Date: March 21, 1999
Hares: Rotates Often & Private Parts
Location: VFW, Great Falls, Maryland
Instead of the scribe's usual whine about the weather, which as usual SUCKED, I will try to put a positive spin on it. This is after all Spin City. Okay, so think positive.....Feel positive.....Can you feel the positive karma just oozing out of this trash???
The rain is good for so many things; ducks, farmers, pneumonia, which in turn provides customers for area doctors and hospitals, which requires the use of drugs, which keeps major pharmaceuticals companies in business, and if all fails and folks die from the weather induced illness, this keeps local mortuaries in business. So, sucky, wet, cold, weather is good for the economy. Is this #*#$*$^&#(())%_) positive enough?
But, Enough of that. On with our tale of woe and doom.
The hares, Rotates Often, Private Parts, compliments of the Baltimore-Annapolis Hash laid a rip-roarin' trail for us.
We started from the Great Falls, MD VFW post, It was muddy and wet and slippery and hilly. The trail wound about and was pretty straight forward, until we reached a check. This is where trouble began. We milled about the check. There were basically three directions to head: straight (which would bring you to the road), left, which lead further into the woods, or right, which came out on the road.
Shriveled Seal looked at the scribe and said, "I don't suppose trail goes this way”, he said pointing left. "Of course not,” said the scribe, "that would make too much sense.”
However, we should have listened to our new hashing friend, instead we ended up following Blowin' In The Wind who needs to take his medication more regularly. He was following dried out duck guano, thinking it was flour. There was much wandering around on the road. A few folks checked for flour in the neighbors' backyards, but true trail was back at the check. A left turn. The scary part was Bad Dog made this call! And we listened!
To calls of OnOn, we were off, I mean, we continued on trail.
Over hill, over dale, we will hit the muddy trail until we ended up on the C and O Towpath. At this point, Blazing Straddle, Great Balls of Fire, Drinks On Me Bud, Phone Sachs, John Handcock, and Steamer's Bitch, all made like they were looking for trail because no one really wanted to go back up the butt ugly hill we just came down. The rest of the pack clotted together, not wanting to come down the rest of the way. BS went running up the tow path disappearing into the mist. We haven't seen her since.
Shouts, from -- you got it-- UP the hill came, "onON”...the trail made a dogleg left and back up we went. It became Mountain Goat territory at this point. Our resident Mountain Goat, Dumb Blond made the appropriate "baaa-ing" noises, which excited DOMB. Bavarian Bush was looking pretty bushed at this time as well. Pulls Out Early was wishing he had at this point he had, Watergate was wishing herself in a drier spot too. Whiners all.
This Up, Up, Up, trail, offered a fantastic view of a raging Potomoc river. It was way cool. Would have been better with a beer in one hand, but that's another story.
The rest of the trail was pretty much more of the same. We went the wrong way at one more point. The most exciting moment on trail goes to Number 2 who was innocently (as if he could do anything INNOCENTLY) running along and was RUN over by a Doe. As in Deer. As in Bambi's mother took him right out. He seemed a bit shook up at being mugged by a woodland creature, but secretly I think it was the best time he's had in awhile.
Thus endeth our tale (tail?) of another fabulously wet, cold, muddy run. I'm not bitter but if the RA doesn't do something about this weather, I think we need to offer a human sacrifice to the gods...need I say more.
For those of you who are glory hounds and love to see your name in print, I'm sure I saw you along the trail,...so here you go: $50 Bitch, Big Bird Turd, Black Box, Blonde Roots, Bramble Bush, Butt Plug, Dirty & Hairy, Dream Beaver, For Sale or Rent, Foreplay Before Intercourse, Goomba, Ground Chuck, Had A Madam, Half Monty, Harem Scarem, Hawaiian Puke, Hymen Dickover, Kiel Bastard, Latin Anal-ist, Missing Link, Needle in Thread, No Genitals, Oral Report, Out of the Bush, Pinky Penis, Section 8, Silver Bullshit (she's just way to fast to keep up with, so I never actually SEE her on trail), Spinal Tap, Spits It Out, Tastes Like Chalk, Utter Delight, WhereDaFaKhawe?, WhineNCheese, Zimboobwe
Back at the VFW Post, those sorry sods made us go outside in the rain (CAN YOU BELIEVE IT) to run the circle. Something about scaring the regular paying crowd. Have I mentioned it was a cold, rainy, sucky, day???
The notes get a little fuzzy, due to the fact it was RAINING on us and ink does not withstand rain well. Blazing Straddle was kind enough to hold the umbrella for the scribe so she could write, and Silver Bullshit decided she ought to be the scribe's new best friend- I think it was the umbrella she was after and the opportunity to have her name in print. Media tramp.
The Virgins:
Jennifer Katz, James Munson, Chris Reese, Abby Wendelken.
The Violators:
The Anniversaries:
The Naming:
Steve Sirotsky comes to us from San Diego. I'm sure there was
a good story here, but something about a motorcycle and he being a
very, very pale California boy, so from this day forward and forever
more, yadda yadda yadda, he will be known as – Pale Rider.
And that's all she wrote...OnOn BiteMeElmo
Quote of the Week:
"I haven't taken a shit in eight days -- I now have an affinity with
Butt Plug....When this train leaves the station, it's gonna be
a major hit on the Fairfax County Utilities System."- Mellow
Foreskin Cheese.
Thanks for the words of warning MFC! We'll be sure to alert the authorities. For those of you unaware, White House's very own Mellow Foreskin Cheese (Bill Wagner) was involved in a car accident the evening of Monday, March 15, 1999 – the car hit him, while he was crossing the street. Bill had surgery but will be out of the running, if you catch my meaning, for quite sometime. If you have the urge to send a card, visit or call, his address is: 4122 N. 17th St, Arlington VA 22207; phone: 703-293-9747. I'm sure he'd like to hear from folks during his recuperation. Bring beer.
Be a Narc!
There are a number of people who are in desperate need of names, not to mention lives. Do you know any of the following people? If you do, and were a true friend, you would sing like a bird and tell MisManagement all the stories, real and imagined, that you can about these folks.
If you don't know them PAY ATTENTION to them on trail and befriend them. Get them to trust you then turn on them!! Here they are:
Might I just add, there are actually people who hash, who show up periodically so no one will notice them and they WON'T get named. I say we hunt those folks down, tie them up and force a naming. Just to spite them. Cowards!