting it in!?!) straight back up Duke. I think it was the sight of the hill up to the temple that helped them make their decision. The rest of us decided to go on to the Moose Milk Check at the Masonic Temple. Boy was it worth it... the hares had picked up a hitchhiker along their way; Spinal Tap was riding with them. They all met us half way up the hill and treated us to a delightful, mysterious Moose Milk. I don't know what was in this concoction, but no one who tried it was disappointed! As we started to round the temple and pick up trail, we heard the distant sounds of whistles and in came the runners. We called to them and several came charging straight up the lawn, only to be stopped short by the high wall. They had to go find steps! This gave us the time we needed to get away!
At the back of the temple, we found flour which lead into and through an apartment complex. Out onto Duke Street we ended up. Several of the runners short cutted and joined us. One I remember was a newbie, Bloody Vaginal Reject, from Aloha Hash. Welcum BVD... oops I mean BVR... I hope you enjoyed your first trail with White House - just keep cumming!
So, on up Duke Street, into the Lone Star parking lot and around back we went... this rather long tale is exactly how our trail was; LONG. BUT, lots of fun and merriment was had by all. Thanks again Mother Nature! So went another Sunday trail. Many happy trails... until we meet again...
On-On... DangeRously Close
We circled up in the parking lot behind the shopping plaza where the Lone Star Grill was located. I think the hares had us in the back just to end trail in a different location than the start. (We started in the fron t parking lot...). After a bit of socializing and beer drinking, while temps were still warm and the sunlight wasn't completely gone, the circle was called to ORDER by Had-A-Madam, Spinal Tap, and Cyclops. The hares were called forward and after some heckling from the crowd Zim-Boob- Way, Two Lips, [just] Theresa, & Holy Tit were recognized for "What A Shitty Trail" and to the cries of "Alcohol Abuse", they drank to "Here's To The Hares", and were quickly asked to leave. WOW I think Holy Tit was proud of himself; surrounded by three beeeauutiful women!
Next Spinal, Cyclops and Hada called the Virgins forward... OH BOY, another week with lots of Virgins, plenty for the pickin'! This evening's "Meat For The Arena" group included:
| Name | Who Made Them Come | Temporary Hash Name | "Let Me See Your ..." |
|---|---|---|---|
| Jenna | Her Dad got off the metro and just started following the flour. Interesting, her Dad was now nowhere around! | Anytime, Any Place | |
| Brad | Watergate | Finger in the Dyke | Crack |
| David | Steve | Finger Lickin Good | |
| Suzanne | "He Did" made her cum! | Blow my ____ | Other hair piece |
| Larry | Himself ?!? | My Other Brother Larry | Wang Dang Doodle |
| Matt | Watergate (boy she's been busy...?) | Fist in the Dyke | Tricky Dick |
| Chad | the Devil | Satan's Hand Maiden | Blue Balls |
| Mike | a different Mike | Mikey'll Do Anything | Pitching or Catching |
| Todd | Lazy Mother Fucker | Prone Position | Cigar |
| Ed | "That bastard over there!" | Balls 'n Chains | Saggy Sack |
| And last but not least... | |||
| Katherine | said she just wandered by & saw beer! | Little Girl | Lock Jaw |
Our virgins were instructed on the finer points of rapid beer consumption by Spinal Tap. They drank to the tune of "They're The Meanest...", welcome Virgin Class Of #630, enjoy the hash. At about this time the crowd began to get a little restless, and Pulls It Out had to get a little tough... without his hammer this guy sure is a pussy cat!!!
WE also had gobs of VISITORS. I wasn't very quick on my feet in taking the notes and missed quite a few. But here are those I remember... (and those whose names I can read with my horrible scribbling!). Just Cheryl from Santiago Chili, Dick in the Headlights from Sipan, Dr.John (aka The Night Tripper) from Bahrain, Snake from ?, WimBob from Nirobe, Bloody Vaginal Reject from the Aloha Hash, and Lord Snotcicle from Turkey.
It was at this time that Blowin' in the Wind, got his revenge for last weeks shared photo of him and Blonde Roots in bed! He pranced (and I mean proudly pranced) around the circle sharing with everyone who'd view it, another revealing photo! That of Fussy Bitch and Pulls It Out... you guessed it... IN BED in what appeared to be their birthday suits! Everyone enjoyed a brief moment of laughter at how blushing PullzItOut became, Spinal serenaded us with "The Intern Walked Through the Office Door", and we moved on to:
Long-Time-No-Seers: These included: Bonnie Brewer - to which everyone shouted, "When one Bee drinks, all Bees..., Finger Licking Good - to which everyone shouted, "When one Finger drinks, all Fingers..., just Fred, and Neve (who has a hash name... I've forgotten... so, what are ya gonna do, make me drink?!) [On-Sec note: she's Crack Shot!]. To the tune of, "Why Were They Born..." we all toasted our long-time-no-seers and asked that they come again soon.
Our yellow "I NEED A NAME" hats came in handy once again and we had several namings:
First in the hot seat was Just Chaz. Stories were shared and nominations were made. Some included: Premature Cumming for his mistake of cumming forward several weeks ago to be named without being called forward; Second Cumming, Nailed Him, Last Erection of Christ, and He Has Risen for carrying a wooden sign post on trail, Red Splatters and Leaky Tampon for stepping on, breaking and splattering himself with ketchup from a McDonald's ketchup package on trail. Cheers were done, votes weren't needed... Henceforth and forevermore in the White House Hash and in the World of Hashing, Just Chaz will be known as:
Next up we had Just Annie. Stories and nominations included: No Need to Kneel because she is so short; Check Is In The Mail for her continued lack of funds for paying her rent; Spins for Dick, Any Dick Will Do, and Anal Do a Dick for her comments at a Spin-the-Bottle Party, and for believig in the conditioning attributes of sperm, Spurt Plus. Cheers were done, votes were counted and... Henceforth and forevermore in the White House Hash and in the World of Hashing, Just Annie will be known as:
Just Alec was up next. More neat stories and nominations, which included: Kockeye the Sale Whore Man and Bridge Pussy because he went to the Merchant Marine Academy; Disco Fuck, John Ravolta, Touch Me I'm Sexy, and Polyester Princess, because of the wonderful silver shirt he wore to last Friday's Happy Hour and because he was spied on the dance floor dancing with himself; Butter Yourself because a witness caught him in an Alternative Lifestyle bar; and Paint My Wanker and Sitcky Fingers, because rumor has it Alec wants to pose in the buff in full body paint and have his picture taken. Other nominations with no story included, Double Your Pleasure, Nipples Like A Girl, and 7-10 Split. We cheered, we voted and... Henceforth and forevermore in the White House Hash and in the World of Hashing, Just Alec shall be known as:
No one was in the mood to screw their fellow hashers, OR, everyone just decided this was "Be Kind To Fellow Hashers" week. Thus no one squealed and we had no true VIOLATIONS!
For those of you who witnessed Black Box's display of pleasure with Pulls It Out's addition to the Hashit - a stuffed Penis and Balls - you understand why she won the Award this week. For those of you who missed it, it went something like this: Black Box was sitting on the metro train and spied Pulls It Outwith the Hashit. She yelled, "Bring that thing over here." And so he did. THEN, she spied his pleasuresome addition and promptly began playing with it. She even held it up to her ear like a telephone receiver... It was at this moment that Great Balls of Fire came running over to announce, "Black Box, I hear you cumming!" The laughter was infectious as the story spread throughout the train! What a moment!
Other nominations included: Hawaiian Puke and Burnt Sox for not wanting to wait for a metro ticket and thus decided to RUN! from Van Dorn Metro to King Street, and me, DangeRously Close, for finally returning Spinal Tap's silver stein. Black Box won hands down, and Burnt Sox and Hawaiian Puke came in second. Their second place award was a toilet seat to ear around the neck... which was given to Burnt Sox. Will we ever see that again?
We had our announcements, see announcements in the TRASH for any relevant information. Spinal, Cyclops, and Had-A-Madam led us in song to the tune of Swing Low. QUESTION: When is the WH4 669th Hash ANSWER: Some Time In The Future. That's all we are out of here.
The location of the On-On-On was just inside at the Lone Star Grill. We were packed in like Sardines and it was rather caotic as everyone attempted to obtain beer and food. Everyone seemed to be in a great mood... the beautiful weather, the tremendous number of folks in attendance, Sunday evening of a three-day holiday weekend, and beer! What more could you ask for? Because no one had to work the next day, it seems Hawaiian Puke decided a spontaneous hot-tub party was in order. The crowd thinned out quickley as lots of folks headed (?) to his place to complete the evening. The hares, looking rather tuckered out, were among the last to leave, AND FINALLY the hash was history for another week.
SPECIAL NOTE: EVERYONE PLEASE PAY-AS-YOU-GO AT THE ON-ON-ONS OR START A TAB ON YOUR CREDIT CARD. WE AGAIN HAD A NUMBER OF UNPAID TABS AT THE END OF THE EVENING. WE NEED TO CONSIDER WHAT OUR REPUTATION AS A HASH ENTITY IS IN THE PUBLIC EYE!
BBT's special opportunity to FINGER the SPECIAL "LITTLE PEOPLE" of the hash for recognition!!!!
Dangerously Close for such a GREAT fill-in. Spits it Out for the ordinary violations. The rest of the group is ignored for a week as new scribe management takes over!!!
On, On, Big Bird Turd