Warning: This paper contains 30% recycled medical waste. Machine wash warm, tumble dry low. May cause drowsiness.
Alcohol intensifies this effect.
 

White House Hash #693

Hares: Dances With Dildos, Where-Da-Fa-Khawe, and Bolo Head Rat

Start: Antarctica

The day was made for hashing! Snow, sleet, and freezing rain began last Sunday in time to challenge hares
Dances With Dildos, Where-Da-Fa-Khawe, and Bolo Head Rat. Those who don't like to get dirty would have
been content with this trail - mud, even beltway sludge had frozen too solid to be a threat.
 
 

WDKF swore to me that the trail was well-set Sunday morning when the hares adjourned to McDonalds for a
quick bite and hot coffee. It wasn't until they emerged from that sumptuous lardfest that they encountered the
white stuff (snow, not beef tallow), and had to come up with possible alternatives.

The first alternative was a mandatory change in START. That or have their vehicles towed - Shitty Shitty Bang
Bang included - while the parking lot was plowed. Can you believe the luck of the hares choosing to start in the
only parking lot in the District that ever gets plowed? So they moved down the street and all was well.

Slowly, hashers with 4-wheel drive vehicles began to arrive. Big Bird Turd would have been there even if he had
been on roller skates GET A LIFE! Raise My Titanic has gotten a baptism of life in Mismanagement - gotta go
to every hash regardless of weather and the state of hangover, gotta get there before Black Box, gotta be able
to give change for a $5. It's a good thing her's is a paid position.

The hares offered two options: follow white flour sandwiched between layers of fresh snow, or keep sight of a
hare. Better yet, the pack was polled (ouch!) for full-trail hashers VS. "alternative" trail hashers. The full-trail
hashers were directed to line up behind Bolo Head Rat, the rest waited for WDFK to get his sh*t together for a
variant of the original trail. BHR lucked out again, as three hashers opted for the original trail which forced him
out of his warm car and back into the woods. Harem Scarem was the only one of the three I remember, because
the other two turned into ice sculptures on trail and are still out. If the weather forecast is correct, the
temperature should be warm enough for those two to thaw out by February 24, so we should see them back on
trail on the 27th.

WDFK live-hared trail for the remaining fifty or so, and Dances With Dildos operated the bag vehicle. Circle
was called, Abe was fathered, and the pack was off into the city of white slurpy. Most of the flour was on trees,
signs, and the hares.

FASHION REPORT

Jag Queen and Diaper were wearing shorts, of course, but by the time they reached the first check, JQ’s legs were
a delightful shade of pink and Diaper’s lips were a deep, lustrous blue. Fussy Bitch was in that hashing coat that
allows her to fit right in with the street folks in DC. That comes in handy when live haring and in danger of being
snared because the pack is either smarter than they look or too stupid to follow trail.

Duck Job in his cheese doodle outfit is always easy to spot in a crowd. Even his socks have orange toes, which
looks like he has dabbled his tootsies in Cheez Whiz. Perk-A-Set was nestled in her "Guaranteed to –50F"
parka with the fur-trimmed hood that makes her look like Kenny on South Park (but that is the extent of the
similarities).

END OF FASHION REPORT

The trail refreshments were the usual beer and refreshing Peppermint Schnapps, which warmed the body down to the toes. Snow was falling so heavily that in the
time it took to down a shot of schnapps we all looked like abominable snowpersons.

Nippless Cage and $50 Bitch led us on in to a somewhat covered circle. BHR and Harem Scarem were remembered with a quick toast and a few lame offers to go
look for them if they did not return by half-time of the Super Bowl.

Circle was called and the hares that remained were acknowledged with the time-honored down-down. The Religious Advisor was given a violation for losing control
of the weather, and when one hare drinks… Eventually we all saw the folly of drinking in the damp cold when nice warm, smoky bars were close at hand, so Swing Lo
was sung, and the pack adjourned to a warmer, drier environment.

ON ON!

BEER ANNOUNCEMENTS:

Now that I have your attention, we have a couple of "guidelines" to help the beer flow more quickly and smoothly at beer stops and at the circle:

Firstly, there is only enough room at the beer taps for the brew crew, so by staying in front of the tables and not crowding them, you allow them to better serve
you. If there are any beer snots out there who think you can do a better job, please let the Religious Advisor know so he can sign you up for next year's
Mismanagement.

Secondly, serving beer to minors causes us more than the usual amount of trouble with the police. So if you don't have gray hair and you're not with your parents,
be prepared to show your ID.

Next week's trail:

> I told you on Wed!! Van Ness Metro-UDC Metro (redline) in Washington DC.!! Were you drunk?

>

I don't get no respect.