EXTRA! EXTRA! Read all about it!

Hasher Humper has forms for WH4 Sweathsirts, with ($25) and without ($18) hoods and Sweatpants ($19). If you are interested in ordering them, you must see her and pre-pay for the merchandise. This will be done as a Special Order Only. (Checks can be post-dated to October 31, 1999).

ANNOUNCEMENTS

· There's a new domain in town… Hard Drive from Mt.Vernon has recently acquired www.dchashing.org!! Many local area hashes, including White House HHH can be reached from this one site. Go visit our new site at: - http://www.dchashing.org/wh4.

· If you are interested in being a member of Year 2000 mismanagement, see a member of this year's mismanagement. Descriptions of each position are included on the last page of this Hash Trash. Y2K mismanagement will take over at the annual White House Holiday Party in January.

· Black Box has recently updated the Hash Directory. The updated version will ONLY be available electronically. If you would like a copy, please email her at patti.thomas@ost.dot.gov.

· The next DC Full mOOn is Saturday, October 30^th. White House and Mount Vernon will join foreces with Full mOOn for the annual Halloweenie Hash!! . Start planning your costume NOW, cuz there will be prizes for the sexiest, funniest, and/or overall best male and female costumes, including the best costume representing your hash name. Come out to terrorize the good citizens of McLean. Start is at an old favorite: McLean VFW. Great party afterwards at the VFW will provide food and beer and entertainment sure to please. More details to follow.

UPCUMMING RUNS

Sunday, October 24th, Run #678 Hares: DangeRously Close

& Company. The "It's Definitely Not a Marathon Hash!"

Sunday, October 31^st, Run #679 Hare: Cyclops. The

Halloween Hash!!

Sunday, November 7^th, Run #680 Hare: Leisure Suit Larry

Sunday, November 14^th, Run #681 Hare: Diaper. The

Veterans Day Run

Sunday, November 21^st, Run #682 Hares:Blowin In the Wind

and Hurly Gurly Mon.

Sunday, November 28^th, Run # 683 Hares: Bad Bush & Little

JAG Queen.

Sunday, December 5^th, Run #684 HARES NEEDED!! Contact Fussy Bitch at 703/255-3215, or fussyBichWh4@aol.com.

Sunday, December 12^th, Run #685. Hares: Steers & Queens. Tentatively scheduled to be joint with Over-The-Hump HHH.

Sunday, December 19^th, Run #686 Hares: Hada Madam & his Elves! 6th Annual Christmas Hash

Sunday, December 26^th, Run #687

HARES NEEDED: Contact Fussy Bitch @ (703) 255-3215 or FussyBichWh4@aol.com.

THIS WEEK'S TRAIL REPORT

October 10, 1999 “Fireman'sFriend Hash". Hares: Put It Out, In Your Dreams, and Ruined It For Daddy

View submitted by Mellow Foreskin Cheese: When Put It Out stated at happy hour On Friday night that the hares had a few wrinkles for the rail on Sunday, I should have known better than to try to do this trail. I tried though. Before the run, I asked the hares about the trail. After telling them that with my leg I shouldn’t do rocks, rivers, and tunnels, they said that I should do the walkers trail to the beer check and then either cum back with Shiggy Shiggy Bang Bang or backtrack on roads. And I believed them. Thank God I brought my cane with me. I certainly needed it. Who would have guessed that the hares would have 12 tunnels, 2 raging rivers, 2 shooter checks, and an alleged beer check on trail.. (For those of you who were casting aspersions on our hares, Puts It Out informed me that there were only 12 tunnels, not twenty as someone was saying, going under: 495, Eisenhower Ave., Metro tracks Norfolk Southern RR tracks, CSX RR tracks, Duke St, CSX tracks again, Metro tracks again, Mill Rd, Pershing Ave., Telegraph Rd and back under 495.)

The walkers trail started innocently enough. The large group of walkers traveled down Huntington Road until we reached Telegraph where we met the runs and went left at the gas station. I even saw campaign signs for Dan Rinzell, a Cheesehead friend of mine who is running for the State Senate in Virginia. I didn’t even mind when we went through some fields and crossed a creek and had to climb a muddy bank. Thank you Heat Seeking Moisture Missile for your assistance. As we climbed a hill, Late Cummer congratulated me for my valiant efforts in climbing a hill with the help of my cane. At the top was the first shooter check.

From there, a group of walkers somehow ended on the runners trail by accident without realizing it. Even so I didn’t have any more difficulty than anybody else going through a very muddy construction site and into a new subdivision when Drink On Me, Bud overran our little group just as we were accosted by an irate Yuppie neighbor who objected to 50 people going across his newly laid sod. Although he kept asking who was in charge just pleaded ignorance and kept on walking. After climbing a hill through a woods and backtracking through somebody’s back yard we finally found true trail..

After a few blocks of neighborhood streets, we came upon the split between the Eagle and the Turkey trail. Funny us, we still thought we were on the walkers trail. By this time our little group consisted of soon to be named Just Brian, Bonnie Brewer, Late Cummer, Das Beaver and dog, Raise My Titanic and dog, Dead Snatch, and a few others. Finally after walking a few blocks without seeing any markings, we finally found the walkers trail at the rear of a school, Just as were congratulating our selves on not shortcutting back to the Metro stop, while in the woods. We came across I-95 straight ahead. This meant only one thing – a tunnel. Where in the hell was that beer check? All we found was He Whore wandering around in the woods shouting for Mighty Tight. Although the hares said that they had one, I don’t believe it.

Well I guess it was time to see how strong my leg and ankle was. The good doctor did say that the bone was healed. With help from my cane, Bonnie Brewer, Late Cummer and the rest of the group, I managed to make it through the tunnel, across the raging river, and up the rocky embankment without drowning or breaking anything. From the top of the embankment, the trail led to the left for a number of blocks behind a bunch of office buildings to the second shooter check where Puts It In was holding court in her fireperson’s outfit in a stream.

This time I learned my lesson – no more tunnels or rivers. Watergate, Goomba, Just Brian and I set out along Telegraph Rd until we reached Huntington Ave. From there it was backtracking to the start of the trail and the On In. Better to be cautious than in the hospital! We were amazed to find that we were among the early group in and had beaten not only the rest of our group but Black Box and the “official “ walkers back to the start! I understand it was great seeing Black Box wading ever so gracefully through 3' of water in Cameron Run.

- On-On, Mellow Foreskin Cheese

* * * * * * * * * *

View submitted by Bite Me Elmo: When there is rain, shoe-sucking mud, subterranean passages, and river and creek crossings up to your eyeballs, you know you are on a Puts it Out run. And it inevitably rains on all of his runs. Always. It is such a sure thing that the Weather Channel uses the knowledge that if PIO hares, it will rain. And it did.

Needless to say we all smelled like sewage afterwards.

It began innocently enough in the parking lot directly across the street from the Huntington Metro station. The pack including but not limited too: Watergate, Just Varic, Oil of No Lay (and his pooch), Holy Tit!, Heating Seeking Moisture Missle, Boob Tube (where have you been?), West Virginia Woody (who lost her shoes eventually), Bonnie Brewer, Late Cummer, Raise My Titanic and her two pooches, Knockup (all the way in from Hawaii), FellatioThrow, $50 Bitch, Diaper, Mighty Tight, Barney's Bitch, Deposit In The Rear, Just Greg, Just Rebecca, Just Sam, Just Tony, who has a pierced nipple that Just Vanessa was trying to show off for him (don’t ask), Fag… took off and immediately came to a no trespassing sign on a piece of land next to the metro station. This stopped no one looking for trail. Another sign with a drawing of a dog that said, “Beware. Bad Dog” was also posted. So someone stole it. Too bad, Bad Dog choose this day to stay home for a flea bath.

We eventually found trail and continued on. About all I can remember of this part of the run was hitting the shooter check. Just before the shooter check, Stool Sample and I came to a regular check. There was no flour to be seen, but someone went left and never came back. Then we spied Hurly Gurly Mon to our left. I yelled “RU” and he sort of motioned us his way. Seems he did not want to share the shooters.

In Your Dreams was handing out water and Puts It In was acting as hostess. She was sporting a lovely fireman’s outfit. The shooter was cinnamon schnapps, which tasted a wee bit like Scope. I looooooove to drink Scope. It’s a cheep buzz. Great Balls of Fire decided we should sing “The Roof, the Roof, the roof is on fire...” in PII’s honor and a neighbor chastised us for saying “motherf*cker” in front of his kids.

We were then directed to go through the hedgerow into a construction site. Because of the recent deluge of rain, the construction site was one big pit of red, shoe sucking mud. The mud was so thick on the bottoms of our shoes one could barely lift a leg to get through it. Oh a few young stud muffin types pretended it was nothing and trotted through it, but alcohol not only kills the brain cells.

It was then a long trot through the woods, more mud, more poodles (only for Poodle F*cked), er, puddles and to the beer stop. Just Jim was sucking some serious wind at the beer stop. So we handed him a beer and he then sucked some serious suds. Seems he and Barney’s Bitch followed the scribe to the hash start. The Beltway was horrifically backed up and those two rocket scientists saw the scribe dart off an exit ramp. They foolishly followed the scribemobile. What lemmings! What hashers!

From this point it was all downhill (metaphorically not literally) and pretty much a blur. Ruined It For Dad told the pack to go to our right until we reached a tunnel. A mile later, and no tunnel, RIFD whistled frantically for us to come back the other way. We did. He said, oops, no go the other way… Dork. His excuse was he did not lay this part of the trail. LAME.

So we went the other way, through the tunnel and out onto Cameron Run, the river. Which had swollen to Class Five rapids conditions thanks to the rain. In Your Dreams was pointing us across telling us to follow Dumb Blond. Boy this trail just keeps getting better! Fabulous, follow a man who can’t even follow his own shadow…yikes. We’re doomed.

We wade up to our eyeballs across the river, through another tunnel (ooo there’s a surprise) that popped out onto a lake. We frightened some young fishermen, not to mention any fish that may have been hanging around looking for bait. Pulled our sorry wet butts out of the water and up the embankment to a trail.

The trail led to ANOTHER tunnel and followed a raging creek, to wait, .. you guess…ANOTHER tunnel. By now the scribe found herself pretty much by herself (okay so I was with RIFD which is akin to be alone). GBOF and FLAB had stopped to remove the stones from their shoes. FLAB’s husband, Blue Moon (or was it HalfMoon?) was nowhere to be seen and the pack had long thinned out (due to death on trail).

Eventually, RFID stayed back to see who all was still back there. I found Jag Queen dumping water out of his Reeboks and together we found Duke Street. GBOF and FLAB eventually caught up with us and together we took off down Duke street, ignoring trail. It had been 1 hour and 45 minutes at this point and all we wanted was a beer. We accidentally found the second shooter check, which was in the process of being cleaned up. We hijacked the red truck (ie: garbage mobile) and forced the hares and their helpers to take us back to the start.

And we weren’t the last one in even! Amazing.

- On-On , Bite Me Elmo

* * * * * * * * * *

This week's Circle report:

As usual, the first to drink were our hares - Put It Out, Puts It In, In Your Dreams and Ruined It For Dad. Appropriately, they had to drink twice for this trail.

Virgins:

WHO? MADE THEM CUM: WELCUMED:

Just Paris Greg & Chris Air Tight

Just Cindy No One No Fun At All

Just Lou Pay Per View One of a Million

Just Hobs Pay Per View again One of a Trillion

Just Leslie Bonnie Brewer Brewers Yeast

Just Jim Barney’s Bitch Rear Delivery

Just Rob Small Change Titty Fuck

Visitors:

WHO? FROM?

Piss In Boots Heart of Texas H3

Dead Snatch Dewey Beach H3

Moon Man Hogtown H3

Long Time No-seers:

Rocks Off

Boob Tube

Stroke Me Gently

Namings:

We had three:

(Just) May is a human resources administrator who was naked at a ball tournament and lost her virginity with another woman. Nominations were like a Lot of Pussy, Elephant Mammories, Wet Witch, Plastic Fantasy Bitch, and Our Bitch. Henceforth and forever more, he will forever be known in the White House Hash and throughout the world of hashing as Virgin With Mary.

(Just) Vanessa is a nurse who gives enemas on demand and who was wearing a t-shirt with a Chinese character on it that means Piece of Ass. Nominations were Public Enema, Sponge Bath, Cums By Ya, Pizza Ass, and Absolutely Screwed. Henceforth and forever more, he will forever be known in the White House Hash and throughout the world of hashing as Pisa Ass.

(Just) Brian is a member of the brew crew and works with Big Bird Turd. He once went out for three months with a woman who was a convicted felon. Nominations were Cage My Cock, Congical Visit, Felonies Felatio, Jail Bait, Jail House Cock. After a runoff between Felonies Fellatio and Jail House Cock, .henceforth and forever more, he will forever be known in the White House Hash and throughout the world of hashing asJail House Cock.

Special Honors:

The Red Dress Run mismanagement – Black Box, Pay Per View, and Big Bird Turd and Fussy Bitch, which led to all GMs drink and all kinds of other drinking. Well, this is the hash after all!

Violations:

Puts It Out for losing his shirt on trail. Of course, he was joined by the other hares; In Your Dreams and Ruined It for Daddy.

Watergate for not carrying the hashshit on trail.

The group who ran the Army 10Miler for racing – Hurly Gurly Mon, Just Greg, AKA 47, Fag, Heat Seeking Moisture Missile, and $50 Bitch, Bite Me Elmo, Great Balls Of Fire, and somebody else for autohashing.

Two Cinderella’s - Number 2 and an unknown.

Raise My Titanic for her dog barking in the circle all day long.

The hares for not knowing the trail.

Hashshit:

Although Watergate and Raise My Titanic were nominated, the winners were the hares for not knowing the trail.

On On -

Mellow Foreskin Cheese

* * * * * * * * * *

White House Anthem

We're the White House Hashers

Scumb of the Earth

Spurge of Creation

Godforsaken Fornicatin' Sons of Bitches

Found in every whorehouse

Drink, Smoke, and Screw

We're the White House Hash

And we say, "Fuck you"!

Trash complied and formatted by

DangeRously Close.

White House Hash House Harriers MisManagement

Joint Masters:

Bill “Big Bird Turd” Wagner

Pete “Where Da Fuk Hawe” Marceau

SongMeister:

Mike “Drinks On Me Bud” Kearney

HashHops:

Tom “Drop Box” Carney

Eric “Road Kill” Klun

Amy “Vominatrix” Bloom

Judy “Cervix With a Smile” Cunningham

Pete “Number 2” Wilkinson

Bret “Steamer’s Bitch” Schlueter

HashFlash:

Chris “Pulls ItOut” Kay

Religious Advisor:

Andy “Great Balls of Fire” Smythe

HashCashs:

Scott “Leave It In Beaver” Curit

Kirstin “Butt Plug” Walcott

Hare Raiser:

Jackie “Fussy Bitch” Appleby

HashScribes:

Maria “Bite Me Elmo” Bertacchi

Ginger “DangeRously Close” Higgins

Bill “Mellow ForeSkin Cheese” Wagner

HasherDasher:

Suzanne “Hasher Humper” Stephenson

HashHash:

Mary “Eat It Raw” Bussler