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White House Hash House Harriers MisManagement

(Those Responsible for all the Debachery!)

This is the perfect way to show your hash support. People are needed to step forward for Y2K Mis-management. If you are interested in being a member of Year 2000 Mismanage- ment see a member of this year's Mis- management. De- scriptions of each position are in- cluded BELOW. The new mis-

management will take over at the annual White House Holiday Party in January.

1999 MISMANAGEMENT

In addition to all the fun stuff, there is a lot of hard work and effort that goes into running the hash. These folks put a lot of their personal time into this "volunteer" work and make a concerted effort to be there each week.

· Joint Masters: (General running of the hash - the BIG CHEESES, assist RA with leading the circle, our Public Relations dogs. They are the ones to blame for anything connected with the hash - if it goes wrong it's their fault! Attendance each week is very important.) Bill “Big Bird Turd” Wagner and Pete “Where Da Fuk Hawe” Marceau

· SongMeisters (Attendance each week is mandatory. Lead us in song - whether or not they can actually carry a tune - continually cumming up with new and exciting lyrics, or just faking it!) Mike “Drinks On Me Bud” Kearney

· HashHops (Brew Crew - Responsible for: stocking the BEER, water, soda AND cups - these are real important; driving the van to/from the hash and beer checks; maintaining order at and supply of beer at beer checks and before & after circle; and lastly, care, cleaning and maintenance of the beer van. One member of brew cew is assigned to each week's hash and attendance by that person is mandatory - WE OWE THESE FOLKS A LOT! - TAKE THE TIME TO THANK THEM WHENEVER YOU HAVE A CHANCE!)

Tom “Drop Box” Carney

Eric “Road Kill” Klun

Amy “Vominatrix” Bloom

Judy “Cervix With a Smile” Cunningham

Pete “Number 2” Wilkinson

Bret “Steamer’s Bitch” Schlueter

· HashFlash (Takes photos at each hash - recording all this debachery for future generations to study and ponder - and is responsible for having the film developed and compliing photoalbums for general hash viewing. Attendance each week is very important.) Chris “Pulls It Out” Kay

· Religious Advisor (The BIG Mouth - Runs the Circle with the help of the JMs - makes the necessary visitor & virgin introductions and decides on any namings each week. Weekly attendance is mandatory.) Andy “Great Balls of Fire” Smythe

· HashCashs (Does Check-in each week - TAKES OUR MONEY - maintains the attendance records spreadsheet and bank account. One Hash Cash should be in attendance at each hash.) Scott “Leave It In Beaver” Curit and Kirstin “Butt Plug” Walcott

· Hare Raiser/HashLash (Tracks down all those nasty hares, provides virgin hare instruction, maintains the electronic mailing list, issues the weekly emails) Jackie “Fussy Bitch” Appleby

· HashScribes (Responsible for the weekly Hash Trash - that means being there! - including writing all the lies and made-up junk contained therein. This also includes the reproduction and distribution of said Trash.) Maria “Bite Me Elmo” Bertacchi, Ginger “DangeRously Close” Higgins, and Bill “Mellow Foreskin Cheese” Wagner

· HasherDasher aka Hash Peddler (gee, where to begin… She is always there to peddle our wares, etc. She is responsible for the inventory ordering, stocking/storage, transporting, and selling of WH4 hash gear, attire and such. Researches new items and Cums up with the designs or solicits designers for each new item. She also maintains the finances for this aspect of the hash.) Suzanne “Hasher Humper” Stephenson

· HashHash (purchases and stocks all the snacks in the beer van - making sure we don't go hungry each week!) Mary “Eat It Raw” Bussler

* * * * * * * * * *

ANNOUNCEMENTS

· Black Box has recently updated the Hash Directory. The updated version will ONLY be available electronically. If you want a copy, you can email her at pattithomas@ost.dot.gov.

· Speaking of the Holiday Party - if you have any ideas on where White House can hold the Christmas party (January) speak to/email Great Balls of Fire or Bite Me Elmo. A hall or clubhouse facility is needed that can hold at least 200 folks. Email GBOF at - asmythe@tsc.com or BME at Maria.Bertacchi@ qwest.com.

* * * * * * * * * *

THIS WEEK'S TRAIL REPORT

- Submitted by Mitey Tite

October 31st, 1999 “The Haloween Mask Hash" Hares: Cyclops, Road Kill, and Hurls from the Crypt.

Pre-Run Harem Scarem

I arrived in bucolic Potomac, MD in my usual lethargic haze with no intention of committing journalistic offenses when Bite Me Elmo persuaded me to sub-Scribe for her. Despite the complete absence of the customary sexual gratuity, I agreed to assume the position and took on the identity of press god Woodword N. Bonestain. Immediately, I set about interviewing the hashers assembling outside the commodious home of Road Kill and Hurls from the Crypt. Many were outfitted in festive attire more suitable for the Columbine homecoming or a tent sale at the Fauq-yer County K Mart. They all looked pretty scary to me. Assorted hashers were trying on masks supplied by the Hash fairy or perhaps purloined from a nearby kid party.

I could already see the neighbors nervously hiding their children from the likes of the beer-swilling No. 2, Ruined it for Dad, and Hash Skunk who were seen lurking near Shitty Shitty Bang Bang. Bad Bush was observed procuring a tiger mask to match her form-fitting pussy (cat) suit. She got it off an eager hasher who already had it on his face. Fecal Attraction was just glad to have such a memorable name.

Several hashers were suffering from post-Full Moon Halloweenie party syndrome. $50 Bitch expressed bitterness and outrage about being passed over for honors at the VFW Hall despite her blatantly slutty appearance. She asked me to “do an undercover piece” on rampant Hash corruption and injustice. It looked like a hairy issue, but I promised to dive into it. Next, I probed No. 2 for a scoop. He reported that he was “ready for doody.” He was urged to wait until we hit the trail. He also admitted to having lured many hash women into stroking his prodigiously firm belly the night before. I was not sure whether to count that as a trick or a treat and moved on.

Tartwheel came dressed as a witch and coquettishly announced that it was her 23^rd birthday as she fondled her broom and said that she had been very good all year. That claim will be reversed in the courts despite her best lawyerin’ and lyin’ ways. Hurley Gurly Mon refused to say how good she had been, or to confirm rumored paddling incidents. Latecummer couldn’t wait to rat on GBOF for racing.

Hairpie was seen sporting clerical garb and introduced “partial virgin” Jen, who was dressed as a deliciously innocent Catholic schoolgirl. Beastie Bush and Had-A-Madam were struggling into their masks when Watergate confirmed HaM's claim of having “too big a head to fit in.” Finally we know just how close these three amigos are. Virgin with Mary was seen seductively wrapping her pouty lips around a butt and was overheard mouthing that she is a “pitcher not a catcher” and other puzzling sports analorgies. She said I would probably never get it.

Opening Scaremoanies

Finally, Big Bird Turd and Hawaiian Puke herded us into the circle. They coaxed the sparse, but high quality crop of virgins, Just Rachel and Just Jen, to thrust forward. Just Rick and Hairpie made them cum respectively or otherwise. The visitors, Yankee Crank and Wooden Pecker, were identified as strange rangers from Tampa Bay. The hares, Cyclops and Road Kill were introduced and quickly denounced for prophylactic purposes. GBOF persuaded BBT and Bite Me Elmo into leading a spirited Father Abraham, and the pack set off like yelping hounds into the Potomac hunt country. We soon found Potomac has been paved over into a pricey suburban wasteland of lonely Haus Fraus looking for love in all the wrong places. More on that later.

The Sludge Report on the Run

Abandoning my usual sluggish pace, I lunged into swarming pack to dig for dirt. Nearing the first check, Zimboobwe flashed her famously blue eyes as she denied being a long-time-no-seer. At the check, Monkee Piss was cited for whining about non-enforcement of the 20 hashers to a check rule. Nice Tits looked noticeably less alluring without the implants he enticed us with at the VFW, or maybe I was less saturated with beer. Hairy Buddha cruised by, looking as beguiling as usual. A soiled and rumpled Looney was flagged for wearing the same nerd outfit from the night before, arousing suspicions of an all-night hook-up. HGM complained that he was hurting from being down on his knees a lot.

We came upon a series of checks, wending our way through the streets of a strangely quiet Pleasantville-like town. Blowin’ in the Wind and Blonde Roots, in a red hot devil outfit with a cute tail, cruised past me as El Segundo (No. 2) recounted his recent exploits in Poodle Fucked’s hot tub. Apparently Butt Plug was too “drained” from the experience to attend today’s Hash. Suddenly, we found ourselves in the middle of surly mob of juveniles in Halloween costumes with a menacing police escort and video-wielding parents. I felt my loins tingle with fear, but realized it was just the helping hand of a hasher. As we made our escape from the ankle-biter horde, we briefly lost trail, but then crossed I-270 without serious incident and Puts it Out led us into the woods. Dumb Blonde and other FRBs quickly led us astray. But we veered into a swampy area and then up a hill. I positioned myself behind Vominatrix for the climb only to come across Major Disappointment. Just then Bad Bush announced that it was best to avoid the little prickers and from somewhere I heard Pay-per-View agree. The trail descended into a rocky field and I quizzed the twister sisters from the Full Moon Halloweenie on rumored monkey business with Monkee Piss at the VFW. They refused to cumfirm or deny.

Groping for Smut at the Beer Check

As the pack lurched into the lone beer check for refreshment, I wandered off to nourish a friendly pine tree. I had just holstered my pencil for a drink when again I was confronted by $50 Bitch, who was soon joined by Transparent Ds to denounce the judging at the VFW and pointedly demanded full reconsideration of their top-shelf assets in a pubic hearing, if you will (and believe me, you will). After carefully examining the full sets of evidence presented, Beer Slut, Hash Skunk and Heat Seeking Moisture Missile appeared to be in firm support of their cause.

There was almost too much muck to rake in during the beer check. Several hashers made scandalous allegations that Bad Bush had meowed about the hot weather making her one wet pussy -- first kitty was too hot, then so cold her kitty head lights were on. Cums Faithfully inquired whether No. 2 was “in yet” at Well Drilled’s new lair.

Poking along on the Tail End

As the runners resumed on their way, Monkee Piss let loose with a rumbling eructation that he pronounced as quite satisfying. We soon found ourselves in a wooded glen and a bewildering check. Stool Sample and The Body were spotted house hunting, a sure violation. Just Jen and Hairpie were observed committing PDA on trail, which would be dealt with severely. Your intrepid reporter lagged behind a confused cluster of walkers and slow-ass runners retreating from bad trails. I found myself way in arrears, but paused to hear Vominatrix expound on the virtues of the “French press” and the added benefits of caffeine-expedited elimination of solid waste. This may have had an inspiring effect on Duck Job. Reliable sources indicated Duckie violated a “no dumping” sign in the woods. Others reported he emerged from the woods with a sticky substance on his shoes and had spent far too long gazing at his own member. A wanking violation could not be confirmed at this writing.

With a herniating burst of speed, I caught up with the back of the lead pack. I joined Cyclops moseying up a hill and nursing a mean hangover. The trail led into the woods and we merged with a group of runners shortcutting the trail by a pond. At this point, I wheezed up alongside the Tampa twosome, Yankee Crank and Wooden Pecker. They were having remarkable success chatting up the local talent among the Haus Fraus. I thought about tactfully reminding them of what must be huge financial obligations to various Tampa strippers and ho’s, when they blew it anyway by talking about how much their assets had shrunk recently.

As I lumbered into the cum de sac at the end of the trail and grabbed a beer, I nailed down a few more interviews. Monkee Piss denied all, but showed telltail signs of rough sex on trail, sporting massive fingernail scratches across his back. Finally, Spits it Out produced a new driver’s license that confirms she is an organ donor, and just then Big Bird called us into the circle.

On-On,

Mitey Tite

* * * * * * * * * *

This week's Circle report:

- Submitted by Bite Me Elmo

As usual, the rituals were begun when the hares, Cyclops and Roadkill were brought forth to drink. For some reason Had-A-Madame was also called forth, probably being a former GM or whatever he and Cyclops were last year. BigBird turned himself in, far to willingly, for new shoes, and yes, drank out of both of them. Ew.

Virgins:

Next we paraded our virgins, front and center, Just Jen and Just Rachel, to be sacrificed. Just Jen came as a courtesy of Hare Pie, and Just Rick made Just Rachel come. Then we sacrificed Just Rachel one step further. (We just love sacrificing Virgins!) Ruined It For Dad told the story about Just Rachel, the beer, and giving head at the Beer Stop, so a naming spontaneously took place. She was named Melts in Her Mouth. We probably will never see her again!

Visitors:

WHO? FROM?

Yanky Crank Tampa Bay H3

Wooden Pecker Tampa BayH3

Someone please tell me why these guys seemed to be having sooooo much fun?? Was it the wonderous charm of the White House Hash? Was it because we gave them beer? Was it because we're just plain fun to hang with? I think ALL of the above.

Get-A-Life Club Honorees:

Bite Me Elmo

Leave It In Beaver

Monkey Piss

(Notice there are no anniversary numbers shown above? This is due to the fact that the Circle scribe - Bite Me Elmo - failed to write them down! I think there is a Hashit nomination in there, don't you???!!!)

Get-A-Life Club Honorees:

Spits It Out

Hey Spits - someone mentioned that you are officially an organ doner now?!?!? Terrific! Welcum back!

Namings:

We had two. The one involving Virgin sacrifice as described above. AND:

Another Naming!

Just Tony was our next victim in the category of “naming”. PizzaAss attempted to tell a story regarding Just Tony, but it was too incoherent to even understand, and THEN when she was done she had only this to say, “Goddamn!”. So we gathered our half minds together and through out names like: Turn and Cough (he was dressed as a doctor), Tug My Tittie, Electric Nipple, Dr. Do Me, Dr. Tittie Ringer, Insert Here, Delivery in the Rear, Top Tit, but the number one names ended up being: Goddamn Flying Semen. (cause apparently he is a Seaman who flys or perhaps because his semen flies? Or maybe even that his semen attracts flies? Eeewww. YUCK!).

Violations:

Transparent D’s - playing with holy water at church

Spits It Out- longtime no seer and her birthday

Tart Wheel - birthday

Yanky Crank for doing 3 marathons in 6 weeks

Great Balls of Fire - winning a race

Monkey Piss - sex on trail

Hashshit:

GBOF for racing!! And winning!!

On On -

Bite Me Elmo

* * * * * * * * * *

UPCUMMING RUNS and EVENTS

Sunday, November 14th, Run #681 Hare: Diaper, Ruined

It for Dad, and Drop Box. The Veterans Day Run

Wednesday, November 17^th: To all CPOs, Hashers and

anyone else who may have an interest!!! The Director,

Space Information Transfer Division, Chief of Naval

Operations N61, Washington DC requests the pleasure of

your company at the retirement Ceremony for

RMCS(SW) RAMON GARCIA (Agua Nino), at two o'clock,

at the Navy Memorial, Washington, DC a reception will

follow at, "My Brothers Place" 237 2nd Street N.W.,

Washington DC. RSVP: (703) 604-8388. Attire:

Military guest: Khaki, working blues, Civilian guest:

Informal.

Sunday, November 21st, Run #682 Hares: Blowin In the

Wind and Hurly Gurly Mon.

Sunday, November 28th, Run # 683 Hares: Bad Bush &

Little JAG Queen.

Sunday, December 5th, Run #684 Hares: Deposit In The

Rear and Oralgina. The "George is Dead" Hash.

Sunday, December 12th, Run #685. Hares: Steers &

Queens. Tentatively scheduled to be joint with Over-

The-Hump HHH.

Sunday, December 19th, Run #686 Hares: Hada Madam &

his Elves! 6th Annual Christmas Hash

Sunday, December 26th, Run #687 Hare: Monkey Piss &

Company

Sunday, January 2^nd, Run #688 Hares: DangeRously Close &

Company

Sunday, January 9^th, Run #689 Hares: TartWheel, Hurly

Gurly Mon, Put It In , and In Your Dreams

This week's Hash Trash compiled and formatted by

DangeRously Close.