“Happy Mutha’s Day”
May 14, 2000
Hash 708
 
Warning:  This paper contains 30% recycled medical waste.  Machine wash warm, tumble dry low.
May cause drowsiness.  Alcohol intensifies this effect.
 
 
 
 

 It was a beautiful day to celebrate Motherhood, and I hope everyone had a nice thought about the woman who gave them life, not to mention Eve, who started the whole thing.  Let’s hear it for the serpent.
 At any rate, upon arriving at Lyon Park, I spotted Number 2 chatting with Moist Sushi in his new vehicle, aka the Chick Magnet.  He commented are that he loses 20 pounds and looks like Mel Gibson as soon as he gets into that car.  Hey…if you can get a babe like MS to hang out with you, you’re obviously doing something right.  Some other early arrivals were Duck Job, who showed up (perhaps coincidentally) with both a new haircut and ?????????. ( Is there a connection there?), Road Map, ?????????????.  It wasn’t too long before Fussy parked her SUV in the only No Parking zone in sight and started raking in the cash.
 After the usual sex, lies, and audiotape, I wandered over to listen to the impromptu Bluegrass concert that was going on 100 yards away.  I was joined by Leisure Suit Larry, who regaled me with tales of getting drenched while at Nissan Pavilion listening to Winona.  Yup, you’re right…he didn’t have his WH4 poncho.  Let that be a lesson to you.
 

 After WDFK’s chalk talk to the small number of virgins/visitors, we got the Hares (Crunchy Frog, Deep Goat, and Poodle Fuck) to lead us in Father Abraham, and were pointed in a southeasterly direction. Before long the park had been restored to the kind of place you could take your family (if you were related to the Hatfields or the McCoys). According to reports from my unimpeachable sources the trail was excellent, featuring lots of hills, quaint neighborhoods, and (depending on who you talked to) a great tunnel.  Extensive interviews (six Hashers) showed that 50% of them did the tunnel, and the other 50% managed to avoid it.  Fussy was seen splashing through a creek in water up to her neck - - oops, that happened on Saturday’s MVH3 trail. Pity!  Several runners, including
were setting an extremely fast pace up one of the hills, much to the envy of the slower members of the pack, such as
 The walkers, led by the intrepid killer bees (Black Box and Barney’s Bitch) arrived at the beer check barely beforethe runners.  Mr. Softie and Jail House Cock were busily distributing beverages of all sorts, much to the relief of those thirsty ‘fast’ people who had been burning up the pavement. After all these years, I’m still amazed at the competitive nature of some Hashers.  Why run hard if you’re just going to get to the end before SSBB does?  Today, however, the excellent planning by the Hares resulted in the beer getting to the appointed spots before the pack.  This is as it should be.  Future Hares should take note.  The shooter check seems to have been successful, if you get your jollies licking some sort of beverage from some nubile maiden’s navel.  The jury is still out about the potency of the liquid refreshment being imbibed.  Of course, with the exception of Watergate, a navel doesn’t hold enough to hurt you.  (Just kidding, WG).
 
 

 After waiting around for several people to go back to the park to acquire their cars, WDFK and Fussy got the Circle started.  Naturally, after the traditional toast (708th running of the WH4), the Hares were brought in to atone for their transgressions.  They were good atoners.  Then came the parade of the virgins, which I think is the title of some operatic piece.  “Piece? Who said “Piece”?…oh, that isn’t quite right, is it?  Anyway, we were fortunate enough to be introduced to:
    Who was brought by               , and who was temporarily named    , then asked to “Show us
Who was brought by               , and who was temporarily named    , then asked to “Show us
Who was brought by               , and who was temporarily named    , then asked to “Show us
Who was brought by               , and who was temporarily named    , then asked to “Show us.
 We also had some visitors, namely:
 

Then it got serious, and solemn.  That’s right…we had a Naming.  Eric was brought out and obediently knelt in the nice, soft grass.

It seems it was  Crunchy Frog’s birthday, and she was joined by Well Drilled and Black Box in the traditional Birthday down down.  Somehow, probably due to BB, this became a group grope, with Grand Masters, Army pukes, Cheeseheads, and some others.