Sign in was fully staffed with
the slightly limping Raise-My-Titanic and Take-Me-Drunk-I’m-Home
both accepting $$ from the masses. What number trail is this?
They expect the hareraiser to remember—696 later research revealed.
Yapping with a few others,
I realized that WDFK was having difficulty getting off Korea time, but
still managed to throw down a coherent chalk talk. 11 virgins it
looked like … this pseudo-scribe’s little digits were wearying at the thought—might
need two pencils.
As blinding as the sun was,
it couldn’t match the glare from JagQueen’s new shoes—certainly he’d be
tasting them later … Bad Bush, Penis.Com, NipplessCage and DumbBlond hovered
around the shining slippers like bugs on a lite.
Our strange little cult finally
circled up to get a first look at the virgins, heckle a few visitors and
have the hares tell us that circles are checks and x-s are BTs. ONoN
was called and the wankers set out.
Down a block, up a block, crost
a street sniffing flour the pack went stumbling at one check after another
until completely stymied at Courthouse Rd & S. 6th St. Feeling
ever so-cocky I set off with Re-SpectableTesticle and just-Art following
a full eight marks (yes, 8 f*ing marks) before finding the dreaded-X.
Days later when we made our way back to the check we saw the crowd a mere
block away already swarming SSBB. Ya gotta love it--10 minutes on
trail, four blocks from the start and we’re at the BC! Now that’s
a good WH trail!
Trying to get into the mind
of the (wo)man on the street … I interviewed Black Box:
Q. “How was the walker’s trail?”
A. “Goooooooooooooooooooood”.
I put away my pad and sat down to
enjoy the golden nectar with long-time-no-seers T-Bone (school in GA) and
Cum-by-ya (loafing in Boston). All too soon whistles whined, oNoN
was called and the pack was off.
Quickly upon a check, all fell
for a two block loop that brought us right back to the same check … choruses
of “kill-the-hares” became deafening. A little hash here, a little
hash there. Next thing I know someone spys a short cut to Veitch
St and I’m FRB-ing with ButtPlug & Necro-Feel-My-Ass. Ahhh …
the ideal trail: 1/3 FRB, 1/3 DFL and 1/3 MOTP!
Flour sort of disappeared at
Columbia Pike, but even with only half branes, we know what A-A means so
on-in to the park where it all began.
Once the beer was poured, oreos
were split and chips were dipped, the pack again formed some amoebae-like
shape—definitely NOT a circle to toast the hash and remind the hares what
a shitty trail it was. Since only Just-Mac was present, he drank
for his MIA cohares, Steers & Queers and Just Mike.
After that fine down-down demonstration,
the virgin class of 696 was introduced, we found out who makes them cum
(BTW S&Q up for stud of the month for making at least half of them
come all at once). Their temporary labels are:
-Theresa “Canadian Goose”
-Justin “Justin an Inch”
-Jeff “Boy Toy”
-Lynn “Horns of a Dilemma”
-Art “Artsy Fartsy”
-Janet “No Way Out”
-Cathy “Roped & Hogtied”
-Sue “Not Getting Any”
-Kara “Its Real Short”
-Paul “Asian Secret”
-Tiffany “Terminator”
They drank and then were expelled
from the circle only to replaced by three Motley visitors: just Karen from
Tittsburg and Tip of My Twinkie and Turd Bird from NC’s Emerald Coast HHH.
They were given some sort of fine memorable keepsake to memorialize their
visit and then sent packing.
The subject of violating came
up and suddenly everyone was ratting out his or her hash buds. The
accused and their crimes:
-Picco and Pork-Me-the-Other-White-Meat
for environmentals on trail (Oil of No-Lay drinking for Picco)
-Target Practice for carrying purse
on trail “just in case there is any shopping”
-Poodle-F*cked and Packed Too-Tight
for sniffing bitches in heat (PF drank twice for himself and PTT)
-T-Bone for leading entire pack off
trail
-El Segundo for giving Ivy-Licker
SSBB keys that didn’t work
-Flab (giving) & Moonman (receiving)
hand job in circle
-Ruined It For Dad for blabbing on
cellphone in circle
-Steers & Queers for Mardi Gras
beads two weeks early
-Just Ian for playing basketball
next to our holy circle
With their transgressions duly
noted and punished, the violators were exiled to the outer reaches and
the entire Brew Crew was brought in to do (what else?) a down-down.
Our Religious Advisor admonished the pack to 1) pay daily homage to the
BC, 2) make their every wish our command and 3) stay the hell out of their
way. The BC drank en todo and then turned out.
Next on the list were those
lucky enough to be born in the month of presidents: Bark-A-Dildo, Keil
Bastard, Flab, Steers & Queers, Just Mac and your humble sub-scribe.
With F-yous all around, we drank. Other assorted recognitions … Duck
Job 50 trails and S&Q for being advertised in the VD heart throb section
of The Post.
Other things I remember … naming
a couple wankers. First on deck was just Chris who assumed the position
topless to better show off his fresh new matching tongue and nipple rings.
A variety of his “friends” came forward to defame his reputation and come
up with a name. The potentials included:
-“Dick Licker” (so Ivy Licker won’t
have to drink alone)
-“Mr Clean” (cranium shine)
-“Mr Queen” (for multitude of body
piercings)
-“Ring Job” (same)
However, the sincere way that
Butt Plug recounted a recent Hash where JC had difficulty recovering from
a de-pantsing in mid-circle won the crowd over. Whether temperature
created extenuating circumstances that night or not, he will evermore be
know as “Grape Nuts”.
Next came just Dan who also
had been pulling duty as a most excellent beer-bitch all circle.
Numerous harrietes swooned when he uncovered a massive furry chest that
would make Austin Powers jealous. As he assumed the position, names
started flying:
-“Suck My Balls” (personal preference?)
-“Fish Licker” (a sushi experience
I think)
-“Hairy Bung Hole” (mere speculation?)
-“Sexy Bitch” (Austin’s dream boy)
-“Bush Bitch” (to get more bitches
in the hash?)
-“Pussy Pruner” (can’t imagine why)
But as the half-branes were
put together … some sort of law enforcement, sex and TV collage emerged
so that JD will now and forever more be know throughout the hash universe
as “F*ck-Em Danno”
While Grape Nuts and F*ck-Em
Danno recovered from their golden showers, a few wankers wearing sunglasses
came forward to drink.
A different hare emerged to
tell us that for a mere $10 we could eat pizza, drink beer and dance the
night away right next door at the oNoNoN HHH Sock Hop.
People bitched about the now cold
weather, we swang low, hoped to get a piece and ended our therapy session
for one more week.
P.S. the apres was a blast—good job hares!. oNoN … PutItOut
Next Week’s Trail (Sunday 3/5 @ 3PM)
Hares: Moist Sushi and Suck Eat &
Lei
Start: Georgetown U (Canal Rd entrance)
ONoNoN: The Tombs