Date: June 14, 1999
Hares: Pulls It Out, Drop Box, Steamin’ Semen
Beer Crew: Vominatrix
Location: Alexandria, VA
It was a wet, soggy day to run and the hares kept it short. Basically we met at Four Mile Run Park, we ran for about 10 minutes in a large loop. The run ended where it began. The End.
The pack did witness the Alexandria Police arresting someone who was NOT a hasher, and Just Ed, was spied purchasing a blue icy-pop on trail. More on that at the circle portion of our program.
The Who’s who of hashing:
Looney - with a boo-boo knee from a mountain bike accident
Sorry My Knees Hurt - trying to casually blend in (a
longtime-no-see’er)
Agua Nino - brother to El Nino
No Genitals - playing fink and turning in her friends
Watergate - nattily attired in her “professionally
cleaned” hashing clothes
For Sale or Rent - dressed for rain
TheHasherFormerlyKnownAs - armed with Ivy Block just in
case.
Goofy - brought today by his faithful companion, Oreo.
Gus - what can you say about Gus? He’s quiet, he runs, he
slips off into the night.
Gladiater - Yes, but is he?
Hasher Humper - pimping her wares as usual.
Finger Pickin' Good - seen racing
Hawaiian Puke - doing a sun Dance
In Your Dreams - hey! Where’s Phil?
Lazy Motherfucker - seen fording the creek
Love Canal - yes, but did he cross THE Canal
Mammorex - is it live?
Metro Ho - his first run with his new name!
Nurse Crotchett - Repeller of Poison Ivy!!
Missed Erections - frolicking in puddles.
Shave Me Elmo - of the famous Elmo Family
Shriveled Seal - playing hash Stud Muffin, and leading the
pack in the last half of the looped trail (as opposed to being looped
on trail).
Tart Wheel - for her excellent rendition of “father
abraham”
Mellow ForeSkin Cheese - seen using his crutches as
paddles as he canoed down the stream.
The following were seen frolicking about as if they were at Woodstock (the original): Have Dick Will Travel, Almond Joy, AmKneesia, Beer Slut, Betty Crotcher, Big Bird Turd, Black Box, Blazing Straddle, Bullshit, Bumper Dumpher, Cock Spit, Couch Potato, Daisy Chain, Deposit In The Rear, Drinks On Me Bud, Does It For Free, Duck Job, Eat It Raw, Fussy Bitch, He-Whore, Holy Tit, Holiday Ho, Late Cummer, Mighty Tight, Put It Out, Recruiter, Stool Sample, Tidy Bowl, Wilburrr, Whine N’ Cheez, Spits It Out…
Note to all: if you wish to see your named dragged through the trash, feel free to suck up to the scribes. We not only take bribes and payola, we encourage it!
On On and On...... BiteMeElmo
Oh what an interesting hash this was… The flash flood, pouring rain storms that hit early in the evening made for a muddy, messy, splashy, and wet trail. We've had so many sunny Sundays recently, perhaps we've gotten a little spoiled at Mother Nature's kindness. Well, this was the Mother Nature's revenge trail! There were many late arrivals due to traffic problems resulting from the windy and quick storms. We gathered in what I think is usually a nice dry gravel lot, but this evening it was full of puddles and muck. Just before Father Mud… oops, I mean Father Abe, Holy Tit! decided that we were all going to get wet and muddy anyway, so why not start then. He attempted to belly flop into several puddles, thus spraying everyone with a muddy water shower. Or perhaps he was attempting some bizarre mud wrestling moves?!?! I don’t even want to know! Our soaked hares were off into the woods - this was a live hare ya know! - and everyone stalled and stammered and then took off as well… not into the woods though. We were smart enough to cross over a nice cement bridge (where a police cruiser had gone only moments before!). On the other side, we walked along a paved path (no puddles here!) and into some sort of housing project. This was our chance to exhibit our hash talents to the many Hispanic deviants who were loitering about! Alternative Viewers accompanying me at this point were: Black Box, Holiday Ho, Shave Me Elmo, Cock Spit, Eat It Raw, and Leave It In Beaver.Mind goes blank here… I know we walked. I know we ran. I know we crossed streets. I know we followed flour - some soggy, some fresh. I know we ran across members of the pack several times on busy streets in a small commercial area of town. I know that it was a VERY humid evening and we were all dripping with sweat. I also know that at some points there were very confusing trail markings… Questions: what does a three parallel lines mark mean to a White House hasher? Answer: It means that a wayward OTH hasher has made it to WH4 as a hare!
Eventually it came to the point that we were so parched that we'd begun to hallucinate! I decided that since Chateau de Pulls was close by that the beer check must be there, and so I ran off in that direction. Believe it or not, this was not totally unsupported, after all, my personal trail was marked with flour! And, I was not the only one following this hunch. Alternative Viewers who followed me and who completed the trail with me were: He Whore, Just Farnaz, Daisy Chain, Tidy Bowl, and Goofy & Oreo. Turns out our hunch was wrong, as there was indeed NO beercheck there. Sooooo, off I ran, out of the street and back along W.Glebe to a cross street where I turned. I figured that if I ran far enough I'd sure as heck find flour again. After all, the hares had laid this trail several times earlier in the evening and each time it took a slightly different route. I was bound to find true trail eventually. AND I did!
I came to a check where every direction was marked as BT. But, I followed straight up the road anyway… well, turns out this was really a BT and so I ran back to the check. My little flock of walkers had caught up and were headed (head? Who said head?) into a park along another paved path. We took the path winding and twisting and then went into the woods. Here we came upon Rat's Ass, who decided to join us for the remainder of trail. We observed the unusually high level of water in Four Mile Run, and trekked on. Eventually we came to a point where trail led us directly down into a creek (looked more like a raging river) and we could clearly see that trail connected on the other side. Taking one look at the sissy babies standing on the bank and staring down into the water, I gingerly stepped on in. First step assessment: water not too cold and not too mushy. Second step assessment: not too muddy on the bottom. Third step: whoosh! right down into three feet of water I went. Sooooo, with a little assistance from Rat's Ass I pulled myself back out of the water and we all turned around to head (did someone say "head?") back in the direction we'd cum.
Back through the woods, back along the paved path, back out of the park… We turned a corner and walked along the backside of the woods and eventually, to the cheering crowd, we were On-In, safe and sound. All in all, it could have been worse… after all, the rain did stop and the skies did clear somewhat. We were just wet and hot and having fun! On-On to next Monday… many happy trails!
On-On, DangeRouslyClose to Oh!Feelya Butts
The hares drank Drop Box, Steamin’ Semen, Pulls It Out - after giving them a lesson in WH4 trail markings! Steamin’ Semen offered a map of the trail to anyone who might want to keep it as a momento.
The Virgins:
Laura (temp name: True Blonde) - Just Joel
David (temp name: Spot) - Jumper Bumper
Jim (temp name: Licking Finger) - Finger Pickin Good
Farnaz - (temp name: Doggy Style) Daisy Chain
Pam (temp name: Charity Case) - Does It for Free
Just Laura showed up in spankin' new shoes! Problem! #1
Never wear new shoes to the hash…. #2 DUH! It was VERY rainy muddy
evening! Just Joel made her cum, so he was called to drink a
Cinderella toast. Just Joelhad a major brain lapse and wore
his hat. Problem! #3 No hats for down-downs… so much to his
delight, he drank again sans the Virgin shoe. While we were in the
welcumming mood, we moved right to the:
The Visitors:
Lt. Dan who was visiting us from Biloxi HHH, the Red Neck
Rivera! We welcumd him with a Chorus of "All Lay Zumma".
A Special Presentation was next:
We recognized our favorite crash victim, Mr. Mellow Foreskin
Cheese who was indoctrinated into the "Get a Life Club"… in
recognition of his 200th trail. He received his mug proudly donning
his crutches. This caused a chain reaction as "when one Bill Wagner
drinks, all Bill Wagners drink", and GMs, and Boxes, and Hares, and
FINALLY - after a third of the hash was in the circle, "all
cheeseheads" was called. We all finally got to toast MFC with
the "Get A Life" chant.
Namings:
Just Betsy Name nominations: Phone Home, Find Me In The Bush, Weed Wacker, Dis-Orien-Tit (Holy Tit!'s way of increasing the Tit population), Wood Nymph, etc. After hearing that she is a loan officer and therefore works in a bank, she was donned with "Deposit In The Rear"!
Just Jon with pretty print brief hanging out (thanks to BigBirdTurd) name nominations included: Work with Hardware, Condoms for Sale, Wasted in Hooterville, Udderly Delicious, Zip Drive, Jello Hooters (my personal favorite!), Sloppy Joy Stick, Panty Man, and Jelly Gigolo. BUT, due to his wonderful job and figure, it came down to Mr.Softie or 3.5" Floppy. Hello 3.5" Floppy!
Just Ed the easiest and quickest namings in the history of the White House Hash. Evidently he can make his chest dance, so Titty Bouncer was nominated. However, that was not good enough. Turns out he was spied purchasing a blue freeze pop ON trail therefore, without further adieu, he was labeled "Sucks It Blue"!
Violations:
Stool Sample and Co. Cabbing to the hash.
Watergate - professionally cleaning her hash clothes
In Your Dreams for being "available" and on the market!
Racers: Great Balls of Fire, Vominatrix, No Genitals, Love
Canal, Fussy B, Holy Tit! (who really believed that he'd be able
to escape without a down-down this week! DUH!)
Duck Job and Drop Box - for going to a “MALE” strip
joint (someone help these guys out!).
The HASHIT:
Watergate was once again recognized for taking her hash
attire to the laundry.
Monica's Pimp was nominated for
dumping over the Beer table, cups, hash trash and all. I don't
remember who the hashit was awarded to… I guess if you really want
to know, you'll cum next week and make a note of who brings it back!