Book of Genesis
In the beginning $50 Bitch created the heaven and the earth and the campground at Lil’Orleans.  And the campground was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the hash.  And Mr. Softie said, Let there be light beer: and there was light beer. And Jail House Cock saw the beer, that it was tasty, refreshing, and intoxificating:  And he was pleased with his creation.
And the Grand Mistresses said, Let us make hashers in our own image, So the GMs created a hasher in their own image, in the image of WH4 created they him; And that hasher was Spinal Tap.  And unto Spinal Tap they gave a woman, Hasher Humper, whom they formed from a boner from Spinal Tap’s own body  And the GMs blessed them, and said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it:  And they were fruitful and multiplied.  And over a hundred hashers descended upon the Little Orleans campground.  And they were given dominion over all of the land and over every living thing that moveth, breatheth, and drinketh upon the encampment.

Book of Exodus
Now these are the children of WH4, which came into Little Orleans; every harrier and his entourage came, led by WH4 mis-management, Raise My Titanic, Fag, $50 Bitch, WhereDaFuKhawe, Snatch Shot, Big Bird Turd, Mr. Softie, Mitey Tite, Number 2, KY Belly, Duckjob, Free Refills, Put It Out, Virgin Avec Mary, Jail House Cock, Ivy Licker, Barney's Bitch and Watergate. And the children of WH4 were fruitful, and increased abundantly, and they drank and they ate and they fornicated wildly.
Yet the children of WH4 were repressed, and they sought direction.  And an angel appeared unto Put It Out in a flame of fire out of the midst of a Bavarian Bush: and he looked, and, behold, the bush burned with fire, and the bush was not consumed. And PIO said, I will now turn aside, and see this great sight, why the bush is not burnt.  And he looked upon the burning Bavarian Bush and said, that’s one hot bush!  And PIO put forth his hose to extinguish the bush.  And yet the bush still burned with desire, so PIO summoned 2LipsOnHerBush to orally subdue the smoking snatch.  And then the flames were quenched and the bush burned no more.
And PIO returned to the campsite and he gathered the children of WH4.  And PIO spake unto the hash and said I will lead you to the Promised Beer.  And the hash was gathered in a circle and they rejoiced and sang Father Abraham.  And the Snatch Key Kid went before them by day in a pillar of a flour, to lead them the way; and by night with a torch, to give them light; to go by day and night: The BEER was the strength and song of the hash, and it become the salvation: BEER is our God, and we shall exalt it.
And Jesus You Need to Calm Down led them about by the way of the shiggy, which was by a sea of red ale: and the children of WH4 went armed with drinking vessels out of the campsite.  They came to the sea, and the hash murmured against Jesus YNTCD, but were encouraged by him to pass through the Red Ale Sea. And the Beer influenced Jesus YNTCD: He stretch forth thy hand over the sea.  And when Jesus YNTCD  stretched forth his hand over the sea, the sea was taken away by a strong and blowing wind blowing all the night like PimpMeLongSucking, and turned the red ale sea into dry ground: and the water was divided. And the children of WH4 went in through the midst of the sea dried up; for the water was as a wall on their right hand and on their left.
And Evil Jesus led the hash up to the top of Mount Sinai.  And Evil Jesus Delivered the Bourbon on the Mount.  He began, Our Lager who art for heathens… And Virgin Avec Mary went down on mount Sinai, on the top of the mount: and Evil Jesus called VAM up to the top of the mount; and VAM went up. And Evil Jesus delivered to VAM Ten commandments etched on clothes for all of the hash. And VAM went down on mount Sinai.    And the 10 commandments delivered unto them were:
1. THOU SHALL PLACE NO GOD BEFORE BEER
2. THOU SHALT NOT COVER THY NAKEDNESS AT MIDNIGHT
3. LEAD US INTO TEMPTATION
4. WHAT BEER HAS JOINED TOGETHER LET NO MAN PUT ASUNDER
5. THOU SHALT NOT SPILL THY SEED OR BEER ON THE ROCK
6. THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S BEER
7. 'SERMON ON THE MOUNT' TAKES A WHOLE NEW MEANING
8. LOVE THY NEIGHBOR
9. HONOR THY… OH HELL, JUST GET ON 'ER
10. DO OTHERS
Book of Jeremiah was a Horny Toad
Delivered unto the Promised Beer, the children of WH4 rejoiced.    They were as fed horses in the evening, and afterwards every stallion neighed after scantily dressed mares.  And among them was a man, Golden Showers, who, for a long time, had been possessed by many unclean spirits.   The spirit of Shamus was in Golden Showers, and Shamus controlled Golden Showers and drove him to madness.  He spoke in tongues and wore a flask of Tequila about him, and beseeched every man and woman to drink of his flask.  And Sloppy Ho obliged, and consumed nearly the entire supply.
Summer’s Eve plugged in his bass and he said I’ll start this show, and fire flew from his fingertips as he rosined up his monstrous bow.  And he pulled his bow across the strings and it made an evil hiss, and then a band of demons joined in and it sound something like songs you frequently hear on HFS.
And the children of WH4 danced, frolicked and drank on through the night.  Yank Me Out built a great bonfire, and the deviants came.  Sacred rituals were performed,  and Yogi Bear was sang, and beer was imbibed.  The merriment continued on to the early light.  However, in the midst of the night, a woman was affected by the holy spirit and knew the encampment to be Babylon.   ShortBusBitch viewed evil acts and knew it to be an unholy event, and thus she fled in the middle of the night, never to be seen again.

Book of Lamentations of a Ball-busting Trail
Early the next morning, Holytit! commanded the children of WH4, saying, Pass through the shiggy, and prepare you victuals; for within three hours ye shall pass over the River Potomac, in order to possess the Promised Beer II.  Remember the word which Put It Out the servant of WH4 commanded you, saying, Beer hath given you rest, and hath given you this Promised Beer.  PIO gave you on this side of the Potomac toward the sunrising.   And the hash answered Holytit!, saying, All that thou commandest us we will do, and whithersoever thou sendest us, we will go.   From that point on we were fucked.
So the hash went, and came unto the river, and journeyed along the river shore.  Of JagQueen, Holytit!, Twatsssupp! and Sloppy Ho, pursuers sought them throughout all the way, but found them not.   The pack of miscreants came unto a mountain with a passage way through its heart, and they entered and found an all encompassing darkness.  And one of the pack, Big Bang, was bearing light and he was joined by a black dog and led the way.   Soon they saw the light at the end of the tunnel.  Go to the light, Shock a Cock cried.  And they emerged on the other side, to be confronted by yet another mountain.  Up the stairway to heaven, Shellacking the Bishop proclaimed and he was followed by the FRB’s.  They ascended, but as they reached the top they found it to be instead a tower of Babel the FRB’s were scattered abroad from thence upon the face of all the earth.
Yet the main pack was running through the Elysian Fields, with soft green meadows, lovely groves, a delicious life-giving air, sunlight that glowed a soft purple, and  everyone was happy and peaceful, except for Great Balls of Fire, who threatened to sodomize Holytit!  And then they came to a river crossing.  The river was swift and threatened to sweep the hash away.  Many made the attempt and, swimming for their lives, struggled to reach the far shore, well down hill.  Spicy Tuna Roll was led across, suspended between two male harriers, and she fluttered in the water like a rag doll, but she was delivered safely to shore, only to find out that just upstream it was required to re-cross again.  Yet fortune looked kindly upon the children of WH4 and they were delivered safely unto to the beer stop, and they were delivered unto nourishment.
And then the hash set afloat in the River Potomac.  All were lashed together and carried with them provisions of beer.  And the water was provocative and induced PayPerView, Horny Toad, Shake ‘n’ Bake, StripHerWhipHer, and others to cast aside their clothing and enjoy the purifying aspects of the water.  GBOF gave beer to all, and made haste as haste was due, and when disparaging remarks were cast at GBOF, he turned the other cheek.
And then the hash returned to the encampment, where they were gathered into the great circle and sacred rituals were performed.  And then the hash was cleft into 7 groups representing the seven sins: Pride, Sloth, Gluttony, Avarice, Wrath, and the other 2.
Evil Jesus and Holytit! sermoned to the groups and explained that they would have to pass several tests to prove their worth for beer.  Amidst cheers of “We’re Queer, We’re Here, Get over it!!” Team Pride performed the Wandering Jew test perfectly, running, spinning and staggering back home.  Team Gluttony chanted “Eat, Drink, Fuck” and drank twice as much beer as anyone in Michael Row the Boat.  In Adam and Eve, tiny Spicy Tuna Roll was compelled to exchange clothes with goliath sized Summer’s Eve.  Meanwhile, Team Sloth lazily watched on but could not summon the motivation to play.

Book of Revelations
The Revelation of Vominatrix, which God gave unto her, to show unto the hash things which must shortly come to piss; and she sent and signified it by his angel unto her servant Fossil:   who bare record of the word of Vom, and bare record of the testimony of Vominatrix, and bared ass floating down the River Styx.  Blessed is he that readeth, and they that hear the words of this prophecy, and keep those things which are written therein: for the time is at hand.
I am Alpha and Omega', the beginning and the ending, saith Vominatrix, which is, and which was, and which is to cum, the Almighty. And Fossil turned to see the voice that spake with him.  And being turned on, he saw seven golden dildos; and in the midst of the seven dildos one like unto the Son of Holytit - Jesus You Need to Calm Down.
And all the deviants stood round about the stage, and about the elders and the band, the Hanging Chads, and fell before the band on their faces, and worshipped Beer.
And there appeared a great wonder in heaven; a woman clothed with the sun, and the full moon upon her bareass, and upon her head a crown of twelve starfishes.  And she brought forth a man, Shellacking the Bishop, who was to rule with a phallus of iron: an iron man. And the woman fled into the wilderness, to a tent of sexual pleasures, where she hath a place prepared the Bishop.  And the band played the sweet music of carnal knowledge.  And the band stopped and all could hear the animal sounds of fornication.
And the Grand Bitch spake, Who are these which are arrayed in white robes? and whence came they?  And ButtPlug proclaimed, they shall cast aside their robes and walk about the campsite naked, and they shall know no shame.  And they cast aside their robes and they followed the elders.  And Missed Erections judged the nakedness right and fair, declaring weenie for US, Boobs for them.  And Bad Dog led them unto living bonfire of the vanities, and they shall hunger for hummers no more, neither thirst for beer any more, for they were promised Free Refills.

Book of Job - Duck Job
There was a man in Lil’Orleans, whose name was Duck Job; and that man was perfect and upright, and one that eschewed evil.   But one night Duck Job dranketh beer, and became the Running Man.  And Duck Job began to break dance, and he fell down upon the ground with a thud.  And then Duck Job said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I do the Running Man.  And Duck Job cast aside his clothes and did the naked Running Man in front of all to see.   No one was impressed.

Book of Get the Hell Out of Here
At the first light of day cometh Virgin Avec Mary, when it was yet dark, unto the encampment, and seeth the tent taken away from the campsite of Evil Jesus. Then she runneth, and cometh to Mitey Tite and other hashers, and saith unto them, They have taken away Evil Jesus out of the campsite, and we know not where they have laid him. Mitey therefore went forth, and came to the encampment.  And he stooping down, and looking in, saw Evil Jesus robe lying.  For as yet they knew not the scripture, that he must rise from the dead,  the disciples shrugged and went away unto their own campsite.
But Virgin Avec Mary stood at the campsite weeping: and as she wept, she stooped down, and looked into the campsite,  And seeth two angels in white sitting, the one at the head, and the other at the feet, where the body of Evil Jesus had  lain. And they say unto her, Woman, why weepest thou? She saith unto them, Because they have taken away Evil Jesus, and I know not where they have laid him.   And when she had thus said, she turned herself back, and saw Evil Jesus.  Evil Jesus saith unto her, Touch me not; for I am not yet ascended into heaven: but go to my brethren, and say unto them, I ascend unto heaven, where there is everflowing BEER.   Virgin Avec Mary came and told the hash that she had seen Evil Jesus, and that he had spoken these things unto her.  Bull Shit then saith unto Virgin Avec Mary, Bull Shit, he just left early.
The hash then packeth up and headeth home.