Date: June 28, 1999
Hares: Steamer's Bitch, Blonde Roots, Blowin' In The Wind
Beer Crew: Drop Box
Location: Rockville MD
After enduring horrendous traffic and horrendous thunderstorms driving up I-270, various hashers began arriving at one of those Darth Vader-like technology buildings that proliferate that God- forsaken part of Maryland.
Grand Master WhereDaFaKhawe chose Religious Advisor Great Balls Of Fire to lead the circle in Father Abrham, due to his timely ability to make the rain stop exactly at 6:30 [hey folks, he can get it right at least once a year].
After the GM warned the pack about ticks, lyme disease, diptheria, mumps, measles, chicken pox, and the Y2K bug, the pack took off and promptly found the trail leading through a water-filled culvert. The entire pack managed to shortcut over the highway to avoid the "Tunnel Of Love" [a Black Boxism] except for Boob Tube who fell on her "tube" in the stream entering said hole.
About 100 yards into the trail, it was quickly discovered the hares need a major-refresher course in marking trail ("Whaddaya mean you have to use flour?? What's that??"). Number 2 was seen making a '#1' in the trees.
I had the opportunity to short-cut with Hawaiian Puke, Religious Advisor to that OTHER hash, and very long-time-no-seer Body Heat. Running up a massive hill amongst the heather and Scottish Thistle, I asked Butt Plug for a pithy quote. She replied "God, I want GBOF sooooooooo bad!!!!" (Editor's note: Obviously the woman is delusional)
The award for best VonTrap Family Singer award goes to Co-GM WDFK who was seen twirling, dancing, & singing "the hills are alive, with the Sound Of Music" on the top of the hill as the pack looked in vain for trail. It was noticed Leave It In Beaver must be marathon training these days since he was hashing with a cup of beer in hand. Body Heat's virgin was getting a bit muddy on trail, so the gallant gentleman offered her a hanky to wipe her brow. Let's have no more of that helping each other out stuff. We gots a reputation to uphold.
As qwe ran along the trail through the woods, with massive amounts of poison ivy taunting us everywhere, Big Bird Turd, Holiday Ho, the soon-to-be-named Just John Morrisette (Alanis' bro?) and the Scribe-for-the-day came upon an abandoned house overlooking I-270. We all thought it looked like a good place for a hash party.
Running down a grassy hill, the Scribe-for-the-Day fell on his ass, whereupon Beer Slut & Well Drilled laughed their asses off. Just Kathleen [virgin to Body Heat] told me she was a Born Again Virgin and a body builder. Holy Tit brought his two kids to the hash, although the comment was made his Titness wasn't quite sure where children came from. Blonde Roots, lead the walkers, and then made them RUN when she realized they weren't going to beat the runners to the beer check. I suppose she was afraid we would drink SSBB dry!
At the beer check, Steamer's Bitch was seen eating a bug off Dumb Blond's arm (yum/ Protein). Leaving the beer check, #2 was seen sauntering on trail with a beat-up old umbrella. Following a stream, we came upon another HUGE Tunnel Of Love. Almond Joy, sporting a nasty case of poison ivy, said he caught it not while hashing but in his back yard. Can everyone spell Hash Shit?
At the end of the culvert, we were faced with a major rain-swelled pond, which many hashers took an involuntary dip in in their failure to find the shallow parts to step in. EFTL, visiting us from the Minneapolis H3 helped lots of hashers around this obstacle, up a handy but steep path. #2 was seen making another #1 in the woods (helpful hint number 1: Easy on the beer big fella).
Leaving the woods and entering Suburbia, the pack milled about smartly looking for trail, debating whether Hellen Keller & Stevie Wonder were actually marking the trail. Just John's new Jimmy Buffett T-Shirt, soaked by rain & sweat, was running in purple streaks down his arms & legs. LTNS Hose Her, having not hashed in ages, was "feeling wet & wild" and "having a religious experience".
Heading back towards the car and hopefully the finish of this long trail, hare Steamer's Bitch cruised by saying "I feel like a homo again!" Well, he could have said "it feels like home again" , and thus endth another long, wet, trail....
On-On- Religious-Advisor-turned-Scribe-for-the-day, GBOF
Hello everyone! As I am on injured reserve, this column is the result of personal interviews and comments obtained from the walkers who actually did the trail:It was reported that those who followed all or some portion of the "trail less travelled," included: Mud Pie, Deposit in the Rear, Nice Tits, Black Box, Celtic Climax, Trouser Snake, Fussy Bitch, Holiday Ho, and Butt Plug.
As the walkers arrived at the beer check, the following was observed and/or heard: Nice Tits had a huge grin on his face and was referring to the walk through the tunnel as a "close encounter". Black Box was heard referring to the same tunnel experience and kept calling it the "tunnel of love"! Makes your mind wonder doesn't it?!?! What were they up to in that dark tunnel?
Hare Blonde Roots, who had been leading the walkers, was accused of not knowing her left from her right... I am not sure where that comment originates. After all, the walkers did arrive at the beer check safe and sound.
Mud Pie mentioned how she felt left out of the "tunnel of love" experience.
Holy Tit witnessed Blonde Roots being a real slave driver with the walkers. Evidently as they all were headed into the beer check, she saw that the runners already there and said "come on walkers, let's go, run, run, run, I don't want my walkers to look like slackers!"
Nice Tits, with his shit eating grin continued to repeat "what a shitty trail" and Black Box was still mentioning the "tunnel of love."
There was a discussion about "getting any lately". Evidently Holiday Ho mentioned that she'd skip hashing to say home for good sex! She was asked how she'd know it was going to be good and what if it turned out not-so-good? Her original comment was modified to include only skipping the hash for sex that she knew would be good because she'd gotten it before! Either she'd getting lots of lovin' these days, or absolutely none but has aspirations.... Way too much discussion about sex and I moved on...
Celtic Climax had only the following comment: "No comment at this time." Does that mean she's not getting any sex? Inquiring minds....
Repeating over and over "there were deer," Deposit In The Rear wandered the parking lot looking lost... Someone was heard telling a tale about how she had to be told, "Don't go after them! Leave them alone!" My mind doesn't even want to know why she wanted to "go after" the deer?!?
Black Box was heard whining, "We had to make our way through the woods, hide in the trees and run all the way up a big hill." This brought the topic back about Blonde Roots being a real slave driver.
"More water," seemed to be a common theme among the walkers. The runners made no such requests... seems they had plent of opportunity to dip into local swimmin' holes!
All in all, those who followed the Alternative View seemed happy (Black Box and Nice Tits were EXTREMELY happy!) and pleased to be out doing trail despite the rainy, humid, hot and otherwise icky evening.
On-On to next week's trail... HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY! DangeRously Close to Oh!Feelya Butts
GBOF started the circle by announcing that there will be SILENCE while he is running the circle. Big mistake. He was immediately rewarded for his violation of the "there are no rules" rule by being required to do a DOWNDOWN. He then had to do a second DOWNDOWN for not having last weeks trash available since our scribe Bite Me Elmo was at home cooking for the next night's mismanagement meeting
Next were the hares who drank twice to the cries of "Kill the Mt. Vernon hares." (Editor's note: youse all are just jealous that Mt. Vernon has such exceptional hares!!)
Our one and only Virgin: when was the last time we
had only ONE virgin???
Kathleen – Bass Ackwards – One Horny Wench
Visitors:
Mud Pie (Emerald Coast H3)
Poo Bah (Corpus Christi H3)
Cum Monday (San Diego H3)
Entirely Fucking Too Long (Minneapolis H3)
2 Woodie 2 Quit (Earlham College H3)
Hairy Palm Long Fellow (Darry H3)
Long Time No-seers:
Bass-Ackwards and Hose Her. This lead to one Marriott
employee drinks, all Marriott employees drink, all Cheeseheads
drink, all Bill Wagners drink, all Boxes drink, etc. until
there was nobody left not drinking.
Naming:
(Just)Laura is another of our Marriott International
representatives (Doesn't anybody who works there have a life?) who is
in charge of guest rewards and who won't cum by herself. Nominations
were: Hospitality Suite, I Dream of Wienie, and Service My Tool.
Henceforth and forever more, she will forever be known in the White
House Hash and throughout the world of hashing as:
(Just) Geoff is a college football aficionado who roots for the Terps. Nominations were Scoreless, Turtle Head, King of Thailand, and Foreskin Less. From now on, he will forever be known in the White House Hash and throughout the world of hashing as:
(Just) John was wearing an awesome tie-dyed Jimmy Buffet T-shirt, the purple colors of which had stained his hands by the end of the run. There was only one nomination. . Henceforth and forever more, he will forever be known in the White House Hash and throughout the world of hashing as:
Birthday Celebrations:
Eat Me For Breakfast and Nice Tits which of course
led to all Tits drink, all Cheesheads drink, all
TOBW s drink, all GMs drink, and all Boxes
drink.
Presentation:
GM WherDaFaKhawe was presented with a "I'm Cumin" Red
Dress T-shirt whether he needed one or not.
On ON.... Mellow Foreskin Cheese