“In Beer we Trust”
April 16, 2000
 
The Tax Man Cummeth

Hash #704
Hares: Keyless Entry, Swings Both Ways, Just Gary
Start: Somewhere near Eastern Market

 It is rare that the White House Hash is presented with such an opportunity: A trail planned for an area that was overtaken by protesters.  What shiggy!  Human shiggy.  Not to mention the tear gas, cow manure, police, FBI, Secret Service, etc.  So trail went the opposite direction.
 In anticipation of the IMF protests and the White House Hash, police had blocked of many DC streets, which encouraged me to take the EZ form and metro.  After just one stop Bullshit and Hash Skunk joined me on the orange line to Eastern Market.  We were joined by numerous protesters, but they exited prior to Eastern Market and missed the trail and beer and all the cool stuff.  By the time we three hashers reached the top of the metro platform we had grown to six, with the addition of Banana Peel and Wings from Ventura County H3 and their friend, Just Dave.  After a quick hike west (toward the cloud of tear gas), we were in line to pay our $4 to Raise My Titanic and watch the parade of hashers file by before the deadline.
 International hashers Urine (organizer of IH96 in Cyprus) and Two Timin' Hyman were just passing through town and catching up on old times.  Hasher Humper and I were wearing matching t-shirts, but at least they were hashing shirts, Spinal Tap and Jailhouse Cock were wearing matching non-hashing t-shirts - creepy!  There were a number of Cinderellas (Diaper) pre-trail, would they last?  The sweaty, flour-coated hares took a big deduction when finished setting trail at 3:12, sending chills down the spines of the three or four hashers who actually noticed.  SEAL and Just Greg wandered through the crowd as they polished off the remains of a nutritious meal from a McDonald's sack.
 Grand Mattress Perk-A-Set circled the assembly, called virgins into the circle for introductions, then led Father Abe. A quick audit of the pack caught Bad Bush, Bolo Head Rat, and Too Slow stretching during the opening ceremony - what do they think this is, a r*ce?  After a briefing by the hares - tax forms hidden at checks, prizes for most forms collected - the pack started east on the trail of flour.
 No one had to tell NecroFeel My Ass and Butt Plug that it was hot.  Early into the trail they took a loophole at a grocery store and traded (fill in noun) for cold drinks.  One of the Just Kurt's was a party to the transaction, but swore that he was merely an innocent recipient of the refreshment.
 As we jogged along, Mellow Foreskin Cheese, Fussy Bitch and I took an accounting of the upcoming White House Band Camp, currently scheduled for the weekend of July 28 - 30 in the vicinity of Luuuuuuuuray Virginia, see the WH4 webpage for details.
 Trail continued east toward RFK stadium.  Following the sound of whistles, we looped around the stadium 'til we could just make out the figures of Steers & Queers, Leisure Suit Larry and Ivy Licker slogging through the mud on yon island.  KY Belly hung around long enough to lead we of the leisurely pace around the poison ivy, for which I bought him a beer at the beer stop.
 Oh blessed, shady, beer stop!  Brew Crew Jailhouse Cock and Barney's Bitch had set up shop under the shade of a spreading oak tree, where the pack had clustered in the shade.  Outstanding in the crowd was one Erector Pili, who, caked with mud from the knees down, claimed he was breaking trail (I must have missed it - was Put It Out a hare today?).  The non-muddy Black Box-less walkers wandered in to get an extension on the water.
 After a brief rest, anxious hare Swings Both Ways directed the runners south and sent the walkers back east from whence the runners had come.  Hasher Humper and I, having had all the fun we could stand, opted for the short form of transport an hopped on the west-bound Orange Line back to Eastern Market, where we picked up the FRBs and blended back in with our kind.  Most of us had forgotten that there were tax forms hidden at checks and just assumed that PIO had to excuse himself when he dove into the bushes at the next check, but he emerged with one Schedule A sheathed in plastic.
 The original site for the circle failed a Brew Crew audit thus was extended to a parking lot off 3rd Street.  Did anyone notice the nice little tubs in which beer was distributed?  That's how it's done when Jailhouse Cock leaves the beer pitchers in his car.  (Take note - this means they actually take the pitchers home and clean them on occasion.)
 Soon the parking lot was filled to capacity.  Diaper's shoes still looked new, as did Too Slow's and Butt Plug's.  Even Erector Pili's shoes looked fairly nice after some local washing his car claimed him as a charitable deduction and hosed him off.
 I must give credit to the hares - this was the first trail I have hashed in the vicinity of RFK where I did not see blood or other body fluid/parts on the surrounding sidewalks!  We did encounter protesters, but Suck It Blue met them with the H3 rally: "What do we want?"  BEER  "When do we want it?"  NOW.  Besides, the protesters distracted the police, enabling us to enjoy a long, leisurely round or two of beer before GM Fussy and RA WDFK called for the circle and the hares.  Keyless Entry, Swings Both Ways, and Just Gary drank for their trail, then drank again when Just Gary forgot to take off his cap.

Today's virgins were Kurt McKenzie, Edward Lim, Clay Loveday, Kurt Schlieter, Dave Cole, Vincent Gunville, and Dave Keeler.

Visitors: Deborah Harrweg - Full Moon  Urine - The Hague
 Two-timing Hyman - Bejing  Lavonne Loveday
 Janet Price - Tallahassee   Sextra Credit - OTH
 Banana Peel - Ventura County  Wings - Ventura County
 Just Dahnelle - Mt. Vernon

 Among the violations were Cinderellas Diaper, Too Slow, and Butt Plug, and r*cers from the morning's 15K: NecroFeel My Ass, Put It Out, Fag, and Slip Knot.  Urine made Diaper perform an interesting down-down for whining about the IH96 beer (Keo, a fine brew).
 Yes, there were namings.  Three, in fact.  Hare Just Gary received nominations such as Chia Pet, and Muff Diver, but henceforth he will be know as - Cliterature (he's a writer, in case you were wondering).  Just Lori had several nominations, most of which centered around some story about having lunch with her lesbian sister, such as $100 Munch, and Lunch Whore, so henceforth she will be know as - Box Lunch.  Just Alev, from Turkey, alas, had many turkey-centric nominations, such as Turkish Delight, Perky Turkey, and Turkey Jerky, but she will be know as - Tastes Like Turkey.
 And for finding the most tax forms on trail, Dumb 'n Dumber won a 6-pack of Sam Adams (be sure to include it as income on your 2000 taxes).

NEXT WEEK the WH4 present the “T&A Hash” starring NiceTits, HolyTit, OneTitOnly & Rat’sAss, beginning at Montgomery Mall.  Same Bat Time & Same Bat Channel. Adult Supervision Discouraged.